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"I knew you'd be here..." he said shyly with his hands in his pockets. I stay silent as I nod. I just calmed down, I don't want to talk about us anymore for tonight. I've talked too much, "please don't run away from me again."

As stupid as it sounds, that comment makes me teary. I'm not crying, but it looks like I've been cutting onions. Stupid feelings. I shake my head slightly at him, still not wanting to speak.

"Please say something, Grey," he says in a whispered tone. Fuck me dead, I fucking can't.

"I can't," I say looking to my feet. He takes a step closer causing me to take one back. That heart broken look he gave me when I did that made my chest hurt. Like someone had thrown a 20kg weight right at my lungs.

"What? Are you afraid of me now?" He said with a bit more oomph. I think he was getting a little angry...

"No!" I say quickly. I'm not afraid of him. I'm afraid of...

This.

Of fighting and of awkwardness and hurt and this feeling in my chest and burning tear ducts and running away and of being broken and of failure. Mostly failure. And the outcome of failure. I don't want to lose him. I can't lose him.

"You won't!" He says. Fuck man, I need to quit this talking out loud shit.

"Justin... this isn't me running away from you," I say walking around him slowly, leaving a noticeably large distance.

"You're leaving?"

"This isn't me running away, okay?" I say again, "this is me... putting you on hold. I've let out too much today, just please, give me time," and before he could say another word a ran out of the bushes to my car. Leaving him once again. I don't know if the feeling in my chest got worse because I left again or better because I was done for tonight. Regardless, my chest still felt like there was an elephant sitting on it.

I just need some fucking food.

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[the next evening]

"This is a masterpiece," Nikkie says as she pulls away before looking into the camera, "I'm Picasso," she says causing me to laugh. I decided to get a Nikkietutorials look for my first public event like the AMAs. She's amazing at what she does and I like to keep it real by helping her out, not that she needs it of course, but a little extra exposure never hurt anyone.

My face it beeeeeat. It's like a beeettroooot cause people r gonna wanna root me yeaaaa.

New song: beetroot, coming soon

"This is beautiful!" I say taking my first look in the mirror. My first thought is to take a photo and send it to Justin, but I haven't spoken or communicated with him at all since last night. (Cos I'm a petty bitch and I hate myself aha) I'll wait to see him tonight and talk to him in person, "do you want to see my dress on?" I say attempting to change the subject in my head.

"Ooooohhh myyy god is that a joke?! Of course I wanna see, go get it on gurl!" She says as she shoos me off the seat. I laugh as I run to the closet to get changed.

Just in case ya forgot. Who am I kidding, how could you forget lol

Nikkie and I hung out for a while before I had to leave for the night. She was going as well but only as a guest to sit in the audience. Not a nominee, like meeeeeee. Cause I'm a boss ass biiiiiiiiiitch.

Oh wait did I tell you what I was nominated for??? Silly billy Nilly me.

•new artist of the year

•favourite pop/rock artist

•single of the year

THREE NOMINATIONS.

FUCKING THREE.

Of course I have no intention of actually winning of them but I'm honoured to have even been recognised. I've only been doing this for not even 6 months man, and I have Justin to thank for everything.

Ah SHIT, Justin.

Every mother fucking time I think he's left my mind, he finds a way to creep back in. Like Bruno mars and the top 100.

Fuck this man, I'm gonna call him. Not Bruno.... Justin.... in case that wasn't clear....

Besides, if I don't talk to him today, it'll break out months and months long streak. We need to start Snapchatting honestly..

*calling jus*

"You've reached jb, leave a message and I'll call you back aye"

Cunt.

I mean.... I cant....

I hung up before I could leave a message. Wtf man. I walk outside to the car as I decide to ring him again.

*calling jus*

"You've reached jb, leave a message and I'll call y-"

Suck my dick Justin DAMN.

Guess I'll just speak to him there....

"Evening Miss Winters," the driver says as he stands next to the open door of the red Ferrari Justin had organised for me. He was supposed to go with me but I suppose our plans changed. Because I fucked up 🙃

The drive was short because I was zoned out the entire time, I should be more excited than this but Justin won't take my calls and I hate myself so much Lordy lord. The driver opens the door causing a flood of flashes to erupt as I make my way out of the car.

I'm gonna be BLIND after this I tell you. This is worse than the first time I met Jus and I got water in my eyes.

I've never heard my name screamed this much before this is ridiculous! There's fans at the barrier so I decide to make my way over to them before I hit the carpet.

"Grace, omg I love you can I have a picture!" Is along the lines of what most people say to me, I don't mind at all, I actually live for this. Until I approach a guy in full black with a camera as well as a few others.

[]

"Holy shit it's Grace, will you be in my outro?" He says. Holy FUCK GUYS THIS IS MY FAVOURITE YOUTUBER!

"Wow, anything to be in a David Dobrik outro," I say all nonchalant. He goes wide eyed as well as the 2 girls and the guy standing with him.

"Okay how much did he pay you," his hot friend, alex says.

"Holy fuck, I literally didn't make her say that guys I swear!" David says to the camera before turning his attention back to me, "you watch the vlogs?!"

"Of course, I'm just waiting for Alex to take his shirt off so I know this is the real deal..." please please please pleasMY DREAMS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED. He quickly rips his shirt off before giving me a goofy grin.

"It's really cold but I'd do anything for you, Grace," he says causing me to grin widely. How fucking adorable.

"Well then let's get a pic together with your shirt off quickly so you can put it back on"

"You want a picture with me?"

"And David and Liza and Gabbie," they all go wide eyed again before jumping up and down like kids at a candy store, I join in.

We all get pictures together and say our goodbyes before I begin to walk away.

"Oh SHIT wait wait!" I say running back, "put the camera on me I need to do your outro!"

"Thanks for watching, Kristen. That's my friend from back home who watches your vlogs you have to give her a shoutout," I say turning to him, "make sure you like and subscribe, tweet him @ daviddobrik, anything else to add guys?"

They stay quiet for a second.

"This is the best day of my life," David says and they all nod quickly causing me to laugh.

"Okay thanks guys, I'll see you again I swear! Byeeee," and as they wave me good bye I walk away, making my way to the carpet.

Everything's going great so far boys. Let's hope I didn't jinx it lol.

I walk to the first part of the carpet to be bombarded with a million flashes, worse than when I first got out of the car. All the yelling sounds like mumble jumble, until one thing a male reporter says catches my attention.

"Grace! Why did Justin bail on tonight?!"

What? Did he really bail???

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