Beginning of May 2020

Omar

Indian romantic comedy without too much drama...or romance - check

Ordering and delivering of fancy food to respective apartments - check

Laptop plugged in and charged - check

Zoom link sent - check

Till this point, our online movie nights were spent watching either action thrillers or mysteries and I could tell that Madi was getting very bored of my taste in movies. So a few days ago when she groaned at the mention of the movie 'Greenland', a story about a comet hitting the earth, I told her she could choose whatever she wanted to watch. She had chosen '3 idiots', which as the name suggests was comedy.

Then, since I was feeling generous and sick of the pizza we always ate, I also insisted on getting food delivered to our respective apartments from a michelin star restaurant that had started to deliver food at a fraction of the cost of what they would normally charge for a sit-in meal. After much back and forth, she finally agreed and texted me her choice of entree.

COVID was raging across the world now, and we had been working non-stop for the last almost two months. Planning these weekly virtual evenings with the woman I was crazy about, even if she had been reluctant to talk to her parents about us, was the only thing that had kept me from completely burning out.

Especially, this week when I was scheduled to be in the ER. We had expanded the ER to the open air parking garage next to the main hospital, and this is where we examined, tested and treated all patients with respiratory symptoms. There were virtually no other viruses right now, so almost every person suspected of having COVID...ended up actually having COVID.

I looked at my watch, there were still 2 more hours left in this shift. Tomorrow, Madi and I were both off so we had picked that evening to be our movie night of the week.

Two more hours till I get home, and 3 more hours till I get to hear that heartwarming laughter over zoom.

But before then there was a waiting area full of people that needed to be seen, so I looked up the next patient in line who had come in with fever and cough according to the nurse's notes, and went to call them back to the makeshift examination space.

"Mr Baker...", there was no response, so I called again, "Mr Baker?"

A few seconds later an older African-American gentleman got up from his chair and followed me.

"Mr Baker, how long have you been having these symptoms?", I asked him through my mask.

He was wearing his mask, over his nose and mouth thankfully, and in a low voice said, "About 2 days now..."

"Ok, and do you know if you have come into contact with someone with COVID?"

"I don't know son. I am a bus driver, so I meet hundreds of people every day. Most have their masks on, but some stubborn fools refuse to wear it. Even though its against the law to not wear a mask inside a bus..."

"I am sorry to hear that, sir...is there anyone else in your family who lives with you and has the same symptoms?"

"Well I live with my two sons, a daughter-in-law and 3 grandkids. They are all fine so far, but my wife had a cough yesterday. Though today she is much better. She works in a grocery store, and same thing with her...some idiots just walk in without masks on", he told me.

Yup, these are the 'essential' workers that are always looked down upon and work minimal wage jobs, but without whom the world literally can not move.

I quickly examined him, his lung sounds were not great, but his oxygen level was at 98%.

"Mr Baker, I am going to do your COVID test. Your symptoms are not bad enough yet to warrant admission into the hospital. But I would suggest that you make sure your wife and anyone else who lives with you also get the COVID test"

He nodded along initially. But when I asked him if he was able to quarantine at home away from the rest of his family, he immediately shook his head.

"Not really, we only have a 2 bedroom house, and there is no space to isolate myself..."

This was another common problem we had noted. People of lower socioeconomic status, who did the 'essential' jobs had the highest risk of getting infected, and then spreading to their families because they often lived in multi-generational households.

As I got the supplies for the COVID test for Mr Baker, I couldn't help but recall what my dad had said spitefully about Madi's dad's family members in Pakistan.

"His family members are the kind of people that work on the assembly line in our factories"

In other words they were the essential workers without whom important surgical equipment, that was used all over the world, could not be made and distributed. And unlike him and the other executives in his company, they could not simply work from home. I wondered if he would ever recognize the value of the work these people do, or the fact that his entire business empire was built on the backs of these essential workers.

I wonder what conditions his employees are working in. I should ask Sehr to convince him to at least provide masks, ventilation and paid sick leave.

The rest of the ER shift was basically a repeat of Mr Baker's condition. I admitted four patients who had very low oxygen levels, and were requiring extra breathing support, one of whom went straight to the ICU.

But finally, it was 4 pm and my shift was over. I texted Madi to let her know that I was going home and was looking forward to seeing her virtually. When she didn't reply in the next 10 minutes I decided to check if she was in the chief residents office. She hadn't replied to my text from this morning either, and while I knew she looked forward to these evenings as much as I did, with her added duties she was also extremely busy. I wouldn't have been surprised if she didn't remember what day of the week it was.

She wasn't there in the chiefs office, but her co-chief resident was.

"Hey Lisa, any idea where Madi might be?"

"Oh hey Omar. I was going to ask you the same. She went home early a couple of days ago and I haven't heard from her since. She put in a request for the back-up resident to cover her clinics this week and the next, so I figured she was out for a bit...Have you not heard from either?"

Wait...what?

"I've gotten a few texts from her but I haven't had a chance to talk to her on the phone. She made it sound like she was busy at work", I replied, with a sinking feeling. I had tried to call Madi a couple of times but she hadn't picked up. Which wasn't unusual given her schedule these days, so I hadn't thought too much about it.

Lisa and I looked at each other, and I could tell she was thinking the same thing I was.

"I noticed that the intern schedules for the next 3 months were updated yesterday morning, so she is working somewhere...but she hasn't been coming into the office", Lisa said in a solemn tone.

Oh God! Madi...what have you gotten yourself into?

My throat felt dry as I rushed out of the office and towards my car. In the middle of the pandemic, Madi needed to take off 10 days...that could only mean one thing. And I hadn't received any texts or phone call from her for the last 24 hours!

I had never been to her apartment before, but I did have her address because of the food I had planned to get delivered to her place today. I called her again as I raced through the empty streets, and left a message on her phone when she didn't pick up.

"Madi, I know you haven't been going into work for the last couple of days. Please pick up...I am on my way"

I kept telling myself that she should be fine, she was young and healthy, not the demographic that were at highest risk for severe disease. I didn't let my mind go to the rare patients that did have severe disease despite being low-risk like her. But I couldn't stop myself from thinking about the dreams I had where she would disappear into a COVID patient's room.

Were those an ominous sign or just my anxiety?

Twenty minutes later I was knocking on her front door. When she didn't answer I was about to bang louder when I heard a hoarse, feeble voice from inside.

"Who is it?"

"Madi...its me. Open up..."

There was silence for a few seconds before she said, "Omar...go home. You're not coming in here"

Good...she can talk, and she doesn't sound out of breath yet

"I am not going anywhere", I told her sternly, "I am wearing my N95 and my goggles, I'll be fine..."

She didn't answer, or attempt to open the door. So I called out to her again.

"Madi...you know very well that I will spend the whole day out here if I have to. I am not leaving without checking up on you first"

Another few seconds passed before she said, "Fine...let me put my mask on first and open the windows"

Five minutes later Madi cracked open her door and I stepped in quickly, and closed the door behind me. She was wearing blue pajamas with an oversized maroon sweatshirt, and was already standing on the other end of her living room, with all the windows wide open. The mask hid most of her face, but her eyes, were red, and tired, and she looked flushed.

"You didn't have to come...I am fine", she attempted to say but her voice cracked and she had to stop to cough in between.

"Of course, I did. And no you are not fine! Why didn't you tell me you were sick? Did you get yourself tested?", I asked her, a little annoyed that she was trying to hide her illness from me.

"Have you even told your parents?"

She looked like she was shivering from the cool air coming in through the open windows, so I took a few steps towards her, but she immediately backed away.

"Don't come near me...my test was positive for COVID"

"Madi...I will be fine, I have taken care of sicker patients in the ICU. You know that...", I said as I took slow steps towards her again, "I bought my stethoscope, may I listen to your lungs and heart?"

She nodded slowly, and I told her to sit down on a sofa near her.

"I don't want to get you sick", she said softly, and looked up at me with moisture in her eyes. She looked so small and fragile sitting there, my heart went out to her and I had to fight the urge to wrap my arms around her and comfort her.

I couldn't be anything but completely professional right now. I was well aware that I was alone with her in her apartment, listening to her chest even if it was over a sweatshirt. In that moment, she was my patient, nothing more. And I didn't want to make her uncomfortable in anyway. But I also needed to make sure that she was not developing a severe pneumonia.

In between her coughing and taking a deep breath I managed to examine her, like I would any other patient. Her skin was burning but she didn't seem to have any difficulty breathing.

"Your lungs sound crappy, but you're still moving air well. And your heart's rhythm is normal, but your heart rate is quite fast. Probably because of the fever. When was the last time you took your temperature?"

I realized she could have another reason for her fast heartbeat, same reason as me right now. But I put that out of my mind. I was only here to do my job as a physician.

"Just before you came...it was 104.2"

She hadn't taken the anti-fever medicine yet so I went to her kitchen to get her water and she told me where her medicines were kept. I also peeked in her fridge. There was a carton of eggs, a loaf of bread, a half eaten sandwich and three oranges and a banana.

She doesn't even have anything to eat

By the time I came back to the living room she was curled up on her sofa and her eyes were closed.

"Madi...here have this", "I handed her the water and anti-fever pills when she opened her eyes.

"When was the last time you ate something?"

She gave me her empty glass and went back into her fetal position, hugging herself as she closed her eyes.

"I don't remember...everything tastes disgusting"

Geez Madi...

She had one of those woolen throws on the side of the sofa so I put that over I her and closed the windows of the living room. The room was vented enough and I didn't want her to feel cold anymore.

I should make her something to eat

The fancy fish steak I had ordered for movie night would be delivered soon, but I doubted that she would want that in her condition. I did find a packet of halal Knorr chicken corn soup. So I made that for her, and added two eggs to it for extra protein. She protested and whined like a little kid when I tried to get her to sit up and eat it.

"No Omar...no. I am not taking my mask off...go away"

"Fine...I will leave, but promise me you will eat this after I go. Your fish steak will come soon too, if you want to try that. And I am going to get more food and groceries delivered to you. How can you live like this?"

I didn't want to lecture her at that time, but how could she not have anything worthwhile to eat in her kitchen? This was the first time she was living alone, and she clearly had a lot to learn.

I was getting ready to leave when I heard her say softly, "I don't want to live like this...I want to live with you"

When I turned to look at her she had tears streaming down her cheeks, wetting her mask and breaking through any resolve I had to treat her like I would anyone else who was sick.

But before I could move towards her or say anything, she wiped her tears and said, "Don't...don't come near me"

How the heck am I supposed to leave her like this?

Every fiber in me wanted to reach out and touch her and never let her go, but I paused when she said again, "Omar, don't come near me please. I could never forgive myself if something happened to you"

Then she sighed and added, "I am sorry about crying, I didn't mean to"

"Madi...you have nothing to be sorry about. I should be the one to apologize to you. We're in this position because of me. You never have to apologize...ok?"

She nodded and lowered her gaze. As much as I wanted to, I didn't move any closer to her, because if I did, I didn't think I could step out of this apartment again.

"I think I do...I haven't had the courage to tell my parents about us yet, because...", she sighed, "If they say no, that will be the end of us"

She looked up at me again, "We can't keep doing whatever it is we are doing if we don't have a future together...it wouldn't be right"

That had never occurred to me. The possibility that her parents wouldn't agree was not something I had considered. But she was right, if we couldn't get married we would have no justification for the movies or talking at night, or constantly thinking about each other.

I could have let my mind go down a rabbit hole of dark thoughts but right then she was sick and the last thing she needed was to stress out about a hypothetical situation. And she needed someone to be there with her.

"We'll deal with us later. I haven't given up hope on my parents", I tried to reassure her, "But you didn't answer my question earlier...do your parents know about you having COVID?"

She shook her head, "I didn't want to worry them. Besides it's not really safe for anyone to come here anyway. My parents are older, my brother lives with my parents and my sister lives with her elder in-laws. I feel like a train hit me, but I should be fine...really"

That made sense, but it was wrong for her keep her parents in the dark like this. When I asked her to call them again, she refused again.

"You can't make me...I'll be just fine on my own", she frowned and crossed her arms across her chest.

Note to self: COVID makes stubborn personalities worse.

After making her promise again that she would finish the soup I made, and that she would keep her phone with her and answer my calls I left her apartment. Our movie evening would have to wait for another day. Right now I needed to call my sister and beg her to talk to my parents again. I couldn't take this anymore.

As I waited for the elevator, something else dawned on me, and that sinking feeling in the pit of stomach was back. Madi had never said this explicitly, but I knew this to be true now. If she had to choose between me and her parents, she would choose her parents. Not that I would blame her, she loved them more than anything. Even me.

And she needed them now when she was sick...even if they were just on the phone.

She would hate me for this, but I had to let her family know. I thought about letting her sister know at the very least. Somebody needed to check up on her in the morning while I was at work. I didn't have her sister's number, so I called Faraz. I had never liked the guy, but we had met a few times and I had even done a couple of online educational sessions for the doctors that worked in the charity hospitals his family ran.

"Hey Faraz, I needed Madi's sister's number. Could you text it to me or I can take it right now?"

"Why? What's going on? Is Madi ok?", he asked seeming genuinely concerned, which irked me because the she already had me to be concerned about her. She didn't need him too.

"She is fine...I just need Maliha's number", I said curtly.

"No need to be rude...", he retorted, "How come you don't have Maliha's number already? Aren't you and Madi a thing? Or is that a secret and her family doesn't know?"

"What is your problem Faraz? Stay out of our business...", I had more choice words for him but he interrupted me.

"She is my business, in fact she is family. What exactly is she to you?"

What the hell?

"Faraz, stay away from her..."

He interrupted me again, "Or what? I'll send you Maliha's number but Madi is family, and I won't stay away from her..."

With that he hung up and I was left reeling with a sense of impending doom. I always had a feeling that he was interested in Madi, and not just as a physician. I had tried telling her this but she had just laughed it off each time I bought it up. Now he was actually questioning our relationship, and being smug about her being family. And he was right...Madi and I didn't exactly have anything other than these intense feelings of belonging to each other.

Damn it...not again. Why do I always have to compete against other men?

I took a deep breath, as I sat in my car. I could feel the rage and despair building up in me, but then I remembered Madi's tearful face as I was leaving her apartment.

This time is different. This time Madi actually wants to spend her life with me.

I took a couple of more deep breaths to calm myself. I couldn't let Faraz and whatever he was planning derail my immediate plans. He had the decency to send me Maliha's number at least and I needed to call her, because someone needed to check up on Madi during the day. And then I needed to call my own sister. I would have to deal with Faraz later.

Maliha didn't pick up her phone, but I left a message, "Assalaam Alaikum Maliha. This is Omar, uh...I work with Madi. Could you give me a call when you get this message. Thanks"

Next I called Sehr, thankfully she did pick up.

"Sehr, dude... I need you talk to Ami and Abu, I am dying here. I can't do this anymore. I need to get married to Madi, and I need Ami and Abu to be on board with it", I blurted out without even greeting her first.