I was brought back to consciousness by hands grabbing my hair and pulling back my head.

A whole world of ache and pain descended and I couldn't help tears.

The gag was pulled down and a cup of cold water thrown towards my face, thankfully with enough force for me to grab a mouthful. A hand lifted as if to strike me again.

"You'd better not." A voice said.

"I'd love to strangle her and laugh as she dies in my hands."

The hand threw my head away, releasing me, and I gasped as the pain in my shoulder burnt. My hands were untied and then rebound in front of me, shifting me from one ache to another, then a bolt of pure agony knifed me as they lifted me up, and I cried out in spite of myself.

"Shut her up."

"Gladly."

The rough handed voice that had hit me replaced the gag. I tried to walk as they dragged me, to release some of the pull on my shoulders, but they were taller than me and my feet just skipped the floor.

I fell into dazzling sunlight searing my eyes before I had a chance to screw them shut against the glare.

The extra pain made me dizzy.

Then we were in another building.

As my head was spinning, we came to an abrupt halt. I opened my eyes to see the deadpan face of Kanetsugu in front of me. He looked back and forth between the guards.

"Who hit her?" He demanded.

"She...fell, milord." The voice sounded happy with my 'accident'

"Hhmnn, really." Kanetsugu said, his jaw clenched. He then spun on his heel and we followed, them marching, while I was swimming.

I think I passed out, the next thing I knew I was pushed to the floor, well more dropped actually. The guards left and I tried to sit up but couldn't.

Tears came as my body was helpless.

I saw Lord Kenshin pick up the pendant from his desk and walk towards me with it wrapped in his fingers.

As he squatted next to me I again saw that concern in his eyes, he reached out to my face and I flinched, shutting my eyes and cursing myself for being so pathetic. His touch was almost a caress against where I had been struck by the guard, and I opened my eyes, confused as he gently pulled me into a sitting position.

"Kanetsugu. Get something to treat her face."

"Yes milord." And footsteps left.

"You are not going to scream if I take this off you."

It was a statement, not a question.

Kenshin reached behind my head and undid the gag. I took some good lungful's of air and kept my eyes on my tied hands on my lap. He said nothing and I heard footsteps returning.

Kanetsugu held a small tray and laid it on the floor next to Kenshin's feet. Again I felt his large hand hold my jaw, but the touch was so different, so soft. He gently bathed my face with something that was warm and wonderful. He then delicately put some sort of cream on it and it numbed the ache immediately. I looked for his eyes to say thank you just in time to see them turn cold again.

He seemed scarily bi-polar.

"You will eat something." He said.

I barely heard him above my pain and misery.

A small part of me still wanted to fight and I tried in my mind to go towards that tiny speck of courage.

"Lady Tamara. You will eat something."

Lord Kenshin grabbed my forearm and my eyes snapped back up to his – I'm not sure what he saw in my eyes, but his own seemed conflicted.

The aroma of food found me and I couldn't help reacting, I was so hungry.

If I was going to begin to cope with any of this then I would at least need fuel to do so. A steaming bowl and spoon was delivered to Kenshin's side.

I looked at my tied hands.

"Hahaha – You're a clever girl, you work it out." His smile was ice cold and he got up and moved away. I managed to get to the bowl and through the searing pain of working my shoulders began to eat – oh my God it was amazing. I finished quickly and my stomach literally sat up and begged for more. I could feel the flush of nourishment fire through my system. Now I could begin to think more clearly and I ran a checklist in my head:

1. He's not going to kill you while you are useful

2. Others know you are here already

3. You have to get a fucking grip

"What about here?" I heard Lord Kenshin say from across the room. I almost looked up; the range of my understanding was certainly larger.

"No, it makes a clean exit difficult in the terrain." Kanetsugu's voice. I slowly turned my head enough to see they were pouring over what I presumed was a map on a desk.

"Not for a small group – I'm not looking for a full scale battle. I want to hurt him personally." Kenshin was cryptic, but I guessed he meant Lord Shingen.

"Then we should go higher – here." Kanetsugu said.

"Perfect." Kenshin was smiling, "How long will it take to rattle the Tiger's cage?"

"Already started milord – I would think we have two or three days if the weather stays with us." Kanetsugu had his back to me, I saw Kenshin about to look up, so quickly went back to staring into my bowl.

"At least her face will have healed a bit. I will keep her here, as the men might not know when to stop next time."

"Does it really matter if she is alive or dead?" Kanetsugu sounded exasperated.

"Of course it does, live bait always works better."

They both sort of laughed and I felt my food turn into a cold ball in my stomach.

All this emotional wrangling was getting tiring.

I had to find a way of coping – had to find a way of drawing my strength back into myself.

I took a deep breath and looked for something in my mind I could hold on to. Immediately, which surprised me at the time, an image of my katana sprung to mind. I could see the bindings in detail, the flash of the familiar blade, my hands on the hilt.

Saizo.

His face appeared out of nowhere and my heart twisted again. I felt a tear run down my cheek.

I would have to rip my heart out too I decided, I would have to switch off everything if I was going to begin to cope.

Kenshin and Kanetsugu were still talking, but I zoned them out and went around my head, mentally flicking off switches.

My heart would not be so easy.

Faces, memories, swept past as if my heart was begging for its life.

I closed a cold mental hand around it.

And crushed it in my chest.

"Lady Tamara."

I opened my eyes slowly to see Kenshin once again kneeling by me. I was calm. I felt nothing, my face impassive. He blinked at me then moved in closer, studying my face. He sighed, and then surprised me, gently taking my bound hands in his own. I had to quickly fight inside to go to the dark, quiet place again.

He dropped my hands and stood up, walking away.

I closed my eyes again and began using the pain in me in a different way, actively seeking it, following the threads of it through my body.