What do you do when the person, the one thing you love dearly is gone? It's something I was always too ignorant about to even ask myself. Loss.

You will wake up on sunny days, and it will feel cold and gloomy. You'll drink your coffee hot and taste it bland. Everything happy and joyful will feel like a mock towards your constant sadness. You won't ever be the same, yeah.. that's an easy way of putting it.

"You're tormented" Penny's voice filled the silent air we were deep in. Those simple words could cause my heart to break even more than it already had. Every time he spoke, I let the words sink into my skin, even if it was the simplest of phrases. I reminded myself that maybe those would be the last words I would hear from him. The words I would remember every single time I thought of him.

"You can't blame me" I responded weakly, my tired eyes looking at him as if he was breathing art, yet that was exactly what he was. Art. Even through sleepless and exhausted eyes, they seemed to awaken every time they fell upon him. It was so sad and beautiful, like a fairytale with a sad ending.

We were feet apart, but the emotional pull between us was almost magnetic. As if we were one, blended perfectly like a warm sunset on summer evenings. The perfect hues of pink and purples, touching closely, complimenting each other's forms perfectly.

I hadn't spoken to my family in days, and as fucked as it sounded, I didn't want to. If I had to explain everything to them, Penny, the child, my life in Derry, then I wanted to after all of this had passed. I didn't want to feel the sadness creep up on me completely just yet. I'd pretend everything was fine today, because maybe there would be no tomorrow. I'd try and tell them the truth, so that I could grieve in peace. Even with the weird stares or awkward conversations, I'd be grieving and they would know exactly why. I wouldn't have to pretend to be okay, I wouldn't have to pretend everything was fine. Because it wouldn't be and nothing would ever be normal for me ever again. But it's my fault. I allowed this risk to run its course through my life, to never allow my life to be the same ever again. No one was to blame but me, and I was in love with that idea.

"I will be back" Penny's voice reassured my aching soul.

"I will come back for you" he said as his eyes scanned mine.

"For both of us" I said with a nervous chuckle. He knew I was referring to the baby, the life we had created that grew inside of me. I smiled slightly, my hand gently rubbed my stomach. Penny seemed uncomfortable as he looked at my abdomen.

"Promise?" I said gently, trying not to let my voice crack. I needed the reassurance because his body language felt off.

"Promise" he said as he stroked my hair softly.

"I think I'll miss you forever" I said quietly, barely audible for both of us but I knew he had heard me clearly. He always did.

Forever. It was such a strong word. I will love you forever or we'll be together forever, phrases every couple in love let slip through their soft lips. But forever wasn't long, not for me anyways. It was a word that didn't justify the amount of time I needed with him. Forever was another word for hope. Nobody ever ended together forever. Life had to end somehow, and so did attachments. It was a word used to replace hope. It was something people said in order to make themselves or their loved ones feel.. loved. Yet forever to me meant something different. Forever meant forever, it meant eternity because that's exactly what Penny was. He was eternity yet he was days, minutes, even seconds. He was here and he was not. And that's what caused the most pain. The idea that he was here but not for me to keep. He was nobody's yet I was his. I was completely his.

"You're going to be different" Penny said, almost sympathetic.

"You're going to hurt differently" he continued

"And I will feel it every time" he said slowly.

"Even in my deep sleep, in my most vulnerable time, I will feel you, all of you" he said, the light flickers of sunlights hitting his face perfectly.

His voice was soothing, the words cutting deep. It was as if he was reciting beautiful poetry to me.

"You're going to stay young and beautiful" he said.

"You're going to fall in love and fall out"

"You're going to cry and laugh"

"Smile and frown with other lovers"

"But you will always remain mine" his words echoed through the soft silence.

"There will be nobody else but you" I said defensively.

Penny lightly laughed, my words bouncing off his chest.

"My darling" he said as his fingers softly caressed my face.

"We both know that's not true" he said, pain reflecting throughout his ocean eyes. I could hear his heavy breathing, almost like a warning sign.

"Whatever you do" he said

"Remember that you have to come back to me"

"Regardless of with whomever and wherever you are"

"You must always come back to me" he said as he lightly kissed the top of my head.

"We will always come back to you" I said. I felt Penny stiffen a bit at my words.

"Where will you go?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"Home" he said

"Home?" I asked a bit confused. Even after all this time with Penny, I only knew so much about him.

"I forget you're not from here" I said with a light chuckle.

"I wish I could go with you" I said, my voice sounding a bit more sad.

"You are a human" Penny said, reminding me.

"I know, I know" I said, trying not to let my sadness peak through.

"27 years is a long time" I said, the mere thought of the number causing my body to ache.

"It'll be over before you know it" Penny said trying to reassure me even though it wasn't working.

"Just remember what I said" he whispered into the air.

"You must come back to me"

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for the late update! I just got back from visiting family and was hit with a really bad cold! I felt like I was dying and still do but I felt good enough to update! Hope everyone had a wonderful Holiday season and a great beginning of the year! See you in the next update!