As I came back to reality I found myself curled up in Lord Einarr's lap, my nose in the crook of his neck. I was trembling and snuggled closer to him. My body felt light, my limbs weak. I was elated. He had forgiven me, he surely had. I swore to myself that I would be sensible this time. I would prove him that I was worth his attentions, that I had honor. I would be loyal. My father would be proud. It shouldn't be so difficult, if what just happened was anything to go by. I would follow Magge's example and make the best of it.

"This was a mistake, it cannot happen again."

My head jerked up and I stared at him. His lips were set in a tight line, his brows knitted together. I paled as his words wormed their way into my mind. This couldn't be! Not after what we'd just shared!

"I don't understand, my Lord..." I croaked, my throat suddenly very tight.

"We shouldn't have done this, Sunngifu. I succumbed to your seduction and betrayed my word. This was wrong of me."

I jumped off his knees, putting a safe distance between us.

"You ordered me here! You told me to undress and wash you. I did nothing but obey your orders!" My voice broke. How could he make me responsible for this?

"I never intended to touch you! You had been so brave this day, I wanted to reward you and enjoy your company, nothing more. I didn't anticipate your teasing! I am a man, Sunngifu. You couldn't expect me not to react."

Oh God! He WAS blaming me! I had given myself to him and he was blaming me!

"You were quite the willing participant, my Lord, if I remember well!"

"So were you when you cried rape. Why even bother to pretend this time, Sunngifu? I would have brought you back to your father anyway."

My heart nearly stopped beating. He might as well have torn it out of my chest and shredded it, it hurt that much.

"I didn't pretend, I never did! I tried at the start, but I couldn't. Don't you see?"

"I find this very difficult to believe. Didn't you keep saying you hated me? Didn't you try to escape? I won't be fooled twice, Sunngifu. I never thought you would stoop so low as to use your body to regain my favor. It would be best if you stayed out of my way until we sail back to your country."

For a moment I stood silently, aghast at his accusations. Was this what he thought of me? That I had whored myself to make my life more comfortable? This was a nightmare, I had to wake up!

But it wasn't. I scrambled out of the pool and picked up my clothes. I never dressed so fast, pulling the fabric over my damp skin.

"Sunngifu..."

The sound of his voice made me sick. Refusing to look at him, I scurried away.

For the rest of the day I lost myself in work. I stared blindly ahead, my hands moving on their own. Hook, pull, switch, hook pull, switch. The repetitive gesture was appeasing. I combed and combed until the sun went down. When I couldn't see I remained seated, tools in hands, tears flowing freely down my cheeks. A lying whore, that's what I was for him. Whore, whore, whore... The word swirled in my mind, poking at the open wound.

"Sunngifu?"

I didn't answer. I wanted to disappear, to become invisible.

"Sunngifu, it is late. Why aren't you at the feast?"

The feast? Why would I go? I was nothing. He didn't want me there.

"Sunngifu? What's wrong?"

I ignored the voice. I couldn't answer without revealing my disgrace.

"SUNNGIFU!"

I jumped and covered my ears. Mildred's scream was high pitched and she stood close. I sighed. She wouldn't leave me alone.

"I am not hungry. I'll come later."

I felt a hand on my face and turned away, too late.

"You are crying. What happened?"

I shrugged. "Nothing in particular. Everything. I don't want to talk about it."

"Sunngifu, I..."

"Leave me alone, Mildred. I mean it."

She hesitated. "Are you sure?"

"I am. Pray, go."

Huffing, she complied. I stood and grabbed the jug of water by the door. The last thing I wanted was to face the household, and him. I drank a few mouthfuls and stepped further inside. I knelt and fumbled around until my hands came in contact with a fleece.

Crawling forward, I lay amidst the tangled wool, wrapping it around me like a cocoon. It was warm and comforting. I closed my eyes, reviewing the earlier events. He was right. I had behaved lewdly. I had stroked him, teased him. I had called him back when he was leaving. I had kissed him. He didn't order me. It was all my doing. And I had enjoyed it. A lot.

I was a lost woman.