"Lady Tamara?" In the darkness I heard a woman's voice and a sharp memory overlapped, making me instantly alert. I found the darkness was because my eyes were shut, and as I opened them I realised where I was.

I could see the outline of a woman at the door.

"Lady Tamara?" Now the voice was familiar and there were other moving shapes with her.

"Come in Shinshoni." As she began to open the door, Lord Shingen's two dogs careered into the room. I was swamped by doggy welcomes. I hugged them as best I could and ruffled their faces, managing to get out of bed. My shoulder was sharp in its agony, but I found the pain and traced it, drawing its energy into me, almost finding it delicious.

I noticed Shinshoni was staring at me with what looked like shock, as she held two odd shaped boxes in her arms. She recovered quickly however, and sent me a brilliant smile, moving closer she said:

"I will need to tend to your shoulder before anything else, you are still in some danger from the injury."

I believed her, the cut was clean and the blade sharp, I had almost instant first aid, but without antibiotics I could still fall to infection. I pushed the grisly thought from my mind.

"Bad throw, good aim." I said, even though I couldn't really see the injury - I had already tried until my eyes knotted - I knew it was more flesh than bone that took the sword.

Again, Shinshoni looked stunned. She set down the two boxes and sprung the catch on the top one. The medical kit inside fascinated me - it looked - it looked - well, medical. I mean a lot more modern that I thought it would.

"I am going to have to cause you pain, I am sorry."

I froze.

Those words.

I spun around and Shinshoni took a step back away from me, wide-eyed. "Lady Tamara?"

I shook my head to clear it, it was just a memory.

"I'm sorry Shinshoni, please, I am glad you are here, it is good to see you again." I tried to make my voice softer, but hearing it in my ears I wasn't so sure.

She breathed a sigh of relief.

As I sat on the table, the two dogs came over for more fuss, but Shinshoni gave them a hand signal and they obediently lay down, only their tails disobeyed and kept thumping on the floor.

Determined to hide my right shoulder, I only slipped the left side of my robe as Shinshoni stepped behind me. I heard her gasp.

"Is it bad?" I asked, thinking the worst.

"Your body - you, you ...."

She came around in front of me and knelt down, her face was so earnest, so wide-eyed and unbelieving. She reached out her hand to my arm. I fought the urge to flinch away, but her touch was soft, barely finding my skin.

"You have muscles!"

That caught me completely, and I actually laughed. "I've been busy." I said, flexing my hand and arm. Pain straightened my face and the mood was gone in a flash.

Shinshoni was so delicate tending to me and silent, for which to this day I am grateful. She asked me no questions and I offered nothing, but it was peaceful being with her. And yes, there was more pain, and still more blood, but whatever was in the dressings and lotions was incredibly soothing and numbing, even though a lot of it smelt awful.

It took some time to dress, the top was snug against the different shape of my body, I felt it clung to me in places that it shouldn't. She carefully put my left arm in a sling - it was the same colour as my cloak - and I absently wondered why slings were not done like this in my world. She braided my hair to one side so it sat over my right shoulder, I knew she wanted to ask me about the colour, but I'm glad she didn't.

My heart was closed to that name.

She blushed as I stood up which confused me.

"Now I think I understand a little of what you said to me about your clothes" She breathed, "You make this look lady-like Tamara."

"Thank you Shinshoni." I said simply.

"I have one more thing for you" She smiled, still looking flushed. She turned away from me, sprung the catches on the second box and as she came around to face me, my eyes fell onto a precious old friend.

My katana.

A series of questions marched around my head, trying to get through my walls; the loudest of them wondered why my things were here.

I slammed them all back to quiet.

Shinshoni was looking at me, perplexed. I guess she thought the sight of my katana would do something. She drew the blade to give it to me.

All was quiet again in my dark empty space.

As it passed to my hand I felt - better - complete - it gave me strength somehow. I spun the blade around in my right hand, and as the weight jumped I realised the one I had found on E-Bay wasn't quite the same, close, but this was perfect, even the old indentations on the hilt from my fingers were welcome.

I handed it back and she returned it to its scabbard. As she sashed it to me I swear I caught a flicker of fear in her eyes, but as she faced me handing me my cloak, she was smiling again.

"Hungry?"

"Oh my God yes." I grinned back.

I strode across the courtyard and noticed I was walking too fast for her, so slowed my pace to match hers. Her fluid natural elegance was something I could never aspire to, but somehow Shinshoni seemed more fragile than I remembered. The growling of my stomach stopped any further pondering.

She bade me farewell at the doors to the Main Hall, promising we would meet later as my dressing would need to be re-done. I watched her glide away with the two dogs following politely.

The pain of the injury was exquisite, it made my senses sharp and alert - I'll admit it was a sensation that was twisted, but that's how it was. I stood at the doors of the Main Hall again.

No butterflies.

No fear. No panic.

Nothing.

"Don't you dare announce me." I glared at the retainer outside; he saw the look in my eyes and stayed silent.

They swung open in front of me.

Everything stopped, all eyes turned.

My step was sure and even, there were several appreciative gasps from the way the clothes accentuated my frame as I entered, my cloak billowing out behind me. I was halfway to the dais when voices rose and men stood.

"Lady Tamara! Lady Tamara!" I wished I had been bloody announced now.

Lord Shingen was standing on the dais, arms folded across his chest, before I met his eyes I glanced over to Yukimura who was also standing, he looked shocked and welcoming at the same time, I'm not sure how he managed it, but he did.

I gave a slight nod in his direction.

I finally locked eyes with Shingen, his charismatic power swirled around him, he was a commanding presence just by his height, and stood as a statue in front of me. As I neared the dais some sort of fire lit his amber eyes, and a faint smile appeared. I stopped in front of him, using the pain to bow deeply before him. When I found his gaze again, his eyes flickered with something that was unreadable to me.

"My Lord." I spoke formally.

Only at that point did he step down to meet me, thinking he needed to be next to me to be understood.

"Lady Tamara ... welcome home."

The sentiment flashed for a second, just a fraction of a second within me, then was gone.

"Join me." He didn't offer a hand and we stepped together to the dais, bringing a few murmurs from behind us. I spun and sat down in one fluid movement, my cloak laying itself neatly behind me.

From those in front of me there were some familiar faces, I smiled thinly and nodded, there were many absent too and more than a few new ones, who were particularly a little stunned that a woman, a 'Lady' would look like I did.

"Hey guys," I thought drily, "Deal with it."

Lord Shingen remained standing, and raised a hand for quiet. I knew I had to pretend I couldn't understand him from this distance. The Hall settled as his voice of power filled the room.

"There is not a man among you who has not met or heard of our Lady Tamara. She makes a welcome return to the Takeda Family."

He paused as a loud ripple went through the Hall.

"And I thank you all for your dedication to preparations, we are well ahead of schedule" A loud round of cheers & calls of fealty burst from the men, then Shingen nodded to me and sat down.

"Thank God it's too early for sake." My mind said, rolling its inner eyes.

Food was brought and my senses and stomach almost leapt onto the tray for themselves. OMG the food here is awesome. Outwardly, my calm never shifted, internally my system rejoiced. I practically hoovered the tray clean, feeling the flush of warm as my body filled with fuel.

In some corner of my mind I knew using the pain I was in was not right. I was sick, psychologically unbalanced to enjoy the agony so much. Fortunately, that corner of my mind was easily and swiftly swept clean. I took a deep breath, I felt invigorated, alive, strong, able to defend myself from anything. A flash of memory from a time I first sat in this very spot returned - I was so weak, so small, so pathetic. That little lady was dead - gone.

"Little lady." My heart tried to catch the phrase, but my mental hand around it was strong, so strong.

I crushed it from my chest in an instant.

Calm and steady my heart went back to its job.

I became aware that Lord Shingen was talking to Yukimura, so as I wiped my face I let my ears wander over to their conversation.

"...But she hasn't even mentioned him milord."

"Leave her be Yukimura."

"Sigh."

"I want you to stay away from her, concentrate on preparations, I will see to Lady Tamara."

"But milord! ... Yes milord ... as you command."

"Good, now go, the day moves on without you."

I saw Yukimura get up and indicate to a few others to go with him, as I found his eyes he looked hurt, but his face was set. He nodded, quickly turned and swept out of the Hall. Lord Shingen then stood, stepped from the dais and turned towards me, he went to offer a hand, then dropped it as he saw my expression.

"Walk with me Lady Tamara." He commanded.

Without emotion or question I obeyed and stepped down to be at his side. He towered above me in more ways than one. I found his power and strength simply moved around me, not through me. I didn't need it. I had enough of my own. We strode from the Hall; almost stride for stride, my cloak fluttering behind me.

Another wave of déjà vu went by as we stood together on the verandah in crisp morning sunlight.

"Stables, yes?" Shingen kept his eyes looking straight ahead and I just nodded in reply. We crossed the courtyard in silence and I only paused at the familiar aroma of the stables as they met my nose. "Sanctuary" was the only word my mind offered.

I turned right automatically, walking towards the end stalls, while Shingen hung back behind me. A series of familiar faces turned towards me,

Lord Shingen's horse, then Yukimura's,

then the ear-pricked face that threw me - the horse Lord Shingen had given me the day we

... ** ...

I left for Iga.

My heart stayed calm, my breathing steady as I went along the faces, whispering to them, saying hello. I stopped at the last one. Soft brown eyes met my own. I ducked the ropes and slowly caressed his strong, muscled neck, offering a rub near the withers and he responded with pleasure. I became aware that Shingen now stood at the front of the stall; I turned to look at him, noticing his expression was serious.

A tiny flicker of surprise crossed his eyes, then their Lord returned.

With eyes dry and clear, I moved back under the ropes so I would be in my old range.

"He looks well." I said. Lord Shingen looked at the horse as he spoke.

"He brought back your horse and your things and then left." The tone was totally flat, no emotion, and he deliberately avoided that name.

"Tamara." His voice softened and I saw from the corner of my eye he was about to touch my arm. I took half a step away in an instant and my ice-cold eyes met his.

"Don't. Touch. Me." My voice was like a blade. I meant it. He held my gaze, trying to look for something in my eyes, but I broke the connection and looked back to my horse. I took a deep breath of the smells around me and breathed out slowly. "It's peaceful here." I said, avoiding Shingen's eyes, "Thank you Lord Shingen." Simple words, but I felt I should be polite, it cost me nothing and didn't stir my heart.

"It will be some time before you can ride again." He was back to his commanding tone. "You will be in my presence and learn something of our tactics and politics."

"What a friggin' bore." My mind sighed.

"You are free to go wherever you wish within the castle walls."

"Great, confined and virtually watched over all the time." I inwardly frowned.

"Come Lady Tamara." He spun and walked away and all I could do was follow.