Today is the day Trev decided to release his song to all of Brownsville. He told me of the party he planned months in advance and the day is finally here. The hood has been mumbling since this morning. Excitement found the streets, mainly because nobody even knew he was working on anything until last week. I am happy for him. More than anything though, I am happy he is now officially my boyfriend. The term is weird and I usually don't use it or care much for it. But everything was starting to change these days. I am his and he is mine.

Trisha seems to be happier than both of us, even if it meant that she wouldn't get to spend all her time with me. We sent out her applications a few weeks ago and her grades were already improving, something I take credit for since I've been staying up late to help her study.

The party is to be held in Trev's basement. His mother, Kara who is young and one of the most beautiful women I have seen, works at Brookdale hospital, just outside of Brownsville, on Rockaway Parkway. She is a nurse but barely makes enough money to take care of Trev and his little sister Janice. Janice meant the world to him. I knew half the things he did was for them.

"What you wearing to ya man's party?" Trisha asks me.

We were chillin in her room all day. Saturdays were always like this. We spent them together just talking and cracking jokes

"Do you have to say it like that? 'Ya man's party'"I mock in a deep voice

"Well that's ya man and he's havin a party. I don't know how you want me to say it." Trisha's elevated voice makes me chuckle.

She open her closet and begins to examin all her clothes. After scanning briefly, she takes out skinny jeans and a blue top.

"I'm bout to wear this and some heels with my hoop earrings and the gold necklace you bought me for my birthday. Bout to be the flyest girl in this party." She sticks out her tongue in the mirror.

"That's cute. The flyest girl after me? You meant the second flyest, right?I feel you girl, we all make mistakes." I retort, understandingly.

"You don't even know what you wearing. Girl bah." Trisha had straightened her hair and added some new extensions that were purple at the tip. It looked fly on her. She had such a pretty face.

"You think Pookie gon be there? I haven't seen my boo in so long."Trish adds.

"He's definitely gonna be at his boys song release."

It's true, we haven't seen Pookie in a while. I hoped he was okay. We would have heard if anything was up with him by now. Maybe he was doing good. Maybe he had found a distraction from it all, like me and Trev did. Either way it was odd for him not to visit Trisha for more than a week.

My phone vibrates and I am almost too eager to look. It's a text from Trev.

I open it up and smile automatically out of instinct. He randomly sent me kissy faces throughout the day. Especially if I didn't text him for hours on end.

"Oooo, i know that smile. Y'all be texting corney shit. You got him sprung cause I thought my boy Trev was a thug." Trisha never let me slide. I fan her off as I text back.

___________________________________

Trev's basement is crowded, sweaty and dark. This release had turned into a full out party. Luckily Trisha and I are on the stage along with Trev and Pookie. All I can see below us are heads flashing in the many lights. The mic is in front of Trev and the speakers are to the side along with Dj Dancehall and his equipment. A few of the guys on the block are staring at me like they've never seen me before, probably because I never dress up like this.

I'm wearing a black and white dress that fit closely to my body. The white was on the sides and the black shaped out an outline of my body in the middle, making it appear as though I have way more curves than I actually do. It even looks like my skinny ass has some booty in the dress. My hair is straightened and stretches past my breasts. I push it all to one side. Trish did my make up and even glued on some fake eyelashes. I don't think I've ever looked this good. The only thing a bit annoying about tonight were my heels. The black pumps were cute but I hated any form of elevation in shoes. It just wasn't comfortable.

There was no question, though. I was the flyest girl in the party. I know Trisha was tight she didn't see my outfit until the party was about to start, she probably would have changed in an attempt to outdo me. I smile at the thought.

Trev takes the mic off the stand and the Dj stops the music. Immediately, everyone is looking to the stage curious of what Trev is about to say.

"I just want to say thanks to everybody out here supportin ya boy. This is a poppin ass party but y'all know that the real reason you here is because I'm droppin my first track "Hold Up" tonight. The basement echos in a roar of applause and screams. I wish this many people knew me, let alone liked me enough to be this supportive. How does Trev even know these people? Many of them were from our block but a good amount of them were from other places.

There were a few girls in the crowd looking at me like they hated everything I stood for. Probably Trev's past coming back to attack me. I don't pay them much attention

"Ima play the song in a little bit but first I wanna give a big thanks to my man Flex who been working with me in the studio. Flex grew up around here, he used to take care of me when I was a kid and he still be takin care of the kid. You feel me?" Trev laughs and Flex gives him a nod. "So thank you, Flex for this fire ass beat and your amazing engineering skills!" Flex comes on stage and gives Trev a hug.

"Second I want to thank my beautiful and lovely lady over here in this black and white dress killin the whole damn game." He says gesturing for me to come to him. I take a few steps until I am by his side and try not to appear as shy as I can be sometimes. Everyone is cheering again, and I can make out a few distinct voices, Pookie and Francis.

"That's my bro."

"Ayyyy Brozayyy! Get it!"

I give him a hug and he gives me a small kiss on the lips leaving everyone to "Aww" and "Ooo".

"Now when this song come on, ima point to y'all and you're gonna say 'Hold up, hold up.' Iight?" Everyone cheers again. Trev is smiling so bright I can kiss his deep dimples, but he is running his release party so I try to let him be amazing.

"Y'all gotta say it like me. Don't mess it up!" Trev has a stage personality that I am jealous of, I knew I had to learn to engage people before I even thought about going anywhere in this business.

"Now say 'Hold up, hold up."

"Hold up, hold up." The crowd roars back.

"Hold up, hold up." Trev yells again.

"Hold up, hold up." The crowd replies back strong.

"I can't hear y'all niggas. Who invited ya wack asses to my party? Say HOLD UP, HOLD UP!" He screams and I can hear the crowd igniting as the entire energy of the room is at the highest its been all night.

"Iight lets start this shit." Trev says satisfied. It is great to see how much fun he is having even though his song hasn't started yet.

He pulls Flex back on the stage and Francis and Pookie are next to him. Trisha and I are to the side of the stage dancing and bopping to the song we were already familiar with. The intro to the song ends and the beat drops, making the basement shake. The crowd goes crazy as Trevon begins to perform.

"Hold up, hold up

You heard we bout to pour up till we throw up,

You heard we bout to flex on these niggas (eh)

You heard we got Flex on these niggas (eh)

It's Trevy Trev hold up I'm here to steal and destroy

Aint no killing, Lord willin I f*cks with all of my boys

I aint hear to sing about how me and Flex run the game

All y'all niggas who aint listening

Like why you got a brain?

Got a million dollar girl, with some million dollar pain

I still aint rich yet but my nigga milli hit the grain.

I'm hoping that you catch this word play

I ain't like these other rappers with small bird brains

Hold up, hold up (Hold up, Hold up)

You heard we bout to pour up till we throw up,

You heard we bout to flex on these niggas (eh)

You heard we got Flex on these niggas (eh)

Hold up, hold up

You heard we bout to pour up till we throw up,

You heard we bout to flex on these niggas (eh)

You heard we got Flex on these niggas (eh)

Flex was mouthing the words and so was I. We had spent days in the studio working on it. The whole dynamic of the song made me like Trev more and he didn't even know it. There were a lot of references that only people from Brownsville would catch and a good portion of the party did catch it. He's talking about how he isn't rich but he has a million things that he's both thankful for and hate. "Got a million dollar girl, with some million dollar pain. Ain't rich yet but my nigga milli hit the grain." He was talking about a 10 year old everyone called Millennial who was shot 2 years ago by gang violence on the block. As soon as he said the line, at least half of the crowd put up their fists. "Love you Milli." Someone screamed.

He reapeted the chorus a few more times, and by now the party was singing along.

"Hold up, hold up

You heard we bout to pour up till we throw up,

You heard we bout to flex on these niggas (eh)

You heard we got Flex on these niggas (eh)"

There is a part in the bridge where I sing behind him. Just background adlyb where the beat slows down. When it is time for my part I pick up the other mic and sing as I walk over to him. As I am singing, he tells everyone to put their lighters up. All I could see was shining lights splattered through out the crowd, rocking back and forth in unison.

I do a few riffs and runs as he goes into the slow and serious part of his song. The crowd listening intently.

"This phony life is filled with all these damn hypocrites

You see me and you hate me so you go and get the" a gun shot noise rang off and Trev made his hand into a gun and pointed it at the crowd.

"I don't want to live in this anymore

All I ever do is get more poor

I promise if I make it, ima take it to the heart

Makin sure my family never ever drifts apart

Makin sure my baby got a better head start

Makin sure my lady got three or four cars"

After singing what he was rapping in a low voice behind him, I branched out into a hook he wrote for me.

"Oooo, this life ain't right. we must stop the fight

Killings every night, I pray

I pray

This life ain't right, we gotta stop the fight

Trev joined. "This life ain't right, we must stop the fight"

We repeat it until the song plays out, everyone's lighter still up.

"Thank you." Trev said, though he was barely audible because the entire basement was screaming in applause.

___________________________

After the party, Trev and I go back to his place. I had told mom I was sleeping over at Trisha's with a real intention of sleeping over there. But she snuck Pookie in her room, which I couldn't do much about.

I take off my heels as Trev speaks to one of the parents on the block telling him how positive his song is and that he hopes he gets far. Flex looksextremely proud of Trev too. He had the biggest smile on his face when he left. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the forehead and congratulated Trev. Everyone cleared out and there were red cups all over the floor and the basement was a complete mess. He turned to look at me and then back at the mess. I shook my head and stood up.

"Would you like some help cleaning up?" I ask, not really wanting to help at all, just attempting to be a good girlfriend. It's three in the morning now and my feet hurt so bad, I don't mind standing on the sticky basement floor.

"Just help me pick up the cups, i'll do the rest tomorrow, ya lazy ass." He says smacking his lips.

His voice sounds raspy, like there isn't much left in him. He really went hard tonight. He performed some other songs from the set Flex and him were working on, the crowd loved all of them.

We cleaned up the cups, talking about how amazing everything went and how he's glad that we were both public now. I didn't know if he meant public as artists or public as a couple. To me, both were bitter sweet. I knew girls loved artists and I was expecting a whole new set of troubles. On top of that, sometimes the hood doesn't take well to success. Trev wants to release an extended play with 5 or 6 songs of his original pieces. He tells me he wants to sell it. I know he's going to profit off of it too. I just hope they don't try to rob him after he makes the money. If everyone can stay positive through this whole journey it would really be a gift from God.

We go up to his room, his mothers room is downstairs and she was completely passed out along with his little sister. For some reason I wasn't nervous about tonight at all. I didn't expect to do anything I wasn't ready for but I also didn't know what I wasn't ready for. I had a few beers from the party and they were in full effect. I was tipsy but still pretty functional.

I wobble to his bed and take off my heels again. I groan, massaging my feet.

He turns to me as he takes off his shirt, exposing his abs before his wife beater fell back down to cover his stomach. He did that on purpose.

"What's wrong?" He asks.

"Nothing... my feet just hurt." I smile still massaging it.

He takes off his pants, leaving on his boxers and tosses me a big t-shirt from his draw. It smells exactly like him. His room looks like the inside of his brain. Rappers cover his gray walls, his big screen TV along with his xbox were in a corner with multiple games stacked next to it and his big navy blue bed that I am sitting on. It smells just like him too. I sat there in the dark, looking around. He stares at me for a moment, then turns on the lamp beside his bed.

"Chanel, you iight?" He asks concerned.

"Yes. I'm okay." I answer honestly. I wonder why he keeps asking.

"So why are you sitting there with your dress still on? I can leave the room if you want to change in private." He seems so innocent that I stare in disbelief. I thought he would more want to help me take it off but he was actually being a gentleman. Who knew?

I nod. "Please."

He walks out and closes his door behind him. I gawk at this new person. I slide off my dress and smell his shirt a few times before sliding it on. I am wearing tights under my dress which I was pretty thankful for. He knocked a few minutes after.

"Decent?" He questions.

"Yup."

I tied my hair back and get under his covers. He set 2 bottles of water on the side table and gets under his covers as well. He pulls me close to him and I smile, resting my head on his chest. I had always dreamed of sleeping with him. Not sex. Just sleeping in the same bed. I knew I would love how his chest felt and I did. Hard but not uncomfortable and warm.

He put a hand behind his head and I wrapped the other around me. A few minutes pass and we are deep in conversation, speaking about random things. I was surprised he didn't try anything at all. I guess he didn't want to pressure me. I felt him falling asleep as he spoke.

"You bout to go off to college and leave me." I couldn't tell if he was sleep talking but I was dozing off too.

"Don't say that. I'll be home for holidays. You can come visit." I say softly, moving my hands down his stomach. He caresses my arm and kisses my head, sleep winning the war he is fighting.

"Nah, you bout to find a new bae there." I could hear the seriousness in his voice. He breathes out.

"No." I manage to let out as my eyes closed. I shook my head. "I only want you."

I feel his head turn towards me on the pillow and I open my eyes to see him smile momentarily.

"I love your smile." I say honestly.

"Yea?" He asks. I nod.

"I like your smile and your lyrics to your songs." I add. He laughed and I feel his chest move. I snuggle my head again, adjusting.

"I love everything about you Chanel, always have. " It quiet before he continues. "Your attitude, your little hands." He takes my hand placed on his chest and begins to play with it. "Your big head, almond eyes, thick lips, your poetry."

There was space in between each of his words like he was thinking about moments where he found out he loved each of these things. "Your ambition." I was still listening to it all.

He looks me in the eyes. "You type annoying, sometimes."

I laugh and narrow my eyes at him. "It's aight though. I don't mind it." He finishes.

It's quiet for a few more minutes and my mind takes the time to roam everywhere it wants. Basically it took the time to send me into panic mode.

You are falling in love a few months before you leave for college. Is that smart?

Look how vulnerable you are. If he messes up right now you would be absolutely crushed. This isn't a fairy tale so do not be dumb. There is no prince charming. Just a man who will disappoint you, one way or another. That's all it is. If you want to continue on like this, go ahead. The voice in my head is stern and all knowing.

No distractions remember? Isn't that why you said Chanel?

Trev's body went from a steady rise and fall to a motionless human. I didn't notice he was looking at me now, my eyes were probably bugged out and I was probably staring into the dark terrified of my own thoughts.

He stares confused and I notice and smile lightly.

"Stop." His voice is cold and tired. He breathes in and out, in an attempt to wake himself up a little,

"Stop what?" I ask confused. Could he see the battle going on in my head.

Of course he could.

He's Trev. He sees everything.