《Just What I Needed》Just What I Needed (72)
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Breathing in the floral scent, Keely leaned back against the tree while listening to the person on the other end of the phone which was pressed against her ear.
Well, to be truthful listening was being generous. She couldn’t help that sometimes she had a short attention span when it came to people. Sometimes was being generous too, though. But she just couldn’t help it, the flowers and weeds had grown wild without someone to tend them as her dad wasn’t exactly the type.
However, that wasn’t a bad thing. She actually liked it more that way. It gave everything a sense of freedom, there was no taming it and nor should anyone try. And it even mirrored her thoughts about humanity and music. How she could turn every thought that passed through her mind was a question for the ages however. The rest was easy to figure out.
Fiddling one handed with the tuners on the acoustic guitar on her lap, Keely waited until Tony felt the need to breathe. He was telling her about something that Sadie did at school today that was apparently adorable. How someone not realizing they had jam on their nose from lunch until the end of the day could be cute was a mystery to her, but if it was Sadie apparently it was amazing to Tony and that was enough to make Keely’s heart melt more than slightly.
“So you two are coming over tonight?” she questioned, half wishing to get off the call so she could play the guitar, but held on by the need to know if people were going to show up at her house that night.
“Yup,” he answered cheerfully, what she assumed was a car door slamming behind him. “How could we miss your television debut?”
Rolling her eyes at the teasing tone of his voice, Keely stopped playing with the tuner in order to twirl her pick between her fingers absentmindedly. “I’ve been on TV before,” she replied drily, but quickly grimaced at how bigheaded the words came out.
Surprisingly Tony just chuckled, “Well, this is your television debut while we’re sitting with you.”
“So you’ll be here in like a half an hour?” she questioned.
“Make it about fifteen minutes,” he replied, “I’ve got to go, Keel. I’m just about to start my car.”
“Drive safe,” Keely wished him in farewell before hanging up.
Shoving the phone into the pocket of her jeans, Keely shoved up from the cool ground, wiping the dirt from the seat of her pants with one hand while the other gripped the neck of her acoustic tightly.
Finding her way out of the mess of a garden that thrived against the side of their house, Keely got out without too much incident. Well, her foot did get caught in a tangle of weeds and the only thing that kept her and her guitar from smacking into the ground was her hand gripping tightly around the branch of the tree. But since she didn’t actually hit the ground, she considered it a win.
Edging towards the back of the house, she made her way through the gate to the backyard only to find her father. He was sitting on the patio set she’d made him buy years before, rubbing his temples wearily as he drank from a mug which she could only assume was coffee with a magazine on the table just next to where his elbows was leaning, propping him up straight.
For a moment Keely hesitated. He hadn’t noticed her yet, if she just stepped light and didn’t fall, she could back up and avoid the situation altogether. It was a tempting option; avoidance with her was a key tactic for survival, or at least her version of it.
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However the thought of running away from this, running away from yet another thing that was troubling her had Keely’s back straightening as she took somewhat confident steps forward. She could do this, she needed to do this. At least here she knew where she stood; at least her heels had solid footing. Until she figured out the past she was never going to be able to figure out the future and who it might involve, or, more importantly, a certain person she needed it to involve.
Her dad’s eyes didn’t so much as flicker towards her until her sneaker clad feet made the solid thumps on the wooden steps, a sound made much louder by the silence. For once Keely was struck by the absence of the birds chirping, in the summer it was a constant and comforting noise, but abruptly silent.
Hadn’t she read somewhere that birds knew when to take off, for lack of a better term?
“Hey dad,” she greeted with a small smile, sitting lightly on the seat across from him.
Instantly his eyes trained in on the guitar which had been her mother’s before changing steadily to meet her gaze. It was a movement she was no longer oblivious enough to miss. “Do you want some coffee?” he questioned, “I made a fresh pot.”
Silently she just nodded at him, fixing her guitar on her lap as she shifted so she hooked one of her legs beneath her. He sent her a grin, the effort making the wrinkles around his lips deepen but at the same time making him seem much younger than before. As he stood up, he flipped the magazine over in a motion that he obviously meant to be discreet, but was just as much a failed actor as she.
When he headed back through the open sliding door, Keely felt her stare switch to the magazine back where there was a mascara add gracing the entire back cover as she absentmindedly began to strum a chord repeatedly. With amusement she noticed that the advertisement was for a company that had approached her to be the spokesperson for it, to which she had responded with a metaphorical flipping of the bird, though she wasn’t too metaphorical when she’d told them to go do something rude.
Yet she was too soon back to thinking about why her father had done that, her thoughts leaving all the things that Maureen had attempted to make her promote over the tour. There was no doubt there was something he didn’t want her to see, or else he’d have just left the front cover to her eyes.
With great difficulty she swallowed her curiosity, letting her eyes drift up to the doors as she waited for him to come back. Maybe his ways to protect her from the truth of matters was a little on the obsessive scale, but this time she was willing to blindly trust him on the matter. Even if it was just because she didn’t think she needed anymore setbacks now, not to mention she’d have her fill of pop culture soon enough.
As she waited expectantly, she couldn’t help but feeling a niggling dread in the back of her mind while the moments ticked by. Was her dad not coming back? Had he sensed that she wanted to stop avoiding and he’d taken his up another notch?
But before her thoughts could get too out control, she was proved wrong when her dad came back through the doors, a literal steaming cup of coffee in his hand.
Placing it down on her side of the table, he took up his seat companionably in silence. Instantly Keely stopped strumming her guitar, leaning forward to take up the mug. After one sip she learnt it might be scalding hot but it was the exact way she liked, and just blew at it hopefully since it was too hot for even her to gun down.
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While she did so, she looked back at the table to see her father’s eyes studying her closely, a frown puckered between his brows. It was a similarity that she’d just noticed when she’d come home.
In fact, Keely was beginning to notice more than a few similarities between she and her father over the past while she’d spent recuperating at home. Maybe it was just because she had learnt without a doubt she wasn’t only made of her mother anymore, no matter how much she might look like the woman, but now she was definitely taking note of the things that made them more the same then she’d ever realized.
Like when he was in deep thought or simply considering something, he would get that same frown as she did. They had those same tendencies to keep things bottled inside instead of simply talking about it. They took their coffee in the exact same manner. When he was worried about something or nervous, he threw himself into his work though it may be building things instead of her music, the principle remained the same. They both had a nervous habit of tapping their hands and feet, though hers was more rhythmic than his. They rubbed their temples when tired, had a weakness for chocolate ice cream, had a hatred of green beans. And they appreciated the quiet moments, though Keely was partial to both loud and quiet.
“Do you want to play something for me?” he asked, snapping her out of her reverie, a strained note in his voice. “I haven’t heard you play in… forever, it feels like. And all the music critics tell me you’re even better than before.”
In surprise, the coffee bobbled in her hands, the liquid lapping up the sides. “You actually read those articles?” Keely questioned in amazement. If she’d have had to guess who was more likely to read those between him and Joe, she would have said the latter without a doubt every time. But after his surprise of her tattoo, it had become clear that he had avoided her presence at all cost since she’d been gone. At the thought of the fight with her best friend, she found herself wincing.
Either not seeing the look or ignoring the grimace, her dad just nodded calmly, taking a sip of his coffee.
Finding her amazement fading from the surprise that he read the articles – she was his daughter, after all – she found it surrounding the fact he wanted to hear her play, and from there it just kept growing. Had he ever asked her to play something for him before? Sure, he’d listened and told her she was good since she’d started to play music in front of him, but it had always been a mistake or her forcing herself on him. He’d never… asked.
“Uh, okay,” Keely agreed, a lump of apprehensive tension growing in her throat as she placed her coffee on the table. Looking down at the guitar, she played the first chord, but her hand was shaking, making the sound garbled.
Hauling in a deep calming breath, she closed her eyes, flexing her fingers pointedly. This was her dad, her voice could resemble a dying cat and he was obligated to tell her she sound incredible. He was the safest person she could play to. He’d seen her before all the practice and work that had gone into making her the musician she was now.
This was the first time she was really going to sing since that disastrous concert, not just mumbling words along to the music. She was going to sing. And he was the best person to do it in front of. It was safe.
Her thoughts returned to the ones before, and she began to play a familiar song, with her eyes closed, her hands once again sure on the chords. She wanted nothing more than to show him she wasn’t just her mother. Sure, she had pieces of her, but she was equally made of him. And she wasn’t just a mix of the two; she’d grown into a completely original person, flaws and insecurities included. She was her own person, and it was time he learnt to respect her being one.
“Old man, look at my life. I’m a lot like you were,” she sang out. At first her voice was very soft, almost a whisper gliding along the wind. But the moment the sound didn’t break and didn’t hurt, she felt it get stronger, building power in the back of her throat. And by the time she’d repeated the lines again, the change was clear.
“Old man, look at my life, Twenty four and there’s so much more. Live alone in a paradise, That makes me think of two.”Opening her eyes in courage she was sure she wouldn’t have found if she hadn’t had music, Keely met his eyes full on, singing out the song perfectly to what she had in her head. All she wanted to do was make him see what she felt, and if she couldn’t gather the bravery to say it, maybe she could sing it. “Love lost, such a cost. Give me things that don’t get lost. Like a coin that won’t get tossed, Rolling home to you.”
And even when she hit the high notes of the chorus, her voice didn’t break, although it got more strained than it used to, falling back into the rhythm of singing. It needed to remember what it was for, and then maybe she could too. “Old man take a look at my life, I’m a lot like you. I need someone to love me the whole day through. Ah, one look in my eyes, and you can see it’s true.”
Her voice did waver on ‘love me’, but that had nothing to do with her voice, but rather her heart. She didn’t need someone to love her the whole day through, she needed him to and she knew exactly who it was.
Momentarily she closed her eyes, pulling her thoughts from Seth and focusing back on her father in front of her even as she continued to sing. “Lullabies, look in your eyes. Run around the same old town. Doesn’t mean that much to me, To mean that much to you. I’ve been first and last. Look at how the time goes past. But I’m alone at last, Rolling home to you.”
Even as she sang, she felt the blow to her stomach and her heart. Keely hadn’t expected it to feel so honest leaving her mouth as she sang. She was always honest when she sang and when it came to the music she covered, whether it be an acoustic song or in front of a stadium of people. But this was different. This was singing out the words that she was afraid to speak, and although she managed to finish the last reprise of the chorus, it felt as if her stomach was hollow, letting out all those emotions she’d been holding in.
After a long beat of silence while her hands rested on the guitar’s body, it was her father’s voice that broke through it.
“Why do I feel as if that wasn’t just a song.”
Laughing very lightly in the back of her throat, Keely rubbed her hands wearily over her face, shaking her head. “Because it’s never just a song with me,” she told him honestly, finally looking up to meet his eyes. “Yeah, not everything I write or sing is something I’ve experienced, but there is always a part of me in it.”
Instead of responding, her father just looked at her, that frown coming back, pronounced in the furrowing of his brow. Oddly the sight made a warm feeling arise in the pit of her stomach.
“I want to talk about mom,” she told him rashly, blurting out the words before she could think. However she didn’t get the chance to start the conversation before a frenzied knocking rang through the house and all the way to their position on the back porch.
Sighing, she stood up, bringing her guitar with her. “But not right now,” she digressed, stepping around the table. Momentarily she put her hand on his shoulder as she passed, giving it a little squeeze she hoped was comforting before letting go and following the sound of the knocking all the way through the house.
Yanking open the front door, she still hadn’t let go of her guitar as she looked unsurprised upon the couple standing in front of her. “Are you trying to break down my door?” she asked evenly, staring at Tony with one eyebrow raised at where his hand was still making a fist, though there was no longer a door.
Sheepishly, he dropped his hand and gave a shrug. “You used to play your music so loud you’d never hear the door.”
With a roll of her eyes Keely took a step back, holding the door open welcomingly. Tony tugged Sadie in through the doorway with a tug on their hands that were intertwined, though she let go in order to greet Keely with a friendly hug which she returned one armed.
Frowning she looked behind them, looking for another person, but there was no one to be found. “You guys invited Hales for me, didn’t you?” she questioned, turning her gaze back to couple. But they simply avoided eye contact like champs.
“You got food, right?” Tony asked, slightly impatient as he closed the door behind the two of them. The non-answer was more than she needed.
Although she shook her head in an air of disparity, Keely couldn’t help the fact that the corners of her mouth twitched into a slight smile, pushing away the bleakness that came at the thought of her best friend. Well, with the way things were going, she wasn’t sure she had a best friend anymore. Not Joe or Haley, but, hell, she had Tony and Sadie. “Just make yourself at home,” she called after him sarcastically as he gripped Sadie by the hand again, pulling her deeply into the house where the kitchen was located.
Feeling comforted by her friends’ presence, she didn’t bother to hide the smile as she trailed behind them, rubbing her hand over her forehead. It seemed as if Tony had a honing device just implanted into him when it came to food, because he was already inside the kitchen, flipping open one of the pizza boxes on the island that her dad had ordered.
Amused she leaned against the doorway of the kitchen, letting her guitar lean against her side while her dad walked into the room, giving Tony a stiff greeting. It even made her want to smile at the way his eyes still rested on her ex suspiciously, looking as if the kid took one step out of line he wouldn’t mind to be the one to take care of him. Even if she hated violence, the protective fatherly instinct gave her a warm glow in her stomach.
Tony, who had already picked up a piece of pizza and had a mouthful, promptly gagged on it at her father’s presence, hurriedly trying to recover himself to give a more graceful hello. Sadie on the other hand just smiled shyly at him, looking a little discomfited as she wringed her hands in front of her, shooting glances between the two men.
Keely couldn’t help but think that it must be a thousand times more awkward for the other girl than anyone else in the room.
Hearing a new knocking at the door, she shoved up from her position. “At least save me a slice of pizza,” she ordered, pointing a firm finger in Tony’s direction. “And I don’t want the rant about how you’re a growing boy.”
In response, he opened his mouth as if to speak, only to reveal a mouthful of half chewed pizza, which she only grimaced at. Before he could form words, however, Sadie had smacked him soundly in the chest, and not too lightly either. “I’ll make sure there’s some pizza left for you, but all I can promise is one slice,” the girl pointed out in all sincerity, making Keely burst out in a laugh.
“I’ll take what I can get,” Keely called over her shoulder, still chuckling as she made her way through the house and swung open the door.
Immediately the laughter died on her face.
Swallowing the lump that grew instantly in her throat at the sight of him, she felt her voice lose all joking nature and become quiet in all seriousness. “Since when do you knock?”
Looking more uncomfortable than even Sadie had inside the kitchen, Joe squirmed slightly under her unrelenting gaze. This time she wasn’t going to let him just push her over, and he knew it. “Since I’m not sure if I’ll get out with all my limbs intact,” he answered, the joking nature of the words dying in the way he spoke them quietly without quite looking her in the eye, instead staring over her shoulder.
Sighing, Keely let go of the door handle to rub her temples wearily just like her dad had been doing not too long before. Yet she didn’t move out of the way to let him, not yet. “What are you doing here, Joseph?” The happiness from just moments ago in the kitchen felt like years ago as she stood there.
“You invited me a couple days ago…” he replied slowly.
She gave a loudly sarcastic half laugh in the back of her throat. “You weren’t too excited about it back then, were you? I should have guessed, I mean, it is about music. And we all know how you feel about that now.”
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