Breezeblocks- alt-j

I woke up in disappointment as I realized Penny wasn't laying next to me. Annoyed, I made my way to the kitchen as I began to make scrambled eggs and pancakes. Penny usually stayed with me throughout the whole night, making me raise an eyebrow but I didn't over think it. After I was done cooking, I sat at the dining table by myself diving straight into my food. I almost choked when I saw Penny standing at the doorway looking at me heavily. He didn't seem like himself.

"Penny? I asked worryingly as I placed my fork down, not breaking eye contact with him.

"What's wrong?" I asked as I gulped.

"Not me" he said shortly.

"What?" I asked growing more concerned by the second.

"This is not me" he said pointing at the bedroom.

"Penny what the hell are you talking about?" I asked getting up from my seat. I tried making my way over to him, just wanting to hold him.

I gasped as he shoved me away before I could wrap my arounds him. I stumbled back in shock and confusion at his sudden change of demeanor.

"What's wrong with y-" I began to say before he growled loudly causing me to stop mid sentence. He looked so angry and violent. He began to slowly walk towards me, hunger in his eyes.

"Penny stop" I warned coming out more like a plead.

His hands grasped my shoulders roughly before pushing me towards the wall, cornering me. Drool began to fall heavily from his mouth. He growled repeatedly causing me to shake in fear. I turned my head completely to the side trying not to look at him in such an evil demeanor but I could see him perfectly in my peripheral vision. I fought back tears as he began to mock my fear.

"Booooo you're scared" he said as his jaw twitched from how tightly he was clenching it. My heart pounded in my chest as his grip on my shoulders tightened. I could feel sweat starting to form on my forehead. I felt as if I was about to throw up the breakfast I had just ate. The sweet smell of hot cocoa he used to claim was now turned into a sour foul smell.

"He's just hungry" I mentally told myself trying to rationalize his actions.

"This isn't you" I said in between gritted teeth.

"No" he said.

"You made me into something I'm NOT" he continued.

"I'm a monster and that's what I intend to be!" he snapped before he growled loudly in my face. He suddenly let me go but I stayed where I was, in fear of him attacking me again. He began to slam into things, acting like a rabid animal. My eyes stayed on him as his growls became more and more prominent. He snapped his head towards me before his hand made its way to my neck. Before his hand could wrap around my throat, it changed its course and slammed loudly against the wall behind me instead, causing me to jump slightly. He leaned down dangerously close to my face as he hissed aggressively.

"Stay away from me" he said as I closed my eyes in hurt and fear. The tears began to fall down my cheeks at his words. I opened them slowly as I realized he had disappeared once again. I slid down the wall bringing my knees to my chest as I sobbed uncontrollably. I was shaking at this point and all I could feel was the sound of my heart pounding in my ears.

"Why" I asked through my crying hoping Penny could hear me but I knew he was far gone by this point. I sat there as my sobs became whimpers, letting my chest relax.

I wiped my face and made my way immediately to my room. My heart broke a little more as there was no sign of Penny. A part of me hoped he would be there like he usually was so that I could cuddle against him and cry about what was hurting me. But he wasn't there and he couldn't comfort me, because this time he was the one who had hurt me.

Weeks had past and there was still no sign of Penny. I hadn't seen him since that fight and part of me didn't want to anymore. I taught myself to grow angry at him because I'd rather feel hate than hurt.

"Ma'm we're taking off soon so if you could please put on your seat belt" the flight attendant warned calmly, interrupting my thoughts. I smiled politely as I buckled myself in place. I was heading back to my hometown for thanksgiving like my mother and I had planned.

My ears clogged up as the plane levitated into the air. It was dark out as it was already midnight. I sighed as I laid my head back and shut my eyes. I planned to sleep the whole flight there. My mind was then bombarded with images of Penny. I could sense the fear I felt the day he almost attacked me. I bit my lip to prevent myself from bursting into tears as I reminded myself to hate him, but my heart couldn't convince itself of such feelings towards him. I breathed in deeply, holding my breath until I became light headed and then released. My muscles in my body relaxed a bit as I began to get comfortable in my seat.

The sounds of people chattering woke me up from my light sleep. I looked around dazed and confused as to where I was. I laughed to myself as I realized we had just landed and I wasn't in any danger. The pilot spoke through the intercom, reciting the safety regulations on how to exit the plane properly. I waited for what felt like a while before I was able to collect my things and step off the plane.

I looked around the airport trying to locate my mom. She had decided to pick me up rather than me taking a taxi.

"Lola! Oh Lolita dear!" My mom said rushing towards me and pulling me into a strong embrace. I hugged back immediately as I dropped my luggage onto the airport floor. I tried my best not to break down into sobs. Penny had really gotten to me. Before I knew it, a couple of tears slipped out of my eyes, my mom taking notice immediately.

"You okay hun?" she asked with a concerned expression.

"Yeah, just missed you that's all" I said partially telling the truth and partially lying.

I stared out the window the whole ride home. Nothing had changed in this old town.

"So how do you like it down in Derry?" She asked as her eyes concentrated on the road.

"It's fine" I lied as I felt a lump in my throat.

"I love it" I said swallowing hard. She nodded in agreement as she continued driving down the street.

"Lola!" My family greeted as I entered the door of my childhood home. Nostalgia immediately hit me, making me feel fuzzy inside. I hugged and greeted everyone, excusing myself afterwards to settle down in my room. I walked in, and immediately smiled at all the old posters hung on the walls of my room. I was a cringey teenager who was a little too obsessed with pop stars. I sat on my bed that still held the same pink comforter I had dressed it with before leaving for Derry. My hand gently grazed the soft satin material as I smiled at nothing in particular.

A knock on my door broke me out of my thoughts.

"Hey Lola" my little niece Nancy said as she entered my room. I hadn't seen her since she was a toddler. She was 8 going on 9 now. She was beautiful, just like her mother. My mothers sister. She had passed away due to cancer a couple months after Nancy was born. That left Nancy with her dad, Eric. He was a sweet man, loved Nancy to death.

"Hey sweetie" I greeted as she sat on the bed next to me.

"I remember you" she said looking up at me

"Everyone misses you a lot Lola" she said.

"I miss everyone too" I said with a warm smile.

"You look so pretty" she said with a giggle.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" She asked again with an amused smile.

"Noooo" I said poking her stomach causing her to squirm and laugh.

"I want a boyfriend" she said making me raise an eyebrow.

"No you don't" I said

"Now cmon, lets head downstairs for dinner" I said as I grabbed her hand leading her to the kitchen. Thanksgiving was a couple days away but my family always insisted on eating dinner as a family regardless. We took our seats as the food began to get served. The rest of the night consisted of my family telling funny stories of past family members that I had no clue about but it kept my mind from thinking of Penny.

I felt happy for once, and Penny didn't cross my mind all night until I got to bed. I laid in my bed as my head swirled in emotions and memories.

"I hate you" I said looking up at the ceiling.

"I hate you for making me feel like this"

"I hate you"

"I hate you"

"I hate you" I repeated before sighing heavily. I closed my eyes trying to make myself go to sleep. Before I knew it my body fell heavy against the bed as I drifted into a deep slumber.

The rest of the visit went without interruptions and I now found myself saying goodbye to my teary eyed mom.

"Be safe honey" she said as she held my arms, trying not to cry.

"Mom don't cry, I'll call you regularly" I said trying to comfort her. I stood in front of the entrance to board my plane.

"Flight 10-G now boarding" the intercom said, signaling me to make my way into the plane. My mom hugged me one last time before finally letting me go. I waved one last time before I headed into the doors.

I sat in my seat trying to get comfortable for the long flight that awaited me. Like the last time, I buckled myself up and the plane flew into the air. The only difference now was that I couldn't sleep. It was 12:30 am and I couldn't shut my eyes for the life of me. I shifted in my seat with impatience as I just wanted to land and fall asleep in my comfortable bed instead.

After a couple of more dreadful and boring hours, the plane landed and I felt myself rush out of the airport. I was exhausted and jet lagged. I sat in the taxi quietly as the rain drops slowly began to trickle against the car windows. It was very cold here compared to my hometown. I snuggled into my sweater trying to get warm. The taxi driver didn't seem to care enough to turn the heater on. The car made a slow stop at the front of my apartments. I thanked the taxi driver before paying him and making my way into the building. It was 3:30 am now and all I could think of was sleep. I trudged into my apartment, letting my luggage drop onto the floor too tired to pick it up.

"I'll do it tomorrow" I said as I walked towards my bedroom, yawning in the process. I turned on the little lamp next to my bed, barely lighting the room dimly. My eyes were almost shutting close at this point.

My heart sank and my eyes widened in shock as I realized what was placed neatly on my bed. My sleepiness drifted away from my body almost instantly.

A red balloon floated calmly over my bed sheets. I felt my legs go weak, almost numb and I wouldn't be surprised if they gave in.

"Doll" I heard him say behind me, softly, almost a whisper. My eyes stung with tears as I felt his presence in the far corner of my room.

"Penny?"