《Mending Broken Hearts》24. There Is Someone

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The pandemic will start to play a prominent role in this story. I am going to try to keep the timeline factually correct (roughly speaking), so will start adding the month at the beginning of each chapter.

"Omar, the Hamid family is moving from Dubai next week. Sehr said she already mentioned their daughter, Fatima, to you...well, they asked us again what our thoughts were. We have to give them an answer sooner or later"

I tried to remember which one the Hamid family was. Apparently, all of Karachi had suddenly sprouted with eligible bachelorettes, making it hard for me to even keep a tab on who my mom was referring to during any given phone conversation. I believe Fatima Hamid was the architect daughter of dad's business partner.

Not that any of that mattered, because my answer would have been the same.

"Ami, I am not ready for marriage yet", I replied to my mom, regretting my decision to call my parents on their wedding anniversary.

"You'll be 29 soon...Omar, how long are you going to live alone?", my mom replied, clearly irritated by me.

Except, I wasn't alone. I had someone. Or I think I had someone.

Madi and I had been texting off and on over the last month. I hadn't expected her to fall in love with me the moment I told her that I cared about her. She wasn't one to divulge her feelings easily, and she specifically held back when I tried to ask her anything related to us. But we managed to keep communicating even if at a snail's pace, which was better than radio silence...I guess.

As luck would have it the day after I finished my rotation at the community hospital's ER, Madi started her rotation on the inpatient unit at the same community hospital, and I was back at the main hospital. So there was no running into her casually, or meeting at noon conferences. I thought of asking her to go out with me for coffee or lunch a couple of times on the weekend. But between us working alternate weekend shifts and me not knowing what she would be comfortable with, and a little afraid/hesitant to ask her after she ran away from me the last time I opened up to her, I never really got a chance to meet her outside of work either.

There is a fine line between courting and dating, neither of which is easy to do when you are also trying to stay within the boundaries of your religion and culture. So we texted, because texting takes away the emotions and replaces it with emojis. It gives you a moment to think, and only put your carefully curated thoughts out there. Unfortunately though, it also lets you shy away from important discussions.

But while Madi may have been hesitant to discuss anything other than work, and the news headlines of the day, and sometimes her family, I had no doubt about my feelings for her. Feelings that had only grown since the evening we had stood in the snow under the trees glowing with holiday lights. Because even as we discussed US politics, or the housing crisis and homelessness in Chicago, I couldn't help but marvel at her passion and intelligence. I would often find myself pulling out my phone in the middle of the day just to send her a random thought about an article she had sent, or read her text messages when I missed her.

There was no denying it...I was all in. Madi was the only woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

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So, maybe it's time to say something to Ami...maybe this will be the reassurance she needs to give me some space.

"Ami, I am not alone...there is someone who I have been talking to, recently"

There was silence on the other end.

"Ami...?", I repeated, wondering if she had lost signal.

"Who is she?", my mom asked bluntly.

My mom's terse tone suddenly made me nervous. What if my parents don't like Madi? Or don't approve of our marriage? But now that I had mentioned her to my mom, I couldn't back out.

"She is a resident with me. Her name is Madiha...and uh...she is really nice. You'll like her"

There was more silence, before Ami's careful voice spoke up again.

"Ok, and what does her father do?"

What does her father do?

I knew what her father did, but for some reason I hesitated before telling my mother. Then I chided myself, because there was nothing to hide. He was an honest, hardworking man, who had risen through the ranks at his job and who had raised three children who were model citizens of this country. He had truly embodied the American dream. Surely my parents would not have a problem with that.

"He is a lead automotive technical expert at a luxury cars dealer in one of the Chicago suburbs", I replied to mom, remembering what Madi had told me once.

"Does he own the cars dealership?"

"No he works there..."

"Fine, we'll look into her family. But Omar, Abu and I have said this to you before as well...marriages are not just between two people, they are also between two families"

"Ami...I've met her dad. He was my patient in the ER once, and he came across as a very down-to-earth, reasonable person. I am sure you'll like her family", I reassured my mom, but then also implored, "But please, please, don't say or do anything yet. I need some time to know how she feels about this whole thing...before you and Abu do anything"

"Honestly, I don't understand you young people today. Back in our day, we quietly married whoever our parents picked for us and no one had any marital issues"

My mom finally hung up after reminiscing some more about the 'good old' days. But I hoped that by mentioning Madi, she would lay off the marriage talk for a while.

Meanwhile, I really needed to figure out what Madi was thinking. She had been holding her cards so close to her chest, I had no inkling whether she just wanted to chat with someone every now and then as a friend, or if she was actually feeling something more than that.

Patience is a virtue, I told myself.

But when you have walked so far down a path that there is no point of return, and the other person hasn't even put their walking shoes on yet, patience feels like a punishment.

It was only 7 am and I was on the Infectious Diseases (ID) clinical rotation where the team did not typically meet till 8 am, so I decided to brave the winter weather and walk the 20 mins to work instead of taking my car. Maybe the cold would help calm down some of the fears that had crept in that morning, as they sometimes did when I thought about Madi and our future.

What if her parents don't like me? What if Madi ends up saying no to me? What if there is someone else in Madi's life that I don't know about, like there was in Noor's life? Is that why she is dragging her heels?

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A small, but persistent voice inside me had recently started to appear; Madi and I, were like Noor and I, in some respects. We had interesting conversations, not personal ones.

Is Madi friend-zoning me like Noor did?

But then I would remember the times Madi and I worked together. The smiles we would randomly exchange, our inside jokes, the work-related looks and gestures that only made sense to me and her...we were a great team. Which is not something I could ever have said about Noor and I.

Yet, while I am ready to marry her...she is only ready to send me random news articles and smiley emojis!

Almost as if on cue, my phone buzzed in my pocket. It was another text from Madi. But this time she wanted me to call her, when I was free.

I am free now!

"Good morning Madi! How are you?", I said, with a huge smile on my face.

But instead of her usual cheerful self, she spoke quickly, "Good morning Omar. Sorry to bug you this early, but I received signout from the overnight team at this community hospital on a patient they admitted with breathing difficulty and high fevers. We just realized that this person had contact with some travellers from Wuhan in China, you know, where that coronavirus outbreak is happening?"

Oh no...is she taking care of this patient?

"Madi...please wear all the proper gear if you have to care for this patient, there have been so many deaths already from this virus"

She herself had recently sent me articles on what was being called COVID-19 (coronavirus disease 2019). While the virus (SARS-CoV-2) had started started from a single city in Wuhan, it was rapidly spreading to other parts of Asia and just last week there had been reports of affected patients from multiple cities in Europe.

"We actually just transported this patient to the main hospital. We don't have high level infection control facilities at the community hospital. So you will likely end up seeing him, since you are on the ID team this month"

She paused for a second, but then her voice became a lot softer, and full of concern, "Omar, promise me you'll be careful...I am sending you a link to instructions on how to wear and take off the personal protective equipment. Make sure you read it right away...ok?"

Is she worried about me?

"Ok Madi...got the link. I'll read it and be careful...promise", I replied, smiling at myself.

I knew how to wear the protective gear since I had worked with similar respiratory viruses as part of my PhD, and wearing this equipment was standard practice in the lab. But it still warmed my heart to think that Madi was anxious for me.

"Good...I have to go, but please take care of yourself and text me after you see this patient", she said in the same soft voice as before, making me wish I could see her in-person.

When I reached the physician's workroom where the ID team usually gathered, I was met with apprehensive looks from both the attending and the fellow.

"Hi Omar. Looks like we just got our first patient with COVID-19. He's stable right now, but could you go over his paperwork and review his chart and then we'll go see him in a little while"

So, I logged onto a nearby workstation and started to go through his chart till I got to his hospital transfer summary that was written by a Dr Madiha Ahmed. The image of her typing away on the computer, with utmost concentration as she subconsciously bit her lower lip, flashed in front of me making my heart flutter. And then I sighed.

Oh Madi, give me a sign...something, anything, so I can send my parents over

I took a deep breath, trying to shake off that distraction and got back to work. A few minutes later armed with all the information I could gather on our new patient and a print out of the few research papers that had been published by Chinese researchers in the last month on COVID-19, I made my way to the section of the ICU that had all the negative pressure isolation rooms.

The rest of the teams had already gathered there, and we went over the data I had collected and the few papers I had pulled. Our patient was a 56 year old male with high blood pressure that had been reasonably well controlled. We were still waiting for the coronavirus test result to come back, but given the findings on his chest xray and his oxygen requirement, and his history of being in contact with travellers from Wuhan, this was most likely COVID-19.

Treatment options at the moment were very limited, and mostly consisted of supporting the patient with oxygen, and fluids as needed. Thankfully, this patient had not yet required a ventilator.

"It does sound like the disease is worst in the second week of the illness rather than right at the time of initial symptoms", I reported, reading from one of the papers that I had pulled.

"That's true Omar. I was also on an international call with some physicians from China, and they said that if a patient requires a ventilator it's usually for several weeks, which is why their ICU capacity is maxed out with so many patients requiring ventilatory support all at the same time", the ID attending spoke up.

The ICU attending nodded in agreement, "That's what I am hearing from my ICU colleagues as well. Hopefully, this will get contained soon because our ICUs are always maxed out under normal conditions. The US healthcare system is built for efficiency at high financial profit, and there isn't any room to quickly expand, if needed"

That's another thing Madi had told me recently. The US hospitals, especially the non-academic ones, are by and large for-profit hospitals. In order to reduce financial losses, the number of open hospital beds is closely calibrated to the number of expected patients, and there are no extra open beds. So if a pandemic were to hit the US, and a large number of people got sick at the same time, our hospitals would quickly reach their maximum capacity.

I smiled remembering the string of text messages Madi had sent one night, detailing everything she thought was wrong with the US healthcare system, and how she would fix it.

I am falling in love with a nerd!

As long as she is my nerd...I'll take it!

"Omar, you coming?", the ID fellow's voice cut through my daydreams.

"Yes...I am"

Since we didn't know much about the spread of this virus, we had placed the patient in a special isolation room, and wore our N95 masks, eye protection, gowns and gloves, before entering into the patient room.

The patient had an oxygen mask on and was maintaining his oxygen levels, but was really struggling to breathe, or speak in full sentences.

"Doc...I feel...worse than I...have ever...felt before...even the flu...isn't...this...bad", he replied between breaths after our attending asked how he felt.

The fellow and I looked at each other, and were probably thinking the same thing. This patient is right...this is not the flu!

The rest of our day went by in taking care of patients with non-COVID infections. Little did we know at the time, that 'non-COVID' anything would quickly become a rarity in the coming weeks, as our hospital would get flooded with COVID patients.

At 4 pm when I was hoping we would finally start to wind down for the day, the attending read aloud from his phone.

"One of the Chinese research teams just released the entire genetic sequence of this SARS-CoV-2 virus, and have given access to anyone who is interested in researching it"

That was surprising, because it takes a while to get the gene sequencing data, and even then researchers tend to hang on to the data to first analyse it themselves. I had analyzed such sequences before, so I pulled up the gene analysis software that I was familiar with and downloaded the newly released SARS-CoV-2 gene sequence from virological.org. We looked at the various parts of the virus's DNA, comparing it to what we knew about the previous corona viruses. One of the most obvious differences was in the spike protein, which helps the virus attach to the cells in our body.

"This is interesting, but I don't know what it means yet. Let me read up some more and maybe we can talk about it tomorrow?", I told the ID team that was peering over my shoulder, looking at my computer screen.

They all nodded, and so at around 5:30 pm I finally gathered my stuff and left the ID team's workroom. As I headed towards the main entrance of the hospital, I took my phone out to see if Madi had sent any new messages. She hadn't, but before I could get too disappointed I heard a familiar male voice arguing with someone.

"Would you like to take care of my daughter, while I go give this phone to my wife? I am not sure what you expect me to do otherwise"

I turned to see Salman standing at the front check-in desk, waving a phone in one hand and holding a carseat in the other.

"I am sorry sir, I can't bend the rules even for physicians...", the older woman reiterated again.

"Hey Salman, uh...what is going on? Can I help?", I stepped in before a very irate Salman made things worse with the front desk woman.

"Nothing...", he muttered, stepping away from the desk, "Noor went for her physiotherapy but forgot her phone, and they won't let me go up there with Ayah because they are restricting visitors to the hospital. This is so stupid...what are parents with little kids supposed to do? "

"I can take care of Ayah, if you want to run up and give Noor her phone...", I offered.

I had never taken care of a baby before, but she was strapped into her carseat and fast asleep. How difficult could it be?

"Thanks man...that would be great! Sometimes Noor gets off early and I don't want her waiting out in the cold. I shouldn't need more than 15 mins"

"Take your time..."

Salman handed me the sleeping baby and walked off. I took Ayah's car seat and sat down on a nearby sofa. The first few minutes went by uneventfully, and I scrolled through my phone trying to get more information on the spread of COVID-19 through Europe. The westward spread, meant that the US may not be far behind. The World Health Organization had also recently declared the coronavirus outbreak a Public Health Emergency of International Concern.

"Wheee--oooo--wheee--oooo, this is a test of the fire alarm system. Please ignore this message..."

Suddenly, the fire alarm system blared loudly, waking up Ayah who shrieked louder than I thought babies were even capable off.

Wow...no one told her she has the lungs of a 2 month preemie baby!

I tried rocking the car seat first, and then stood up and picked up the whole car seat to swing it gently. Clearly, I had no idea what I was doing because an older woman sitting near me said, "I think your daughter may want to be held..."

"I am just babysitting for a friend, but yes thanks for that suggestion...", I replied to her politely, not wanting to seem as if I had stolen a baby or something.

It took me, despite my MD and PhD degrees, a full 5 mins to wrestle baby Ayah out of the car seat.

Who the hell makes these car seats so complicated!!

Finally, she was free and I held her, cradling her small body in my arms while supporting her head with my hand. Whatever I did seemed to worked because she became quiet, nuzzling her cute, little button nose against my chest.

I had never really been the kind of person who was interested in babies or children, perhaps that's why I slept through most of my pediatric rotations in medical school. But holding Ayah, staring into the light brown eyes she had inherited from her mom, felt so peaceful. I couldn't help but smile at her and stroke her soft cheek with my thumb.

Before I could sit down again with Ayah, who was giving me a toothless grin, I heard a voice that made me grin like a little kid.

"Whose baby did you steal?"

I looked up to see a smiling Madi. Her hair was tied up in a bun with some loose curls framing her pretty face and her eyes twinkled with delight.

Delight at seeing me or Ayah?

Who cares? She's here...and am I seriously jealous of Ayah?

"Salman had to go up and give Noor her phone, so I am just babysitting Ayah for a few minutes. What are you doing here?", I couldn't hide my delight at seeing this beautiful woman after almost a month.

Before she replied to me, she came closer and reached out to gently stroke Ayah's soft hair. Close enough for me to catch a whiff of her sweet fragrance, and note the pink lip gloss on her perfectly shaped lips.

As if her proximity wasn't enough to make my heart beat faster, she then looked up at me with her bright brown eyes, and gave me one of her gorgeous smiles that seemed to take my breath away.

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