"Semper inops quicumque cupit." -Claudian

Whoever desires is always poor.

Jordon was on the phone with his very important and lifelong friend, Daniel Chiou.

"It's just so infuriating..." Jordon said, ranting to Daniel over the phone.

"You're infuriated because his best friend can't tell his love for him?" Daniel asked in disbelief.

"Yeah..."

There was a moment of silence towards them, until Daniel spoke up again.

"Why are you so absorbed in all this, Jordon... I get that you're a friend who's worried but you don't have to get involved that much. He's a grown man, he could do it. You don't have to protect him all the time." Dan said, a worried tone in his voice.

"But I feel like I do. He's so precious and I'm not infantilizing him... But I feel like I have to save him from this pain."

"Jordon, you can't always fix people's problems. You could help sure, but you don't need it when they depend on you. They could handle it in their own ways..."

They were silent again for a while, not speaking. You could hear Dan's sighs from the other side of the line.

"Jordon, are you in love with him?" Dan finally asked, having a sudden and clear realization. "Is this about your past life's pain? Is that really him?" Dan added.

Jordon paced around the room and sat down after a few moments. Dan was patiently waiting for Jordon's answer.

"All my life, I've grown up wanting to take care of people. I still wanna and I still do... The past life has gotta have a word on that, but you know me. I'm not the type who's physically showy. It took me a lot of time to open up about physicality but the moment he cried?" Jordon ranted, heart beating out of his chest.

"I just wanted to hold him close, without feeling insecure about it. I wanted to keep him safe in my arms, holding him close and promising him that I would never hurt him... The way Eddy does. I want him now because my past self never got a taste of the love that he gave Eddy even before he was born..." Jordon paused, stopping himself.

"It just sucks because his devotion still lies with Eddy... No matter how much pain he's in, he's determined to get Eddy back in every lifetime of his. I know I'll never live up to that but goddamn, Dan. I want to be his everything, even for just a temporary amount of time."

Daniel was still waiting on the other side of the line, just listening to his friend.

"I know I could never take Eddy's place in his life, I know that... I just can't accept the fact that I've done nothing in order to gain a spot similar, if not, greater than Eddy's." Jordon finalized, now crying his eyes out.

Jordon felt like crying out everything now. All the sorrow he had felt from before, it felt like he could free them now.

"Oh, Jordon... Please don't cry. It's okay if you love him, there's nothing wrong with that. If your past life thinks that it's what you should do then you should. Just remind yourself that you are greater than you think you are. Especially now you have control of your life now." Dan's comforting voice said.

"Yeah... Thanks for the reminder, Dan. Thank you..." Jordon said before hanging up.

At the other end of the line, Dan sighed as the beep from the phone rang up his ears. This is a disaster.

- - - - -

Pyotr and Brett were lying down his bed. Brett was resting his head on Pyotr's chest as Pyotr was running his hands through Brett's hair. He sneaks little kisses here and there but Brett was too tired to notice. Brett also caressed Pyotr's exposed skin on his arm.

Brett was still aware, though. They had a photo of them taken and they had just finished the concerto. Von Meck decided to become Pyotr's patroness and Brett was glad he could help. Brett was extremely fatigued but he did not mind, he was happy.

"Kotik, I am decided. I would marry her." Pyotr whispered as he continued playing with Brett's hair.

Brett got up and looked up to Pyotr. He smiled and gave Pyotr a look that said "I told you so."

"That is very well, Ilyich. She understood and consented to what you wanted, right?" Brett asked.

"Yes..."

"Well, that is the most important thing." Brett said as he laid his head down on Pyotr's chest.

Jordon shook himself from the daydream. Pyotr? Ilyich? As in his past life was Tchaikovsky? Jordon sat himself upright, trying to make sense of what was happening. Tchaikovsky was in love with a man named Kotik?

All these questions run through Jordon's head. Decided that he doesn't want to be confused, he looked it up. He read researches about Tchaikovsky's life, most especially on the love part. Upon reading, he found that his dreams as a child fit closely with Tchaikovsky's childhood.

He called up Dan again.

"D-dan... My past life was Tchaikovsky's. That explains the childhood dreams! The melodies!" Jordon said, still shaken up.

"I'm coming over. Stay there, okay?" Dan said as he hung up.

True to his word, he was there at almost an instant. He welcomed Jordon with his open arms and Jordon just cried. It was the first time he had a clear identity of who his past life really was.

It might look ridiculous, seeing two men in the hallway of Jordon's dormitory as he cried. It was an unusual sight but Jordon didn't seem to care now. It made sense but something about it makes him sad. It was like he pitied Tchaikovsky as he lived his past.

"Kotik... One of the men he fell in love with. Well, his name is Yosef Kotek but Pyotr gave him the nickname." Jordon said, trying to calm down as he faced Dan. "I'm sorry... I know I'm not the crying nor the affectionate type but it was too sad." Jordon added, apologizing for the breakdown.

"Affectionate or not, you need the comfort. It's okay to cry and not always know your shit." Dan said, rubbing Jordon's back in order to comfort him. "C'mon, let's go inside. I'll make you tea." Dan added, leading Jordon's sobbing body inside his own dorm.

He made Jordon sat down on his bed as he prepared everything that he needed to. Once two cups was filled with tea, they both sat down and talked about everything and nothing all at once.

"Pyotr, we just cannot do this." Vladimir Davydov said, pushing Pyotr away a little.

"I am well aware that we cannot, Bob. I cannot allow you to be with an old man like me... You deserve better, if I am being honest. I am just here to profess my love and that is all." Pyotr said, being the one to set the distance between them.

Tchaikovsky sat down and sighed. Davydov tried to look indifferent about it but something deep inside him felt as though he did love the man, too. But there were so many problems about this.

First of all, they were both men and it was illegal. Second, the age gap was huge. Third, they were relatives. It goes against both of their morals so they do not push the relationship.

"Pyotr, I do not think you are in love with me..." Davydov said, filling in the silence with convincing words. More than convincing words for they might hold much truth. They are all his assumptions.

"Bob, I am. Believe me when I tell you that I would catch all the constellations and mark them all in your skin for you are as heavenly as they are." Tchaikovsky said, a bit more defensive now.

"I am not regarding your feelings as null, Pyotr. I just think that you are trying to get over Kotik. Now, you are just convincing yourself that you are in love with me because I am available. I do not think you would love me if I had a wife and children." Davydov replied, looking at Tchaikovsky who was still sitting in the chair.

Pyotr was quiet after that. He did love Davydov, that was not a lie. Yet, he was on to something that Pyotr cannot admit to anyone yet. He really did need to fall in love in order to make himself feel more significant in the world.

He needed love in order to be complete and he cannot find it with the opposite sex. Pyotr always wondered and lamented about the fact that he was not like any other men who found it easy to fall in love with a woman. That way, he did not have to worry about feeling empty.

"I cherish you very much, Bob. I am infatuated..." He said, looking up at the man with a smile.