The obstetrician had just completed Noor's c-section when Salman arrived. He looked a lot less distraught than he had that morning, which made me feel a little less guilty that I had asked him to go home earlier. He hadn't been there for his wife's abrupt worsening, but I was glad that Omar had the presence of mind to call him and include him in our discussion.

I had to admit that part of me was surprised at Omar's gesture when he went in to talk to Noor. Too often we forget that our patients have feelings and emotions that actually play a major role in how their body functions. A friendly, soothing voice can provide a lot more comfort that most of us expect it to. But perhaps I was more surprised at what he had said. Telling Noor that her husband loved her and that she needed to fight for her family must have been hard.

Yet, somehow when I saw Omar updating Salman on what had happened since he had gotten off the phone with us, I couldn't help but think that his feelings towards Noor and certainly towards her husband seemed to have drastically shifted over the last several hours. And I did not know what to think of that, or maybe I needed to ask myself why I was thinking of it at all.

How Omar feels about his ex-fiancé has no bearing on your life! So stop thinking about it and do your job...

Annoyed at myself for getting distracted I went to join the two men. Omar had just finished explaining the changes we had made in Noor's ventilator setting when the neonatologist opened the ICU door and asked Salman to come in to meet his baby.

"Its a girl! And she is a feisty little one! We had planned to put a ventilator tube in her to help her breathe but it looks like she will do fine with just a bipap", she said with a smile.

That was great news as far as I could remember from medical school. A bipap is basically a mask through which air is pushed into the nose and mouth of the baby, so it helps to keep the lungs open without the need for a more invasive procedure, like a ventilator.

"Well, she is her mother's daughter...", Salman said with a tired smile.

Meanwhile, Omar and I went in to check on Noor along with the ICU attending and fellow. Now that the baby was out, we were able to start her on epinephrine, a medicine which helps the heart muscle pump better. With that her blood pressure started to climb, and there was a collective sigh of relief around the room.

The neonatologist team started to wheel out the baby in her little incubator and I could see that Salman was trying to make yet another decision; go with his newborn or stay with his wife.

"Omar or I could go with your daughter if you want to stay with Noor", I told him, as Omar nodded in agreement.

"Thanks guys! Omar could you go? Just want to make sure she does ok on the way there..."

"Of course, and congrats Salman!", he said with a slight smile, and extended his hand for a handshake.

Salman did not hesitate in reciprocating that gesture, and it struck me how these two men who were arguing in this very room just a few hours ago had managed to put aside their differences for a woman who they both truly cared about.

As Omar followed the neonatology team out of the ICU room, I went over to Noor's bedside again and I checked on all the medications she was on. Salman came to stand next to me and squeezed his wife's hand, then bent over to kiss her gently on her forehead.

"Noor, I love you so much...", he told her in a hushed tone, "And our daughter is beautiful just like you..."

I stepped away from her bedside, to give him some privacy...and to wipe the tears in my eyes. What Salman was going through was worse than what I could ever imagine, but this was breaking my heart too. I said a silent prayer again for their little family, neither mom nor daughter were out of the woods yet.

Salman looked up at me after a few minutes and said. "I wish I could have told her I loved her when she was having the c-section..."

Of course, I didn't tell him what Omar had done, that was not my place. But I did say, "I am going to bet she knew that..."

He didn't say anything, so I asked him, "How does it feel like to be a dad?"

His daughter had surprised everyone at how well she was able to breathe on her own. I figured that was a piece of good news he could focus on, despite this horrible day.

"Like I have yet another piece of my life that I have to worry about...", he said, with a half smile. Then he sighed and added, "Noor and I had talked about this day so many times...I just never imagined this is what it would be like. I haven't even had the heart to tell her parents yet...could you stay with her till I go talk to them?"

"Of course!"

It was almost towards the end of our ICU shift so I asked the overnight team to come over to Noor's room. Once I had signed out all our patients to them, I settled into the chair and waited for Salman. He came back almost an hour later. Omar had found him in the hallway and had joined his conversation with Noor's distraught family. Despite their history, I could imagine having a familiar person treat their daughter would be reassuring.

His conversation with his own family was what seemed to have made him really edgy. I didn't know about their family dynamics in detail, but I was pretty sure that he did not get along with his parents too well.

"I don't even know why I bothered calling my mom, all she did was complain about how I left her alone to deal with dad's medical problems. He had a mild heart attack, and should be discharged from the hospital tomorrow...my wife on the other hand..."

He didn't finish that sentence, but I understood what he was saying.

I wasn't a stranger to having unreasonable family members, the 15 text messages from my sister about her wedding plans since that morning was testament to that. I had ignored them till now, but dreaded going home and getting bombarded by her again. So I decided to just stay with Salman for a little while longer, he could use the company and I didn't want the company waiting for me at my parent's home.

Over the next couple of hours Noor had significant improvement in her condition. Not having to take care of another life inside her had probably taken a lot of the pressure off her heart and lungs. That plus the antibiotics we had given her were probably starting to work as well by now. Salman had made a couple of trips to the neonatal ICU and reported that his daughter, who didn't have a name yet so was called 'Baby Girl Noor', was doing a lot better than everyone had expected.

All in all, that day had been the hardest one in my residency to date. But I was starting to see a silver lining now. As I gathered my stuff to finally leave, I wondered what Omar was up to. I hadn't seen him since he had gone to the neonatal ICU with the baby, so I figured he had gone home already. But I decided to text him anyway. It had been a long, hard day and I wanted to make sure that he was doing ok.

'Hey! Not sure if you're home already, but great job today with everything. Hope you're doing ok"

He immediately texted back.

'Thanks! Had to wrap up a few things but in the call room right now. Just needed a moment before I head out'

Needed a moment?

The call rooms were just around the corner from the residents room, and if needing a moment meant that he was trying to process everything that had happened that day, I wanted to be there for him. So I walked over there and found him in one of the rooms, sitting on the bed with his head in his hands.

"Omar..."

When he looked up at me it was obvious that he was tired. And there was a sadness about him that I had not seen before. Though I had a pretty good idea about what had bought it on.

"Are you ok?"

"No...but I will be. Thanks for asking", he gave me a half smile and looked down again.

"Mind if I sit down?"

He seemed surprised at that, but pushed a desk chair towards me and motioned for me to take a seat.

"I am going to say something as your senior resident...", I hesitated because maybe this wasn't my place to say this at all, but taking care of my intern's mental health was my job as well, so I continued.

"You are an amazing guy. I don't think I have ever met anyone who is as generous as you. So I have no doubt when I say this, you will find someone who will love you as much as you love her. Maybe Noor wasn't the right person, but someone else will be"

He didn't say anything for a moment but then looked up at me and replied, "Thanks Madi! That means a lot"

I nodded and started to get up when he spoke up again.

"I am going to say something as someone who is slightly older than you...", Omar smiled at me, "Madi, you deserve someone who loves you for who you are, not for who you pretend to be sometimes. And if your fiancé isn't that person, you shouldn't settle for him"

I hadn't realized Omar was older than me, but with a 6 year PhD degree in addition to medical school, that made sense. But that was not the reason why I suddenly felt my throat dry up. No one had ever said those words to me, or made me feel like I was made of clear glass so that everything inside me lay bare.

What does he mean by 'who you pretend to be'?

"You don't know me well enough to know who I am", my voice croaked.

"Maybe...but I can see you Madi. It's not hard to recognize that you're exhausted of being the one to hold everyone else together, and to be the person that everyone depends on", his voice was low, and deep and genuine.

"I am not exhausted...", I started to say, before Omar interrupted me.

"Noor is your friend too. How are you doing with everything that has happened to her today?"

Again, I was not expecting this from him. But I seemed to have forgotten how to form sentences as I gazed back into his warm, brown eyes that tempted me to just lay out all my feelings without fear of being looked down up, or not living up to his expectations.

"I am not ok", I heard myself confess to him, "I was terrified initially not just for Noor but our other patients as well, but now I just feel completely drained, and I have to do this all over again in less than 12 hours"

I looked at my watch, it was almost 9 pm. I would have to be back in this ICU at 6 am again.

Omar moved closer to the edge of the bed, and handed me a tissue from the nearby desk, which is when I realized that I had tears pooling in my eyes.

What is he doing to me? I have never behaved like this in front of anyone before

"Maybe you don't have to do this all on your own, Madi, I am sorry that I wasn't completely available today, and thank you so much for being there for me. Tomorrow, I promise, you won't have to carry the burden of all these ICU patients by yourself"

He was looking at me such tenderness that for a second I just wanted to stay with him. Or maybe I had just imagined the whole thing because I wanted him to look at me like that. But then my phone buzzed and I saw that my sister had texted again, this time telling me that my parents were getting worried I wasn't home yet. So I got up to leave.

"Thanks Omar, sorry for being all sentimental in front of you", I tried to smile at him.

He let out a small laugh, and said, "No worries at all...what is a friendly colleague for anyway? You can be sentimental in front of me whenever you want. I won't ever judge you"

Friendly colleague...right, of course, that's what we are.

I said goodbye and left the room, but had to stop just outside the door to gather myself. I don't know why him calling us friendly colleague had bothered me, or why I was so ready to open myself up to him, even though I had known him only a couple of weeks.

Then I heard him take my name and as I turned to face the voice, he slammed right into me, almost knocking me to the ground. But he reached out and grabbed my shoulders before I could fall. I caught a whiff of his cologne, and I was sure that it was the reason I felt my cheeks burn all of a sudden. Its not like him holding me, gazing into my eyes, had any affect on me.

He couldn't have any affect on me, we were just colleagues afterall, right?

"I am so sorry. I didn't expect you to be standing here. Are you ok?", he said, letting go of me and stepping back.

"Yes...yes, I am sorry, I uh...I was just reading my text messages", I blurted out, hoping he didn't realize that I wasn't actually holding a phone in my hand.

"Oh that's ok. I just wanted to know if you had a ride. Its late, do you want me to drop you off somewhere?"

It was late, and I wasn't a fan of riding the train at night for 35 minutes to my parent's home in the suburbs. I had moved into my own apartment briefly in the beginning of residency, but then realized that I hated living alone so had decided to move back in with them. Ordinarily, I would have not hesitated to accept Omar's offer to drop me off, but today for some reason his presence was turning me into an emotional wreck. And there was no way I could sit in a car with him for the ride home without making a bigger fool of myself, so I just told him I would be fine and walked away.

Besides, I did not need anyone's help

Least of all a friendly intern's help

The walk to the train station was uneventful, and luckily the train came soon afterwards. There were only a handful of passengers in the compartment I got in, so I sat on an empty seat and took my laptop out. Usually, I just closed my eyes and listened to music but today I knew that if I did, my mind would go to either the tragedy that had befallen my friend, or how my runaway emotions seemed to be reacting to a particular intern.

As a physician I could deal with the former, but I had no idea what to do about the latter. For starters even if he was older than me, he was still junior to me and I needed to maintain a professional relationship with him. Then, he was just recovering from the near death of someone he had loved, even if his feelings towards her had evolved. And lastly, there was the matter of me not looking for anyone anyway...technically, I was engaged, and I needed to behave that way.

Time to open up that laptop!

I tried reading a couple of research papers that I had saved on my desktop, but my mind was completely numb and did not absorb a single word. Then I tried playing some mindless game on my phone, but stopped when I realized that my phone only had 5% battery. My stomach started growling, so I dug through my bag to see if I could find some of the energy bars Omar had gotten for me.

That was so sweet of him

Ugh...stop thinking about him!

I had gone back to looking through my bag, when the smell of alcohol, urine and sweat all mixed together forced me to stop and look up.

"You looking for something sweetie?", an unkempt man in his 40s, with broken and yellow-stained teeth and a bottle of whiskey in one hand, grinned at me. He was standing only a few feet away but was slowly inching towards me, while mumbling something.

Looking around I realized that somewhere between me being lost in my thoughts and trying to read a research paper, that man and I were the only ones left in our train compartment. My street survival instinct kicked in immediately. I was a city girl after all, even if I lived in the suburbs, and I dialed the last person who had called me without even looking at my phone.

"Madi? Is everything ok?", a low-pitched, familiar voice said from the other end.

Omar? I dialed Omar's number? Seriously...what is wrong with me? I am going to hang up.

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