I finally make it off the red carpet like an hour later. I had to do a few interviews here and there... I fucking met damn daniel which will be the highlight of my year, regardless of whether or not I win tonight lol.

I was confronted about Justin cancelling a few more times so my anxiety is a bitch right now. Ill try texting him.

•

Bieby where are u now

Sorry

Wait that one was unintentional, you need to name your songs things that aren't everyday vocab

I'm getting off track, ANSWER ME JUS

JAY

JB

BIEBY

JUS

JUS10

JUSTIN

FUCKING STUPID DICKHEAD ASSHOLE ANSWER YOUR FUCKING PHONE

I'm about to call you again so u better answer

You fucking better bitch

•

*calling jus*

"You've reached J-"

"Oh fuck me dead!" I say unnecessarily loud causing a few people to turn their heads and laugh. Some of them waved which was weird but nothing prepared me for what happened next.

"I don't know about the dead part but I'll for sure give it a try," I turn to the left to find the love of my life standing before me.

No not Justin damn.

"Shawn mendes," I say in a whispered tone wide eyed.

Shawn mendes just said he'd fuck me dead.

I'm living the life. Possibly not for much longer bc he wants to fuck me dead tho.

"Grace winters," he says imitating me.

He knows my name.

"I'm fan girling so hard right now man," I say fanning my face, looks like I'm being funny and sarcastic but I'm being so legit it's not funny, he laughs anyway, "I've been a fan since your vine days, just putting that out there..." maybe that will impress him 🤤🤤

"Are you serious?"

"Does it look like I'm joking??"

"I'm fangirling over you fangirling to be honest," he says as he fans himself.

Omg I'm fangirling over him fanigirling over me fangirling help I need water. Or a shot of vodka.

"It starts soon, lets go in shall we?" He says holding his arm out, I don't want to seem eager so I basically snatch his arm off immediately after he offers it too me. Forget it I was eager as a beaver bitch.

I feel a few flashes go off once I'm holding his arm but I flaunt it more because I want everyone to fucking see this. Grace Mendes has a ring to it, don't you think?

We make our way inside and I'm guided by an employee to my seat, to my surprise, Shawn was placed behind me, but I told him to sit in Justin's reserved seat since he apparently won't be attending tonight. Pussy.

Well would you look at me, pretending I'm not the reason he bailed ahaaaaaaaaaaihatemyself.

We've got excellent seats tho, most likely because I was originally next to Justin and as if he'd ever get shitty seats lol.

•

Its like midshow now, I texted Justin a couple more times until I realised I was having a once sided pathetic conversation and it was driving me a little insane.

None of my categories have been announced yet but theres supposed to be a surprise performance before the favourite new artist one. (Idk the order of the amas I haven't watched it yet leave me alone)

The lights dim and a familiar beat is spread through the arena causing a loud roar of the audience to erupt. I however, freeze up completely.

Surely fucking not.

"Holy shit! I thought he wasn't coming!" Shawn says getting up from his chair to stand.

Yeah neither did I bitch wtf.

"I used to believe, we were burning on the edge of something beautiful, something beautiful"

Ah fuck man. Not this song. Please Bieby I'm emotional as it is.

"Selling a dream, smoke and mirrors keep us waiting on a miracle, on a miracle,"

Fuck fuck fuck. Oh shit I'm standing now. Everyone's clapping and singing along and I'm just standing here about it cry though how embarrassing.

Say go the the darkest of days, heavens a heartbreak away, never let you go, never let me down,"

No no no a fucking camera man. No fuck his got the camera on me. No I can hardly see my eyes look like a fish tank. That was a horrible metaphor, I'm about to cry is what I was trying to say I'm sorry I'm emotional and shit and I'm not even on my period so fuck this fuckery.

"Oh it's been a hell of a ride, driving the edge of a knife, never let you go, never let me down"

That fucking camera man better not catch me for the chorus, I'm not crying my eyes are sweating because the air con must be broken please

"Don't you give up nah nah nah, I won't give up nah nah nah, let me love you, let me love you,"

Here come the waterfalls. Stupid cunt, Cold water is better why don't you play that instead you stupid bitch.

Thank god I'm not ugly crying is all I can say. It's like silent tears and this stupid unwanted smile on my face won't fucking go away. How do u do this to me Justin? How? Why do u always manage to make me feel some type of way, regardless of whether I like it or not??

"Let me love you, let me love you," and with that, he raised his hand to the audience as if to say thank you. As he walks off he catches me off guard by turning around and pointing in my direction. I'm glad he isn't talking because with this applause you wouldn't hear a gun shot. Then he blows a kiss causing my mouth to go dry and crusty before turning back and walking off stage.

And it was only then, once he was gone, that I realised how much I needed him. Nope, not after that entire serenade that lasted a couple of minutes, or when he blew me that kiss. Once he left, I realised how much I miss him.

And how much I fucking love that douche bag.