He looks satisfied and content as he begins to make his way over to me. At an excruciatingly slow pace.

"Do you mean that?" He says lowly as he reaches the half way mark. Why does he want me to say it again? Why is he moving so close? Is he going to kiss me? Oh no I'm over thinking gain.... My brain hurts help me help.

"I.... um I..." he's too close now. I can feel my head burning up and my hands getting sweaty. Plus the butterflies in my stomach feel like they've turned rabid with the commotion going on in there. Or perhaps I'm just hungry...

His hands touch mine, sending a shiver right through my body, and I look down at them as he looks down at me. His hands begin to softly and slowly move up my arms and I look up to him with a hint of shock in my eyes.

What's happening? This is my best friend! I just told my best friend I love him. I can't do this. I can't.

He begins to lean in, I can't tell if I'm seeing things in slow motion now or if he's just moving slowly, but he's most definitely leaning in.

He's going to fucking kiss me.

"No!" I as I step back into the wall that was close behind me. His eyes open and he looks confused and hurt and I hate myself for doing this WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOJNG, "I..... I...."

"Grace," he says softly.

"I have to go, I need to go," I say as I quickly run out of the room and then the house. I quickly get into my car and pull out of HE drive way quicker than you can say "fuck me dead".

As I speed away I can see him on the street outside, getting smaller and smaller the further and faster I go. I want to cry, I'm going to cry, why did I do that to him?? I'm such a fucking idiot, I'm so stupid.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I need to breath.

I need to go to my place.

I need to stop balling my eyes out so I can see the road and not get into a car accident on the highway.

•

As I pull into the car park, ish I'm parked over 3 spaces right now because this car parked is deserted and I do not give a shit at this present time, I turn my vision to the small clock to the right of my odometer, seeing that it reads '9:48pm'.

I park and lock my car before sprinting away to my private place behind the bushes. No exaggeration there, I literally sprinted, there's no other way to describe it. Usain Bolt would be impressed.

I was having an anxiety attack, that was for sure. And usually Justin is the one to calm me down. But this time, he had caused it. I needed something else. I needed my special view of Los Angeles combined with the fresh and uncomplicated air at the top of this cliff.

I don't even want to think about what I would do if I got into a fight with Justin in my special place. I wouldn't know what the fuck to do or where to go.

I run through the bushes and branches, surely giving myself some small scratches and bruises to find tomorrow morning, and find myself standing in my most favourite and sacred place in the world. I slump down on the grass no more than a meter off the cliffs edge.

Too much has happened today. First I'm trampled by a million paparazzi, then I'm attacked by my mothers ex fiancé, I've told Justin every last detail about Clinton Matthews and, in turn, relived everything in my head, Justin has admitted his love fore me and last but definitely not least, I admitted mine for him???? What was I THINKing? I guess I wasn't, I just said it. I just said that I LOVED HIM. Not even that I've got feelings for him... I said I LOVED him. LOVED.

Inhale. Exhale.

Inhale. Exhale.

Inhale. Exhale.

Okay.

I'm good.

I'm still breathing.

It's not that bad.

I lean back so I'm laying down on the grass and I can look up to the stars. I don't know much about astrology. The only thing I could ever find in the night sky was the southern cross, and probably not even that because I mostly just found 5 starts and told myself that was the cross, but I'm not in Australia at the moment anyway so the best I can do is make constellations of my own.

If you put those ones together, they look like a burger.

Ooh And those ones looks like a slice of pizza.

And if you squint your eyes, you can sort of make out an ice cream cone over there.

Good god, I must be famished.

I pull my phone from my back pocket to check the time.

10:26pm.

38 minutes I've been here for then. Fuck man time goes too fast. No wonder I'm hungry. In my defence, I haven't actually eaten since lunch with Justin so...

I stand up to leave in search of a Maccas or burger King perhaps. Maybe even both.

And I'd almost forgotten my reason for coming up here in the first place, and I would have forgotten it too. That is, if it weren't for the hooded figure standing not 3 meters from me, watching me quietly and patiently for god knows how long near the trees.

No, it's wasn't a rapist/murderer. Though he would have seemed it if it weren't for STAFF printing obnoxiously across his hoodie in big bold letters.

•••