"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory." - Dr Seuss

On a typical warm Pakistani afternoon, my parents had invited family and friends over for lunch. I was 19 years old, and had started medical college just a few months before. The studying had been intense, the hours long. And I had opted to stay in the boys' hostel on the premises of the medical college, just to save time on commuting back and forth from home.

Today, after a week of grueling exams, I was finally back home for a few days before the next semester started.

"Did you miss your mom's cooking?", one of my aunts asked.

"Yes Aunty, of course I did!", I replied, my eyes till focused on our front door through which guests were trickling in.

Mom's cooking, as much as I loved home-cooked meals, was not what I had missed the most while living in the hostel. In fact, I hadn't missed anything or anyone at my own home as much as I had missed her.

Our parents were friends for as long as I could remember. As younger kids we often played together. As teenagers we grew apart slightly, but only because of the natural segregation that happens in our society as children age. I had studied at the same co-ed school as her and we attended many of the same family and friends' social events. So even as we grew older, I often found myself in her company. Our interactions were always informal and friendly, yet respectful.

I don't know exactly when she became more than just a friend for me, but I do remember exactly when I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I had just received my acceptance letter to a top-rated medical college and everyone at home was congratulating me, but all I wanted to do was share my news with her. And when I did tell her at school the next day, and she told me how proud she was of me, I knew I never wanted her to leave my side.

I was still standing in the same position facing the door, when another family walked in and greeted my parents. With that family, was the 16 yr old girl that I couldn't stop thinking about. But she didn't look at me, even if she had I probably would not have noticed it, because I had deliberately moved my gaze away from her. I had been raised to always remain cognizant of my boundaries, and staring at her would never be appropriate. For me, it was enough to know that she and I were under the same roof, breathing the same air.

An hour later, I did find myself face to face with her. I had wanted a second helping, and found her standing alone next to the dinner table, diligently picking out all the peas out of the muttar pulao (peas and rice dish) on her plate. Just like she had done since we were little kids. She hadn't realized I was standing there...but I found myself smiling at her.

"What have peas ever done to you?"

She looked up, and her beautiful face lit up with a smile, "Omar! I didn't know you were back from college"

"I am, for a few days..."

Before I could ask how she was doing, her mom walked in to the dining room.

"For God's sake Noor, you're too old to be taking peas out from the pulao. That too at other people's house. Learn some manners! One day you'll be at your in-laws house...what will people say when they find you doing things like this?", her mom scolded her.

When her mom realized that I was standing in that room as well, she immediately apologized, "Sorry beta (son), I didn't see you there. I don't know what I am going to do with this crazy child"

"That's ok Aunty...let her do what she wants, she too will grow up one day", I had told her mom, while smiling at her.

Noor laughed, and that sweet, innocent sound reminded me just why I had missed her so much. And I vowed to myself that one day, I would tell her what she meant to me. One day, I would make her mine forever, and then this would be her in-laws house, and she could separate out all the peas she wanted to.

But between then and now, she grew up and the life I had seen for us went awry...or maybe I should say, it went awry for me.

She made me fall in love with her, but never loved me back. I dreamed of her, while her dreams were for someone else.

I lost her, even though I never really had her.

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