"Nescit amor habere modum." -Propertius

Love does not know how to keep within bounds.

"So you still had hope that we'll be together?" Eddy asked, his eyes growing to look at Brett with the same admiration from years ago.

"Well, not really together. I just had faith that one way or another, you'll come back to me. Doesn't matter as what you are to me in the moment, I'll just let you come back to me a thousand times and I'll take you back each time." Brett replied, eyes closed.

"But, Brett-" Eddy said with a fight.

"No, I know what you'll say... I told you that we're fine." Brett replied, trying to escape the hold Eddy has on him.

"No, don't do this again. Don't try to be strong... I want you to tell me what you really felt these past years. No more hiding, Brett. I wanna see it all, no matter how ugly or beautiful." Eddy said, holding Brett in place.

It was when Brett started to cry. He really didn't want to cry in front of Eddy. But once they started fall, he can't stop them from flowing.

"Eddy..." Brett cried helplessly, holding on to Eddy so tightly.

"You can cry, Brett. Please..." Eddy said, holding Brett.

"Eddy, I don't know where to start... I just, I don't have words to explain everything." Brett replied, as honest as he could be.

"Then start with when you got the visions."

"I was seventeen or sixteen. Frankly, I can't remember. The vision was me and you in bed, just cuddling and sweet talking. At the time, and this I remember so vividly, it pained me seeing you in that dream or vision or whatever. It got my hopes up. I was young and I was convinced that the chances of me and you together were a complete zero." Brett explained as Eddy held his hand and toyed with the fingers.

"How come you never told me?"

"Oh, I was ready to tell you when we were in uni. But then, when I got all the courage and decided that I'll tell you, you told me you were with Toni." Brett said, smiling sadly at Eddy.

"Then you told me in Sydney, right?" Eddy asked and Brett nodded.

"Not exactly... I tried to tell you at the airport but you immediately dismissed it as platonic. Yet, I don't blame you. That was a shitty confession." Brett said.

"Yeah, it kinda was..."

They laugh a little until it slowly died down.

"You know, there was a time when I wished that I was Toni or Sammy. I guess it was my longing for you, to be able to have you romantically in a body that isn't mine." Brett said, sitting up. Eddy wanted to stop him, but he didn't want to be forceful. So, he just let him.

"I tried to convince myself that it was my body that you couldn't love. I was convinced that you didn't love me because I was a man physically. Then, after years and years of slow and painful realization, maybe it's just because you didn't love me. I think it's something I can't change because well, I'm me." Brett added, back completely turned away from Eddy.

"It's not that, you know how the world is." Eddy tried to coax, but Brett knew.

Brett nodded, not having the strength to cry anymore.

"I know that part of the reason you didn't love me is your parents' approval. I understood, man. I still do, I did everything so that my family wouldn't find out. But, they eventually sat me down and told me that it didn't matter who I loved."

"It's not that, Brett."

"Maybe it is or it's not... It doesn't matter now Eddy. That was all in the past. I've mostly moved on from them. Yes, I love you now but if there's really no chance of us going further than best friends then we better stop talking about this." Brett started, still looking straight through the wall while sitting down.

"I really don't know what I feel about you right now, to be honest with you. But I do agree, it's best for both of us to be unavailable to each other." Eddy replied, not knowing what to do between them.

"I agree... We can't jump into this again not knowing and without seeing. We might get hurt again." Brett said, his mind agreeing but not his heart.

With that, everything that needs to be said is still not on the table.

- - - - -

They were back on the filming room a few days after their conversation. Behind the camera smiles and conversations, lie something with more depth. Both did not understand why the love they felt for each other cleared up more when they decided to put a boundary on their relationship.

They were mostly normal now. Except maybe the stares caught by cameras and the reciprocated stares of longing. Eddy doesn't think it's right, how he became certain of the love he felt for Brett the moment they decided to be unavailable for each other.

With that in mind, Eddy was fixing their filming equipment while Brett was fixing his violin to leave for the night. Brett stood up mindlessly and accidentally hit his head on Eddy's chest. They both froze at the contact, but no one between them seem to move.

Eddy's breathing became labored as Brett looked up to him. Brett backed away a step but Eddy filled the space between them again. Eddy stepped in a fraction, his heart racing. Hands longing to hold the smaller's body and Brett doesn't seem to mind.

Eddy stared at Brett's lips, waiting for his body to go on autopilot and lean in. Brett was wide-eyed but waiting for the sensation on his lips. Eddy was about to close the space between them but the door barged open. Brett stepped away because Eddy was still in shock.

"You ready to go?" Jordon asked, not knowing what was about to happen.

"Yeah, just let me grab my violin." Brett said, rushing to grab his violin case.

Eddy awkwardly moved to the side once the shock had subsided. Brett gave him a side hug and told him he'll see Brett tomorrow. Eddy just nodded and smiled.

The moment the door closed behind him, he held his lips. He felt Brett's lips that didn't even touch his. His knees gave out and he had to lean on their table. He really should have kissed Brett immediately and should have not waited. He regrets it.

Brett on the other hand, was sitting on the passenger's seat of Jordon's car. He could clearly tell that Jordon didn't know they were about to kiss. He stared at something far, not focusing on what he was staring at. All he could feel is the tingling sensation of a lips almost close to his.

Goddamn, how much he regretted not tiptoeing and meeting Eddy's lips up. He should have taken the chance even if he was scared. For what its worth, he still would've had the opportunity to feel those lips against his. They should've kissed.

But, the boundaries were set. They already decided that it would be best just to be friends. They're going back to normal again and Brett can't risk losing Eddy. It was painful enough for a few weeks, so how will he keep on going if it lasts his lifetime?

"You okay?" Jordon asked, smiling at Brett.

"Of course. Why'd you ask?" Brett asked back, hoping that the dazed look on his won't pass through.

"You've been too quiet. That's unlike the Brett Yang I know." Jordon said, looking straight ahead.

"I mean, nothing interesting really happened. How are you and Dan?" Brett asked.

"We're good. A few arguments here and there but nothing too harmful. I'm planning to marry him at around 2020 at least or 2021."

"Oh man, that's great. I'm just glad you guys could marry."

"Me too. Our parents are way too excited, I swear." Jordon said, chuckling a little.

"At least your parents are excited. Some straight couples' parents are not dealing with that shit." Brett said, laughing a little.

"Maybe it's the thought of their only son getting married already."

"Maybe... I'm just glad my parents already went through the experience of one of their kids entering marriage."

"What do you mean, Brett?"

"I don't want them to get too excited for my marriage as nothing is expected." Brett joked.

"But are you okay with not marrying?" Jordon asked.

"I mean, yeah. It's cool and all that. At least I wouldn't feel guilty because it's my choice. I know it's really rare for our family to not marry but I don't mind."

"So, you've moved on from him?"

"I would say so. I mean, there's already a boundary that I'm not willing to cross. We're fine now."

"I mean, I'm happy if that's the case."