Two weeks of feasting had brought me to the brink of exhaustion. I went to bed very late and had to get up very early to help with the preparation of the next banquet, which I wouldn't get to enjoy. On Geol day I managed to sneak into one of the hay barns and have a short nap. I think I would have collapsed otherwise.

My belly seemed to grow bigger by the day and I had taken to wear an old satchel tied to my belt. The shape of it hid my increasing bulkiness. Before long it wouldn't be enough. Someone would notice my state and I would have a hard time to explain my silence. I knew I should go to Lord Einarr and put my fate in his hands. I simply couldn't muster the strength to face him.

The night came too soon, busy as I was; I was late getting into the house and my favorite spot had been taken. I had to settle for the corner next to the entrance, where I was facing Lord Einarr. This was the last evening of the festival, mead and ale were flowing. The music was loud, trying to overpower the sound of multiple voices. Soon, my head was pounding.

My fingers massaged my temples, without success. I pressed my hands onto my ears and shot a desperate glance at Lord Einarr, who was talking to the scop. Would he not ask the man to sing?

Hrefna was at her usual place, fussing around her master. She must have done something to her breasts, as they were close to break through the rough fabric of her dress. Many men had their eyes glued on them, and Lord Einarr himself peeked a few times. She noticed and was grinning. I wondered what had just gone through her wicked mind. Was she with child as well? My chest tightened at the thought. He might not want my baby if he had hers. All he wished for was an heir after all. Which womb carried it was unimportant.

I watched, disgusted, as she pretended to trip and landed in Lord Einarr's lap. How she apologized in a childish, high pitched voice. How he laughed in return, bellowing to the crowd: "How could any man be angry when a pretty slave falls into his arms?" How she lowered her head in feigned embarrassment while they roared in mirth. From my place, I could see her smug smile. She had planned this. She was laying her claim on him.

When she eventually got up he slapped her bottom playfully, sending her on her way, and I felt sick. I jumped to my feet as if the bench was on fire and stumbled towards the door. I needed air and peace to collect my thoughts.

As I reached out to grab a cloak I caught a glimpse of Lord Einarr's face. He was frowning, looking straight at me. Anger seized me. How dared he? I had kept as far away from him as I could for months and he was glaring at me for being within sight a mere instant? I picked a lantern, turned my back at him and stormed out.

There was a fresh coat of snow on the ground. I stepped carefully, holding the lantern high. The sky was pitch black, with a few stars playing hide and seek around the clouds. I blessed Mildred for my warm socks and fur lined boots. She had given them to me a few days back. At first I had tried to refuse the expensive present but she insisted, saying that the fur for the shoes was given to her. While I wondered who would dispose so lightly of soft rabbit skin, I eventually accepted, swearing internally to find a way to thank her in return. And now, with fresh snow right up to my ankles, I was glad I did.

It was surprisingly quiet out of the house. The thick walls muffled the sound of the ruckus inside. I inhaled deeply in the cool air, savoring the salty scent of the fjord. My feet moved forward on their own, finding the path towards the cliffs.

As far as I remember, I have always loved to watch the sea. During my rebellious childhood, the servants would find me on top of the rampart whenever I was upset, seeking solace in the moving waters. And today was no different.

I climbed the steep slope slowly, tripping and regaining my balance a few times. It wasn't an easy task, in the middle of the night. I knew I was foolish, but I couldn't bear the thought of going back in there and see that woman again, seducing my man.

My man... I shook my head; I was barking mad. This was a men's world, were women had little say as to who would marry them, share their beds, sire their children. Our fate was decided by our father, our husband, our brothers. Our value resided in the land we owned, in the power our family yielded, in our loyalty to those we belonged to. Wife or slave, we had to be faithful. But the men had not. They could have concubines and bedslaves, and we were expected to accept them, welcome them in our house, smile to them and help raise their offspring. I wasn't even Lord Einarr's bride, I had no right to him. So why was I so distressed?

A gust of wind told me I had reached my destination. At first I stood at a safe distance of the edge, but it was too dark and I couldn't see down. I inched forward slowly, keeping my eyes down. I stopped about a foot away from the drop and looked down. The waves rolled and crashed loudly on the rocks below. I could barely discern the white foam that crowned them. I closed my eyelids and imagined the sun on the bay in my favorite place, on the wall that surrounded my home.

I jolted when a column of icy spray showered me. My sudden movement must have dislodged the stone under my feet, for I felt it tilt and slide forward. I tried to move back but my soles found no grip. Time slowed down as the ground disappeared and I began to fall towards the fjord, and certain death.

Until strong arms snatched me and dragged me back to safety. I lay on my back in the snow, shuddering in shock, my teeth chattering. I was brought to my feet none too gently.

"Am I so repulsive that all my women want to jump from these cliffs?" His tone was humorous, but there was a touch of sadness under it. "Were you attempting to end your life, Sunngifu? Do you hate me so much? Maybe I should stop trying to save you from yourself."

It was Lord Einarr, of course. Who else? He must have followed me. As I didn't answer, he drew me to him, opening his cloak and wrapping it around us.

"Come here, you are shaking."

I basked in his warmth, hooking my arms around his waist. His hands rubbed on my back vigorously, making my blood run.

"Thank you, my Lord. It was an accident, I never intended... I wasn't trying to escape, I just wanted to be close to the sea."

"That was too close for my taste. The beach would have been a better choice."

I had to admit he was right. I usually came to the cliffs for the view, but there wasn't any on a moonless night. I had acted out of habit.

"I will not do it again, my Lord." I had begun to realize the impropriety of our embrace. He wanted nothing to do with me and I didn't need another rejection. Once was enough. I let go of him and attempted to wiggle away. He held me tighter, squashing my body against his.

He stiffened and stepped back, but didn't take his hands off me. One of them move towards my belly, stroking it, and came to rest in its center.

"Sunngifu, are you with child?" It sounded more like an accusation than a question. While I struggled to find my words, the little one took things into its own hands. Or rather feet, for it vigorously kicked its father.

Startled, Lord Einarr took his hand off, before putting it back with infinite precautions. I nearly giggled, until he spoke.

"Is it mine?"

Outraged, I pushed him away. Whatever he might think of me, I was no whore! "Of course it is! How dare you suggest otherwise!"

"You have been seen leaving the settlement alone many times, without cause, and only coming back after a long while. One could wonder who you were meeting..."

What was he talking about? I searched my memory for it, and laughed when I found out.

"I was bathing, my Lord. Alone. Is that forbidden?"

He scowled. He didn't believe me. "You were not at the pool."

"So you distrust me enough to have me observed, but not enough to have me followed. Should I be flattered?"

"What were you doing? Answer me!" His voice came out harsh. He was losing patience.

"Staying out of your way, as per your orders. I found another place to bath, downstream. I couldn't go back to the pool, not after..." I lowered my head in shame. I didn't want to talk about that.

"So there is no one else?"

"There will never be anyone else. You ruined me, my Lord. I am no wanton woman, who would lie with a man out of wedlock, in her own free will. And now I have no hope of marriage, as I have lain with you. This child is yours, but you don't have to accept it. I will raise it on my own and you will never hear of us again if you so wish.""Sunngifu..." He ran his fingers in his hair, ill at ease. Then he wrapped them around my face and kissed me.

He took his time, his mouth slow and tender. I had expected his anger, his disgust. Another rejection. Not this. His arms locked around me and I melted. I let him open my lips, took hold of his neck, and kissed him back.

"When are you due?"

I snuggled against him, struggling to find my bearings. "Before the summer. I am around five moons in, I believe."

He smiled. "I will free you and marry you at the end of the winter. And if I'm lucky, I will be here for the birth of my heir."

I hissed: "Maybe Hrefna will give you one first."

He chuckled. "Is that had you so upset, little dreki? If Hrefna is expecting, it is not by me. Her child will be born a slave, like its mother. She will never carry my seed."

I was puzzled. "I saw her coming out of your room, several times. And tonight she was in your lap."

"Hrefna is ambitious, she wants to sink her claws in me, but I see right through her. She would make a terrible wife."

"And I would make a better one?" I very much doubted it.

"I will not lie to you Sunngifu. I cannot say if I will ever trust you again. But the moment I saw you in your father's hall, I wanted you as mine. Had I offered for you, you would never have agreed, I could read it in your eyes. So defiant, so brave. And still you cared deeply about your people. Enough to sacrifice yourself for them. If I could tame your recklessness, you would be the best wife a man could wish for. I just wish you will learn to see me as I see you."

"I swear I will try to be a good wife for you, my Lord. You will not be disappointed again."

"Time will tell. We should go back home. I don't fear the elves, but even I cannot fight a draugr (zombie)."