We rode out in the mid morning sun with four generals, a small group of retainers and several pages. Lord Shingen wore formal dress beside me, I had only seen him wear this particular outfit once before, he really did look incredible as the Tiger of Kai.

I had been given a new Takeda clan cloak and top with a chest piece, still in the dark blue I preferred, but with the silver and gold bindings and detail, I felt truly elegant, and being allowed to ride at his side was an honour not lost on me.

From the maps I had studied, I could now properly appreciate how accurate they were to the landscape as it unfolded around me. We checked in at several outposts for reports, before arriving in Fuefuki in the late afternoon. It was the most riding I had done for a while, and despite the comfortable tack, parts of me were starting to ache.

To keep my mind from capsizing, I focused on the natural beauty around me, and though the occasional melancholy surfaced, I was able to appreciate some of what surrounded me.

As we entered the village it was if I was riding in a royal parade. The whole population seemed eager to get a glimpse of Lord Shingen as he rode by; the welcome was genuine and warm. It was a side to his role I hadn't seen before and I realised how fortunate I had been to be so closely a part of the Takeda Clan since I fell from the cherry tree.

What was mildly amusing was how many of the villagers didn't seem to be able to work out if I was a man or a woman, despite the cut of my clothing. It was a strange era to be riding through, but I also was reminded that I had often asked myself the same question of some people's gender identity back in my own reality.

I sat through a meeting which seemed to go on forever - local politics, village repairs, crop reports, road improvements, the coming of war, the going of war, the remembering of war, the stories of war, how wonderful Lord Shingen was - lots of simple but delicious food, I was getting to the point it was difficult not to yawn, I so needed a wash.

And then it was done for the evening it seemed. My head was swimming and I hadn't even touched a drop of sake, as we were escorted towards our quarters for the night. I don't know what I expected, it didn't even occur to me, but something slapped me back to relative alertness when I realised Lord Shingen and I had been presumed to be 'together' and were led to the same room.

I looked up at him and he shook his head with a 'not now' look, so I stayed silent and followed him in.

"Well," I thought, "At least this time I'm conscious."

Our packs were already in the room, but I stood just inside the door, not really knowing what to do next.

"Don't you want to change?" Lord Shingen enquired, "Then we can continue our conversation."

Oh crap.

This was awkward.

I'm a grown, educated woman and this is ....crap....awkward.

Only for me it seemed, as I was still gathering my thoughts, Lord Shingen had already washed off most of the day's riding dust and was looking for his robe. 'Well at least he brought that.' I thought drily, knowing how easily he seemed to fall out of them on a regular basis. I sighed, I really did want to get out of the attire I was in and at least wash my face and hands - so why did I feel like a stupid idiot?

With my thoughts keeping me occupied, I hadn't noticed he had closed the distance between us.

"Here, let me." He said, quickly removing my cloak before I had the time protest. I nimbly ducked away from him with a quick 'thank you' and decided it was best if I sorted the rest out for myself. He seemed genuinely amused by my attitude.

"Do I make you uncomfortable Lady Tamara?" He crossed his arms and smiled at my back, I could feel it.

"Yes! ...

No! ...

Yes!"

"Why?"

"Because ... because ..." I sighed, splashing water on my face, looking for the words, "Because ..." More water, where were the words? "I'm not used to ... Arrghh!"

I splashed more water on my face and then hid my face in the cloth nearby. "I'm not used to being around someone like you."

(Finally! Well done! Said my brain)

"Some one like me? You mean a Lord?"

"No." I snapped from behind the cloth, "Someone who is ... is ... Arrghh! I can't ..." I gave up. This was just too hard, too weird a conversation.

"Are there not men like me where you are from?"

"Oh sure, but they're not called Lords and I've never been in their company, I'm not like that, that sort of woman."

I took a peek to see he was totally at a loss to understand where I was coming from. It wasn't an expression I had seen before; he seemed to be struggling with the contradictions in my words.

"You are from a strange place." He finally said.

"Yes, yes I am." I could only agree with him.

"I will return in a moment." He said and swiftly left.

I have never gotten changed so quickly in my life, grateful for the opportunity. He returned just as I was unbraiding my hair. He moved in closer and picked up a lock of it.

"This colour, you made it this way, yes?"

"Yes Lord Shingen, it reminded me of ..."

Damn it, I almost said his name. I turned away sharply, shocked at myself.

A silence grew between us.

My heart offered nothing.

My eyes were far from tears.

I just felt - dead.

"Come, sit with me, let us drink for a while." I saw now it was a large flask of sake he had gone to request. I was caught between wanting to get totally trashed and not touching a drop, and at that point I wasn't sure which side would win.

We sat cross-legged facing each other, he pushed a drink towards me and I took it but couldn't bring myself to taste it. Lord Shingen downed his in a heartbeat and poured himself another.

"You have never said much about your world."

"I have a daughter" It was all I could think of to say, "But I am alone." I added, before the whole partner thing got started, it was kind of a reflex.

"No one?" He sounded surprised

"Lord Shingen, I would rather not talk about this, please, if you wish to talk, pick another subject." He finished another cup and poured again.

"Drink Lady Tamara." Caught by his tone I looked up, his face was deadly serious, so I picked up the cup, considered it for a moment, and knocked it back in one go. He instantly refilled it.

"May I ask you something?" I wanted desperately to shift the focus from myself.

"Of course, anything." (He was pouring his fourth),

"You have so much around you, men, women, concubines, children, and you seem to stand alone."

"Are you looking for a role Lady Tamara?"

"That's not what I meant!" I still couldn't help a slight blush, even if his tone was light. He neatly avoided my question though.

"Drink Lady Tamara." He watched as I did so, I could feel the gentle fingers of alcohol beginning to soften my mind - I guessed getting trashed was going to win after all.

We sat in silence for a bit.

"You asked me to help you." Lord Shingen restarted the conversation, his tone softer.

"Yes, yes I did, but I'm not sure why now."

"You know you are not well Lady Tamara" He repeated his words from our last conversation.

"I can't seem to find myself - no - that's not right, I don't want to - it's too ..." I downed the cup in front of me and breathed, "...awful."

"I have seen ... this (he nodded in my direction) ... in many men before" He downed his sake and poured for us both. (How many was that now?)

"Have you suggested the same treatment for all of them?"

Damn my mouth!

Where did that come from? Bloody sake.

I hastily apologised, but I think he was laughing too hard to hear me. In the process his robe fell off his shoulder, 'Why don't clothes just stay on the man?' I thought and found myself giggling.

"Lady Tamara, you are adorable." Lord Shingen sat back up and fixed his robe (Thank God). I dropped my eyes, suddenly feeling a little lost. My mind frantically sought to destroy the mood and in that moment of reflection I wasn't prepared for what my mouth said next:

"Will you let me go to war?" The mirth drained from his amber eyes as the Takeda Lord returned. He seemed to be considering his words.

"Yes." He finally said.

I was thrown into stasis from his agreement, I went to speak but he put his hand up to stop me.

"You will be with a small long spear regiment, guarding our left flank." I knew within the battle strategy it would be the safest, best protected placement, but a large part of me was thrilled, yes, actually thrilled, it was so what I had hoped for.

"Thank you!!" I leapt forwards and hugged him fiercely, for once actually catching out the Lord Takeda Shingen. He barely had time to stop himself being thrown backwards.

"There's our Lady Tamara." He smiled at me, his voice was so soft, almost purring.

The response in me however was more like some dark trap going off in my mind and I just as quickly threw myself backwards, landing heavily straight on my butt.

What the fuck just happened?

What did I ... Why did I ...?

Shit. Bollocks. Arse. Fuck. CRAP.

I sat there, breathing heavily, looking at the floor.

"Drink." Was all I said and in a flash one was silently handed to me, I downed it. "Another." I lightly rapped the floor with the cup. I stared into the depths of the refill; I was fighting in too many directions at once. I went back to staring at the floor.

"This is where the sex part comes in." Lord Shingen was leaning in so close his forehead was almost touching my own. I wanted to scream and get away from the contact, but my body stayed exactly where it was.

"Don't." I said, and he sat back up again. Then the sake side of my brain decided to say:

"You mean let's have a bit of fun no strings attached none whatsoever we'll feel better in the morning and no-one need ever know anything about it because after all it meant nothing kind of sex?"

"Hahaha .... Yes." He was genuinely amused.

"Oh." The small part of my brain that appeared to have any common sense finally spoke.

Wow. Helpful. Thanks.

Where do I go from 'Oh'?

"Lady Tamara ... Tamara." Lord Shingen's voice was almost hypnotic. I fought not to find his eyes.

The cup of sake seemed a better option, my hand noticed it and brought it to my lips. My small voice of common sense gave up and my sake side took over.

Man, I was gazebo'd.

Then a sharp mental voice reminded me I certainly didn't fancy falling unconscious in this scenario again. I slowly put the cup back down.

"Tamara."

No, this can't be happening.

I felt his hands land on my shoulders and I immediately panicked, curling myself into a ball.

"You must have been terrified." He said softly, so softly I had to concentrate to hear him. A flash of rope, a swirl of dark - the hand - the burning - and finding the quiet.

"The dark ... the ropes" I whispered from my knees. I could sense he was close by me, so I clutched my knees tighter and pressed my head harder into them.

"It was your bravery, your strength, your will to survive, you have the heart of a warrior." He touched my knee as he breathed in my ear. "You do the Clan name credit, Lady Tamara."

I was honestly surprised and thrown off balance by his words.

"But you need to let it go - or it will destroy you."

I slumped. Sake side didn't have anything to say in my head and all the other voices seemed to have disappeared. I was at a total loss as to what to say or do next.

This time the sake in my cup promptly disappeared; maybe passing out was the better option. I really wish my mouth had passed out before what it said out loud next.

"I don't want to me 'marked' by you - I am not yours, I'm not your property."

(Oh for fuck's sake Tamara, will you just shut up??)

"You come from a strange place." He smirked.

I felt a hand go to my waist and shrinking from the touch only made it easier for him to wrap his arm around my ribs. As I recoiled backwards, he wrapped his other across my chest.

I felt captured.

As much as I wanted to struggle I was powerless to do so. He nestled his head in my neck.

He felt so calm.

"Let me help you Tamara." His voice was so deep I felt it course through my chest bones and shoulders.

"Lord Shingen ... I... " His breath gave me Goosebumps.

His right arm moved lower, and a part of me tried to pass out. I could feel my body begin to respond to his touch, even though I didn't want it to. His hand slipped into my robe and clasped my thigh. The warmth of his great hand made me shiver against him as though a paw had trapped a bird.

His head was still buried in my neck and his hold increased around me as I shook from his touch.

His heartbeat in my back was only half the pace of mine as his other hand pushed apart my robe at my chest. I gasped involuntarily as he swung me round until I was cradled in his arms across his lap.

Some part of me felt like crying, but the moment passed as he held me to him. My left hand found his chest, that strength, that power, and I watched my hand explore his muscular frame.

Held there, in that moment, my mind suddenly became clear and I put my hand up and around the back of his neck, pulling him towards me. As my breathing rate increased, he put me down on the floor and pushed apart my robe further, slowly walking his hands along my legs. As I felt my body twist from his touch, he kept walking them along the length of me, my ribs heaved under his hands and then he held me by my shoulders.

His movements were fluid, easy, whereas mine were uncontrolled. He was overpowering, exhilarating. A hand moved behind my head and tilted me towards his face, I saw calm fire in his eyes and he saw the need in mine. As he took me something changed, the purely carnal part of me took over.

Looking back I'm not able to recall much, it wasn't tender, or even loving, it was what it was and it went on for hours.

At one point I had to stop for water, and I sat above him and poured it over my head instead of drinking it. He watched the rivulets of water run down my hair and face, my chest, my body and licked some for himself.

He had a strange look on his face, so I asked him:

"What's the matter? Never met another Tiger before?"

They would be the only words I spoke, as it turned us both back into a pure passion for lust.

I had to stop, exhausted, neither of us finding any final release. Without a word Shingen wrapped me in himself and I soon fell towards sleep, a part of me still craving him, a part of me luxuriating from the experience.

* * * * *

As I surfaced, I buried myself under the bedding into soft darkness, slowly stretching every part of myself till my hands reached from the covers above my head.

I felt amazing.

I felt closer to myself than any other time since I returned to this reality, but I winced slightly as parts of me reminded me of their efforts. A hand found me under the covers; the touch so light it tickled and I shrank instantly into a curled ball, giggling for him to stop.

"Lady Tamara" Shingen's voice washed over me.

"Hhmm?" I asked through my bit lip.

"Welcome home."

And with that he got out of bed and so began our day.

It was strange, as we readied to leave the village I felt no pangs of affection or guilt, we were able to easily meet each other's eyes, and I found no blush came when I did.

I was a bit surprised at myself at first, but soon brushed that aside as I felt a sizable weight of the awful darkness had been lifted from me. I felt liberated and the world seemed more in colour, the villagers more alive and real, faces I would remember. And I would remember how they were all so enamoured by their Lord.

As we rode back towards the castle, I found myself smiling. It felt good there, so I let it stay.