I had my list ready. It was a literal list jotted down on the back of a paper napkin, during noon conference, on why Madi and I should get married.

- I love her: No explanation needed.

- I think she loved me too: Even though she hadn't said those words. At the very least she was ready to put up with me for the rest of her life.

- She was so intelligent: There is more and more scientific data now that children's intelligence quotient (IQ) is linked to their mother's IQ more than their father's IQ. How could my parents say no to smart grandkids?

- She was kind, loyal and personable: Not a single person had anything bad to say about her. What I loved the most about her was that she treated the janitor who cleaned the patient rooms with as much respect as the senior attending. She would be the perfect bahu (daughter-in-law).

- She was really pretty: Rampant colorism aside, she had the kind of face that you could stare at all day and still not get tired. Her smile was the kind that lit up the room when she entered it. And she carried herself with so much grace, that even boring blue scrubs and a white coat looked good on her.

- She had desi family values: Yes, she was a woman with a career, but she lived with her parents, and she took great care of her siblings, and I had seen her with baby Ayah. We had not spoken about our own kids, but that was because I could not let my mind wander into that territory...yet. But I had no doubt that she would want to raise a family with me.

- Her family was the honest, humble, hardworking kind: Not very different from my own father's history, before he became the business tycoon he was now. They had raised her well.

- I love her, I want her, I can't imagine my life without her: These three reasons should be enough even if nothing else in the above list was true.

Armed with that list, I sat on the sofa waiting for the clock to hurry up and strike 11 pm, Chicago time. That would be 9 am the next day in Pakistan, which is when I knew my parents would both be at the breakfast table.

It was only 9 pm, so I had two more hours to kill. I hadn't spoken to Madi after our elevator ride today so I thought about calling her to see how the her day had gone. But just as I was about to call her, my sister called.

"Waiting to call Ami and Abu?"

"Yes, what else could I be doing right now?"

"I figured...", Sehr paused and but then in a cautious voice added, "Listen, whatever happens...Omar, I'll stand with you. Ok..."

Huh? What is that supposed to mean?

"What's going to happen? Do you know something, I don't?"

She didn't say anything, which made me very worried, "Sehr tell me the truth...if this is about Abu's friend's daughter...how many times do I have to tell them that I am not interested?"

"It's not just about her...Omar, this is between Ami, Abu and you so I am going to let them tell you. But just remember that our family occupies a unique position in Pakistan, and maybe even the Middle East given all of Abu's business deals in Dubai...and with that comes certain...problems, when it comes to who you can and cannot marry"

"Sehr, what the hell does that mean...", I was mildly panicking now. I was anticipating push back from my parents, but this was starting to sound a lot more ominous.

"It means keep a cool head Omar. If you are going to get anywhere with Ami and Abu, yelling at them and telling them that their way of life is wrong is not going to help. They are just looking out for you"

I was still trying to figure out exactly where Sehr was going with all of this when she interrupted my thoughts.

"Listen, I have to go. But before you get too worked up, I did have some good news for you.

"What?"

"You are going to be a Mamoo (Maternal Uncle)!", Sehr said gleefully.

"Seriously? MashaAllah Sehr, I am so happy for you and Aslam bhai. How far along are you?", I was so excited for her, and thankful to think of something other than the upcoming conversation with my parents.

"Just over three months..."

We chatted a little more about her pregnancy and the COVID outbreak and what that meant for her husband's travels, and then we said our goodbyes. It was too late to call Madi after that especially since she seemed to be so tired this morning. So, I put on the news and waited for the clock to strike 11 pm.

When it finally did, I said a small prayer and dialled my mother's phone, and she immediately put it on speaker so my dad could listen as well.

"Salaam Ami and Abu...how is everything going?"

My father started off with giving me details on how the business was not faring well given all the supply chain issues. I listened patiently, but after twenty minutes of that I had to interject with the real reason I was calling them.

"Can we talk about an issue that is very important...but I think will make you very happy"

I haven't given my parents good news recently so I wasn't surprised when they both seemed hesitant, but now that I had their attention I just blurted out my news.

"Ami, Abu...uh...there is someone in my residency program that I really like and want to get married to. And, the feeling is mutual...so I was hoping you could talk to her parents"

There was silence on the other end, and then I heard some whispering.

"Ami, Abu...I can't hear what you are saying..."

My dad cleared his throat and finally answered in a matter-of-fact voice, as if we were talking about some business deal, "If this is about Dr Madiha Ahmed...I am afraid that is not possible. And don't bother arguing with us, because our decision is final"

What?

"I am sorry...why is it not possible? And how do you even know her full name? I only told Ami her name was Madiha"

The absolute silence on the other end was deafening.

"Abu, is this about your friend's daughter? Because I am sorry...but I can't marry someone who I don't even know"

Mom replied, "It is not about her, even though I think she would make a much better wife than whoever you seem to have chosen now...and Sehr sent us a picture of that girl, from your resident's webpage"

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Sehr dug up a web picture of Madi, based on which I was not allowed to marry her? Madi's words about biases against her darker skin tone rang in my ears, and it was suddenly clear to me why my parents' were against me getting married to her.

Shocked at my parent's behavior, I couldn't help but raise my voice, "I can't believe this...you won't allow me to get married to a woman that I get along with, who is one of the nicest, most intelligent yet humble people you will ever meet...because her skin color is darker than the average desi? Seriously? What is wrong with you two?"

"Watch your tone Omar...", my dad replied sharply, but was cut off by my mom.

"Dark color ka sirf masla nahi hai...even though tumhari jori itni ajeeb lage gi. Tum itnay goray ho or wo achi khaasi dark. Bachey pata nahin kesai niklain gai. Unki bhi kismat kharaab karo ge is larki se shaadi kar ke"

(The dark color is not the only problem...even though as a couple you will look so weird. You are so fair and she is so dark skinned. I don't know how the kids are going to turn out. You will ruin their fate as well by marrying this girl)

I will ruin my kids' lives by marrying the dark-skinned woman I am in love with? How much more disgusting could my parents' thinking get?

"Your mom is right...even if we look over the fact that she is darker skinned, America mein aaj kal dark skin kafi in hai, tumhe uss ki family ko tou dekhna chahiyeh tha", my dad added.

(Dark skin is very 'in' these days in America, but you should have looked at her family as well)

I was seething with anger...they had a problem with her skin tone and her family? And dark skin was not 'in' these days. People were just becoming more aware of racism in the West and ingrained colonial era inspired colorism in our own societies. Skin tones were not a fashion statement!

I tried to keep my tone even, but wasn't successful. "How do you even know about her family? I haven't told you anything. They are the such an honest, humble and hardworking family..."

"We had someone look into her family when you mentioned her to your Ami a few weeks ago...you know we did the same before agreeing to Sehr's marriage, so don't pretend that you are shocked by it!"

What the fuck? They had someone look into Madi's family, as if they were some sort of criminals?

When Sehr was getting married there were a number of mutual friends between our family and her in-laws. I doubted there were any mutual friends between my and Madi's family, so I asked my parents how they even managed to get whatever information they have?

"That should tell you something Omar. We have nothing in common with them...so we had to hire a private investigator...", my dad replied in an indifferent tone.

"A private investigator? Are you kidding me? That is an invasion of their privacy...how dare..."

"OMAR! Tameez se baat karo apney baap se (Talk to your father with respect)", my mother raised her voice at me.

I took a deep breath to calm myself. Sehr was right, yelling at my parents and being disrespectful wasn't going to help my cause.

"I am sorry, but I can't imagine there being anything problematic about her family...she is such a nice person, and was raised so well by her parents...", I had more to say about her family but dad interrupted.

"That may be the case...but did you know she is the first college graduate in her entire family? Bilkul unparh jahil family hai uski (Her family is completely illiterate). The only reason her father made it to the US was because he got lucky and won a visa lottery. For God's sake, he used to be a lowly taxi driver in New York"

I didn't know Madi was the first college graduate, but what difference did that make? I wasn't marrying the rest of her family. Besides, her father was a self-made man and that should count.

But for my parents, apparently it did not.

"Her father is a car mechanic...even if he has a fancy title at a fancy car dealer. At the end of the day he is not any better than the greasy, dirty mechanics who fix our cars in Pakistan. And while he may have lived the American dream as you would say, his family members here live in areas that we wouldn't even send our driver to. One of her father's cousin is in jail for a robbery. Do you really expect us to bring a girl from there into our house...". my mom added.

I was too stunned to say anything before my dad continued to speak.

"His family members are the kind of people that work on the assembly line in our factories and that we give charity to..."

"STOP IT! Just stop insulting her...", I couldn't bear it anymore.

"OMAR...", my mom yelled at me again.

But I had enough of their judgemental behaviour, "NO! You both listen to me. I don't give a shit whether her family is not upto your standards. Or that they aren't as well educated, or what her extended family does or does not do. She has lived her whole life in the US. She probably doesn't even know anyone in Pakistan. But I can guarantee you that her parents are sincere, genuine people who have raised an amazing daughter..."

I paused but then added, "A daughter who I am in love with..."

"Love?...Again with all this love stupidity? This is what you did with Noor...even though I told you that girl was far too independent and her family didn't have any control over her...and I was right", my mom was quick to reply.

"Don't bring Noor into this..."

But my mom had clearly not gotten over her hatred for Noor either, "And why not? You humiliated our family back then, almost made Sehr's in-laws question her marriage...and now you're going to do it again by insisting on marrying someone whose family has nothing...no name, no status, no education"

"Omar...do you even know how much our family is worth? With all our business across the world, do you know what our bank account looks like right now?", my dad asked in a serious tone. I didn't know, and didn't care. But that didn't stop my father from insulting Madi's family again.

"Kutch akal karo (have some wisdom). The two of you will have zero compatibility. Can you imagine having a shaadi function here and having to invite people who will show up in rickshaws...instead of the BMWs and Lexuses that our side of the family will have"

Of course, my mom had to add her comments, "Log kya kahein ge? Yeh humiliation hum nahi bardaasht karein ge phir se...(What are people going to say? We will not put up with this humiliation again)",

"Omar, you have never done anything for this family. Yet, reaped the benefit of our name and status. How do you think you got into medical school or that you were able to go abroad for a PhD? Or that you are able to afford all the luxuries you have now despite your measly intern salary. It's all the money that we have been sending you...", my dad said.

"I don't give a damn about your money...I am a physician. I can make my own money..."

"Well you will...because I am going to cut off your monthly stipend. If you don't want to get married to my friend's daughter, don't...she already has a number of other proposals from men who are not idiots like you. But I am warning you...do not bring embarrassment onto this family again. Otherwise, mujh se bura koi nahi ho ga (no one will be worse than me)", my dad said in a low, bitter voice which signaled that we had reached the end of this conversation, and then he hung up the phone.

I didn't care about the money my dad sent, I hadn't even touched most of it, because I wasn't living in the luxury that my dad thought I was. But that's besides the point. My parents' had essentially shot down any hope of Madi and me getting married.

The more I thought about my conversation with my parents, the angrier I got. I had never seen this side of my family, or the society that I had grown up in. Or maybe I was blind to it, because it had never really affected me. The blatant colorism, the classism, the arrogance...it must have all been there before.

There was no difference between myself and Madi, except for where we happened to be born. Something that was not even under our control. Yet, because of that, the world had treated us so differently. My dad was right, even though I complained about my father's business, I had still reaped every benefit I possibly could because of that business...from the moment I was born.

Meanwhile, the world had thrown every ugly thing it possibly could at Madi, and she had still emerged with her beautiful, untainted, compassionate soul. I looked at the list I had made on the back of a paper napkin, on all the reasons why we should get married. None of those reasons mattered to my family, who was so blinded by their own prejudices and animosity for anyone who wasn't like them.

In that moment, my heart literally hurt with the love that I had for Madi. But then the sinking feeling took over.

What was I supposed to tell her?

What words do I use to tell her that every fear she had, and that I had naively told her not to worry about, was coming true?

Where the hell do we go from here?

---------------------