End of February 2020

Omar

Madi and I stood outside the main entrance of our hospital and compared the deluge of text messages that we had received from our concerned family members across the world.

'Hello beta, how are you. Have you heard of this cov 2 virus? I heard its really spreading. Anything we should worry about?' - text from my aunt

'Madiha beti kya haal hai? Yeh corona kya cheez hai?' (Madiha daughter, how are you? What is this corona thing?) - text from Madi's father's cousin

'Yo dude! Still single? Do you have any inside info on covid? Me and the fam were planning a trip next month, do you think it's safe?' - text from my medical school friend who was a psychiatrist and knew I had a particular interest in respiratory viruses.

'Hi Madi. Long time no see! Just wanted to check-in and see how you were doing. High school seems like ages ago. Anyway, call me when you get a chance. Had a few questions about this new virus' - text from Madi's high school debate partner, who she had not heard from in almost a decade.

'Omar, please make sure you have your vitamin C everyday' - text from my mom

COVID-19 was now devastating parts of Europe. Reports from northern parts of Italy detailed accounts of overflowing hospitals and people needing to be treated in makeshift tents outside. Closer to home, while our overall numbers were low the US government had declared a public health emergency due to the coronavirus outbreak. At the moment the COVID-19 outbreak met 2 of the 3 required factors for a pandemic: illness resulting in death and sustained person-to-person spread. Worldwide spread which was the third criteria had not been met yet.

But even though this was not a pandemic yet, COVID-19 was the only news being reported on by every media outlet. So naturally, public apprehension here and back in Pakistan was high. Madi and I were among the only physicians in our respective families so we seemed to be screening messages, and calls 24/7 now.

The tough part of it all was that there was still very little known about the virus, where it had come from and how it was spreading. It was speculated that it had come through animal contact at a market in Wuhan, China, and on January 21st, the first case of human-to-human transmission was reported. Since then it seemed to have spread like wildfire. There were some haphazardly conducted research studies on treatment options but other than that no real evidence on how to treat these patients.

The irony of it all was that while our families and friends were looking at us as some sort of experts on COVID-19, we were literally learning about it as we were typing out replies to their inquiries. Due to my PhD I may have understood the science a bit better, but there was just so little worthwhile scientific data that even I was often relying on information from press releases by groups of physicians, or laymen reporters who were relating on-the-ground realities at whichever outbreak region they were in.

"Aahh...stop texting me!", Madi yelled at her phone as it buzzed with 4 back-to-back messages, "It's so funny that I am suddenly the most popular person in my family. Some of these same people told me that I would never get married if I became a doctor...yet here they are at the first sign of some distressing medical news!"

I leaned into her slightly, "Well you sure showed them didn't you...Doctor Madia Ahmed, who is soon to be wed to me"

She blushed a deep pink and lowered her gaze, as a smile crept on her face.

A group of faculty walked past us just then so I lowered my voice before saying, "Have I told you how freaking adorable you look when you blush"

Her smile widened, and she looked up at me, batting her thick, long eyelashes that framed her beautiful brown eyes, "Maybe if you fixed your deep, husky voice, and stopped looking at me like that I wouldn't blush"

There was no denying how physically attracted I was to this woman, but it made my heart skip a beat to think that she too may be attracted to me. I wasn't a bad looking guy by any means, and I hit the gym frequently enough to be in reasonable shape as well. But there was a certain thrill associated with being able to elicit a natural visceral reaction from the woman you were deeply in love with just by looking at her. It forebode well for our married life.

For now though, I knew I needed to stay within my boundaries so I stepped back from her and 'fixed' my voice.

"Fine...but the rules will change when you are my wife, and I will look at you however I want"

She shook her head and laughed softly, and started to walk towards the hospital, "Dr Khan, we will talk about the rules when I am your wife"

I wasn't sure if I had caught just a hint of disappointment in her voice, but if it was there, she would be justified. I hadn't yet been able to talk to my parents about us. And that wasn't due to lack of trying. I had dialled my sister's phone as soon as I soon as I had dropped off Madi at her parent's house that night more than 2 weeks ago.

My sister always had a much better understanding of what my parents were up to and their ever changing moods. So, before I called them I had called Sehr to ask her how best I should approach my parents. She was thrilled for me, and wanted to meet Madi right away. But she did caution me that my parents would not be happy, because they had been talking to dad's friend/business partner about me and his daughter who was an architect.

Apparently, I was the only one holding up that match. Nevermind the fact that I had explicitly told my mom the last time I spoke to her that I was not interested, and had even told her about Madi. Of course, no one ever listens to me in my family. But dad was also on a very hectic travel schedule across the world. Due to COVID, the shipment of the raw materials that our surgical instrument factory used and which primarily came from China, had all but halted. So my father and his partners were scrambling to secure those materials from alternate sources.

Sehr recommended that I wait till dad was back in Pakistan before broaching the subject with both my parents together. And that did make sense to me. I had told Madi about my conversation with Sehr, and she agreed too. But that was 2 weeks ago, and dad still had no concrete plans of returning to Pakistan.

I ran up to Madi, and caught up with her before she got on to the elevators.

"Madi, listen...you know that I want to marry you more than anything else in the world, right? The delay with my family is a not a sign of me wavering..."

"I didn't say anything Omar..."

"I know, but I still want to make sure you know that I can't wait for us to be together, officially", I reiterated what I had already told her many times in the last couple of weeks.

She smiled at me, "I know that...and I also know that things are not always in our control. Things like a viral outbreak"

Then she shrugged and added, "Besides I just don't see you getting married to an architect...they aren't sleep deprived enough to be your type"

"You're absolutely right...a coffee drinking, sleep deprived nerd in a white coat is my only type", I grinned back at her as we got onto the elevator together.

I was under no illusion that my parents would roll over and accept my decision to marry Madi and not some friend's daughter, whose name I couldn't even recall. But I had managed to get my way with them so far, and this was the most important decision of my life. There was no way they would deny me my God given right to choose who I decide to spend the rest of my life with.

I will be fine, we will be fine...I told myself for the hundredth time that week.

When Omar had called to tell me about his conversation with his sister I felt like my heart was sinking, and since then I had this constant knot in my stomach which was becoming harder and harder to ignore.

I was not the anxious type, usually. For every high-stakes situation, I usually had a plan B.

If I hadn't been able to get a scholarship for the expensive but top-rated undergraduate program I was interested in, I would have gone to the public university and tried again next year.

If I hadn't gotten into medical school, I would have gone for a PhD program.

If I hadn't gotten into residency after medical school, I would have joined an international volunteer medical organization.

And those plan Bs had gotten me through all the long-drawn-out waiting periods.

But now, there was no plan B

There would never be anyone else that I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

Before him, I had considered living alone if I didn't find someone who was worth it. But he had shown me, even if only for a short while, what it felt like to be wanted. If we couldn't get married, how was I ever supposed to forget that feeling?

I leaned back on the wall of the elevator, and took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment. How was I ever supposed to forget the scent of his masculine cologne, or the warmth of his body as he stood next to me on that elevator that was filling up with the morning rush.

Calm down, Madi

"Madi...are you coming? This is our floor", Omar's voice forced me to open my eyes to look at him and the dozen other pairs of eyes that were peering at me, as he stood towards the front of the elevator holding the door open for me.

"Yes...sorry, long night", I smiled politely at everyone else on elevator as I stepped out of it.

"Sorry if I have been keeping you up at night. Maybe we should take a break today and go to sleep early", Omar said as we walked towards the resident room.

We had been talking on the phone regularly at night, usually just about each other's life. But he had also been helping me write my statement of purpose (also called personal statement) for the chief resident position. Hearing his voice, or just knowing that he was there even when he was not speaking, had been the elixir I needed over the last two weeks.

"It's not you...its all these text messages from time zones across the world, that is the problem. It's actually nice to talk to someone after work...", I smiled at him, hoping that he would call again tonight.

With my sister married, I had no one really to talk to at home. I had debated telling my parents about Omar, especially after my sister rambled on and on one day about the nice Pakistani ER doctor that she and dad had met when he went there with what turned out to be heartburn. But then decided to wait till after Omar spoke to his own parents. There was no way I was going to have two awkward conversations, when I could achieve the same with one.

He stopped just before entering the residents room and looked at me, his eyes narrowed and his voice lowered, "Madi...I can't wait for the day that we can talk at night without having to pick up our phones"

He was trying to put up a brave face, but the genuine sentiment in his voice betrayed the anxiety that I knew he felt.

So, I smiled at him again, and then told him what I had been telling myself, "Don't worry...everything will turn out ok"

His facial expression relaxed a bit, as he nodded and reached into his pocket to get his phone which had just pinged.

"Another covid inquiry or someone sharing a hoax video?", I asked him.

He stared at his phone's screen for a few seconds before looking up at me, "No...actually it's Sehr. My dad just boarded his flight from Dubai to Karachi. He and Ami will be at home tonight"

We both saw fear and anxiety in each others eyes in that moment. We both knew things were about to change...whether that change would lead to lifelong bliss or despair, was the great unknown.

Everything will be fine. It had to be...for we had no plan B

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