But just before I could realize what was happening, he pushed me away. My eyes were wide and my face was burning. My fingers went to my lips and they were warm, even though I felt a coldness a few seconds ago. This.. this was the first time someone had kissed me. When I looked over at Aneel he didn't look me in the eyes but shook his head and walked inside. He was mad. He was very mad. And I wasn't going to end it like this. We needed to talk. It had been enough. I ran after him and saw that he was already inside. He had left the door to our house open. For me, I guess. I went in, took my shoes and coat off. He was in the living room and I walked over to him.

"What was that about?" I asked him. He rolled his eyes. He was sitting on the couch and put his face in his hands.

"It was exactly what you wanted" he said. I thought for a second. What did I want? What did I really want? What was I fighting for? Why all this pain?

"How do you know what I want?" I asked slowly. He stood up but didn't take a step. It was going to lead to a fight but I was sick of this.

"Do you know what I want?!" I half-yelled. He just looked at me. I looked around and saw a vase which had dust on it. I haven't even cleaned this house properly. I am worthless. I grabbed the vase and threw it to the ground. Aneel didn't even flinch. I grabbed another.

"How would you know what I want?!" I yelled. I threw the other vase on the ground. Then I went to the kitchen. I grabbed some plates and glasses. I didn't know what took over me and what my intention was. I just needed to let out this stress. I grabbed the plates and went over to Aneel.

"I want to be happy!" I said, while throwing a plate around the house. By every single thing I said I broke a plate. Tears were streaming down but I didn't care. It was like therapy. It felt good. Really good..

"I want a happy family! I want to work! I want to feel independent!" I yelled. I threw the last plates on the floor and grabbed the glasses.

"I want to feel free! I don't want to care about anything! I want these nightmares to stop! My past is always in my present and I want that to stop!" I yelled. I threw a glass on the television and it broke. I didn't care. I wouldn't even care if this house got destroyed. I looked over at Aneel. He didn't move. He was still in the same spot with the same expression on his face. That made me angrier.

"I want friends! I want to have a shoulder to cry on! I want to hug someone when I am happy! I want my twin! I want my mother and father to love me! I want back all the years I got hurt!" I yelled. I looked around and pushed everything off the table.

"I want to forget what you did to me! I want to forget the day you pushed me! You know how scared I was?! How scared I was that I would get beaten up again?! I still don't know what's wrong with me! I don't even know what I am saying! Its probably because I am so messed up! I don't want to be messed up! I want to be normal!" I yelled. I went over to the window and pulled the curtains off.

"I want to hang out with people! I want to study, I want a job! I want to draw every day! I want to cook for you! I want to argue with you! I want to laugh with you! You, you and damn you!" I yelled. I took a hold of my hair and pulled it. Normally, it would've hurt. But now, not really.

"I want to get to know my real family! I want to hurt the people I called family! I want Ibrahim to die! I want them to stop hitting me everywhere! I want them to stop burning my back! Have you ever seen my back?! No? No, you didn't. They melted a bottle on top of my back! Just because I stole bread that night! I stole every night bread without being caught by them, but that night they did! I want the nightmares to go because it haunts me still till now! I want that Maryam goes! I want her to stop being in your head and heart! Just when everything was falling into places, she decided to come back and mess with us! I want the voices in my head to stop! I don't want the voice in my head to stop! I don't even know what I want! What do I want?! What do I want the most?!" I yelled before I stepped in front of Aneel. I looked for the first time in his eyes since I had gone crazy. I saw that his eyes watered. Maybe it was because he felt sorry that he had to marry me. I never brought anything but trouble.

"I want to feel loved" I whispered. I fell onto my knees and just cried. I was shaking, I felt cold. I didn't care. It was like it was just me and my tears. Just me and my past. Just me and Aneel. I wanted to sit like that for ever, but someone pulled me up. Aneel forced me to look him in the eye and that was what I did.

"I love you. I love you since the day the house went on fire and the moment I looked you in the eyes before you went out of that burning hole, I thought of the possibility that you might die. That thought brought me back to my senses and I realized how much I needed you" he said. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't think.

"You never gave up on me. You were there when I needed someone. I hurt you, and in return you were just so nice to me all the time. I messed up, I admit. But it was never because of you. It was because of the damn guilt I felt inside of me just because a girl got killed because of me. I was lost, just like you were. The world doesn't only turn around you! Why do you always think of yourself?!" he said while putting his hands on his face. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know what to say. It felt like he hadn't finished yet so I just kept silent.

"No, you don't. You didn't. You always thought of me. You always tried to get things straight between us but I was just so stupid to push you away. But it was because I was scared to love anyone again!" he yelled as in defence. I closed my eyes. It was too much. Too much..

"I came home drunk, you watched over me. I came home angry, you still cooked for me. I got in trouble, with one call you came and picked me up from the police station without complaining. I called you stuff, you acted as if you didn't care. You thought of everyone but yourself. I was scared, scared that maybe they would kill you too. They were going to, if you weren't his sister! I couldn't let that happen again! It would've killed me" he said. His voice cracked at the end of the sentence. He grabbed my hands and put his forehead against mine.

"I just want to work the things out between us. It will take time. We both went through the worst, but we can handle it. We did it till now. I want to get to know you. I want to take you to dinners. I want to annoy you when you are working on a project. I want to kiss you when you don't expect it. I want to hug you when you feel tired. I want to fight with you just because I am an ass" he said. I could hear myself breathing. I was still shaking and I could've fell down any second.

"I once told you that maybe this was all your punishment. But I realized now.. It was our punishment. You, my punishment. Punishments are there to let people learn a lesson. We learned it" he said. Everything he said made my heart jump.

"Did I ever tell you how gorgeous you are? Don't you ever think otherwise" he said, making my eyes widen. It was the first time I had heard this from him. My heart skipped a beat and I knew I couldn't hold it anymore. It was something I had never felt before. The only thing that came to my mind was crashing my lips onto his. And that was exactly what I did.

We were sitting on the couch, talking about everything. We finally agreed to sort things out between us. It would take time, but it will be okay in shaa Allah. Aneel let go of my hand and stood up. The room was still a mess. None of us tried to clean it.

"What's wrong?" I asked him quietly. He just shook his hand and grabbed something from the drawer. He walked towards me and I saw that it was the necklace I once saw on my birthday.

"I thought you would like it.." he said. I felt my eyes widen and I stood up. I grabbed his hand to take the necklace.

"Is it.. is it for me?" I asked him in disbelief. I really thought it was for Maryam. He looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

"What did you think?" he asked me. I just shook my head and turned around for him to put the necklace on. His cold fingers brushed against my neck and I felt thousands of butterflies flying through my body. I turned around and looked him in the eyes. He smiled at me and I put my forehead against his. It felt all weird. I mean, after all this we were standing like that. But that just shows that we can make it through everything. His green eyes were brighter than I had ever seen. It was real. What I was feeling for him was real.

"I can stand with you like this forever" I said. I closed my eyes. I felt him smirk and he put his arms around my waist.

"I can stand with you like this forever" he said. Now it was my time to smirk. I put my arms around his neck.

"I can laugh with you forever" I said while putting my hand in his hair.

"I can laugh with you forever" he replied with a happy voice.

"I can fight with you forever" I said. I opened my eyes to look right in his. I kissed his nose like I had done a few times before.

"I can fight with you forever" he said while kissing my nose. He then kissed my forehead before kissing my nose again.

"But I love you.." I finally admitted out loud. His eyes widened for a second before he smiled. He pecked my lips.

"I love you.." he said. I pecked his lips once, twice and for the last time before he started tickling me for a few seconds. I had never felt that happy before. For the first time I felt that everything was going to be alright.

'I told you that everything was going to be alright' I heard the voice. I closed my eyes. It felt like a goodbye but a new start at the same time.'Who are you?' I asked the voice in my head for the first time. 'I was your inner beauty but I was hiding. You had to find me and finally you did. Now it is time for me to disappear' the voice said. I smiled. 'Thank you' I said with all honesty. 'Don't thank me. I am you. It was all you. You were lost to be found. And now you are' I heard the voice for the last time before I felt it disappearing. I then opened my eyes and looked directly into Aneel's.

"Come on, lets pray together" he said, making my eyes widen. This little sentence beat everything we had said till now. This was the best thing he had said to me. Happiness. I finally found out what happiness is. This was not the end. This was the beginning..

~~~~~~