K A I N A A T

The next morning, I sat beside my dadijaan.

"Haan, Kainaat. So how nicely have you forgotten you had a grandmother?"

This question was being thrown at me very sarcastically for the past half an hour,

"Dadijaan," I struggled to keep a straight face, "I did not forget you. How can I forget my dadi?"

"Just the way you have done now. You have!" My dadi gave me a look that said I had let her down.

Sighing exasparatedly, I countered the topic,

"How have you been?"

"Oh!" Her eyebrows rose, "so now you remember my health?"

"Dadiiiii!" I whined, before getting up and taking a seat beside her and engulfing her in my arms, my head on her shoulder.

When we were small, there were times, many times, when we got yelled at for misbehaving, and it was always Dadi's shoulder that we seek to complain about our parents.

So now, as I rested my head on her shoulder, her wrinkled palms tentatively reached up to my cheeks,

"You know I did not forget you," I mumbled, "I did call you as soon as I came back from Italy!"

Dadi sighed, one of those sighs that gave it away that she was messing with us,

"You kids are now so big that I can't even complain about being neglected. See, this is exactly what I mean!"

Husna face-palmed herself from across us, and sprawled herself on Dadi's bed, giggling at us,

"Please go on, this is fun."

I just glared at her.

Coming back home felt like entering a new realm, as if I wasn't married for three years and had two kids, as if I was just the old Kainaat Khan, having my way in the house with Husna, then seeking protection from Dadijaan. And, quite selfishly, I did like it.

Two minutes later, Muskaan ran in,

"Huna Khala!"

Husna barely had a minute to get up before Muskaan was on top of her, "Huna Khala!"

"Ow, ow, ow," Husna winced when Muskaan jumped on her, before gently holding the hyperactive child and trying to be in a seated position, "Yes? Khala ki jaan?"

Muskaan said nothing, except, "Huna Khala!"

I chuckled as Husna sighed, "You almost killed me just because you wanted to scream my name?"

I watched as she tied up Muskaan's hair in a small pony-tail, carefully tying up her bangs which kept falling on her face. Once she was done, Husna set Muskaan down, and she ran away to the next person she was going to jump at,

"How is she always so hyper?"

I shrugged, "Probably went on Zaidaan."

My Dadi tsked beside me, "She went on you, Kainaat. You were very hyper, more than Khalifa."

Husna frowned, "Really? I thought I was the most annoying."

"Even if you were," someone said from across us, "Dadi would never say that you were anything but an angel."

We turned to look at Fariyal standing in the doorway, a small smile on her face. Dadi nodded her head seriously,

"My Husna is an angel, why should I not say it then?"

Husna flipped her hair, "You guys are just jealous."

Fariyal gave a low laugh before sitting beside me, and the four of us sat in comfortable silence until Dadi said,

"So, when are you both getting married?"

I shot Husna a wide smile, "Ah, yes dadijaan. That is a very fine question."

Fariyal just groaned and Husna shot Dadi an innocent smile, "When I find a guy who will let me live with you, dadijaan, I will marry him."

Dadi laughed, "And how long will I live with you? The rest of your life?"

"For more than my life, InshaAllah."

Dadi shook her head at Husna's remark, "I am old."

Husna stared at Dadi for a minute, an expression that almost looked...scared, "So?" She finally said, "we'll grow older, I don't see a problem here."

Dadi just placed a hand on her cheek and mumbled something we couldn't hear. Husna frowned, "Dadi-"

"Fari," Dadi called out, "I want to see you married."

Fariyal nodded, "Me too."

All of us did a double-take, "What?"

Fariyal had, for the past three years, religiously avoided marriage proposals and the mere topic of it too. She barely even spoke to anyone outside the family.

But now, she shrugged, "If that will make all those aunties quiet, I just might."

Dadi took in a deep breath, "Fariyal, I did not mean a marriage of convenience."

My sister said nothing. Sealing her lips in a thin line, Fariyal just rested her head in my lap. The four of us sat that way until my mom came in,

"Girls, Inaya is up. You must go sit with her,"

My mamu and mami lived in a city at a distance from us, but since Sami bhai's job was here, he stayed. And now since Inaya was also from here, they had decided to host the wedding in our home.

"Trust Inaya to wake up so early right after her wedding,"

Husna smirked at Fariyal's words,

"Poor, poor Sami bhai."

The three of us chuckled among ourselves, before making our way to the bride.

***

"So, Inaya," Husna started, "how does it feel to be married?"

If Husna was planning to get a reaction from Inaya, which I could tell with the way her eyes shone that she was, then Inaya was not giving her any.

Inaya grinned, "Awesome. It's fun to annoy a full grown man just by saying I don't know how to cook."

"Hey!" We turned to the side as Sami bhai poked his head in, "you are not allowed to tell my sisters what we talk about!"

Inaya casually chuckled, "Even more fun to break his ground rules."

I let my mouth hang open at the way they behaved on the first day after their wedding as Fariyal and Husna doubled over in laughter,

"Goodness," Fariyal said, "you guys are worse than Kainaat and Zaidaan Bhai!"

I shoved her arm, "Excuse me, me and Zaidaan do not fight. We don't even have ground rules!"

Inaya rolled her eyes and turned to Husna,

"When you get married, take advice from those two, they hold a record for blushing around each other everytime."

My face blared as I stared at them, "Why, just why, did the topic come to this?"

As if remembering they were supposed to tease Inaya and not me, Husna and Fariyal jumped and finally, after twenty tries, succeeded in making her blush.

And when she blushed, smiling in a sort of way I had never seen her smile, it was clear why Sami bhai fell for her.

It was clear why he promised to make her smile everytime he was with her.

***

"Muskaan," I sighed out, fixing her hair for the nth time, "dont shake your head so much baby."

"Mammam, no!" And she shook her head harder, causing her stray strands to fall out again.

Giving up on her, I let her hair fall on her shoulders, her tiny pout protruding her cheeks out even more. I leaned down and kissed her head,

"MashaAllah my princess."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and climbed up on me, and we stayed like that until Mehek demanded attention, and Muskaan hurriedly peered at the four month old,

"Mehek, shhh" I mumbled, taking her in my arms just as Husna walked in,

"Aww, my babies are ready!"

I gave her an exasperated look, "No, I'm not ready."

She rolled her eyes, "I wasn't even talking about you, and hurry up, we gotta leave soon. Inaya's ready too. Muskaan, come let's go!"

"Huna Khala! You look like a pwincess."

Muskaan literally had heart eyes as she walked to Husna and Husna shot me a wink,

"Kids don't lie."

I shook my head at her, "A princess shouldn't believe the truth so easily too."

Husna smirked at me as she stood sideways in my doorway,

"Don't worry, queens can't be touched. I'm the Queen."

I rolled my eyes as her laughter echoed off, and once I was done nursing Mehek, I proceeded to get ready for the walima.

Draping my beige dupatta over my shoulder, I picked up Mehek in my arms, cradling her closer to me as I read duaa's over her.

Once I reached down, I found the Fariyal and my mom still present while everyone else was no-where in sight. Once they saw me, mom hurried to take Mehek from me and I let her, relieving my arms from the position.

Fariyal shot me a smile, and gave my hand a squeeze as we left our home for the hall.

***

Half an hour at the place, and I would gladly run back home. I still hadn't caught a glance of Zaidaan, Muskaan was somewhere with my sisters, while Mehek was still in my mother's arms.

I walked up to Ammi, who stood beside Mom, gazing down at Mehek. My baby was up and awake, staring and smiling at her grandmothers when I approached them. Greeting the aunties surrounding them, I took Mehek in my arms.

Aima Chachi, who previously was very quiet, remarked,

"MashaAllah Rubina, bith your granddaughters are very pretty."

My mother-in-law smiled back, "MashaaAllah, Alhamdulillah yes, yes they are. May Allah guide them to become the coolness of our eyes."

As a murmur of 'Aameen' went around, I felt better at the thought of Aima Chachi not bringing up the topic that messed up with my head, and I shot her a kind smile.

However, just as Ammi left and Mom started a conversation with some other aunty, Aima chachi turned to me,

"How are your sisters, dear?"

I blinked at her, but nevertheless responded,

"They are good, Alhamdulillah."

She nodded, "It is sad what happened with Abaan's wife, such things always effect the innocent, younger ones in the house. How is your other sister? The pretty one, who is still unmarried? She's the youngest isn't she?"

It took me a minute to understand that she was talking about Husna and subtly implying that what happened with Fariyal was the reason Husna was still unmarried.

Not one to have it, I gave her a sickeningly sweet smile,

"Alhamdulillah, both my sisters are very happy in their lives, especially Fariyal, may Allah protect her from the evil eyes of some people who call themselves family. As for Husna, we have no intention of marrying her off anytime soon, so don't stress yourself so much worrying about them, chachiji"

With that I strode off, not bothering to look back at her shocked expression.

My actions were not wise, but sometimes, some people left absolutely no choice. If this was what I was feeling, I could only imagine the things Fariyal had to bear and hear.

Making my way to them while I hugged my daughter closer to me, I stopped in my steps when my eyes landed on a surprising figure.

Standing at a position where I could see the entrance of the men's section and still be away from the sight of non-mahrams. It was a little space between both the sections, and I could hear the hustle of women behind me. I sunk deeper into the wall.

Praying that Mehek doesn't start crying, I peaked to make sure that what I was seeing was true.

Because knelt infront of Muskaan, a sad, kind, and a loving smile on his face was Abaan, listening with rapt attention as Muskaan babbled infront of him. There were a few other kids around them, but Abaan only had eyes for Muskaan.

"Chachu!"

Muskaan's ever so loud voice suddenly squealed, and Abaan's face went white. His eyes watered on their own accord, and his shaking hand tucked her hair behind her ear. Muskaan bounced on her toes, and her excited glee was hard to miss as she threw her arms around Abaan,

"You are chachu!"

What followed next was a string of baby language, her way of saying thank you to something, and I watched as Abaan's eyes reddened with tears, and he reluctantly pried Muskaan's tiny arms from around him, giving her a broad smile.

My heart went numb, and my eyes yearned to cry, but none of my emotions matched the pain on Abaan's face when he kissed Muskaan's forehead, whispered something only she could hear, and turned around, disappearing from my vision.

I shook my head.

No matter how guilty he felt, no matter what way he repented, what he did was wrong. What he did was inhumane. What he did was unforgivable.

Wrong. Inhumane. Unforgivable.

I was just about to turn back around and get back to my place, when a voice from the other side of the wall stopped me,

"Yes, Sami's cousins, they're all good, but did you hear? Kainaat, she's the only one who's married, has two daughters!"

I peaked from my position and saw two girls, who I didn't know talking in hushed whispers. I should have left, listening like this was wrong. And I very much willed myself to move until I heard the other one say,

"They're not her own, it seems."

And then I walked away. Because I really didn't need another sentence to hurt myself. Days and months I told myself that such things will not affect me. That no matter what people say, it doesn't lessen the fact that they are my daughters- my children.

But it hurts, It hurts when I love my children and people keep throwing the facts on my face. I was tired of explaining that it didn't matter if I didn't give birth to them, it didn't matter if they did not have my blood in them. Me and Zaidaan loved our girls, and nothing in this world could change that.

Not having the strength to waste my time giving them a piece of my mind, I finally found Fariyal and Husna. Thankfully, they were having a better time than me. A breath of fresh air hit me when I watched them converse with Inaya, the smiles on their faces so pure and genuine that it made every other person jealous- and I prayed to Allah that no evil eye ever came close to them.

Inaya was a bride like no other, and Ammi constantly had to remind her to not be too loud, much to everyone's amusement. But Inaya was Inaya, and nothing ever mattered to anyone that day as long as she was happy.

Sami and Inaya had an air of contentment surrounding them, a bubble of happiness only they could understand. Three years of wait had led to this day, and nothing mattered other than the fact that when everyone had almost left, and just very close family were still remaining, I finally found Zaidaan.

His eyes met mine in a gentle smile, and I returned the gesture just in time for him to stand beside me. Muskaan came running up and hugged my legs,

"Pick up!"

Zaidaan sighed and extended his arms, "Come here, Muskaan."

Muskaan shook her head, "No Daddy! Mammam pick up."

An edge of a firm command in her tone, I picked her up effortlessly, and Zaidaan pinched her nose as Muskan blabbered to him in baby language. She was at that stage of speech when she mixed real words with baby words and made little to no sense, but she somehow still managed to keep her voice loud.

Fariyal walked up to us and handed Mehek to Zaidaan,

"I can never hold babies. And I'm tired, and since Zaidaan bhai is here, I'm ditching you."

With that, she was off, and I rolled my eyes before turning to Zaidaan who held the baby with utmost carefulness,

"Hi."

He grinned at me, "Hey, beautiful."

I silently leaned my head against his arms, and watched Mehek sleeping in the crook of his arm. He kissed the top of my head, and we stayed like that until Husna dragged me back home.

***

Two days later, I sat in our room with Zaidaan, who seemed quite busy playing with a laughing Mehek on his lap.

He spoke random gibberish to the baby, who burst out in laughter everytime he ended the sentence. Muskaan soon joined in the game, and I watched with a smile on my face as he tickled Muskaan's tummy to make her laugh. The two girls could barely stop laughing, and the joy on Zaidaan's face was equivalent to the happiness on theirs. I secretly recorded the entire scene on my phone, trying hard not to laugh when Muskaan, thinking that Zaidaan had stopped his game, tried tickling her father, but ended up laughing herself when it didn't have any effect on him, her curls bouncing around her face.

Muskaan fell asleep as soon as exhaustion took over her, but Mehek remained wide awake, making noises and staring at her parents.

I laced my fingers through his as we gazed down in wonder at the baby in his arms, and when I looked at him, I blurted out something I hadn't even thought about, let alone thought of asking him.

But when his expressions changed from confusion to worried to just a simple why, I wondered if I shouldn't have asked what I asked.

****

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