"Don't look now, but that's my ex over there."

Surely I'm not the only one who takes "don't look now" as "there's no better time than now." I looked.

"Bad, Ali!" Another slap to my arm. "Bad, bad, bad Ali! Have you no self control?"

Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

----

XXI.

Claire's ballgown arrived early Saturday morning, and the timing could not have been more fortuitous seeing as the winter assembly was that evening. What was not fortuitous, however, was that her measurements were not what they had been a few weeks earlier. Even with the slight give of the fabric, Claire felt as though she had grown rather voluptuous for her small frame, and the neckline did nought but display it.

The fabric was a beautiful white silk, with the bodice and sleeves adorned with Chantilly lace and pearls. Claire would have wanted to wear the diamond ear bobs that Jack had gifted her, but on top of the gown, Claire would not have felt right wearing such riches in front of people she knew so well.

"I don't suppose you could lace me in a little tighter, Ruby?" Claire asked her sister's lady's maid. As Claire had no maid of her own yet, Ruby had been attending her as well. "I seem to have indulged a little at luncheon," she lied feebly.

After knowing what the servants discussed downstairs, Claire knew that Ruby was aware of the true reason her gown was a little snug. But she didn't say anything as she tightened Claire's corset. Claire prayed her chest did not appear inappropriate.

Ruby had fixed Claire's hair immaculately, and she had once again donned rouge. Claire felt the prettiest she had ever been. Once her gown was buttoned, and appearing semi-decent, her gloves were on, and she had stepped into her slippers, Claire departed her dressing room to find Jack waiting for her on the bed.

Reading, of course.

Jack hadn't noticed her for a brief moment, and Claire couldn't help but smile at him. He was slouched against the pillows, his head cocked to the side. His dark hair, which needed a trim, was curlier than ever as it fell across his forehead. He had an expression of deep concentration, though she could see the excitement in his hazel eyes as he read something gripping. It was though she was staring at innocent wonder, and there was great beauty in it.

Claire cleared her throat and Jack looked up, a wide, appreciative smile spreading across his face. It was the smile she liked, the one that touched his eyes, and the one that often seemed to vanish at times in this house.

As he stared, Claire quickly became self-conscious, and would have no need for the rouge. "It is a little tight," Claire uttered nervously, attempting to pull up her gown from the neckline. "I did not realise how quickly expectant women expanded."

Jack laughed quietly as he abandoned his book and climbed off of the bed. "You are beautiful. You are the standard of beauty all women aspire to, for true beauty shines from within."

Claire's lips parted in surprise as Jack reached her. She could feel that he meant every word with the utmost sincerity, and he was gazing upon her with what could only be described as desire. Claire was instantly reminded of what Jack wanted from her, and she felt a nervous flutter of apprehension in her stomach.

Claire forced it aside, hating that her natural reaction to affection had become suspicion. She wanted to enjoy their evening, their first as a married couple in the Ashwood parish.

Jack seemed to sense her hesitance and he smiled sympathetically. "Did you know it is three years tonight since we met?" he asked.

Claire's eyes widened. Indeed, it was. Three years since their first and only dance together.

It was also three years this evening since Claire had begun what she thought was a courtship between herself and Arthur. Would he be in attendance? For certain he would be.

She had managed to get out of attending church since returning to Ashwood by feigning fatigue, and Jack had been only too happy to stay home as well. Grace had sincerely been suffering with bouts of nausea and was often feeling poorly in the morning, and so the Beresfords had not been in regular attendance. But Claire's complaints were in effort to avoid the inevitable.

What would she do? What would she say? Claire knew she ought to do and say nothing, but what if he approached her? Jack had forbidden her from ever seeing him again, and Claire meant to keep that promise, but Arthur's cold words from whence they last spoke haunted her.

Claire wondered if she should tell Jack of her apprehension. "I suppose it is high time we danced a second, then," Claire managed to reply with a small smile.

"Well, if you recall, I did ask you, but –" Jack stopped himself, and Claire's eyes flashed to his.

She knew exactly what he was going to say. But she had spurned him for Arthur. And Jack couldn't say it. Wouldn't say it, more like. And she knew she couldn't say anything about what she might feel upon seeing Arthur again. She didn't want to upset Jack.

"The waltz, I think," decided Jack. "At the very least. I would love to dance a waltz with you."

***

"Mother, I am two and twenty. I can dance with whomever I please," Susanna insisted with a huff.

"You could be two and forty for all I care," Cecily replied, equally as displeased. "The last thing you want to do is dance with the sort that will start the whispers in this village. We are already returning to London next year for your third season," Cecily tsked. "You have two brothers ... and I suppose the eldest Denham boy. He is a sort of brother now."

Susanna scowled as Jack and Claire exchanged an awkward glance. They had been lucky enough to share a carriage with Cecily and Susanna while Adam and Grace travelled in the larger carriage to collect Mrs Denham, Peter, and Jem, the latter of whom would be attending his first assembly. Claire could not hide her annoyance at the fact that her mother was allowing Jem to attend a ball when he was a full two years younger than she had been her first time out.

Yet another of the many privileges that came along with being a part of the male species.

Nevertheless, it meant that Jack had been very quiet while they listened to Cecily lecture Susanna. To Cecily's credit, since they had returned from London, Claire had not heard her say anything particularly cruel to Jack. She did not say anything in particular to him at all. They were an odd pair really, who treated one another with indifference, and exchanged barely a word or two a day.

Claire supposed though that this was what culminated of an existence of lectures, and now Susanna bore the brunt of it. Claire felt bad, really, considering she was two years younger than Susanna, and yet because she was married, she was held in higher esteem.

"Mother, a dance is not some sort of devilish tryst," Susanna snapped. "I am not the sort of stupid girl who could be duped by a man with a few nice words for me. Really, should I be insulted at how thick you think me?"

Claire was thankful that the carriage was near dark, as her cheeks flamed red. Jack subtly reached for her hand and held it in his, saying nothing.

"Oh, Susanna, you know not of these things. Villages like these thrive on such scandals. Nothing ever happens and their lives are so dull that they live for a girl's stupidity," Cecily retorted. "And it is never the man who faces reprimand and ostracism. You dance with a sweet-looking butcher and the next thing you know you will have a rumour floating around about you and he, oh, I don't know, that he was ravishing you or something."

Jack squeezed Claire's hand.

"Ravishing," repeated Susanna slyly. "How marvellous."

Claire knew that Susanna was normally not so antagonistic, but she so wished that their line of conversation was not so close to Claire's own stupidity, as they so described it.

"Watch your tone," said Cecily tersely, "or I will have Mrs Hayes put you over her knee again like she did when you were a child."

"I never get to have any fun," complained Susanna. "The only men you allow me to dance with are the stuffy, boring ones in London out for a rich wife to put on their mantle. How lucky you are to have married for love, Jack."

Susanna's address startled Jack. "Oh ... yes," he said awkwardly. "I know," he added, with a little more composure.

"I shall make it a personal goal of mine, I think, to one day dance with a man Mother deems so inappropriate, she will faint. How I will laugh," Susanna declared, and Cecily glared at her.

"Would you like me to send you home?" Cecily threatened, raising her eyebrows.

Susanna rolled her eyes subtly. "No," she sighed.

The carriage pulled to a stop outside the assembly hall, and they all got out into the brisk, chilly air. The other carriage arrived shortly after, and their party entered into the assembly together, with Claire hearing herself being announced to a ballroom as Jack's wife for the first time.

All eyes were on the Beresfords as they descended into the ballroom. Grace refused a dance card owing to her pregnancy, but Claire accepted one slipping it onto her wrist. She doubted she would be asked often as she was now married, and she was not experiencing the same ailing symptoms as Grace.

Susanna, too, in spite of her mother, very boldly accepted her dance card. Adam, Grace, and Cecily were quickly claimed by the vicar and his wife, and Mrs Denham offered Claire and Jack a quick greeting before being helped over to a chair by Peter and Jem.

Claire decided to focus her eyes on the musicians, willing herself not to look around the room for fear she might see him. Anyway, she had nothing to worry about while standing with Jack. He certainly wouldn't dare approach her.

"Oh, no one is going to ask me to dance," Susanna hissed in annoyance. "They all know Mother is such a dragon that she'd chase away anyone who dared approach me."

"Oh, for God's sake," Jack said under his breath. "How ever did you survive two sisters when I can barely manage one?" he uttered to Claire. "Come on then," he urged, holding his hand out to Susanna.

"Oh, you ought to dance with Claire first," insisted Susanna. "It would only be fair."

"Yes, but Claire is not the one whinging at me," Jack retorted facetiously, before grinning at Claire. "Will you be alright for one dance? You might go and sit with your mother?" Jack suggested.

Claire nodded. "Yes, go."

"Thank you, Claire," said Susanna gratefully as she accepted Jack's offer.

Claire did not have a chance to go and sit with Mrs Denham before she was intercepted by a very dapper looking young Jem. He appeared to be wearing an old Sunday best of Peter's, though Jem was quickly outgrowing it. He would be a tall man when he was properly grown up, and even now at fifteen, he stood a head over Claire.

"You startled me, Jemmy," said Claire. "But you look very handsome."

Jem grinned proudly. "I already have my name on four dance cards, you know."

My, Jem was quick. "Do you even know how to dance?"

"Kate has been teaching me," he replied, nodding. "Anyway, this is for you." He pulled a folded note out of his pocket and handed it to Claire. "It's from Mrs Slickson. Something about a present for Mother or something." Jem shrugged his shoulders as though he hadn't been listening to his instructions.

And thankfully so. Claire paled as she knew that this note was certainly not from Mrs Slickson.

"I'd better go and find my first partner," Jem announced, and with that, he was off.

Claire toyed with destroying the note, but she couldn't help herself as she unfolded it. Arthur had approached her brother. Had he managed to capture Jem at a time when his mind was not preoccupied with girls then Jem might have twigged onto his lie.

White always was my favourite on you and look how you have dressed just for me. I have been going mad without you, my lovely Claire.

Claire felt her heart hammer in her chest as all sorts of anger and pain coursed within her. What did he think he was doing? In frustration she ripped the note, first in half, then in quarters, then in eighths, until the words would not be legible. She held the pieces in her hand in a vice grip.

"Well, that was not very nice."

Claire froze, his voice so close that she felt his breath on the back of her neck. "Go away," Claire whispered, her voice sounding so weak and unconvincing.

Arthur casually stepped beside her and tsked. "Claire, you never have such words for me. You are always accommodating to my every whim and desire."

Claire felt her blood run sickeningly cold. They were in full view of anyone paying attention. Especially Jack. Claire only prayed that he was well focussed on Susanna. "You can't say such things to me. I am married."

"Oh, darling," he chuckled condescendingly. "You know you like it when I speak of my desire for you."

"Hush," snapped Claire in a low hiss. Had she ever liked such talk? Much to her shame, yes, she had. She had liked to hear how Arthur had appreciated her. She had believed that such words meant he loved her. But now ... well, she really was one of those stupid girls Cecily and Susanna had been speaking about.

In a swift, yet subtle move, Arthur had seized Claire's left hand, opened her dance card and scrawled in his name before she had even a moment's time to protest. It was the first time she had looked at him, and she saw the look of cunning pleasure in his green eyes.

"I will see you later, dear Claire. I always claim what's mine."

Claire watched in anxious anguish as Arthur sauntered away. She quickly opened her dance card to see where Arthur had written his name, and she nearly lost her luncheon when she saw what dance he had claimed.