larib was brought back to home .she is very quite not talking to anyone , i know she is missing our daughter.

she is really in depression , she is not talking , not sleeping not eating or anything . its been days that i have heared her laugh . She is always lost in thoughts .

her mother and brother were informed ,everyone came to our house grandma and grandpa ....but everyone was sad .

everyone was crying silently but not telling each other , i know how miserable they all are now .

i want to cry. but i can,t beacuse if i become weak ,then it will be hard to control larib . i am scared i will lose her if she know about this .

Everyone is in miserable state , grandma had arranged quran khuvani (recitation of quran ) . dada is quite also , he is asking me if i am alright but what should i say, it seems like i am lost somewhere .

i don,t know what to do. How should i tell my wife that our daughter ,the one for whom she did so much and risked her life is in critical condition .

the doctor called me few days back and told me ,my daughter is in critical condition .

how should i tell her our daughter zoobia is fighting for her life .

how can i tell her that she might never hold her.

Larib and me gave her name few days back .she wanted to name her on my mother name so she did . I was happy that my daughter will bring my mom memories back but Allah is again taking. my zoobia, .and i am so helpless

larib is sleeping so peacefully , yet her face has those sad expression .She calls for our daugther in the night , in her sleep state but i am so weak , so helpless , i can,t do anything to calm her.

she was right when Allah has written something even my power and money will not be able to do anything .

despite of having money i can,t bought happiness for my jan nor can i buy health for my daughter.

I know if i lost one girl i will lose my another girl, the two most imporant people in my life is slipping out of my hand and i am so helpless .

"what should i do larib please tell me . i am breaking down .my two most important people are in the condition of leaving me and i can,t do anything ." tears slipped from my eyes .

i got up from beside her and went to the washroom . i came out after a while and now was searching for that cap ,i searched the nemaz cap and found it .

i took out the praying mat and placed it .

"larib always prayed she said Allah will help.us because he loves us most . , i have seen her praying at times when she was really upset ."

i also followed my wife way and offerd two rakats. i opened the quran but i could not recite more than one verse.

i closed it and started crying . i raised my hand and i started crying.

"ya Allah i am sorry , i am really sorry ,i don,t know what i was doing was wrong .All the actions that i have performed if only i could take it back .i .. never ..knew how i was.. destroying people , how i was taking your decisions in my hands ..... i was no one to punish them yet i did ..... i have lied and did things due to my selfish reasons .I did many bad deeds ,i know even asking for forgivness is not good enough , but larib says you forgive everyone and you will forgive me but i am not scared of going to hell beacuse the things i have done is unforgivable . my father ruined me with him only if he made me close to you only if he had showed me good path but i was so unlucky . but it was my destiny and i am not blaming any one , i am not either asking for my justice .but.... i want .... one thing .... please save my daughter , she is my life like my wife. my wife is also slipping from my hand and i am so helpless , i can,t do anything . ... save them Allah please bring our family happiness , don,t give them punishment for my mistake Allah help me , make my girls healthy ." .

tears were falling down from my eyes i was crying and upset and tired . i rested my back on the sofa and i don,t know when i dosed off .

i woke up from my sleep ,since the day i came i am sleeping , i don,t want to talk or eat anything .

i also have shut my self from zayn . i know it is wrong but i am feeling so empty .

the dream i saw that day before our marriage , that emptiness that i was feeling ,now i know what it meant .

my daughter is not here ,its the biggest emptiness a mother can feel when her child is not with her .

she will be so alone without me in the hospital , why is she not here .

"ya ALlah give her health .".

i slowly got up from bed and moved towards the washroom ,but when i was moving towards washroom i saw a reflection of someone near coach .

"zayn was sleeping in sitting positon . i moved near him and i could see his face in this lamp light.

Their was dry tears on his face ,

"was he crying ." i thought to myself .

i sat on the coach beside his head .

now i see his face i could see the dark circles and also i could see the worry on his face .

he is also suffering but i neglected him . she is also his daughter ,i know he is also feeling the same pain as me .

how i could be so slefish and not to see his worries..

when i saw where he was sitting i started crying ,

my zayn was sitting on the praying mat .

their was also quran on the table .

"oh ... i . am so ... sorry for not understanding you zayn ." i put my hand on his cheek and cleaned up his tears .

due to my action he woke up .

"larib .. are you ok jan do you need something .?why you woke up from bed. "

"i. am fine i needed to go to washroom.... but why are you here? go and sleep on bed ."

"yeah i don,t know when i slept..."

he got up from.the praying mat.

" comeone lets take you to washroom " . he was avoiding eye contact with me .

he made me stand up .and took me to washroom and he helped me

after that when i came out , he was standing and was lost in his thoughts .

i moved to him and stood infront of him.

His face was so sad.

"zayn why are you sad , you said she will be fine but now you are upset ,you said its one month so now you can,t wait one month " .

"its not like that jan i am just tired and worried about you thats it. "

"i am ok. .. sorry for making you worried about me ." i said to him.

"don,t do it again ok , i will be not able to live without you ." he said and hugged me . .

i hugged him back to.

"how is she ? is anyone with her? did you went to meet her. "

he was quite and didn,t said anything for a while .

i moved back and looked up at his face .but before i could say something he hugged me back .

"she ..is fine ... she will be

in sha allah .now lets go and sleep comeon you need rest ."

why do it feel like he is hiding something from me but i didn,t said anything and slept beside him..

i woke up due to the light hitting my face. i look around but didnot find zayn beside me .

"whats the time ". i thought to myself .

it was 8 in the morning when i looked at the clock .

i got up slowly now i am much better than before i can walk now .its been 8 days now.that i had my operation and the care that is given to me due to that i am well now.

but i know zayn would still don,t want me out of bed. But i want to go to hospital if i make him agree he may takes me to hospital .

i got ready and wrapped a shawal around me grandma and mom told me that cold is not good for me i have to keep my self warm .

Yes mom is also here and i am so happy , my brothers could not come due to some work but they said they would be here .

me and zayn shifted to guestroom which is on ground floor, for these days as i could not use stairs for few months .

i moved out towards the hall . different voices were coming from there.

"why does it sound like that someone is crying. "

i moved more close and i was hearing the voices it was as if someone was crying .

when i enterend in the hall grandma , mom , amna , maria and everyone else was there. Whole family was here but zayn and justin was missing .

N ow when i look at them they were crying but why were they crying .

" why are you guys crying ?" as i said that everyone eyes turned towrds me .

"larib what are you doing outside of your room ."my mother said to me.

"mom why are you all crying , and where is zayn ?". she didn,t said anything .

"even grandpa had tears in his eyes ".

"why are you all crying ha , why are you not saying anything. " i held my mom hands by which she was keeping me in her hold .

" "

i yelled at them .

"larib .control yourself first .". grandpa said to me .

"grandpa whats going on tell me "

he looked at me and i saw tears in his eyes.

"dada what is it why are you all killing me with your silence tell me .".

"larib beta ..... zayn went to hospital" grandpa said .

"don,t tell her she is weak ." grandma said and came towrds me.

"lets go to your room its nothing ."

"no don,t touch me."

"grandpa whats going on tell me " i left these ladies and moved towrds grandpa .

"tell me please." i begged.

"you know what i don,t care don,t tell me i am going to hospital ."

"sheraz bhi take me to hospital.now ." i said to him and moved towrds the door .

"larib you are not going anywhere ". grandpa announced.

"no one can stop me ." i said and started moving towrds the

door.

"your daughter is in critical condtion she is having 24 hours and then doctor would decide .......(pause) to shut down the machines .... or ".

my legs gave up and i fall on the floor with a thud.

i was silent for a while ,it seemed the world stopped

" " i screamed so loud that my whole body shook .".

". i cried so loud my screams and yells were heared in the whole house .

amna and maria ran to me they held me .

"no leave me .. i want to see my daughter , i want to go .".let me go .. ". i pushed them away and started to get up but as i got up a severe pain crossed my abdoman .

there was blood on my stomach .

"larib ... " they yelled.

"grandma her stitches. ..we need to take her to the doctor ."

my vision got blurred and after that i could not feel or understand anything.

.

.:

the doctor told me about zoobia i was so devasted she is in ICU from past 4 hours .

justin came with me i am feeling so weak .

i was still sitting outside ICU waiting for doctor. when justin came running towrds me.

"what happened why are you out of breath ?".

"b..... bh...bhabi".

i quickly got up .

"what happened to larib .".

"she is in emergency ."

i didn,t heared much and ran towards emergency .

grandma and her mother and grandpa maria ,amna, her husband they all were roaming outside the emergency .

"what happend .? i ran to them.

amna husband held me by my shoulder .

"what happened tell me is she alright.".

the doctor came out .

"she is alright now i gave her sleeping pills she is resting but please ... its better you give her rest and no any tension.".

" what happened to her doctor.

"

i said to her .

"her stitches opened but we did them again but be careful please .".

as the doctor went away. i moved towrds the chairs and fall on it .

grandpa and ma came to me

"zayn ... be careful.".

"what is happening grandpa. , what is happening..... i am losing my family and i can,t do anything .... what is happening to us ... i am losing my girls .. and i . can,t save them. ..dada Allah is not listening to me but he listen to you please..... ask him to safe my girls please ... grandpa ... pry .... i can,t be strong anymore i can,t ." it was the first time i was crying infront of them.

"shhhh beta don,t say like that Allah will pass this difficult time .. everything will be fine ..don,t lose hope ,.just pray .. our girls get healthy .". dada hugged me and consoled me .

after sometime i went towrds the door of larib room but i could not go inside what would i tell her if she ask me about our daughter .

i left the room and went towards my daughter .This is the most difficult time of my life ..

time passed by its night now still no news about my daughter .i was reciting some verses that grandpa taught me .

granpa and amna husband was with me while justin went to larib and her mother. and grandma .

after sometime the doctor came out.

i quickly got up.

"doctor what happened is my daughter alright .".

he was quite for a while .

"

"look mr zayn ,we have tried alot but she is not responding to the treatment ..... we think you should let her go ."

i could not understand anything . what was he saying to me that my daughter can,t live .

"mr zayn its better that you shut down the machine."

"no one is going to shut it down until she herself wants to go ."

her voice came from behind me .i turned to see her she was standing with help of justin and her mother.

"no one is touching my daughter until she takes her last breath on her own ."

"mrs zayn we know how are you feeling but it is of no use .its better...."

"ENOUGH , i think you heared my wife no one is touching her that's final ."

"as you wish mr zayn .".

he left us and went away .

"zayn you should think about your decision. ." justin said .

"enough no one is gonna say anything its my final decision".

i moved out not glancing at anyone not even larib .

i pushed open the door of the hospital and sat in my car and took it to the place, i know can give me my answer.

i was today standing in this place and not like not believing in him but today i am here to ask for my daughter health .

i did my. abulation and offered two rakat nafal and raised my hand infront of him.

"Ya Allah please forgive my sins.... i have done... to bad... give me any .punishment but not in this way... don,t take my daughter please , don,t take my wife happiness...." i was crying so much i could not control my sobs .

an elderly guy came to me and tap my shoulder.

"i hope that Allah ease this difficult time on you i don,t know what it is but don,t lose hope until their is nothing left .. Allah can do anything ,you just have to be hopeful and do what you can do ".

sometime saying things are easy then to be done . I don,t know where it will lead me .