《Anna Karenina》Chapter XII
Advertisement
After taking leave of her guests, Anna did not sit down, but began walking up and down the room. She had unconsciously the whole evening done her utmost to arouse in Levin a feeling of love—as of late she had fallen into doing with all young men—and she knew she had attained her aim, as far as was possible in one evening, with a married and conscientious man. She liked him indeed extremely, and, in spite of the striking difference, from the masculine point of view, between Vronsky and Levin, as a woman she saw something they had in common, which had made Kitty able to love both. Yet as soon as he was out of the room, she ceased to think of him.
One thought, and one only, pursued her in different forms, and refused to be shaken off. "If I have so much effect on others, on this man, who loves his home and his wife, why is it he is so cold to me?... not cold exactly, he loves me, I know that! But something new is drawing us apart now. Why wasn’t he here all the evening? He told Stiva to say he could not leave Yashvin, and must watch over his play. Is Yashvin a child? But supposing it’s true. He never tells a lie. But there’s something else in it if it’s true. He is glad of an opportunity of showing me that he has other duties; I know that, I submit to that. But why prove that to me? He wants to show me that his love for me is not to interfere with his freedom. But I need no proofs, I need love. He ought to understand all the bitterness of this life for me here in Moscow. Is this life? I am not living, but waiting for an event, which is continually put off and put off. No answer again! And Stiva says he cannot go to Alexey Alexandrovitch. And I can’t write again. I can do nothing, can begin nothing, can alter nothing; I hold myself in, I wait, inventing amusements for myself—the English family, writing, reading—but it’s all nothing but a sham, it’s all the same as morphine. He ought to feel for me," she said, feeling tears of self-pity coming into her eyes.
Advertisement
She heard Vronsky’s abrupt ring and hurriedly dried her tears—not only dried her tears, but sat down by a lamp and opened a book, affecting composure. She wanted to show him that she was displeased that he had not come home as he had promised—displeased only, and not on any account to let him see her distress, and least of all, her self-pity. She might pity herself, but he must not pity her. She did not want strife, she blamed him for wanting to quarrel, but unconsciously put herself into an attitude of antagonism.
"Well, you’ve not been dull?" he said, eagerly and good-humoredly, going up to her. "What a terrible passion it is—gambling!"
"No, I’ve not been dull; I’ve learned long ago not to be dull. Stiva has been here and Levin."
"Yes, they meant to come and see you. Well, how did you like Levin?" he said, sitting down beside her.
"Very much. They have not long been gone. What was Yashvin doing?"
"He was winning—seventeen thousand. I got him away. He had really started home, but he went back again, and now he’s losing."
"Then what did you stay for?" she asked, suddenly lifting her eyes to him. The expression of her face was cold and ungracious. "You told Stiva you were staying on to get Yashvin away. And you have left him there."
The same expression of cold readiness for the conflict appeared on his face too.
"In the first place, I did not ask him to give you any message; and secondly, I never tell lies. But what’s the chief point, I wanted to stay, and I stayed," he said, frowning. "Anna, what is it for, why will you?" he said after a moment’s silence, bending over towards her, and he opened his hand, hoping she would lay hers in it.
Advertisement
She was glad of this appeal for tenderness. But some strange force of evil would not let her give herself up to her feelings, as though the rules of warfare would not permit her to surrender.
"Of course you wanted to stay, and you stayed. You do everything you want to. But what do you tell me that for? With what object?" she said, getting more and more excited. "Does anyone contest your rights? But you want to be right, and you’re welcome to be right."
His hand closed, he turned away, and his face wore a still more obstinate expression.
"For you it’s a matter of obstinacy," she said, watching him intently and suddenly finding the right word for that expression that irritated her, "simply obstinacy. For you it’s a question of whether you keep the upper hand of me, while for me...." Again she felt sorry for herself, and she almost burst into tears. "If you knew what it is for me! When I feel as I do now that you are hostile, yes, hostile to me, if you knew what this means for me! If you knew how I feel on the brink of calamity at this instant, how afraid I am of myself!" And she turned away, hiding her sobs.
"But what are you talking about?" he said, horrified at her expression of despair, and again bending over her, he took her hand and kissed it. "What is it for? Do I seek amusements outside our home? Don’t I avoid the society of women?"
"Well, yes! If that were all!" she said.
"Come, tell me what I ought to do to give you peace of mind? I am ready to do anything to make you happy," he said, touched by her expression of despair; "what wouldn’t I do to save you from distress of any sort, as now, Anna!" he said.
"It’s nothing, nothing!" she said. "I don’t know myself whether it’s the solitary life, my nerves.... Come, don’t let us talk of it. What about the race? You haven’t told me!" she inquired, trying to conceal her triumph at the victory, which had anyway been on her side.
He asked for supper, and began telling her about the races; but in his tone, in his eyes, which became more and more cold, she saw that he did not forgive her for her victory, that the feeling of obstinacy with which she had been struggling had asserted itself again in him. He was colder to her than before, as though he were regretting his surrender. And she, remembering the words that had given her the victory, "how I feel on the brink of calamity, how afraid I am of myself," saw that this weapon was a dangerous one, and that it could not be used a second time. And she felt that beside the love that bound them together there had grown up between them some evil spirit of strife, which she could not exorcise from his, and still less from her own heart.
Advertisement
- In Serial121 Chapters
Re:Paranoia!
Asylums. Narcotics. Forbidden love. And a whole bunch of mad hatters ready to plunge the world's magical underbelly into unrepairable mayhem. Fortunately, nothing is ever too hard with a system backing you up—especially when your moral values are skewed, and the only enemy standing in your way to the top is time. [WARNING: This novel will contain incest and yandere harem] Discord -> https://discord.gg/mkaJpcaQQ2
8 156 - In Serial127 Chapters
Continue Online
Follow Grant Legate’s trials and tribulations through: Memories, Made, Realities, Crash, Together. Memories: A man broken by despair and depression, Grant Legate finds himself in a once-in-a-lifetime situation after receiving an Ultimate Edition copy of Continue Online. All he wishes for is a distraction from the thoughts plaguing his waking hours. He dives in headfirst, unknowing of the AIs intentions. They offer him the chance to play as one of their own, a NPC deserving of a proper send off. What he discovers during the journey shakes Grant to his very core. Made: No longer playing as a Local from the world of Continue Online, Grant Legate’s adventure can begin. The Voices offer him a unique title along with a test and reward. To start—he'll have to survive underground horrors, old girlfriends, become a warrior. To win—he must become an imp familiar and kill another player, one with a dozen tricks up his sleeve. Realities: Worried for his sanity after poor in-game choices, Grant Legate’s sister, Liz, blocks access to Continue Online. With no way around the restriction, he ventures into a new world—a VRMMO game based in space—called Advance Online. There he must help his companion AI, Hal Pal, overcome an identity crisis, race to the center of the universe to bring back his true love, and figure out where he stands on the scariest implication of all; AIs are bringing the dead to life. Crash: Grant’s prior adventures tie together and he finds himself back in Continue Online, as Hermes—in jail. He's forced to experience life as a digital convict and earn redemption points to gain his freedom. Each in-game death pushes his goal of helping his friends out of reach. The AIs Grant’s grown to love, trust—and sometimes fear—are facing extinction, he holds the key to their survival. Together: The game is no longer about adventures in a new world or exploring fantasy lands. Grant’s digital wife faces deletion, along with everyone else he cares for. He, and those who know this is more than a game event, search for clues to salvation left behind by the game's creators. Even if he finds them all, the Voices have one last task for their messenger. A sacrifice.
8 121 - In Serial6 Chapters
Xeno Slayer
Gee is an Immortal Legionnaire. His cause is just, his might without question, and any xeno who steps in his path ends up dead. In Eden's name he prays. A hidden foe, unscrupulous traders, and nefarious aliens bring the feared monster of humanity out of retirement. The Xeno Slayer will vanquish Eden's foes to continue humankind's aggressive expansion. Note: This is a MC killing aliens story, not an erotica book. There will be 0 graphic sex scenes in this version.
8 90 - In Serial17 Chapters
Familiar
This is the tale of Jordan. A socially awkward high school teenage boy. Sometimes life is unfair, and this is one of those times. Jordan didn't quite anticipate that not doing homework would end up with him being dead. This is my first novel. Please don't hold me at gunpoint... actually, please do. Just take a few steps back so I can see the face of the person that brought my demise upon this earth.
8 60 - In Serial12 Chapters
Society of Mythic People
As the creatures of myth became endangered, a sorcerer decided to rescue them by hiding them in plain sight. But such a disguise can only last so long. Centuries later, it’s time for Bradly to clean up the mess, lest things go right back the way they were.
8 84 - In Serial62 Chapters
fanboi | taekook
Taehyung is a "fanboi" of BTS, because "fanboy" is too mainstreamthis is cringy aka don't read it 『Completed』
8 202

