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I wasn't feeling good at all but I realized that I had the most awesome readers and it wasn't fair to keep them waiting.

Thanks for all your prayers and support.

I really, really love you guys ♥

"Baba please. Let's go." I implored. The weather was cloudy, it had been raining on and off since morning. "Okay Humza. Just give me a minute. I need to see your mother first." Baba grinned. The 17 year old me was quite jaunty and exuberant to show my driving skills. I had finally learnt to drive a car and I could ask for my own personal car now.

I was thrilled as I waited in the car for baba. I fasten my seat belts as I checked for everything. The car was at neutral. Everything was in its proper place. I blew the horn as an indication for my father to hurry.

"Sorry! Sorry! I am here now." Baba opened the door as he got himself seated next to me. "Fasten your seatbelt baba, we are already late." I groaned.

"Seat belts are for you kids. Now c'mmon get going." My father laughed. I loved this about my father. He was a monster for others but for his family, he was a completely different man. He adored us and was never too busy to pay attention to our needs.

I turned the key in the ignition as the engine roared to life. I then handled the clutch as the car slowly started moving. We headed towards the road at a steady speed. "Woah! You have become a pro in just a few days." Baba praised and I felt proud of myself. "This is nothing baba. I can drive even faster." I changed the car gear and accelerated the car.

It started raining again, slow at first but it became heavy as we entered the highway. "Let's go back. It's raining heavily. Your mother will get worried. I am already pleased with your skills son." Baba looked at me lovingly and then to his watch. I knew it was late. I was even having difficulty in driving but I wasn't going to accept it. I made an about turn slowly and resumed driving back. The rain was so heavy, I could barely see.

"I can drive if it's being difficult for you." Baba suggested. "No It's fine. I can do it." I shrugged and increased the speed a little. The roads were now a bit slippery and I had to concentrate a lot to see ahead.

"You know Humza, I love your mother immensely. She is the light in my darkest of days. We both are really proud of you son. I want you to know that always." I listened carefully as my father claimed his love for me and my mother. "Remember this, no matter where ever you are, there will always be a reason why you meet people. Either you need to change your life or you're the one who'll change their's." His words were etched in my memory forever. Baba was my philosopher and my guide. He would always say something so deep that would leave me thinking for long. I was busy savoring each of his word that I failed to see the humongous truck that was coming from the other side. The driver looked as if he was drunk because the truck wasn't going straight.

My heart beat immediately sped up at the fear of collision. I had to complete turn the steering wheel to save our car. I gave a murderous glare to the truck driver as he passed from my right. "Humzaaa watch it." Baba yelled and before I could see, the other car was right in front of me. I tried pushing the brakes but it had its own side effects. Baba tried pushing me back in my seat when the other car collided with us. Our car almost made a full circle while their's seem to have hit the divider as well. Their car tumbled over and over into the central barrier, also hitting a man at the sidewalk before coming to an absolute stop. The front glass shattered as my baba's body collided with it and half of his body now rested at the cars bonnet.

It took seconds for me to register what happened. I looked at my baba. He wasn't moving. "Baba." I called out.

"Babaaa" I shouted moving his lifeless body again and again. I Tried opening my side of the door but it was jammed. "Baba please don't do this to me." I panicked.

I made my way out through the front as the glass was already broken. The sight had me cringe back in terror. Baba's face was now visible to me. I pulled him out and made him lay on the wet ground. I searched for some injury but only the side of his forehead had a small cut. "Baba... Babaaa... Please don't do this to meee.. Please. No... No.. No..." Tear after tear fell from my eyes as I checked for a pulse but there was none.

"This can't happen...Please don't do this to me. Please." I cried holding my father's lifeless body to myself. It was then that I saw smoke coming out from the other car.

I sprinted towards their car even though I could barely walk. My legs were shaking from the adrenaline.

There was a man lying on the ground. His leg was twisted weirdly and he was completely knocked out. I rushed to him and check for his pulse.

Dead.

I was dying with each death. The rain had almost stopped and I was shivering from the cold. I was breathing heavily as I hurried towards the car, though there was barely a chance that anyone survived in it. The car was turned upside down and almost squeezed. I peeked in to find a man who was barely alive.

I rushed to him because he was the only one who was conscious at the moment. The woman beside him and the girl sitting behind weren't moving at all.

"Help." The man whimpered. The glass was already broken. He had his seat belts on. I pushed my hands in to remove it. "Don't. Please.... It's of no use. I wouldn't... Wouldn't survive. Save my wife and... daughter. Please. Save them." He pleaded. I ignored his pleads and continued struggling against the seat belts until I finally freed him. I pulled him out while he was still conscious. He winced when I pulled him due to his injuries. "Please save my daughter and wife."

I couldn't speak a word. I was working on autopilot. The man was alive and it gave me hope. I rushed to his wife's side. She wasn't conscious. I checked for her pulse but she wasn't alive anymore.

I moved behind. I looked at the girl who's face was covered in thick blood, her eyes completely shut. I checked her pulse and she was alive. It was easy to pull her out since she didn't have any seat belts on. I pulled her out successfully and Carried her to her father's side. "Sir your daughter is alive." I said but got no response. I moved to him and patted his shoulder. "Sir.." I again called out, my tears falling incessantly. I checked for his pulse but he was gone too. Fear bubbled in my heart as I checked for the girl's pulse again as well, fearing that she too would be gone in a while. She was still breathing. I sucked in a sharp breathe as I looked around to find a car heading in our direction.

I rushed and almost jumped infront of the car. "Help please. She'll die. You need to take her to the hospital." I cried as soon as the lady approached me. She nodded her head as tears welled up in her eyes soon after fear subsided.

She helped me move the girl into her car and I closed the door shut. "What about the rest of them?" She asked nervously. "They are dead." I felt bile rising in my throat as I said it. "Please take her to the city hospital." I said before I again started running back to my father. A sharp pain shot up through my skull as I tried to steady myself. I Jerked my head a few times until it was fine again.

"Where are you going?" The lady shouted. "My father.. I can't leave him." I wiped the tears with the back of my hand. "Is your father alive?" She questioned back and a splash of cold water hit my face.

My father was dead. I lost him.

"Just take the girl. She will die." I panicked. "But look at yourself. You are injured too. You are bleeding." It was then that I started feeling the bone wrecking pain. It was sharp and I felt it on every part of my body.

"Just take her please. I can't leave my father."

"I am taking her but I am calling an ambulance." She went in and called someone but I couldn't wait. I sprinted back towards my car. Baba's lifeless body still remained the way I had left it. I took his head and rested it on my lap as I heard the car's engine and I knew that the woman was finally taking the girl to the hospital.

"Baba.." I called out again but he was still the same. With trembling hands which were covered in blood, I caressed my father's head. "Baba I'll be the best son. Please don't do this to me." What punishment was I receiving? My life had been snatched away from me.

"Baba what will I do without you?" I said again but received no response. I felt a sharp serrated pain again in my skull and this time it knocked me out as I clutched onto my head tightly before everything turned blank and I slumped on the ground with baba's head still on my lap.

I woke up around 5 days later but I was no less than a living corpse. My father's funeral had already taken place and I couldn't even be a part of it. I couldn't see my father ever again, the person who taught me how to walk, the one who earned to give me the best life was no more there to see me grow, to see me living.

The girl had survived. My mother wouldn't stop shedding tears. She never left my side. I killed four people. I killed them all.

Anger and frustration was always fueling me. Days later I began to search for the truck driver. It wasn't difficult since I could easily recognize it in the cctv footage from a near by shop. I found him in his house the other day. I shot him right in the heart.

He was the first man I murdered intentionally but the hollow in my chest wouldn't fill. I tried to do everything. A month later I let the girl who survived in the accident move to my house hoping it would help me fill the hollow in my heart but I was wrong.

After my mother's marriage, the demon in me was unleashed and it remained that way, until I found her.

Until I found Anaabiya.

I wanted to tame her but by the end I was the one who she tamed. My demons wouldn't submit to anyone but her. I was dominant to all but submissive only to her.

"Why are you crying?" Her fragile voice had finally pulled me out of my daze. It was morning and sun was shining brightly as I laid on my bed with her in my arms. She had been sleeping and that was expected after the night of passion.

"Nothing. I was just thinking of baba." I confessed. She moved her thumb to my cheeks rubbing the salty liquid off it.

"I don't know how you must be feeling but I know the cure for your depression." She said while pushing her head on my chest and I kissed her head. I drew a pattern with my fingers on her bare back.

"And what is that?" I asked with curiosity. "Allah. It's simple. The one who created you will know how to heal you." There, the pain in my heart began to grow again.

"Hmm." I mumbled. I didn't want to snap at her but this topic was sensitive to me.

"You love me? Don't you?" She questioned. "Yes I do." I answered back.

"Then for me. Please let's offer salah together. Trust me it'll heal your heart." She almost begged.

"It wouldn't be counted Anaabiya if I did it for you. It has to come from within and I don't feel it anymore." I snapped back.

"I am glad you know that it has to be done for the love of Allah. See you have it in you." I felt her smiling against my chest. When I didn't say a word she continued again, "Look I know you aren't able to do it from your heart but let's just start first. For Allah, even your presence counts. You haven't offered salah since so many years, still you are alive. He is taking care of you. Can't you see he loves you." I felt anger surging inside of me as I moved away slightly from her embrace. "That's the problem with you pious people. You think everyone is beneath you and you guys are perfect. It's easy for you to offer salah but it's not for me. I don't want to. I have everything I need and it's my hard work." I yelled and regretted it immediately when I saw her flinch. I raked my hands through my hair pulling it out of frustration.

She stared at me quietly. Unable to take it anymore, I moved the duvet from above me and moved out. I ambled towards the bathroom and slammed the door shut. I have to ruin everything. It was going good with her but I am sure as fuck that I have hurted her again.

It was my fault and I didn't know how to explain it to him. Instead of making him come closer to ALLAH, I pushed him away again. I watched him unable to say a word as he got dressed up in front of me after taking a shower and left the room without talking to me. I was hurt but I know that I should have said it more properly.

I let a dejected sigh. I need to take a shower too. I rose from my bed and walked towards the bathroom awkwardly. I could still feel the sharp pain between my legs. I could barely walk properly. I had my breakfast in my room. I couldn't stop thinking of Humza and his problems either.

Hours later when I was done trying everything to engage myself in, I went down to the kitchen where I knew I could find either Bibijaan or Maliha. I was bored and I didn't want to think of what happened in the morning again. I wasn't even spending much time with Nabiha. I was such a bad sister.

Walking inside I found Maliha and Nabiha in the kitchen. "Assalamo alaikum." I greeted. "Walaikum assalam." Both of them mumbled simultaneously. "Shukar Allah you finally came down. I was starting to get worried." Nabiha smiled. "No I am fine." I shrugged.

They were both getting along quite well and I was very happy. "Where is Bibijaan?" I asked Maliha. She was like a daughter to bibijaan. "She is not well. Just the viral." She replied back while still cooking.

"Did she take some medicines?" I asked with concern. "Yes I gave her. She is sleeping currently." Maliha finally turned to me and smiled at first but suddenly her expressions changed as she looked at me weirdly.

"What's wrong?" I asked her quizzically. "You seem a little different today." She said and heat immediately rushed to my cheeks as I turned away.

"Do we have ice cream?" I rushed to the refrigerator to avoid the conversation. The pain I felt in my abdomen was still there.

"Oh my god." Maliha gasped and I looked at her abruptly, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"You lost it." She squealed. "What?" I asked almost immediately. "What's lost?" Nabiha mirrored my guise as well.

"Virginity idiots." I just wanted mother earth to swallow me now. I felt so embarrassed even though I shouldn't be. He is my husband after all. Both of them were beaming with happiness.

"Oh my God.. Oh my God.. I will become an aunt soon." Nabiha was literally jumping up and down. I felt goosebumps all over my body and I felt all the more embarrassed. "I am not pregnant guys." I yelled.

"Ahem!" I heard Humza clear his throat from behind me and I stilled. I could see how Maliha and nabiha both tried to suppress their laughter.

"Can I steal my wife for a minute." He spoke, his voice husky and light. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I didn't stare back at him.

"Sure.. Sure. We want to become an aunt soon." Nabiha giggled as I shot her a glare. "Please take care of the food. Add some water and thicken it or it will burn." Maliha said before both of them left me alone in the kitchen with him. I walked forward towards the stove and dipped the ladle into the casserole dish.

I wanted to seem like I was not jobless. I was thinking of ways to say sorry. I knew he was still angry but I was curious as to why did he want to talk to me again.

I waited until I felt his hands around my stomach. My breath hitched when he rested his head on my shoulder.

"I am sorry. Can you forgive me?" My eyes widen but I couldn't stop myself from smiling. My back was pressed up against him and he was placing feathery kisses on my shoulder.

"I am sorry I treated you really bad." He again whispered and I turned around to face him but I was still caged between his embrace and the counter behind me. "Why are you apologizing now. You could have said it at night." I smiled meekly. "I couldn't work. It was bothering me. I love you. Did you forgive me?" He looked at me expectantly.

I stood on my heels and gave a light peck on his lips. "I did." He grinned from ear to ear as he lifted me up in his arms.

"What are you doing???" I shrieked as I clutched onto his shoulders. He made me sit on the counter. "I know you are having trouble walking. I'll do it. You can watch. You just have to pay a small tax." I laughed at his words. "What tax should I pay?" I giggled. "Kiss me everytime I come to you." He smirked wickedly and I couldn't stop smiling. He rolled his sleeves up and moved to the stove. He added water to it and followed Maliha's instructions properly. I didn't even have to guide him. He did it like a pro.

Every now and then he would come to me and I would give him a small peck on his lips while laughing. I couldn't help but thank ALLAH.

I didn't mean to fall in love with him but he made it so easy.

I don't know how,

I didn't know why,

But I just did.

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on 9.2.2018