That night my dreams were filled with him. The feel of his skin under my fingers, his lips on my flesh, him inside me... I woke up at dawn, sweating and ashamed. Even in my sleep I was wanton. One should only have such thoughts of their husband, and he would never be mine. Defiled and enslaved, I could only hope to wed a ceorl, one that would accept a used woman with a good dowry. I would live a life of shame and misery, mocked by my peers. A former lady, fallen far below her station. My father and brothers would be forced to disown me.

My stomach grumbled, reminding me of more urgent concerns. I hadn't eaten for a day. Brushing my dress, I hastened towards the house. According to the light, it was a couple of hours after dawn. The cook should have breakfast ready.

I stopped in the small entrance and peeked inside the main hall. Most servants were already gone. Seated at a table, two kitchen maids chatted while peeling vegetables. No sign of Lord Einarr. I walked around them, whispering my greetings, and helped myself to a bowl of gruel. As I scraped the bottom of the pot for the last bits, his door opened. I froze, ready to run, as Hrefna appeared. My heart sunk. So I had been replaced. He didn't waste any time, spending the night with her as soon as he was out of my arms. My eyes flooded as I dropped the spoon in my bowl and bolted outside.

The gruel had a salty taste, mixed with tears I couldn't bother wiping. It wasn't long before I heaved and expelled it. I had forgotten the ginger. It didn't matter; I wasn't hungry anymore.

I resumed my task, absently turning the rough wool into fluffy strands. I tried to distract myself from my dark thoughts by watching people around. Little boys fought with wooden swords while a small group played hide and seek. So had I done with my brothers not so long ago. Those were happy times.

Women walked briskly, carrying buckets of water, turf for the fire, baskets of fish... A couple sneaked out of a barn; I recognized them, he was a farmer and she a dairymaid. His fingers picked a piece of hay out of her hair and she smiled, rising on her toes to kiss him. Sighing, I looked away.

Around noon the warriors came for their training and I retreated in the shadows, partly closing the door. I needed the light but I didn't want to be seen. Staying out of Lord Einarr's way wouldn't be that easy.

The hours passed while I pondered on my prospects. There was still a chance for me to avoid dishonoring my family upon my return. I would have to seek solace in God and become a nun. It wouldn't be easy as I had no natural inclination for monastic life. Obedience didn't come easily to me and humility... It would be tough. But I didn't have much of a choice.

I had to ask Mildred if I could talk to a priest. There had to be a few on this island and I needed guidance.

I prayed for God to guide me until the sun began to sink. My hands were sore and very dirty. I needed to wash. The mere idea of going to the pool made my stomach lurch.

I retrieved a clean shift and my toiletries from my bench and took the path towards the hot creek. I would bath downstream from the pool, far enough that I wouldn't be seen. Following the steaming water, I found myself on the other side of the cliffs. There, just before it got into the fjord, was a spot where the stream got deeper and wider, enough to get in.

I looked around, but there was no one in sight. The settlement was hidden by a hill. I was truly alone.

Taking of my clothes, I was glad I had questioned Svana about the wild animals in her country. Aside from a lost white bear in the winter, which was unlikely as we were too far South, there was no predator bigger than a fox. I would be quite safe, as long as no foreign man came by.

I washed quickly as I needed to get back before total darkness. I might get lost otherwise. That night and all the others, for the two weeks it took me to finish combing, were spent in the small house, sleeping amidst the wool. I fell into a routine, surviving on breakfast only, so as to avoid my owner.

I was a ghost of myself, always silent, trying to be invisible. By then I was down to the last fleece, and eventually my work was all done. Sadness and fear washed over me as I stared at the stacks of soft wool, ready for spinning. I had got used to the work and the privacy it gave me. I didn't want to return to the main house.

After noon, I chased the overseer to request a new assignment.