My lungs fill with ink.

You breathe me. Your lungs fill with ache.

We are irrevocably seven inches deep.

Contradiction is the centre of individuality.

Katsuki fancied the idea of the absolute worst happening. It was frightening but fun.

He didn't consider himself suicidal; he was considerably okay with living. But sometimes he'd pierce the razor deeper than usual, sometimes he'd purposely get drunk and high beyond coherence just so he'd do something absolutely awful.

The pain was a reminder that he wasn't dead, after all. He preferred to not be dead, so he opted for that instead.

Katsuki's grades were exceptional, so skipping a class or two as a result of his hangovers didn't matter much to him. Today was the same. He roamed the space of his room, anxiously tapping a foot against the concrete floor. He wanted to see Izuku, to scrub the face of Camie out of his brain, but he hated to sound desperate.

A part of him wanted Izuku to text him, all worried and annoying. He'd ask him why he hadn't been to class that day, and Katsuki would give the nerd a half-assed response.

But to no avail.

The day rolled by slowly as Izuku found himself thinking about Katsuki. It was now heading towards the evening, and Izuku was painting in the comfort of his room. Bakugou had skipped class before, and Izuku didn't want to seem clingy, but nonetheless, he decided to text him.

[ Are you okay?- Izukuwu ]

Katsuki sharply sat up in his bed and grabbed his phone. Luckily for him, it was the asparagus.

Katsuki inhaled deeply as if that'd decapitate his emotions, and texted back.

[ Yeah, I'm just hungover. - Kat ]

Izuku smiled a little despite the concern that crept up in the back of his mind. He began typing, feeling a sudden boldness. He sent the message before he gave himself time to hyperventilate.

[ Want me to keep you company?- Izukuwu ]

Bakugou's eyes widened, surprised at Izuku's forwardness.

[ Fuck yeah- Kat ]

[ I mean, sure.- Kat ]

Izuku brightened and finished up his work before changing his paint soiled clothes. He washed his face (again, since he'd just taken a bath), grabbed a pair of slippers, and headed out. As he headed down the hallway, he messaged Katsuki, telling him he was on his way.

A shoulder brushed past his. Izuku looked up from his phone screen.

"I'm sorry! I wasn't looking-"

"Hi, green bean."

Izuku's lips curled down into a contemplative frown. The faint smell of cinnamon filled the space. It was that same blonde-haired girl he saw on his way to Katsuki's band rehearsal.

Her hair was done in two messy buns on either side of her head, and she was sporting a lace top that ended above her belly button and a matching white tennis skirt.

"Do I know you?" Izuku blurted without thinking. The girl grinned, and a sharp canine poked out.

"I'm Toga," she said, avoiding Izuku's question, "I've always thought you were really cute."

Izuku reddened a little. "Thanks, but you're not answering me-"

"I gotta go," Toga interrupted, eyeing him as if she'd eat him alive. "See you around."

She skipped down the hall, her short tennis skirt lifting just enough to reveal the pink underwear underneath. Izuku's skin flushed in second-hand embarrassment and he looked away.

Izuku eventually made it to Katsuki's dorm, successfully distracting the unease Toga had left settling in his stomach. He knocked once and called timidly before entering, surprised at the sight before him.

Kastuki was on his bed in his boxers and an oversized black t-shirt. His blond hair was wild, his eyes were closed, and his skin was pale. Izuku timidly approached him.

"Uh, Katsuki?"

Bakugou opened his eyes and grinned lazily at Izuku. "Sup."

He's definitely not sober, Izuku thought with a sigh.

He sat beside Katsuki on the bed and briefly took in his surroundings. Katsuki's room had changed since he was there last, which was almost two months ago. Time sure flew.

The reoccurring colours of red, black and purple were still present, but it was less minimalistic. Two electric guitars were hung up on the opposing wall, along with other equipment.

Posters of Freddie Mercury, Michael Jackson, and Prince were on another side of the room. Izuku smiled and looked down at the half-asleep teen next to him.

He sighed. "Katsuki, are you high or something?"

Bakugou mumbled something incoherent before groaning in pain. "My head fucking hurts, asparagus. And I'm not high, that'd be last night."

Izuku lifted a brow but decided to not push further.

"Okay," he replied slowly, "Want me to make you some tea or hot chocolate?"

Katsuki's chest became filled with something that felt warm. "Please."

Izuku got up and headed to the small dresser that had some food items on it. He reached for a cocoa pack and emptied it into a teacup, adding sugar and milk afterwards. Spotting the large bottle of filtered water on the floor, he lifted it (with much effort) and poured some of the water into the electric kettle before flicking the switch on.

"Izuku..?"

Midoriya turned around. Katsuki's face was endearingly squished against his pillow. He then noticed Katsuki only had his nose piercing in; his face was bare.

"Mmm?"

"I want you to call me Kacchan again."

Izuku's eyes widened. That was unexpected. "Again?"

Katsuki's eyes darted away. "You called me that when you were drunk. I like how it sounds. If you don't want to, you don't have to." Fuck's sake, why am I saying so much unnecessary shit?

Izuku smiled softly, finding Katsuki's weird shift in behaviour cute, but a bit off. Another part of his mind wandered off to that night, the night he still didn't remember. At least, not fully.

Fragments had been flowing into his mind for the past two weeks or so.

The other day, while daydreaming, Izuku suddenly found himself thinking about falling asleep with his head on Katsuki's lap. He was confused, to say the least.

Then, there was that Toga girl.

Izuku figured he'd eventually remember anyway, so he didn't bother pushing Katsuki for information.

The kettle whistled noisily and Izuku got up to pour the hot water out. He mixed the contents of the cup and brought it to Katsuki, telling him to sit up first.

After sitting down again, Izuku spoke up.

"Sounds like a kink or something, but I don't mind calling you that," he said teasingly and Katsuki rolled his eyes.

"You're a kink shamer now?"

"Maybe."

Katsuki cooled the liquid and snickered despite his headache. "You're being such a mom right now. Would put my old hag to shame."

Izuku chuckled awkwardly. "You're throwing me off, you know."

"How?"

"I don't know, after Halloween, it's like you turned into a different person."

Katsuki stared at the chocolate in his cup. "Nah. Either way, you're not the only confused one here."

________________

On Sunday, it rained heavily.

Izuku was sound asleep when he heard quiet knocks against his room door. At first, he ignored it, assuming he was hearing things, but then it became consistent.

The greenette sat up miserably, rubbing at a freckled cheek lazily. He figured it was still a coincidence, so he only intended to confirm that no one was there.

But then, a second thought crept in. What if it was an intruder of sorts?

Izuku's lips folded into a flat line, and he reached for a small red taser that sat on his desk.

He opened the door slowly, clutching the taser defensively.

Ruby eyes met his.

"Kacchan?" Izuku relaxed.

"You sure sleep like a log, goddamn," the blond huffed, pushing past Izuku and entering the room.

Izuku's room consisted of a small bookshelf with a Sylvia Plath quote above it, posters of popular anime that hovered over the neatly made bed, and a few paintbrushes and papers stacked in one corner.

"In here looks exactly like what I expected it to."

Izuku pursed his lips. "Is that a good thing?"

"It's whatever you want it to be." Katsuki took in the atmosphere. The faint smell of lavender filled his nostrils (Ochako had given Izuku some on his last visit to her room). The other walls were filled with paintings, some were abstract, while others were portraits of his friends. One painting, in particular, consisted of a portrait of a beautiful, somewhat chubby woman with forest green hair and matching eyes. Her hair was in a messy low bun, and she had on a pink top that ended below the shoulders, where the painting stopped. Her large eyes and features were a giveaway. She was Izuku's mum.

"You did these?" Kastuki already knew the answer. "They're not half bad."

Izuku sat down on his bed, and Katsuki joined him. "Yeah, I did. And thanks, I guess." He reached for his phone and stared at the glowing screen.

"It's two in the morning, Kacchan. What're you doing here? Did you seriously drive here at this time?"

Katsuki laid back on the comfortable bed and stared at the ceiling. "Look, I've been thinking."

"You're not answering me-"

"I like you. I always have this entire time. I've always thought you were cute honestly, from the first day I walked into that shitty class." Izuku reddened at the random, blunt confession. "Oh," he said lamely.

"Anyway," Katsuki continued, "I'm pretty shit at handling emotions, so I took it out on you. That was shitty of me to do. You obviously don't have to forgive me so I... I'm sorry."

"Oh. Uh, thanks." Izuku spluttered. "...So, is that why you came?"

Katsuki turned his head to Izuku, his blood-red eyes softening just a little. "I want you to be my boyfriend."

Oh.

"This is pretty random," Izuku whispered, not trusting his own voice as he leaned back into the bed too. He turned his face to Katsuki's. "Where's this coming from?"

I need someone healthy. Someone other than Camie.

Katsuki inhaled deeply, hesitant. "I feel like you're the best person for me. You're stable. You're patient." You're not a junkie. You're not a mess. "And I really do have feelings for you. For the past few weeks, I've been thinking about this a lot...and I know that I need to do better. I know it's selfish, but I think I'm really going to...need you." He cringed at his words, hating how needy he sounded.

"Is that the only reason? Because I'm good on paper?" Izuku frowned, a little offended.

"Fuck's sake, no," Katsuki sighed. "Well, a little. I just... I feel like you can help me to not fucking hate myself."

"What if I don't want to help you with that? I'm not obligated to." Izuku sighed. "Just because I've grown to like you these past few weeks doesn't mean I'm on board for helping you with your issues."

"I... I know." Katsuki folded his lips, not knowing what to say. "I just wanted a chance to show you... and myself... that I can be a good partner. It's stupid, but..."

"If we're going to date," Izuku said softly, "you're going to have to be transparent with me. I need to know who you are, and what you're dealing with. Because right now, I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't want to be confused."

Katsuki stared at the ceiling again. "Is your family religious?"

Izuku blinked, slightly confused about the randomness of the question, but he answered. "No."

"Most of mine is, especially my grandparents. I was sent to live with them in the eighth grade because my folks were sick of my juvenile delinquent fuckery."

Izuku frowned but stayed silent.

"I spent two years with them and went to the local high school. I really fucking hated that place. No one felt like a real fucking person, you know? Anyway, every summer and winter, they'd send me to this church camp."

"Repent, Katsuki! Repent!"

"Let me go!"

"See, they found I liked guys. You know when you're like, thirteen, you don't know shit about erasing your tracks properly." Katsuki chuckled a little. "My grandfather, my old hag's dad, was disgusted. At first, he'd try to beat it out of me. But then his wife pleaded for him to stop. So they went for the next big thing. Naturally, I had to convert."

Izuku's eyes widened. "You were sent...to a gay conversion camp?"

"Yeah."

Izuku was stunned. That explained a lot. "So...what exactly happened there?"

"Not much." Katsuki hummed.

"Please. Please stop. I promise I'll be better."

"No, Katsuki. I have to break the curse the hard way. If you learn to be with the gender God intended, you'll be purified."

"We had Bible sessions."

I screamed until my throat was raw. No one seemed to hear.

"We prayed."

"God allows us to struggle so that we can overcome. This is your first lesson. Open your legs, boy."

"They taught us right from wrong."

The chapel reeked of sex, blood, tears, and sweat.

"There were some therapy sessions for those who were weaker than others."

"Kacchan?"

"If you react to these homosexual images, you'll receive a shock." The woman looked at me. "Some of you don't learn despite our teachings."

"They'd tell us that we still had a chance despite how dirty we were. You know, that Christ loved us despite our flaws."

"Go wash off, you're filthy."

Izuku stared at the look on Katsuki's face. It was blank and unfeeling.

He wordlessly inched closer to Katsuki, reaching out and enveloping him in a warm embrace. He had no idea what had happened at that place, but he'd be patient with him and help him recover from it.

"Can I sleep with you tonight?" Katsuki's voice was barely a whisper, and his muscles tensed. Being vulnerable made him feel physically sick.

"Of course."

Katsuki took off his shirt and pants, making a flustered Izuku turn away. Slowly, he turned around again, and his heart dropped in his stomach.

There were pale, linear red scars all over his arms, some of which were swelling a bit. Deciding that Katsuki would open up about that when was ready, Izuku let it go.

The two teens laid back into the bed again, embracing each other closely. Izuku leaned his head into Katsuki's chest and smiled a little.

"I hope you're not doing this because you're sorry for me or some shit," Katsuki said, his raspy voice filled with something Izuku couldn't recognize.

"Kacchan, I really like you," Izuku reassured, running his arm against Katsuki's. "You've really hurt me in the past with the things you said, but I can tell that you're changing. I don't know how, but you are, and that's all that matters. You don't have to ever pretend to be someone else around me anymore. You don't ever have to be stronger than you really are. I'll accept every part of you."

Katsuki inhaled sharply, a sting echoing in his chest.

Izuku's eyes roamed about before catching a small tattoo on Katsuki's lower neck- a yin and yang sign.

"How'd I not notice this before?" Izuku muttered to himself.

Katsuki stared at him, leaning his head down. "Who knows." He inhaled deeply. "Can I kiss you?"

Izuku smiled. "Of course."

Their lips connected, and Izuku sighed in content as Katsuki ran his tongue along with his. The two inched closer (if that was even possible), and Izuku allowed Katsuki to guide the kiss since he was still inexperienced.

The kiss deepened, and Izuku's hand rested comfortably against Katsuki's neck, his fingers tracing near the ink.

______________