Assalamualikum! I hope everyone's well and safe, and here's the new chapter I had said would be up by weekend but lol its in the middle of the week.

I was re-reading the initial chapters of this book and. I. Cringed. So. Much. Like eww, I had half a mind of editing every single chap before I went ahead with this book. Don't worry, I'll do the editing along with writing the new chaps insha'Allah.

Do vote and comment and let me know!

****

After seeing the last of the guests walk out the front gates of our home, I heaved a deep breath and turned to look at Sami and Khalifa standing beside me, Abaan a few steps away from us. Shifting my feet from one heel to another, I scanned their faces. Sami, the groom, was still glaring at the two of them and had his arms crossed. Abaan was avoiding my gaze, and Khalifa just stared ahead.

Sighing, I cleared my throat,

"Will any of you tell me what happened?"

Sami shrugged, "They fought."

"OH, did they?" I deadpanned.

It took them a minute to realize I was being sarcastic. I turned to Abaan,

"What happened in the kitchen?"

Before he could answer, however, Khalifa jumped in,

"He cornered Fariyal!"

"I did no such thing." Abaan now raised his voice, "and if you can't believe me, then atleast believe your sister."

Khalifa grit his teeth, and before I could ask either of them, what exactly happened, Abaan rushed in and Khalifa let out a breath,

"We should get going, Sami. Bring the car, I'll go gather everyone."

Sami did as he was told, and I followed Khalifa inside,

"Khalifa-"

"I just don't want him near Fariyal."

I just stared at him, and Khalifa ran a frustrated hand through his hair, "I don't want him around Kainaat either. But this is her house. your house. His house. They're my sisters. Kainaat has you. Fariyal has no one to protect her like I know you do with Kainaat."

I opened my mouth to say something, anything really, but Khalifa held up his hand,

"I'm not blaming you or asking you to choose. He's your brother, I understand. And I had thought he would stay away, I'm just disappointed. Fariyal was shaken, and-"

"I am okay,"

We turned to find Fariyal standing in front of us, her eyes fixated on her brother, arms wound tightly around herself as she tugged at the tassels at the end of her hijab,

"I am okay." She repeated again, now positively glaring at Khalifa,

"And I hate to be the one breaking this to you, but I'm twenty-five, and what you just did is not appreciated."

Khalifa's face converted into that of a scowl, "Fariyal-"

"He was talking. I was questioning him. We were just talking. I don't think there's a rule where I can't talk to my ex-husband."

Khalifa grunted under his breath, "Yes there is. You're not-"

"He was apologizing, Khalifa. And he was a good five feet away from me. And we all know Kainaat was hiding behind the wall the entire time!"

At that, my head snapped up. I wasn't shocked at the fact that Kainaat was listening more so as I was at the fact that Abaan apologized. Apologized after everything he did?

Khalifa closed his mouth, pursing his lips in a straight line as he inched closer to his sister, "We'll discuss this at home,"

Fariyal wanted to retort, but her eyes flickered to me and she gritted her teeth before turning her face away, just in time for Husna and Kainaat's parents, along with her uncle and aunt to join us. Once I had bid them farewell, I lifted the curtain of my living room and entered, hoping none of the elders had heard of the mishap and it stayed between the five of us.

Abaan stood beside the sofa where mom sat, and Kainaat stood at the far end beside Inaya who looked ready to sleep any minute.

"Er," I started, "the function was good...?"

All I got in response was silence until Kainaat sighed, "Alhamdulillah, yes."

I waited a beat of silence for someone to say anything, but before I could speak, Inaya piped in,

"It was amazing, but what happened to you, Abaan?'

Abaan looked up at her and blinked, as I noticed how my mom's eyebrows furrowed and Tayjaan and abbu held questioning gazes towards me .Asma baji just watched us with an expressionless face and crossed her arms, leaning her head on my mother's shoulder.

"What happened to me?"

Abaan finally answered. Inaya narrowed her eyes,

"Don't lie to me. I saw you and Zaidaan and Khalifa bhai walking out, and your lip is swollen. I-"

"Inaya," I cut her off, if the elders hadn't noticed, it was better that way there was no need to get this all started, "he's fine."

Inaya glared at me, "It's my wedding. Tell me what-"

"Nothing happened. Why would we hide things from you?" I asked back.

Inaya still wasn't letting go, but before she could speak, my dad spoke up,

"Abaan," he called out, "come here."

Abaan stepped forward, and bent down to dad's level. Our father lightly traced the redness on his cheek,

"Who did this?"

Abaan's eyes flickered over to me, and I inhaled a breath, pinching the bridge of my nose. Abaan straightened up, and shrugged,

"Khalifa and I got into a fight."

I cursed underneath my breath. Of all the times he chose not to lie, one of them had to be now. It's not that I wanted him to lie I just didn't want everyone worrying over this...mess. Or whatever it was.

"A fight? About what?"

"And why?"

The last one was Inaya. Avoiding my dad's gaze, I shrugged at Abaan, forcing him to elucidate on his own. Once he was done narrating the tale, I furrowed my eyebrows, realizing that maybe, just maybe, Khalifa shouldn't have jumped like that. But then again, Abaan's behavior with Fariyal was never justifiable, and Khalifa's reaction was valid.

What a way of life, I wondered, for someone's past to render him speechless and give everyone else a voice to echo around him, remind him, make him loath himself for it. Sure what he did was unforgiveable, let alone a brother forgiving him for ruining his sister's life, but it all seemed right out of pieces of articles written by victims of things that weren't spoken aloud, and yet all we did was either turn a blind eye or be confused, neither forgiving nor moving on. And it is a truth well-known, one doesn't move on until they forgive. In our mindset, we ruin lives of people without inflicting pain- by not doing anything to stop them, or helping them. We just conclude that this can all be buried while the ones alive die inside.

If only people understood and kept to themselves.

My logic, however, didn't make sense to me either. Was Abaan a victim of his own sins now? No, I wasn't pitying him. Fariyal was wronged in more ways than one. It ruined her, killed her alive, skinned her flesh out to be who she is today. There was still no light in her eyes. And here was the man who inflicted all of that on her- asking for forgiveness, narrating a tale of his guilt that came too late. A tale of his sense and pain that can die anytime he wills, and come back alive when he can't live with himself.

I would say it wouldn't die again, but that was what I had thought the last time, and I couldn't risk to do so again. To hope again.

"Why were you even apologizing?" Inaya bit off

I shot her a stern look, "Inaya," my tone warned her.

She glared back at me but said nothing, crossing her arms. Kainaat heaved a sigh,

"I heard a part of that conversation," she added, probably hoping it would ease out the tension a bit, but for me, she was only increasing it as she continued,

"It was...nothing wrong. Shocking, but it's...fine. I..I apologize on Khalifa's beha-"

"He didn't do anything wrong," Abaan cut her off, his voice laced with guilt that cut through like a knife, "if I was in his place, I would do the same."

Kainaat visibly flinched at the softness of his tone, at his genuine voice, and I instantly wished to engulf her in my arms, suddenly afraid that my brother would break her by being kind. I instantly scowled at my thoughts, the situation didn't need more of it.

"I'm sorry for coming back," Abaan said, shocking all of us, "I'm sorry for asking for forgiveness even after doing what I did. I'm sorry for...everything. To everyone."

His eyes briefly flickered over to me, and then Kainaat and Inaya, before he took step towards the door. I was too boggled, too occupied with drawing an outcome, and Inaya beat me to a response,

"Why did you do it all, then?"

Abaan stopped.

"Why did you give us all so much pain?" Inaya completed.

Tayajaan sat there, observing everything, his eyes holding emotions I had never seen. Asma baaji had similar expressions surfing her face and she gulped dryly when I met her gaze. My dad had held up a hand to stop Inaya from further continuing, and I knew his anger was resurfacing, his face taking on the same expression it did all those years ago, when he had thrown Abaan out of the house, proclaiming him dead for us. My mom just had her head in her hands, not even bothering to watch us.

Abaan turned around, "If I told you, would you understand?"

Inaya blanched, and I took her silence as my leave to say something,

"Abaan, let us not-"

"No, wait." this time, it was dad, "Let him answer."

I didn't know what it was that made dad say that, but I protested, and he shook his head at me, motioning with his hand for Abaan to speak up, his eyes taking over the storm that resided within him for the past three years.

Abaan took a deep breath, "Please don't interrupt me,"

Inaya rolled her eyes, and I actually glared at her to stop being so rude, she just huffed in response. Abaan's face screamed that it was already very hard on him.

"I know it doesn't undo anything, or make up as a reason for what I did," Abaan continued, "but I...I..."

We waited, not even breathing. He was speaking, we were talking it out, and it usually doesn't ever happen. I mean, since when did Abaan and us start doing sensible stuff? And he finally continued, making me wish we had rather not talked, that this matter was better buried and unforgived, unforgotten, aimlessly roaming over us.

Because Abaan looked straight in my eyes, and said, "I wanted to hurt Kainaat."

Kainaat recoiled back on an impulse, her hand flying to her chest, her face taking over an expression so painful that I lost my senses.

Abaan didn't stop, or look up, "I was mad. I am mad. When she married you, my first reaction was being hurt. And then I was angry. At her for taking things in her own hands. At myself for being reckless. At everyone else for not understanding that two people can love each other before marriage, and wait until they are married to get ahead with their feelings. That people can fall in love before marriage and its okay as long as they don't do something haraam Me and Kainaat may not have been married, but all we did was tell each other that we felt something for each other. It was a clear, perfect picture. She healed me and when I got fixed with Fariyal because my very own parents thought it was best for me, I wanted to prove them wrong."

He paused, and it seemed like he was talking to himself rather than to us, "But I didn't wish for myself to do such things to prove them all wrong. When tayajaan told us continue our wedding, all I wanted to do was to run away, but I thought that maybe Kainaat would back off, or even if she married, she would do everything to break it. I thought I would do the same. But when I saw her avoiding me, when I saw her clinging to Zaidaan, listening to him, something inside me snapped. And I...and I was-"

He broke off, sitting on the ground to support his weight, and tayajaan stood up, "You what?" Asma Baji placed a hand on his arm to calm him down as Abaan snapped back,

"And I wasn't me. there was this voice in my head, and I listened to it. I couldn't sleep without being cruel. I went mad, and the only person who knew I wasn't the same was Fariyal. She knew, and yet she stayed. And Kainaat stuck to Zaidaan. And it hurt me. It killed me to see them happy while I struggled. So when Fariyal didn't budge, I hurt her. I hurt her in the worst way possible, in the worst way a man ever can. I broke her soul, not just her heart. But I didn't mean for it to happen, I know it doesn't make sense to you...but please, please..."

Abaan shivered in his own words, his arms now wrapped around his knees, and I knew he wasn't in the same room as us. I knew what was happening to him right there, but I stayed put on my ground, feeling sick to the stomach,

"..please, forgive-for-forgive me...for my daughter, for Muskaan, I don't want my sins punishing her. Forgive me for...for yourselves...let me go from this guilt, please."

I wnated to tell him that nothing he did would ever affect my daughter, because I wouldn't allow such a thing if it were in my power, but I kept my mouth shut.

No one breathed, and a few minutes later, Abaan started again,

"I figured I couldn't hurt her directly. So I used Fariyal. And when I figured Muskaan is my child, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything to her. But then I-I fired a bullet and I didn't think I fired it, I was- I don't-"

He broke out once again, and this time he wasn't going to speak again, because Kainaat stepped forward,

"Why did you fire the bullet that day, Abaan?"

Abaan blanched in his crouching position, backing away as if someone had just whipped him, and shook his head, I stepped forward,

"Kainaat-"

"No, this has to be talked out," she snapped back at me. Kainaat rarely ever snapped back, and she seemed to be forgetting that everyone was watching her,

"I'm tired of being silent. I'm tired of being a victim that I am not. I'm tired of Fariyal's silence. I'm tired of this-this...past he shares with me. I'm tired of burying it. I want to uproot it. Now. Why, Abaan?"

Abaan shook his head, gasping for air, "I'm-I'm sorry."

"Why did you shoot me?"

He remained silent for so long tht I thought he wouldn't ever speak, but to my surprise, he did, "I was going to shoot Zaidaan to kill him, that would kill you alive. But when you came forward, I...lost it."

His voice was barely an octave above a whisper, but I heard him, I heard him and I couldn't believe he would go to such lengths to hurt either of us, because he wasn't meant to be with Kainaat.

Love is either a blessing or a curse, and when it becomes a curse, no power on earth can fix you. And if love starts becoming a curse, it is better to never love. Love, something so pure, so divine, could sometimes be used as an excuse to all the things we don't look back at. Fariyal was a victim of not only injustice, but also marital rape, something that is considered safe in some realms of this earth. Kainaat was just an excuse, a pawn for his wrongdoings. And my only mistake was not helping my brother, was not talking to my brother, was not understanding him. If there was one person who knows what he meant by 'I wasn't me', it was me, and yet I could do nothing but stare at him in shock, afraid that one word from me could kill anyone standing between us.

A million girls in todays world are shamed for acid-attacks, rapes, and what not. And just like our case, we do nothing except bury the matter, sweep it away, pick its pieces even if they prick us. Ooze our blood out but never speak aloud. And then there were men, it isn't like women are always the victims. Not in the case of Abaan, but I wondered how many men had been falsely accused of such inhuman acts, and wronged by punishments while the real animals roamed free.

Real animals, like Abaan, who were too much into their head that they lost their senses. Animals, who divulge on these acts, and live without a trace of perish.

But it was a rule of this world, of this life, that every injustice somehow had a way of coming back to the assailant.

And as I watched Abaan cower back into his own arms, his body shaking, arms pressed together as if he was suddenly scared of the world, his guilt and remorse and loss taking over his entire being, I knew the pain he had caused all of us was returning to him, for him to live with it, to be dead while alive.

If there was one thing that could rip a human apart, it was guilt.

***

In a twisted sense, despite my speculations, the sun was bright again and I turned around to find my bed empty. Muskaan was still fast asleep, so I quietly slipped out, pulling the duvet her and turning the AC on so she sleeps peacefully.

Pushing her hair behind her ears, a pang hit my heart when I realized whose biological daughter she is. Shaking my head, I kissed the top of my daughter's head and walked out, wondering where Kainaat was.

I found her in Inaya's room, seated across her with a lively Mehek in her arms,

"...it still doesn't add up, Inaya. Something doesn't add up about Abaan. How can someone be so cruel all of a sudden? I may not have known him for so long, but he was never inhuman."

I saw Inaya lick her lips and tuck her stray hair behind her ears,

"I don't know either,"

A clear lie, but I walked in, silencing a further start of that conversation again.

Abaan had himself become a huge problem, left a problematic impact on everyones life which was enough for the rest of our lives, I didn't want to discuss his problems that led to our problems. It was problematic.

Taking a seat beside Inaya, I placed an arm around her shoulder,

"What's with those faces? Isn't someone getting married today?"

Inaya's lips pinched at their ends, tugging and trying to contain the smile that threatened to widen, and she pushed me away as Kainaat and I chuckled.

Inaya eventually turned a deep shade of red as I whistled,

"Samiiiiii."

She succesfully burst into a fit of giggles, unable to stop herself even if what just happened wasn't so funny,

"S-stop, Zaidaan!"

"I'm not even doing anything!"

She continued giggling until Mehek started crying, instantly sobering up as she picked the baby up and bounced her in her arms.

Kainaat turned to me,

"Hey."

I smiled at her, "Hi."

She let out a low laugh, "How're you?"

I raised my eyebrows, "How long have we been married?"

She rolled her eyes at my question,

"Okay, alright. And listen, I'll be going to my home along with Ammi and everyone else tonight, after Inaya's rukhsati. We'd planned for me to have equal participation on both sides."

I blinked at her, "We planned?"

She smiled sheepishly, "I did."

Not in the mood to let her go so easily, I said,

"Really? Then what about our plans?"

She frowned, "We had plans?"

I faked being hurt, "Did we not?"

"Which plans?"

Unable to resist the sly grin, I tilted my head and gave her a lopsided smile,

"Those plans."

Instantly, she turned bright red, "Zaidaan!" She whisper-yelled, "stop!"

"I'm not even doing anything!" I repeated for the second time, bursting out in laughter.

Easing her curled palms, I took her hands in mine,

"Of course you're gonna go with Inaya tonight. You think I hadn't figured out your plans? And do enjoy, I will make up for my plans later."