Although Keely didn’t have any reason to be up early, she found herself sitting at the breakfast table with her father.

As he chatted about the blueprints he’d just received for a new job, she found her mind wandering far from his words while she pushed the bloated cereal around the milk, the soggy pebbles crumbling with the motion. Sighing she cupped her chin with her hand, leaning against the arm that was propped against the table.

There was no doubt in her mind that she didn’t look exactly great this morning, sometimes the mirror really should break. From the sleepless night of tossing and turning around her bed, her hair was knotted and twisted more than usual. Her eyes were sunken and had dark bags, even her skin looked on the sickly side of pale this morning.

What was it with it worth people and the L word?

Love was such an enormous word, and she didn’t like it thrown around. But at the same time, she couldn’t say that Joe had thrown it around like it was nothing. The painfully honest glint in his eyes flashed in her mind, and Keely felt an agonizing jab in her stomach at the thought.

That was her best friend; sure he could hide things from her and not approve of what she did. However, there was one thing they didn’t do lightly to one another.

And that was lie.

He hadn’t been lying.

Oh god, he hadn’t been lying.

Giving a groan that sounded in the back of her throat, Keely dropped her spoon into the bowl with a splash, burying her face in her hands.

“You’re not listening to a word I say, are you?”

Hearing her father, she didn’t even lift her head. Instead, she mumbled muffled words into her hands, “Not really.”

There was a long pause where she was tempted to look up, but didn’t dare in case he would be able to see right through her. In the time since she’d come home, Keely was beginning to realize her dad noticed a lot more than she gave him credit for. Yet he was one to keep his mouth shut about it.

“If it’s about performing at the school later,” he started, an awkward strain on his voice, “I can stay home from work and go with you if you need me to.”

Instantly she gave an incredulous look, but the words made her heart melt in her chest, giving her that warm gooey feeling she was associating with father daughter moments or Tony and Sadie. She’d never really felt it before.

Finally lifting her eyes, she knitted her fingers together and leaned her chin upon them as she stared across the table to her father. “Don’t worry, dad, it’s not some eighth grade musical. You don’t need to come.”

He stared at her shrewdly, narrowing her eyes and she felt a sinking sensation in her belly. “It’s not about the school, is it?”

Unable to lie straight out to him – in part because she’d feel guilty, but mostly because she suspected he’d know – she avoided his eyes, turning instead to the questionable spot on the wall over his shoulder. “It’s partly about school.”

“Keely,” he said slowly, his voice holding that parental tone that was enough to have her shrinking back into the chair.

“Fine,” she muttered, rubbing a hand wearily over her forehead. “Joseph and I had a fight, alright?”

He frowned slightly, “Another?”

Mirroring his expression, she stared back at him, asking, “How did you know about that?”

“You don’t exactly keep your voice down when you’re angry,” he returned rationally. Swallowing a spoonful of his cereal, he sent her a wise look, continuing on. “Well, that fight didn’t last long.”

Sadly Keely stared down at the table, feeling the water press at her eyes. “This is worse,” she replied, gulping down the ball of tension in her throat.

Of course it was worse. How could they ever solve anything now? It just was too fucked up.

Half of it felt so much like a stupid teenage soap opera, and she wasn’t even sure if she could follow the logic of it. Apparently her best friend loved her, he’d always loved her. But had decided instead of making his feelings clear, he’d started dating her girl best friend. Then, instead of wisely keeping his mouth shut, told the girl what was wrong then broke up with her. And after that, started dating her again, why Haley would ever agree to that was a mystery to her. So now she was back, and in love with some famous rock star, one of her best friends hated her and the other tried to kiss her.

Yeah, that made no sense at all.

That story line was far too complex and terribly stupid; she doubted she even had the attention span to go through it again.

“He didn’t…” her father began slowly, but then the realization dawned on his face. “Oh, he did.”

“You knew?” she asked incredulously.

Wincing, he stared down at his breakfast. “Well, yeah,” he replied reluctantly.

This time her face flushed a deep red as she dropped her head onto the table, banging it not too lightly on the table. “Oh my god,” she moaned pathetically.

“It was kind of obvious,” he admitted, “I knew for years.”

“Oh my god,” she repeated, refusing to look up in her embarrassment.

To be honest, she didn’t quite understand what was making her embarrassed. Was it that her father knew that someone loved her? Or was it the fact that he had managed to see, over apparently years, but she was too stupid to notice?

In her head, Sadie’s words from long before echoed through her mind, I love you, but you’re the blindest person I’ve ever met.

“You sure you’re okay? I don’t have to go to work.”

Finally dragging her head up from the table, Keely let herself collapse forward onto the table, her elbows propped in front of her. “No,” she told him, staring blankly at a crook that had been chipped into their kitchen table long ago. “I swear, I’m fine with this. Anyways you took off tomorrow for the concert.”

Sending her a concerned look, her dad asked hesitantly, “Are you sure?”

Pasting a false smile onto her mouth, she gave an enthusiastic nod. Although his eyes narrowed suspiciously, he let it go, obviously knowing her well enough that she was too stubborn to do the same.

After all, she knew him. And that meant that she knew that while he might go with her to the high school, his idea of a good day was far from hanging out at high school watching her teach a bunch of either prepubescent or just snobby children about music. Not to mention, she expected to gain quite a bit of abuse from this visit whether it be vocal or not, and that wasn’t something she really wanted her father to see.

Saying a goodbye to him, plus assuring him that she’d be alright again, she sent her dad off to work.

For the past week having grown closer to her father, she’d been awaking early to have a coffee with him, and almost immediately after, passing out until a more appropriate time. Apparently she was become quite immune to caffeine well, unless she pounded back the coffee, which she couldn’t deny that she had on multiple occasions.

However, when she went back to bed, smoothing the covers over her, she found that sleep was just as elusive as it had been during the night.

Feeling uncomfortable lying on her side, she flipped to her stomach then back again at the same sensation. In the end, she ended up on her back, staring up at the ceiling, attempting to force her mind to think of nothing, but managing to think of the mechanics of thinking of nothing and that led – in a roundabout way – to thoughts of both Seth and Joe, with the big L word. Then the blanket began to feel stifling, and a sheen of sweat covered her skin in a slick cover.

Giving up on sleep, she tried to do menial tasks around the house, wasting time to her performance at the school. But when she thought of another reason to distract herself, she found her mind circling back to her little show that day, remembering that Joe was supposed to come with her as a roadie and she’d invited Seth to go with her.

What was she going to do? Joe probably didn’t want to see her, which she didn’t blame him for at all, and in honesty she wasn’t sure she really wanted to see him. To know that’s how he felt, how he’d always felt like that, it made a well of guilt form in the pit of her stomach, stifling her to the point of mental suffocation. But then she couldn’t help but remember the terrified feeling that had possessed her when he’d crushed her to him, and it made her feel guilty that she could ever feel afraid of Joseph yet it also made her furious at him.

Then the thoughts would roll around to Seth, reminding her of the fact that he hadn’t looked exactly ecstatic to do what she’d been asking him. He probably wouldn’t even show up, after all, he was quite right; Seth Ryan at a private school didn’t really fit. There was no way he’d even show up.

And what was she going to do then? She’d have no one, Seth wasn’t going to bother, Joe wouldn’t want to see her and Haley wanted nothing to do with her. Well, there was always Sadie and Tony, but they were absolutely there for one another, and despite how much she appreciated and liked them, it wasn’t the same.

With the thoughts circling around her head constantly, she found herself scowling after her shower as she pulled on her clothes.

For a moment, Keely paused, holding the tank top out in front of her considering. In that school the Johnny Cash baggy white tank with him flipping the bird to everyone who dared glance in his direction wasn’t exactly what they figured appropriate. But she just dragged it over her head, feeling extra ornery with everything that had been going on. It may not have been all that rebellious with her slip on sneakers and frayed cut off shorts, yet it made her feel a little calmer.

Since she felt like she was walking into an execution, she just ran her fingers through her hair and didn’t even bother pondering makeup. Who got dressed up like the belle of the ball on their death sentence?

Dejectedly, she ran a hand over her face, gripping her guitar case and heading out the front door into the heat that pressed down on her skin familiarly.

Today was far from what she’d planned. She’d thought she would have her three good friends there supporting her, making it so much easier to suffer through the ordeal. A part of her had even thought she might confront Haley, just because it felt like time was quickly running out for them. Then there was the addition of Seth.

If she’d just gone with him yesterday, not cowered away, would it be better?

Before she could ponder the answer of her own self posed question, Keely raised her eyes to her car and found herself pulling up shortly.

At a loss, Keely opened her mouth, but no words occurred to drip from her mouth and she shut it sharply. Running her fingers through her hair, pulling it away from her face, she let out a long sigh.

“What are you doing, Joseph?”

The boy in question winced at the simply weary tone of her voice, dipping his hands deeply into the pockets of his cargo shorts as he looked at the ground. “I-” he started, but when he glanced back up at her, his voice cut off abruptly.

Breathing in deeply through her nose, Keely took pity on him. He obviously was far from comfortable with the situation as well, with the tension running straight through his shoulders and the reluctance to meet her eyes. “Are you coming to the school or not?” she questioned, looking over his shoulder.

He was her best friend; she could just try to act like it never happened, right?

At her words, Joe’s shoulders slumped slightly in relief as he nodded. Probably relieved that she wasn’t going to slap him again, the thought made Keely snort but quickly it turned to guilt.

Seeing his mouth open, Keely didn’t hesitate. She knew what he was going to ask. “I’m driving,” she snapped, brushing past him to the driver’s door. It had just gotten to be that little sliver of annoyance, him insisting to drive when she was perfectly capable and knew exactly where she was going. Another one of those little irrational feelings that she seemed plagued with constantly.

At first, she didn’t turn up the radio, bracing herself stiffly as she gripped the wheel of the car tightly in case he wanted to talk about it. She could talk about it, she didn’t want to, but she’d manage it. Because she wasn’t going to run away from things anymore, she simply couldn’t do it. There was a time to stop, and it was now.

However, Joe didn’t make a move to speak, instead staring passively out the window of the car. In turn, she gazed pointedly out at the road, not making a noise except the occasional gulping when the tension in the car got too heavy for her to handle.

About halfway through the drive, the conclusion that he wasn’t about to breach the subject either occurred to her and she frowned slightly, risking a quick glance in Joe’s direction. But he was hiding his face from her.

And just like that, all her worst fears were confirmed. It was never going to be the same. A part of Keely knew she couldn’t have it all, she was so fiercely opposed to being the same girl she’d been before moving away, yet she wanted all her friendships to stay the same as they’d always been. It was a hopeless dilemma. She could only have one, but she was being selfish, wanting everything. As close as she’d come to it, having everything was impossible.

This friendship, if somewhat salvageable, was never going to recover completely and now she was just grasping at straws.

Trying to distract her thoughts, she hastily turned up the dial on the radio. And she did find solace in the music, while it played between the commercials. She even heard NSR’s Tired As You between The Pixie’s Where Is My Mind and Cloud Nothing’s No Future/No Past.

But finally it was she that grew tired of that strain between them.

Not sure if she wanted him to respond, she waited until she was about to pull into the school’s parking lot when she turned down the radio. She just wanted him to think about what she was saying.

“I hate this,” she told him simply when she pulled into the lot, finding a spot far away from the entrance of the school.

Quickly escaping the car, she grabbed her guitar from the back seat, not giving him a chance to respond. Straightening her back pointedly as she already felt gazes boring into her back of the students loitering around the lot during the lunch break, she found herself thankful for the dark sunglasses as she spun around, readying herself to stalk into the school.

But only then did she see another car. It wasn’t the car that stood out; after all, most of the cars in the parking lot were damn expensive, so the familiar silver Porsche didn’t stand out. But the person leaning against it did. So maybe the day wasn’t going to be as different as she’d thought yesterday. Well, with the blaring exception that everything was different.

“Keely,” she heard Joe’s voice vaguely call as a door slammed, but she was already leaving him by her car.

Seth really did stand out with the students milling around, far too many standing feet away and whispering as if they were arguing on if it was really him. He was so blatantly opposed to everything the school stood for and tried to do… and she loved it. There was no conforming or just nodding without questioning when it came to him. While the other guys around had their hair brushed back neatly, their dress shirts tucked into their pants, he was leaning back against the hood of his car, his guitar case propped beside him with the messy dark hair, faded jeans and Led Zeppelin tee.

“You really need to break off the affair,” she called out, strolling up to him. It was incredible how easy it was to forget that there was a crowd of people not too far away when he was even close. “I’m getting tired of covering for you.”

That trademark cocky grin slipped onto his face at her words, his head turning in her direction. “Ah, she’s still in her denial state back home, and the other is happy as a mistress.”

Grinning for the first time that day, Keely bit on her lip, fully aware how the conversation would sound to anyone listening in. “How dare you,” she accused, but her voice was trembling a little bit with laughter, “Dirty manwhore.”

“Ouch,” he replied, placing a hand over his heart jokingly as she pulled up to a halt in front of him.

Smirking, she pushed her bangs away from her eyes, letting a relieved breath slip from her mouth, the tension running away as if it had never even been there. “I didn’t think you’d actually do this,” she told him softly, turning her gaze straight to him.

He quirked his eyebrows sarcastically in response, hauling up his guitar case, saying with a great sigh, “The things I do for you.”

Frowning slightly she was about to question him about his words, but he nodded towards the school, reminding her of the crowd that was standing not too far off. “You ready for this?” he asked.

With a sigh, she turned her gaze towards the school. “Now or never, I guess,” she replied forlornly.

“What’s going on with you?” Seth questioned shrewdly, causing her eyes to swivel back to him.

Seeing that darkly concerned look in his eyes made her heart skip a beat in her chest, it literally made her heart putter like a crappy old car. However she just gulped, before forcing herself to play it off. “I just don’t like it here.”

“I know,” he replied significantly, making her heart repeat the same action over. “But it’s not that.”

Wearily she rubbed her free hand over her face. “You’re not supposed to know that.”

“Ever heard of sleeping?” he continued, completely ignoring her words. “You look like something from an Anne Rice book.”

“Oh, gee, thanks,” Keely replied sardonically. “I could say the same thing to you.”

“What’s going on?”

“Seth,” she warned, shooting him a cautionary look. Did she ever really miss him? He was kind of irritating.

Unsurprisingly, he disregarded it. Instead just replied, mimicking her tone, “Keely.”

Rolling her eyes, Keely found herself surprised that she was biting back a laugh. What did he do to her? She could be getting annoyed at him, and then by just one word, he could have her smiling like no one else. “We’re not talking about it,” she told him firmly, spinning around to walk away.

“Hey, hey,” Seth started from behind her.

“My, my,” she mocked, not turning around.

However, his hand quickly grabbed her wrist, pulling her around to look at him, making her stomach drop out, her heart momentarily forgetting its place in the world and her skin start to tingle.

Okay, she definitely missed him. No point denying it.

“We’re talking,” he informed her resolutely, his eyes searching her face.

Biting down on her bottom lip, Keely couldn’t help but think that there would never be anyone else who she could get lost in the way she got lost in him. And in a rush, she found herself grateful for leaving, for the rift between she and Haley that had grown, the awkwardness between she and Joe. Because if she hadn’t, who knows if she’d even had the chance to meet him?

Her very much prideful independent side had to say it had been she who had changed herself. Through everything that happened, it had been through her choices that she became a different person. And that was true. But even that side had to admit – not even reluctantly – that Seth deserved a huge chunk of the credit.

He’d begun fixing her before she’d even known how broken she truly was…