After waking up feeling gloomy, I wasn't really up for going to school. I didn't want to face Hannah, and I needed clean up our living room a bit. I grabbed my phone like I did every morning and turned it on.

I headed downstairs, setting down the Tylenol and water next to my mom like every morning. This time, however, she'd fallen asleep on the floor.

*****

I knocked on Grayson's door. While I waited for him to answer, I looked around. He lived in a two story brick house. It was so much nicer than mine.

Finally, the door opened. I was greeted by a smiling Grayson.

"Hey Amber. Come on in." I kicked off my shoes and looked around. The floor was clean. It was made of a dark, shiny wood. Down the hall I could see how neat their kitchen and living room was. They were an ordinary, happy family. I wish I had one.

After an hour of hanging out in his room, with the door open since that was the rule, he decided to make me take him to my house. "Grayson, that's a bad idea." I shook my head. "Why?" He asked. "My mom... She's an alcoholic. She's probably still on the floor passed out. Our house is literally trash because she doesn't do anything besides drinking. Her blood-alcohol level has to be off the charts..." I pushed my lips together, awaiting his answer. "Amber, I'm not gonna judge you based on the state your house is in. That isn't your fault."

I decided to let us stop by my house, since I did in fact forget my phone there anyways. Once we arrived, it just made sense to stay there.

My mom had luckily gone out and wasn't passed out on the floor. She was most likely with her 'boyfriend,' who's really more like a fuck-buddy. I haven't met him, but in all honesty, I'm glad she has him. He pays our rent in exchange for... her.

Although my house is trashed, my room definitely isn't. It's actually really nice. The walls are painted grey and the floor is made of wood. There are two old dressers that I painted white, one with a mirror. My room is the only room in the house that was still being taken care of and looked after, just like every other room was before my mom changed.

*****

"I should head out, Amber." He said kindly. "Okay. I'll see you at school tomorrow." I walked him to the door. He surprisingly hugged me goodbye and left. And then reality came crashing in. I went back to my hopeless, sad state and sat on my bed just crying.

I thought about what Hannah said to me, and about how my mom doesn't care about me. I thought about everything.

And then I walked into my bathroom and pulled out a blade.

I sliced my wrists. The tears wouldn't stop.

I wiped blood off of the bathroom counter and cleaned the cuts, hissing slightly as the water poured down onto the small but open wounds.

I know I didn't promise Grayson that I wouldn't cut again, but I still felt guilty about it. Like I'd disappoint him if he saw them.

That's when I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't tell him. Although I knew he cared about me and wanted to help me, he just can't. I can't get better.

The thoughts just wouldn't go away.

When I thought of myself, I thought of a broken girl who was too weak to continue fighting the battle that is her life. I saw a girl who was ready to jump, but was only being held back by one thing.

No.

By one person. And that's Grayson. He's like my anchor. He's struggling to hold me down to this world, but it's working. He was the one person who showed me that he cared, even though it hadn't been for very long. He stopped me from jumping, but it wouldn't be my last attempt. The thoughts kept clouding my mind with more reasons to step off that cliff.