"Varium et mutabile semper Femina." -Virgil

Woman is ever a fickle and changeable thing.

July 31, 2012

I'm not as good as a writer than my past self was but I believe it will suffice for now. I don't have much of an outlet and I've pretty much only told one person about this feeling of mine. I'm in love with him. Though it's hard to say in a public setting,

Jordon understood. Maybe it's with regards to his past life. I hope he gets a better grasp of his life now. I hope his soul wouldn't more as much as it did during it's past life. Whoever Jordon loves, I hope they'll love him back wholly.

I've embraced the fact that I am in love with him. I'm too in love and I hope that if this ends in heartbreak, I will not break completely. I love him, I really do.

There's certain days where my soul is quiet and stagnant. It stays in its place and doesn't stray too far to get close to him. Though, there are days where my soul's longing is at a maximum. I want him nearby and I can't bear the thought of losing him.

I guess I just have to make sure that if I get my heart broken, I'll do it on a day where my soul is stagnant. I do not want my past life to mourn and so should my present life. But God, I love him so.

I love him so much, but I know I'll live on. I'll continue without him, no matter how hard. Because losing a love shouldn't be synonymous with losing life. Because even if it's the hard truth, they go on without you and you should do the same thing.

No matter how much you love a person, giving everything to them isn't enough. Most specially if they don't love you back the same way you do. Persistence wouldn't make them love you. Waiting doesn't make them love you. Spilling what you feel isn't going to make them love you. They're never going to love you unless they really do.

He isn't in love.

He's stuck on the thought of falling in love with this amazing woman. How could I blame him? Even if choose the woman to be with him rather than me.

Even telling them won't make you any more deserving than the rest who loves him too. In the end of the day, there's always going to be better, prettier, smarter and more talented. Though, that doesn't mean you shouldn't strive to be better yourself.

I'm trying to get better, I really am. It seemed that it all fell down the moment I look across the room from me. The years that I have built walls, solidly cemented, have been proven useless every time. He managed to make them tumble with just a simply word. The way he says my name is exactly how I would say I love you to him.

Soft, fleeting, curls around the end and so effortless. Dear God, I love him so. I'm not terrified anymore.

- - - - -

"Hey, Brett! I have good news!" Eddy said, dragging his s to emphasize his excitement.

"Good news?" Brett perked, looking at his friend.

"Me and Toni got back together!" Eddy almost screamed, he was so excited.

"That's good! I'm happy you guys are back together... I bet you both celebrated." Brett said, smiling at the taller boy.

"Yeah we got bubble tea and we... Um... Yeah!" Eddy said, cheeks flushing.

"You guys did it?" Brett asked in a neutral tone of voice, trying to mask it as plain curiosity.

"Um, yeah..." Eddy said, lowering his head on Brett's floral clad rocking chair.

Brett felt his fists tighten by his side. Those thoughts, he had suppressed them. Knowing the fact that she was the one to taint the most innocent parts of Eddy... It made Brett's blood boil.

"That's cool..." Brett replied noncommittally while closing his eyes.

Images flash before his eyes at the thought of Eddy. Their bodies together, molding and melting to each other as they move inexperienced. The first touches, the symphonic sounds out of Eddy's mouth. The drag of skin against skin. Oh my God, it was driving Brett insane.

"Brett?" Eddy asked, voice a bit small and felt his throat dry up.

"What?" Brett asked nonchalantly.

"What are you doing?"

"I am just removing my work clothes so I could be comfortable. What did you think I was doing?" Brett challenged, walking toward Eddy who was sitting on the bed.

"Nothing..." Eddy whispered.

Brett straddled his lap, slowly unbuttoning the top button of his shirt. Eddy placed a gentle peck on Brett's lips and pulled away quickly. Brett chuckled darkly and removed Eddy's top button, too.

"Darling, you cannot expect me to do anything but sleep with you after that, you know that? I am hungry for you and you cannot leave me hanging." Brett said, removing the buttons of his shirt and slipping it off his shoulders. "Now, if you do not want me proceed, I respect your decision. I need your consent before I get to devour you." Brett said, hands already on the second top button of Eddy's shirt.

"Please be gentle with me. Take care of me and love me all night long." Eddy whispered, closing his eyes as he asked.

"Brett!" Eddy said, clapping his hands in front of Brett's face.

"You were saying?" Brett said, still trying to remove himself from reaching out. From that nasty flashback.

"Thank you so much! I never would've known what to do if you didn't tell me what to do." Eddy smiled, sincerely looking up at Brett.

"You're welcome, Eddy. I'm always happy to help." Brett replied, mirroring the younger's smile.

That night, when Brett slept, his dreams were invaded by the memory of their past lives' first time together in bed. It was quite uncomfortable for Brett Yang.

He licked a stripe and Eddy cannot contain the noises that seemed to be trapped in his throat. Brett nibbled on the spot slightly and licked on it again. He sucked on the same spot and soothed it with his tongue. As he was doing this, he removed his pants and Eddy's, leaving them in their underwear. Brett continued kissing and marking the younger's neck.

He moved down on Eddy's chest, sucking on one of the nubs and playing with the other. He kissed lower, lips dangerously close to the younger's member. Brett removed the underwear and kissed the tip of the hard member. Brett steadied Eddy's hips as he sunk his mouth and sucked lightly.

"Brett, aghh, p-please." Eddy begged, Brett sped up. Once the boy came in his mouth, Brett swallowed and pulled away.

Eddy was weak and he felt good but he knows that he still has to please Brett.

"Brett, how can I help you?" Eddy asked helplessly and breathlessly, still lying down on the bed.

"Do you want me in you?" Brett asked.

"I am not sure if I can handle it, but as long as you are gentle, I will be able to."

"Okay, then." Brett sucked on his finger to wet it. "Just relax and if you feel uncomfortable, tell me. I will pull out immediately." Brett said, Eddy nodded and closed his eyes, relaxing.

Brett circled the hole and put the finger in slowly, making sure that Eddy was okay. Brett looked at Eddy's face and slowly moved the finger in and out.

"How does that feel?"

"It is foreign but it is not bad. Can you add another finger?" Eddy requested.

Brett followed and slowly adds another digit. He scissors it in Eddy's hole, slowly stretching. Eddy moaned and melts at the sensation. Brett makes sure that he is stretched well enough before they do anything else. He spat on his hand and spread it on his member, coating it.

"Can I proceed?" Brett asked, making sure that Eddy was okay.

"Yes, please do it slowly... I think I need you now." Eddy said breathlessly reaching out.

Eddy closed his eyes tightly as Brett lined himself up with Eddy. Going in him slowly and it takes a lot of Brett's self control to immediately not move. He lets Eddy adjust and once Eddy was okay, he moved slowly yet rhythmically.

Eddy moaned loud when Brett angled his thrust on a certain spot. Brett started speeding up, making sure that Eddy got his second release before he chased his orgasm. Brett kept on moving until he spilled inside Eddy.

The air in the room smelled of sex and just their bodies together but they do not mind. They had each other now and nothing could break it. Brett pulled out of Eddy and covered their bodies with the blanket that he has and smiled. They were both satisfied and they cannot do anything but bask in the warmth of their atmosphere.