When Keely finally managed to gain control of herself, she realized that she had no idea where in the world she was. In her haze of tears, she must have blindly turned down the roads, because it didn’t matter how much she’d wandered around that town with the boys and their families, she didn’t recognize anything.

And she was completely and utterly lost.

It took her over two hours to find her way back to her hotel, although she put that down to the sobs that still racked through her body at random moments or her trembling hands.

By the time she locked herself in her room, Keely thought she’d be awake all night, replaying and reliving every moment of what had happened in her head. Even wondering what Seth might have told her, caught between being grateful and regretful that she hadn’t let him explain. Because half of her knew she’d saved herself from being shattered when he said it hadn’t meant anything while the other half couldn’t help but ponder what he might have said had she given him a chance.

Yet when she finally crawled fully clothed onto bed – fully expecting another crying bout – she was asleep within seconds.

Days and nights with mere hours of sleep could do that to a person.

Along with added side effects of being overly emotional and overreacting.

She slept without dreams or so much as a jolt through the night.

Just laid flat out, her mind thankfully cut off from the rest of the world as she sank deeper and deeper into the blissfulness of unconsciousness.

If she’d been aware – which would have defeated the point, after all – Keely would have been thankful for the lack of thoughts passing through her mind. It had been much too long since she’d been at a point of peace the same as that one. It was always questions about Seth swirling around in her mind, everything from his past to his feelings, and then to her album, from if they’d used the right effect to if she should have changed a note on one certain song. It was enough to make a person with a regular sleeping pattern worn out.

So as it was, her mind had been teetering very dangerously around the realm of a pure meltdown from its fashion of running about ceaselessly. Then her body was also to the point of collapsing from sheer exhaustion due to the unhealthy lack of sleep and the tour that her body had been forced to accommodate without warning.

In all honesty, she’d been doing a number to her body and mind without her knowledge.

And she wasn’t quite willing to be pulled from bed when the ringing started.

Giving a hoarse groan in the back of her throat, Keely nuzzled her cheek closer into the pillows, assuming that The Knack were just announcing a phone call. If she ignored them, they would go away.

But when the song finally came to where it should have halted, it only restarted.

In her sleep addled mind, she made an annoyed sound in the back of her throat, shifting her hand unseeingly across the bed until she found her cell phone.

When she finally found it on top of the comforter, Keely brought it to her eyes, blinking blearily as she shoved off the blankets she was lying on top of and winced at the stiff feel of the jeans she’d fallen asleep in. And as she stared at it stupidly, she found that it was not someone calling but the alarm clock Seth had set on her phone just the day before.

Just the thought of him had the memories of the day before slamming into her mind. Yet she didn’t have time to ponder what had happened any further, because her sluggishly moving brain finally managed to appreciate what the time on the phone meant. It meant that her plane was taking off much too soon for comfort.

Throwing herself from her bed, Keely barely took the time to hastily throw off her clothes, pulling on instead a different pair of jeans, white sweater and a leather jacket. All the while brushing her teeth and throwing what was around the room into her suitcase. At the very least she hadn’t really unpacked. She’d barely spent any time in the hotel room to be honest; it had all been spent at the boys’ houses or in the studio with Seth.

With the thought of him in her mind again she pulled her bag up and shoved her way through the doorway.

Even as she hastily got herself checked out, she couldn’t help but wonder if it was better this way. Being to the point where she’ll arrive just on time to the airport would mean less time spent around Seth. She wasn’t sure how she would act around him now, they were in uncharted territory.

All she knew was that she wasn’t looking forward to it.

Although, Keely had to admit as she shoved her bag roughly into the trunk of the rented car, being on a plane had to be better than a tour bus. Still, it was an enclosed space whichever way you looked at it. And in the tour bus they could have always told Dave to stop when they needed a break, but that would be next to impossible on the plane. Unless she had the sudden urge to take up skydiving.

Between signing a few autographs, returning the car to the rental place and being rushed through security among other things, Keely still found herself yawning. She was beginning to wonder if she’d ever catch up on the sleep she’d missed from the touring and recording the album. It was doubtful.

With just her habitual shoulder bag tossed over her shoulder, she made her way clumsily through the people. Shaking someone’s hand without really noticing who they were, signing two more autographs and taking three pictures with people, she was allowed to move through the terminal. She even stopped hopefully at a stand, buying a pair of dark wayfarer sunglasses in hopes that it would make herself a little less noticeable not to mention the day was freakishly sunny, making the reflection off the snow blinding.

Yet Keely knew very well she wouldn’t be getting this much attention anywhere else from the people if she’d just been going through in any other airport in the world. But, as it stood, people knew very well where she was. The Christmas Eve show that they put on had made it clear to the television population where she and NSR were. Maybe even a few of them had been at the show.

There was a big difference between her and some other artist, Keely knew that she was still very much a nobody.

Pushing the black sunglasses over her weary eyes against the blinding glare coming through the enormous windows lining the walls, she faltered in her step as she looked ahead. It appeared she hadn’t taken enough time.

Muttering a string of curses beneath her breath, Keely headed forward, not even bothering to put on a smile.

The herd of Neilson and Stevenson’s were still very much there along with Seth and his mother, all underneath that harsh light coming from the windows. Marco’s mom was unsurprisingly in tears at the fact that her little boy – who was not so much of a boy but a man at twenty one – was going back to New York, the fact that he’d been living there almost consistently for the past four years didn’t seem to matter.

Colton’s parents were more controlled, just standing very close to their son, his father’s arm slung around his shoulder. On the other hand, Seth was standing with the front locks of his hair on end with his arms crossed over his chest as he looked down at his mother, his back to his makeshift family. Linda was smirking up at him slightly, looking more amused than anything else.

That was until Seth looked up, his eyes fastening onto hers.

Gulping obviously, Keely refused to let herself hesitate, just headed forward in a steady fashion. But she was becoming more and more grateful that she’d bought the cheap knock off sunglasses, his eyes were piercing enough when he looked without seeing her eyes.

Awkward? She wasn’t sure yet.

She didn’t know anything yet.

Lowering her gaze so she wasn’t looking at the tired looking eyes but at the faded splotch on Marco’s jacket, she stopped in front of them.

Well, that, at least, was uncomfortable, how were you supposed to say goodbye to families that you’d only spent a few days with before Christmas? Sure, they had been welcoming and friendly, allowing her to butt in on their family traditions, but was there any proper procedure for saying goodbye, I’ll probably never see you again? If there was, Keely would be very interested.

“Um...” she started, calling up a blank as she pulled to a stop in front of them. Fidgeting with the strap over her shoulder, Keely lifted her eyes, taking in the crowd as a whole. Would they prefer to say their goodbyes without her there? It would make sense. Pointing towards the doors that would lead to the plane, she said, “I’m just going to go-”

Before she could even finish her words, a voice shattered around them, calling their flight.

Blinking she shook her hair from her face, glancing upwards to the speakers as the woman’s inoffensive voice spoke smoothly, flooding the terminal. But when she looked down, Keely just had time for shock to come across her face before Liz was wrapping her arms around her warmly.

Instantly she found herself returning the pressure of the hug, barely listening as the woman gave her well wishes and say it was nice to meet her.

The same could be said for the hug with Heather as well as the fathers.

Because she could barely force the words out of her choked throat, instead just trying to smile at them.

In reality Keely was a jealous, she was just jealous. Because she could be hugged by everyone else’s mother, but it would never make up for the fact she could never remember being hugged by her mother this way. The thought brought an icy sheen over her chest, tightly gripping her to the point where her breath hitched in her throat. And it was never going to be the same, no matter who it was.

Death steals from within us the most essential emotion; hope.

Yet one thing did surprise Keely, and that was the fact that she even dared to think of her mother at that moment. Brooke had been an open wound in her chest for so long that it had been dangerous to even give her a thought in case she opened herself up to infection.

Keely didn’t know what had changed it, because as much as it hurt to think of the mother she’d never have, she wasn’t scared to think of her in the same way as before.

With the thought, she felt her eyes flick involuntarily to Seth as she looked over Ewan’s shoulder in the last hug from the families. Her thoughts revolving back to the day at the cemetery in Canada when she stared at his handsome face from behind the black glasses hiding her.

Tearing her gaze from him, Keely looked to the side where Linda was standing with her arms crossed across her chest. What was she supposed to say in goodbye to the woman who she’d promised that she was not with her son yet had been the one to walk in during their kiss?

“Uh...” she murmured uneasily, rocking back on her heels.

Yet much to her shock, Linda stepped forward, twining her arms around Keely in a tight hug.

Her eyes broadened in surprise, and for a moment she stood stiffly, the little woman’s arm about her while she was frozen in astonishment.

After moments in the strangely warm embrace, Keely let herself thaw, stooping over slightly so she could return the pressure as best as she could with one arm as her other was caught beneath Linda’s hug. Beginning to pat her shoulder awkwardly, she couldn’t help but wonder where this had come from. After all, besides their little eye to eye blunt chat, there had been barely any tolerable conversations with Linda unless they were surrounded by a group of people.

Suddenly the woman stood up on her tip toes, and whispered, “Don’t hurt him.”

“What?” Keely returned perplexed, in a similarly hushed tone.

But it appeared Linda wasn’t going to bother answering her questions. “He’s more damaged than he’ll ever tell or show you. So, don’t hurt him, okay?”

“What are you talking about?” she pressed as the woman finally broke the hug.

Taking a step back, she kept her hands gripping Keely’s forearms lightly. With her head slightly cocked to one side, a slight smile coming onto her lips as her sharp blue eyes scoured her face carefully. “You two are so oblivious with each other,” she said softly.

Getting a little irritated by the fact that she had the same way of never being exactly clear as Seth did, Keely only replied, “I have no idea what you’re saying.”

That only made the smile broaden, chuckling slightly Linda reached up, pressing a kiss to Keely’s cheek lightly in farewell. “I know, thank you.”

More than confused at that point, she just stared back as the woman took careful steps away. If only one of them could be a bit more straightforward, it would be helpful. “What are you talking about?” she exclaimed, frustrated.

Linda just continued smiling.

What kind of help was that?

“Keely, we have to go,” called Marco. Tearing her eyes away from Linda, she caught sight of Liz’s arms almost strangling the boy who had spoken to her as he tried to pull away.

And when he finally did get loose, Keely caught sight of the look on Liz’s face as her child picked up his carryon bag. Her lips pursed together firmly and there were tears sparkling in her eyes. Feeling a sharp pang in her stomach, Keely gulped with her abruptly dry throat and she felt similar moisture build up her eyes.

She was never going to get used to it, was she? Not having a mother to look at her like that. Her mother would never cry when she was leaving home after a short visit. Even if her mother hadn’t died, would she have been there to bid her farewell when she got on a plane to leave in that other life?

After all, her mom had been planning on leaving before she’d gotten sick. Would that have meant that Keely would have never even got the chance to really know her mother anyways? Her mother probably wouldn’t have been there anyways. Keely couldn’t blame her for loving music more than she had her own daughter, after all she too had chosen music over her family, but it still made her heart lurch in her chest to think that she might know less about her mother had she lived.

Still, as much as the thought that her mother might not have been there anyways, anything was better than death.

Nothing else was as extraordinarily final or as exceedingly mundane.

Dragging her gaze forwards, Keely hurriedly stepped forward with the intention of getting to the plane as quickly as humanly possible.

But even as she moved forward, a sleeve brushed the arm of her sweater, making her step falter instantly. Clenching her jaw to hold back the shiver that threatened to rack through her body, she twisted her head around to look at the person beside her. There was no need in actuality; she knew exactly who it was.

And she found a concerned expression in Seth’s eyes as he looked down at her. “Are you okay?” he asked lowly, keeping his pace consistent with hers.

Ignoring another pang that made her heart jerk, Keely sent him a smile. She’d hoped it would be warm, but all she could manage was a tight expression, her lips pressed together. “I’m fine,” she told him.

Before he could say anything more she hastened her step even further, catching up with Colton who had been strolling in front of them. He sent her a surprised glance, but thankfully didn’t comment even though she noticed the slight furrowing of his brows as he looked at her. Pretending that she was completely oblivious to him, Keely just silently stole his ticket from his hand, giving a sigh of relief when she found that she was seated next to him.

Keeping up a steady conversation with the boy beside her, only pausing as a flight attendant looked at their tickets and directed them to their seats, she kept fighting the urge to look behind her. Everything had to get easier once the plane landed in the city, anything would be easier than that goodbye with the families.

Pausing behind Colton as he shoved his back pack into the overhead compartment, Keely crossed her arms over her stomach protectively, beginning to tap her foot.

Finally giving into the temptation to look behind her, she peeked over her shoulder. Marco was flinging himself into the window seat, but Seth was otherwise occupied, glancing towards the flight attendant who was speaking to him, her hands moving animatedly.

Feeling a frown shape on her mouth, Keely narrowed her eyes at the beautiful flight attendant as the girl tucked a blonde tendril behind her ear. She hadn’t felt the need to accompany her and Colton to their seats, she thought annoyed.

Deciding it would be better not to watch if Seth decided he wanted to join the mile high club, she forced her gaze forward, staring moodily at the closed window of the plane.

She needed more sleep, she determined, her tapping foot picking up the pace.

“What’s up with you?”

With Colton’s voice snapping her out of the stare she’d been caught in, she sent a quick look his way as he finally spoke his concerns. “Nothing,” she told him with a shrug as her tapping foot gained even more speed.

“Are you okay?” Marco asked, voicing the question for the second time of the day in the mere time that she’d been awake.

Scowling Keely hastily stepped around Colton as he ushered her to the window seat. Dropping her bag on the ground and kicking it beneath the seat, she looked over the seats back to where the two other boys were sitting. And had to swallow her pleasure that Seth was well and seated and the flight attendant was nowhere to be found. “I’m on a plain, I can’t complain,” she quoted.

Seth just smirked at the song lyrics. “Wrong kind of plane, rebel.”

For a moment Keely let her eyes fasten on his, staring at him without a word, feeling the confusion overflow inside of her and letting the gloom creep into her expression. The amusement fled his face almost instantly, and he returned the stare, a torn expression come back into his eyes as he opened his mouth to speak.

Hastily she ripped her gaze away from him, flinging herself into the seat awaiting her. Even hunching her shoulders so she couldn’t be seen and leaning her forehead against the chilly window to her side.

“Are you sure?” questioned Colton, his voice barely a whisper as he leaned towards her.

“I’m fine,” she told him shortly, not looking in his direction.

When the plane finally left the ground, Keely pulled her headphones from her pocket, not letting herself listen to the boys about her. Colton was twisted in his seat so he could look at his friends while Marco had pulled himself up, wrapping his arms around the headrest of her chair to get into better position. Seth was speaking as well, she could hear his voice, but as she refused to let herself look behind her, she had no idea what he was doing.

Thankfully stuffing the headphones into her ears, the chatter from beside her as well as the rest of the plane was muffled instantly. And as she brought up the music, Keely leaned her head back against her headrest, sufficiently blocking out everything around her.

The thoughts pounding around in her head were enough to give her a throbbing headache.

What had Seth wanted? What had Linda been talking about? How was she supposed to act around Seth now? Would her mother have bothered to be a part of her life had her music career worked out? Would her father have been more supportive had Brooke lived or died? What was Seth thinking?