The events that followed Abaan's phone call were pretty hectic. I had to fasten Muskaan's adoption process, get Fariyal prepared on what to expect and say when her husband questions her, telling the entire truth to my mother, dealing with the drama that enfolded with mamma's reaction and how powerless everyone felt, because we just couldn't bring ourselves to do anything, not because we were scared, just because we didn't have the heart to look down at him, not after he'd grown in our home.

But the more I thought about it, the more heartless I felt. When the lines separating affection and destruction mix, it becomes beyond difficult to think the right thing.

It wasn't as hard on me and Inaya as it was on everyone else, because we knew things about our brother that no one else in this home did, and it was Inaya who did most of the work back then to get him back on path. But this time it was pretty obvious there was no trial from her side, it had hurt her more, seeing how all her efforts of two years just got flushed under his one move.

But what caused his that side to get back, I had no idea. What I did know, was that I had to protect not just Kainaat, but also Fariyal and Muskaan.

Muskaan. there was something about her that I just couldn't give her my everything the way Kainaat did. sure, I did have feelings for her, there was affection between us, we shared a bond when I held her, but there was...just something that didn't fit in. Or maybe it was just me needing time to take everything in.

Whatever it was, a part of me was forever going to live in confusion at the way Abaan hugged me after an year and three months, and as he pulled back, I wasn't very sure of my expressions,

"Assalamualikum, brother."

He shot me a smile,

"Walikumassalam bhai!"

He ran a hand through his hair before, turning to me with a grin, and for a minute it seemed like nothing had ever gone wrong between us, like he never wrecked a havoc in Fariyal and Kainaat's life, like Muskaan would never know who her real father is.

Licking my lips, I returned his smile, and he proceeded to tell me about everything he experienced and learned in the months we were away, and I figured it wouldn't be good to break the layer of distaste just yet, so I let my brother, who shared the same flesh and blood as me, speak as much as he wanted.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and responded in one words until, of course, he had to come up with the questions,

"So, how's Fariyal?"

I decided to counter question him,

"why're you asking me? Aren't you supposed to know?"

He shrugged, "I've been busy."

"Oh. Where were you so busy that you couldn't communicate with your wife, Abaan?"

He pursed his lips, "If you don't want to answer the question, then it's okay."

I shook my head, "No, Abaan, tell me at once. What kept you so busy that you had no time to call me, or your wife, or Inaya, or literally anyone except mom? Where were you? And why in the world did you never reply or respond to us reaching out?"

"Please, Bhaiya, just keep out of it," he was getting irritated, "weren't you the one who sent me away from home all at once for more than an year? Weren't you the one who told Dad to do so?"

I clenched my jaw, "That has nothing to do with this."

He shot me a clearly annoyed look, "Why, because you did it? Or because-"

"Enough, Abaan! I really don't wanna argue with you now. You've just arrived, maintain peace for atleast a few hours."

He looked at me as if he was wanted to say something, but decided against it and slouched against his seat, looking out of the window.

The rest of the ride back home, which lasted for half an hour, was quiet until we reached our home and Sami greeted us at our doorstep,

"Salaam, bros."

I rolled my eyes at his use of 'bros' and he smirked at my reaction as he and Abaan shared a hug, all smiles.

Mamma, despite everything, was beyond overjoyed at seeing her favourite son after so long and he kissed her hands, for once seeming genuine.

Inaya wrapped her arms around herself when he tried to hug her, nd awkwardly stepped back as she muttered her Salaam and stood behind our father.

It wasn't until he met Fariyal that I shot Kainaat a cautious smile to stay calm.

he gently held her arms as he kissed her forehead, a lingering moment, before letting go of her, Fariyal took a shaky breath and stepped back, albeit unknowingly, and let go of a breath she didn't know she was holding.

He was just about to convey his Salaam to Kinaat, when the sound of a bawling baby interrupted him.

Sami took a deep breath and face-palmed himself, and Kainaat rushed at once to get Muskaan. Fariyal had stepped forward before Kainaat did, but regained her composure and rememebered her place just in time.

Abaan, meanwhile, stumbled back in shock, and a deceiving look crossed his sharp features. For a second he it seemed as if he was even astonished at the sound of a crying baby, before he ever so subtly turned to Fariyal, who kept her gaze lowered.

He took a shaky breath,

"Who is this baby?"

Before anyone could speak up, I stepped forward,

"Mine."

He shot me sarcastic look, as if to say, 'are you serious?'.

I curled my hands into fists and shot him a lopsided smile,

"Told you there was this thing called adoption."

He nodded, "Okay. Congratulations. When did this happen?"

his weary gaze wandered to Fariyal's belly for a split second, but I saw it.

In order to avoid his suspicions, I said,

"Last week."

He gave a toothy grin, "MashaAllah, congrats bhai. So I'm an uncle now?"

"Alhamdulillah. Its a girl by the way, in case you were wondering."

Sami snorted beside me and I looked away, not wanting to see his expression.

The next few hours went by quickly, with Abaan and my mother keeping a steady conversation with themselves and the rest of the household in a sullen-ish mood.

It was only after dinner that Abaan said,

"So, when do I meet my niece?"

Kainaat visibly shifted in her seat and i placed a comforting hand on her arm, to which she relaxed under my touch. I inhaled sharply and Inaya said,

"Soon, Abaan. Besides, aren't you into loathing new-borns?"

He chuckled at her words, and I shot my sister a steely look. Sami was suppressing a laughter and Fariyal kicked him from under the table. It was starting to seem a lot like all of us were teaming up against one guy, and with every passing second it seemed more and more true.

"Fariyal," I heard Tayajaan say, "go get Muskaan."

Abaan watched Fariyal leave the room, and when she got back with his daughter in her arms, something in his eyes made me believe that maybe, just maybe, humanity hasn't left him still.

Abaan stared t the baby, who had exactly his eyes, and as he tried to take her from hisw ife, Fariyl stepped back,

"I-I..." she stammered, "I want to hold her."

The firm edge to her voice made abaan raise his eyebrows but he didn't answer her back, nodding in affirmation, and stared at Muskaan for a full minute before saying,

"Weird how she doesn't look like someone else's child."

Kainaat gripped my hand from under the table, and I squeezed it back, motioning for Fariyal to hand me Muskaan. Taking her in my arms, I kissed the top of her head, as Kainaat relaxed beside me. I looked at her, and we shared a smile, before Abaan cleared his throat,

"Well, I'm tired."

Fariyal's face darkened and she left the room without a word, Abaan following her out. I shook my head. This had to end soon.

Once in the confines of my room, Kainaat leaned against me as I combed her hair,

"Can you please send him away again?"

I chuckled at her question, "I wish, darling. Not as of now, of course, but if later you command me, I shall for sure."

She groaned and turned to me, "Stop with the lines, I really don't like the way he was looking at Fariyal."

I sighed, "Darling, InshaAllah, everything will be alright. Have faith in Allah's plans."

She turned away, and I took her hair in my custody again, combing them gently. I kissed the top of her head and she looked at me from under her eyelashes.

I stared into her moonlit eyes, feeling the peace I hadn't felt in ages, and leaned my head against hers. The mood stared down at us, the swaying curtains doing little to no help at hiding us from the preying eyes of nature, I gently pulled her down in my lap, carresing the top of her head as she said,

"What had I done that pleased Allah so much, that He gave me a husband so much more better than what I had prayed for,"

I gazed down at her perfectly structured face,

"Tum agar yunhi nazrein milate rahe, maikashi mere dar se kaha jayegi,"

She giggled and shoved my face away, a tinge of pink on her face,

"I love that colour on you."

She looked up curiously, "Which colour?"

I brushed my nose against her, "The colour of your blush."

That was the last thing I said, before she shushed me with her one gaze.

***

A week had passed since Abaan's return, and everyday, Kainaat's words of sending Abaan away became more and more tempting. It's like he knew Muskaan was not adopted from elsewhere, he kept dragging the baby in all our conversations, as if to get something out of me or anyone else, maybe a slip of tongue that would give us away.

"I had the same nightmare again," Kainaat told me in the morning, "last night."

I had adjusted my tie and glanced at her through the mirror as she rocked a wailing Muskaan in her arms,

"Which nightmare?"

She sighed, "Zaid, the only nightmare I ever had was last year, remember? The night we shared a bed the first time?"

I raised a quirky eyebrow at her words, but focused on her nightmare, remembering what she saw, "Yes."

She shifted Muskaan, "It scares me. It did last night, I didn't wake you up. The way he tells me 'you ruined her,' and the way he pushes me off that cliff and how I always have your name on my tongue before I wake up. Zaid, when I fall in that nightmare....it's like I know there's no way out. That..it's an end. The only end."

I'd turned to her and taken Muskaan on my arm, placed a hand at the back of her neck, gently pulling her towards me, kissing her forehead,

"You should wake me up every time you see a nightmare."

That was all I said, and she smiled at me. Her smile, it knew what I wanted to say, it could read the words I didn't say in that moment, that I live to protect her, to let no harm be anywhere close to her. She knew, and I knew she did, that I breath with her, and I live for her.

And in that short moment, it seemed enough.

But now in my office, as I typed away the last of the million gmails and formal applications, I placed a hand on my head, the picture of Abaan and his endless questions about Muskaan and all the things he might've tried troubling me so much that my typing errors refused to end, increasing my workload.

I didn't understand why he even wanted to know, it wasn't like he was the one going to bring up the baby for the rest of her life.

It was only nearing midnight, when Abaan knocked on my door,

"Come in."

He came inside, and one look at him had me gaurded.

If there was one thing Abaan couldn't hide, then it was his emotions on his face. And right now, they didn't resemble anything positive.

I closed my files and furrowed my eyebrows,

"What is it?"

He gave a humorless laugh, goosebumps rising at the back of my neck,

"What is it? You're asking me big brother?"

I took a calming breath in,

"I can't ask you a question when you enter with such velocity in my study at this time of the night?"

He shook his head,

"Of course. But maybe, you should have removed all traces of your little adoption 'last week'."

My face paled,

"What do you mean, Abaan?"

His eyes flashed dangerously,

"What do I mean? WHAT DO I MEAN?! THIS. I mean THIS."

With that, He threw the birth card which was stuck on Muskaan's hand back when she was born and was kept in the hospital for a few hours. And on it, in clear words, were the words,

Baby of: Fariyal H. P Khan

18. 11. 2017

I unknowingly stepped back, and said,

"I don't know what this is all about"

He rolled his eyes,

"Please, Zaidaan, I'm not a fool."

I clenched my jaw,

"Whatever, Abaan. Muskaan is my daughter."

He smirked at me,

"Sure. We'll see about that."

With that, he rushed out of office, heading Allah knows where.

I took a few minutes to calm myself down. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I picked up the strip of cardboard. Fariyal had probably kept it, and of course Abaan found it. He was never convinced.

I placed it safely in my wallet, and that was when the pleading voice of Fariyal resurfaced in my mind, stopping me dead in my tracks.

"You don't know what he can do if he knows."

My heart raced against my chest. I had to get home right away.

What was Abaan up to?

I hurried out, calling Inaya on my way down, I would've called Kainaat, but if she panics, then it would be of no use.

She picked up on the third ring,

"Yes?"

"Inaya, did Abaan get home?"

She shuffled, probably to check, before asking,

"No, why?"

"Dammit," I got into the driver's seat,

"Listen, bring down Kainaat, Muskaan and Fariyal to your room. Now."

"Wait, Zai-"

I hung up before she could ask me anything, now was not the time to explain.

Dread filled my entire being, and for once I broke too many traffic rules in my haste to get back home. Every worse possibility filled my mind and I pressed on the accelerator harder, attaining the maximum I could without harming myself.

I swerved the sharp right turn which led to my home, my tires screeching as I didn't bother parking the car in the garage.

And creepily enough, all lights were off, except the one from the livingroom.

I dashed inside,

"Where the heck is Abaan?"

I saw my parents first, Mamma in a corner with a hand to her head, most probably crying, and Dad pacing the room.

My gaze searched for just one person, and when my gaze landed on Inaya, Fariyal and Kainaat huddled together, with Muskaan sleeping in Inaya's arms, I slumped against the door, sighing in relief.

But that was short-lived, I then turned to Tayajaan,

"Aap theek hai?"

He nodded, then asnwered my previous question,

"Abaan is up in his room, and he told everyone except Fariyal to leave the house and come back tomorrow."

I balled my fists, "No one is going anywhere, don't move, stay here."

With that, I didn't look back twice before rushing up the stairs to my brother's room.

Only to find an empty room, with disheveled bedsheets and torn curtains.

My mind raced, and I stepped inside, pushing away the broken shard of glass in my way. Where could he go? And then, a loud crash from two doors away made me numb.

He was in my room.

I knew it before I saw it, I felt it before I knew it. My room. Everything, gone in seconds.

The moment I laid my eyes on him, I had to hold onto the door to stand uptight.

Because right in front of me, standing in a mad state of appearance, holding Muskaan's adoption papers and birth certificate in his right hand, and a gun in his left hand (of which I had no idea), was my brother.

"Abaan," I said, a warning edge to my voice.

"No!" He screamed, and even with me ebing so far, I could see the spit flying, the eyes flashing, "Fariyal gave birth! I told her, I arranged for her to not do it! God dammit, that child is mine!"

"She's not, Abaan." I said, calmly. As calmly as I could, my main concern was to get the gun out of his hands,

"I took her in, I adopted her. Shes mine and Kainaat's daughter."

He threw the papers, "You tell me an infertile woman-"

"Not a word, Abaan."

He seemed heedless to my commands,

"Not a word you," He raised his hand, pointing the gun at me, "YOU stole everything from me!"

"I'm your broth-"

The ear-piercing sound of the bullet leaving the confines of his gun was hard to miss, and time seemed to still, and to my surprise and presumably a hallucination, that sound was followed by a shrill shriek.

I had little to no time to think about what was happening, the only image in front of my eyes was my brother, who had shot me, and I replaced it with Kainaat.

My beautiful Kainaat. Kainaat, who kept her gaze lowered when I kissed her forehead, her lips up in a half-smile. Kainaat, who barely reached my shoulder, yet towered over me when she wanted things her way. Kainaat, who breathed ever so softly in her sleep. I thought of the nights I spent just looking at her sleep in my arms.

And then I waited. I waited for the pain to hauntingly wreck my body, for it tear my veins apart.

It never did.

That was, ironically, the same moment I turned my head to the side, and the shrill shriek I had heard when Abaan shot the bullet, aiming it at me, made sense.

Zaid, when I fall in that nightmare....it's like I know there's no way out. That..it's an end. The only end.

Because with her hands, blood-stained, on her abdomen, her eyes and mouth wide open and with an unfathomably pained expression on her face, stood a motionless Kainaat, falling forward, on me. Her lips forming the words of, but never saying, my name.

****

Tum agar yunhi nazre milaate rahe, maikashi mere dar se kaha jaayegi-

Verse from the Ghazal "Tum agar yunhi nazre milaate rahe" By Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan.