We were rounding on our second last patient when something buzzed in my pocket. I hoped it was my phone, with a message from Omar but it was just my pager going off.

I hadn't heard from him since yesterday, despite me leaving a voicemail and at least a couple of text messages. His radio silence was making me very worried. I trusted him to not do anything he, and I, would regret. But I could tell that he hadn't been like himself lately. There was no doubt that his mental health had been suffering, just like everyone else's. But he had the added burden of blaming himself for what we couldn't have.

I was just about to dial the call back number on the page I had just received, when I felt someone grabbing my arm, and a deep, familiar, voice in my ear say, "I need to speak to you...now"

I turned to look at Omar, who was standing behind me, his brows furrowed and his eyes had a look of deathly rage that almost made me take a step back from him.

"I am still rounding...", my voice cracked.

"Then you wouldn't mind if I went and killed that asshole, would you?", he said with a hushed, menacing tone.

He was almost scaring me at that moment, not for myself, I knew he would never hurt me. But I had never seen him that angry before, and I was afraid of what he might do if I let him go right now. Clearly, this could not wait till after rounds. So, I motioned for him to follow me to the nearby stairwell where we could talk with some privacy.

"Omar, calm down. Nothing happened...", I started to say, but he interrupted me loudly.

"Nothing happened, Madi? The asshole proposed to you even though he knew we are together. Are you seriously taking his side? I swear, I am going to fucking kill him. I don't give a shit anymore. No one can take you from me"

He was pacing around that stairwell, almost breathless. My heart went out to him, I couldn't even imagine the distress he was in right now. I thought back to the nightmare he had described to me, while we sat on the bridge the morning he had called me at 6 am. In it, he had seen me inside a glass enclosure along with Faraz and my father. He couldn't get to me, and then I had disappeared.

I wonder if he feels like his worst nightmare is coming true

I had always tried to stay away from him physically, but I needed to calm him down before he yelled any louder and attracted unwanted attention. So, I took a couple of steps towards him and reached out to place a hand on his chest. His brown eyes that had always been my source of comfort looked down at me with surprise, but also seemed to desperately search my eyes for reassurance. The masks we wore obscured our emotions, but the eyes are a window to the soul, and I didn't need to see the rest of his face to understand what he needed from me in that moment.

"Omar, I am not going anywhere. I am right here. No one can take me from you. Because there will never be anyone else but you for me", I kept my voice low, just enough to make him focus on me, and calm his breathing a bit. He didn't say a word but I could see moisture in his eyes, as he placed his hand over mine which still rested on his chest.

"I swear, a day doesn't go by when something or someone doesn't try to tear us apart...", his voice was almost a whisper.

He let go of my hand and I stepped back from him, but when he tried to turn away from me I grabbed his hand again, forcing him to look back at me. I couldn't let him go back down that path of darkness that had led him to calling me from the bridge.

"Do you trust me?", I asked him.

"Madi...I do. I have always trusted you. I just don't trust anyone else around us, and especially that idiot"

"Forget about him, he doesn't matter to me. I am going to talk to my parents today about us, ok? I was going to last night, but my dad was busy"

He nodded slowly, without looking at me.

"Speaking of last night, I was expecting a call from you", I was still surprised that I had not heard from him sooner.

"Elijah, Jake and I went out yesterday and then I had to work in the lab after that. So, I didn't get back home till after midnight and then went straight to bed. I just saw your message and heard Maliha's voicemail on the way in to work. I almost went to his office instead of coming here...", he paused, and with a serious expression said, "But I was sure you would not be interested in spending your life with someone who had a criminal record"

"Ok let's not talk about killing people and criminal records while standing here, even the stairwell walls have ears...", I whispered to him, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"I am not kidding Madi", his voice softened a bit, but the seriousness in his eyes did not when he said, "I can't trust myself to act rationally if we can't be together..."

Then, he looked away from me and almost as an afterthought added, "Because I will literally have nothing to lose"

This side of him was new to me, and maybe it was justified, but it worried me. He was fiercely protective of me, which I had appreciated in the past. But there was a certain despondency and anguish in his voice today which made me think that he was on the verge of completely giving up on himself. And that was a dangerous place to be in.

I placed a hand on his upper arm, ignoring the bulge of his muscle, so he would look at me. He winced a bit, like it hurt him, but in the moment I ignored that too, "Omar, we can't give up hope. My father has never said no to me for things that truly matter, I can never imagine him saying no now when I am making the most important decision of my life"

He looked at me for a few seconds before replying, "Madi...have you ever told your father that you want to marry a man whose family does not respect you, and him? If not, I am afraid that your past means nothing in this situation"

He was right, my conversation would not be a simple one. Before I could answer him though, his pager went off and he said, "I have to go, but call me tonight...please. I won't be able to go to sleep till I hear from you"

"I will, of course"

He was about to open the door when he turned to me again and said, "You know, I can't stop thinking about that nightmare I had. Where I was worried about you being taken by the virus, and then there was Faraz and your father in that glass enclosure. You already had COVID, and I know Faraz's intentions...but I have a bad feeling about your dad"

His pessimism was quite disturbing to me, so I pointed out an obvious fact to him about his nightmare, "Omar, but I am still standing right here next to you, despite the COVID and Faraz. I am not saying that my dad will be easy to convince but we'll get through that. Just don't give up on me, ok?"

He nodded and we parted ways. I would not have been surprised if he had the same thoughts as me: Would our next meeting be one of joy, despair or on-going uncertainty?

The rest of my day went by in a haze. I did run into Elijah who told me how he and Omar had gotten vaccinated as part of a clinical trial the day before, which then explained why he had winced when I touched his arm.

That probably meant he got the real deal. Not just the mock injection with salt-water!

I wished he had told me, though. It hadn't escaped my notice that lately we only seemed be sharing disappointing news, and it felt like we had been drifting apart. He hadn't even told me about his research publication in Nature Medicine, or that the paper and what it meant was all over the news. But it was difficult to celebrate with the constant black cloud hanging over us.

Hopefully, today will allow some sunshine to pass through that cloud!

As soon as it was 5 pm, I signed out my patients and made a beeline for the parking garage. Drive time to the suburbs these days was only 30 minutes since there was virtually no traffic on the road. That would be just enough time for me to rehearse the salient points of what I wanted to discuss with my parents.

- Omar and I loved each other and we wanted to get married

- Yes, his parents will not be involved but his sister and I got along quite well

- Yes, his parents do not respect me, but Omar does and that is all that should matter

- I have a right to make this decision for myself and I will absolutely exercise that right

At my parents house, Mama, Papa and I sat outside on our garden chairs which were almost never used till the weather in Chicago was nice and warm. Today, it had just rained and the wind was chilly but between the piping hot cups of chai and the shawls that we were all wrapped in, we were comfortable while taking the necessary COVID prevention measures.

After spending a few minutes asking me about my recovery from COVID, and the latest news about the pandemic, my parents dove right into the matter at hand.

"Mubarak ho Madi (Congrats Madi), MashaAllah Faraz is a really nice boy...and his family is exceptional. Just look at how they have treated Maliha. You will live like a princess in their house. Now that you have recovered let's quickly set a nikah date", my mom said everything in quick succession, before I could stop her.

Woah...hold on!

Dad was nodding along and before I could reply to my mom, added his two cents, "Absolutely, Allah has really blessed us with such good fortune that both our daughters will be wed into such a welcoming family"

My mom looked at dad lovingly, "Aap ki koi naiki kaam ayi ho gi (Your good deeds must have worked)"

My parents were #couplegoals for sure, but let's see how they respond to me asking for my right to decide.

"Mama, Papa, actually...umm, I wanted to talk to you about someone else", I felt my heartbeat quicken, like it always did when I was in the hot seat in front of my parents.

"Someone else? Like someone other than Faraz?", my dad asked, peering over the reading glasses perched on the tip of his nose.

"Yes Papa. I am sure Faraz is a decent person, but I can't marry him. I have actually been meaning to talk to you about Omar", I said, as my parents glanced at each other, "Papa, you have actually met him. Dr Omar Khan...he took care of you in the ER when you went there with heartburn"

Both my parents just nodded silently and gave each other that look again, which basically was an unsaid version of 'is she kidding me?'

But, similar to my previous experiences this was not unexpected. It was certainly not the first time that I was trying to argue my case in front of them, or respectfully disagreeing with a decision they were inclined towards.

"Ji beta, mujhe yaad hain wo doctor sahib (Yes, I remember that doctor). He had good manners and was very polite", my dad said.

"Pasand karti ho kya us ko? (Do you like him?), my mom asked bluntly, making me blush.

"Uh...yes Mama. I mean, we like each other...because we work together. We get along very well...he is very nice", I somehow put together a painfully awkward sentence. I was quickly realizing that confessing my feelings for Omar to my parents was not the same as telling them I wanted to go to medical school.

"Understanding honi chahiye hai bachoan key beech may (There should be an understanding between the children)", my dad said to my mom, referring to 28 year old Omar and 27 year old me.

Then dad turned towards me, "Theek hai Madiha beti (Ok Madiha), we haven't said anything yet to Faraz's family because we wanted to talk to you first. We obviously really like him and his family, but we can't force you to do anything. Why don't you tell Dr Khan's family to come talk to us, and we'll go from there?"

And this was where the similarities with any previous discussions with my parents ended. I looked at my mom and then at my dad. My mouth was open, but no words were coming out, and my parents continued to look at me with confusion.

"Kya huwa Madi? Theek ho? Yeh COVID ka tou side effect nahi hai? (What happened Madi? You ok? This isn't a side effect of COVID is it?)", my mom asked as she leaned a bit forward to place her hand on my forehead and checked my temperature...maternal style.

"No, no Mama I am fine. Sorry, I was just thinking of something", I paused to take a deep breath, "The problem is that umm...Omar's parents are not too thrilled about us getting married"

My dad immediately put his cup down and took his reading glasses off, "Kya matlab hai? Wo tumhari shaadi key khilaaf hain or tum donon phir bhi shaadi karna chahte ho? (What do you mean? Why are they against your marriage and you two still want to get married?)"

I had been president of my high-school's debate team, as part of which I was trained to answer questions and come up with counter-arguments in a matter of seconds. But now as I was in the midst of perhaps the most important confrontation I would ever have with my parents, words repeatedly escaped me.

Yet, I couldn't blame myself, or even Omar. I loved my parents and respected them more than anything else, even my mom with whom I didn't always see eye-to-eye. So, how was I to then put into words what Omar had relayed to me, and had made me feel completely worthless, without them feeling the same way?

By remembering the keys to a successful debate...stay calm, be confident, start with your strongest argument first, provide proofs and credible data, and most importantly know your audience.

So, I sat up and squaring my shoulders looked straight at my parents. There was, afterall, nothing to hide. Omar and I had not done anything wrong. His parents lived in the 18th century, but that wasn't our fault.

I put my strongest argument first:

"Papa, Omar and I have a right to choose who to get married to. And given that we are both physicians, we appreciate and recognize each others challenges and struggles in this very busy career that we have chosen, like no one else ever will. And Papa like you said, having that understanding with someone you will spend the rest of your life with is crucial. Yes, his parents have something against me, but Omar doesn't and that is the important thing. Also, I have talked to his sister who is incredibly sweet"

Then I provided proof and credible data:

"Omar is well liked by everyone at work, he is always respectful no matter who he is dealing with, regardless of age and socio-economic status. And most of all he is trustworthy, honest and hardworking. You can ask anyone who knows him at work and they will tell you exactly the same thing. And regarding his parents, I am not sure why they have all these old-world ideas of social status and name of the family etc. but Papa, you were the one who told me that the world is a cruel place, and that I shouldn't let other people bring me down. They are never worth it. So Omar and I, really should not have to worry about his parents, as long as we have your blessings"

Finally, know your audience, my parents loved me and were for the most part reasonable:

"And Papa, Mama", I looked at one and then the other, eye contact was one of those soft skills that were crucial for a good debater, "I really like him. I just have this feeling deep inside me that we are meant to be together. And I can't even imagine marrying anyone but him...and he feels the same way"

Mom and dad looked at each other again, and then at me. After a few excruciating moments my mom spoke up, slowly.

"Madiha, if you were on the debate team I would have given you kudos on a very compelling argument. But yeh tumhari zindagi ka muaamla hai (but this is a matter of your life). We can't just let you get married without knowing Omar's family. In our culture and religion, a girl gets married and goes to another family, not just to her husband"

Where does religion have to do with this?

It has always bugged me when people confuse religion with culture. But before I could make that point, my dad asked me the exact questions that I had been trying to avoid.

"Meray khayal mein tum hamein poori story nahi bata rahi ho. Baap houn tumhara, mujhe foran pata chal jata hai key tum kutch chupa rahi ho"

(I don't think you are telling us the fully story. I am your father, I can tell right away that you are hiding something)

He continued asking, "Why exactly did they object to you? I have a feeling Omar has told you that much"

Both my parents were looking at me with an unsettling gaze, and I knew then that no matter how hard I tried to sugar-coat Omar's parents' objections, the truth couldn't stay hidden forever. So I had to tell them everything. From the fact that they were uber rich themselves, to their objection that our extended family wasn't as well educated or wealthy.

"How did they know about our extended family?", my mom immediately asked.

"They hired a private investigator", saying that out loud still bought up a feeling of disgust and resentment in me.

And looking at my father's face, the man who had worked so hard to give us everything, I knew he felt the same way. Suddenly, a wave of pessimism came over me. My dad was a very rational and flexible man, but the one thing he never compromised on was his self-worth. After the hardships that our family had gone through, I knew it was that very self-respect that had allowed us to carry our heads high with dignity. I also remembered how apprehensive my family was about Malihas's well-off in-laws, till they proved them wrong.

While my dad remained quiet and just shook his head with disappointment, my mom shrieked, "Un ka damagh kharaab hai kya? Hum kya criminals hain ke unhoun ne hamaare upar investigation karvai hai? Aur Madiha tum unke khaatar itna acha rishta chor rahi ho?"

(Are they out of their minds? Are we criminals that they had to investigate us? And Madiha you are leaving such a good proposal for them?)

"But Mama...", I started to speak, intending to say that Omar was not like his parents.

Almost as if my dad had read my mind, he said, "Even if Omar is not like his parents, how do we know what his character is like? You've only described to us what he is like in a work setting. Ghar be baat alag hoti hai (Things are different in the house)"

Something occurred to me then, that I immediately blurted out, forgetting the cardinal rule of debating: think before you speak.

"My friend, Noor, knows him"

My parents knew Noor well enough to trust her, which I had thought at the time would go in my favor, but instead it proved to be the final nail in the coffin.

"Woh kaisay jaanti hai? (How does she know him?)", my mom asked.

"Umm...they grew up together and went to the same medical school in Karachi", I told her, still not remembering that one day, over, chai, I had told my mom the story of how Noor and Salman ended up getting married.

But my mom hadn't forgotten.

"Aik second...yeh wohi larka hai jis kai saath pehle Noor ki mangni hui thi?", she asked angrily, "Tum mein koi akal hai? Noor ne bhi usko or uski family ko reject kar diya tha or tumhe uss se shaadi karne ki parhi huwi hai?"

Oh no

I never even got a chance to explain that Noor and Omar didn't work out because of her feelings for Salman, not because of who Omar was.