Z A I D A A N

Half of my mind was too confused to get things straight, and the other half was filled with Kainaat.

And needless to say, it was a mess.

So as I sat across Kainaat and Fariyal, the latter fidgeting a bit too much with Kainaat trying to calm her down, and her eyes hadn't met mine for a long time.

It was as if she didn't want to meet my eyes, for some odd reason. Things were still hanging mid air between us,and now she'd bought Fariyal here to 'talk about something important' and I was waiting for them to start for the past half an hour, only to recieve panic stricken expressions,

"Look," I sighed, "I need to get back to work, so pray tell what this is all about."

The changes in Fariyal weren't unnoticed. It wasn't like I knew her on a personal level, but she was my wife's companion, and I was pretty aware of something on her mind that troubled her deeply. It was obvious, and not just to me.

It was seemingly a good thing that Asma Baaji had gone back to her in laws, atleast she wouldn't have to deal with whatever is going on in that state of health.

"Fariyal," I heard Kainaat say, "tell him."

To say I was beyond confused was an understatement.

Just as I was about to urge Kainaat to tell me instead, Fariyal blurted out,

"I'm pregnant."

I had to grasp the tabke seperating us from not falling, even if I was seated.

From Fariyal's face, I could be positive that my face had paled a few shades, and I knew they both knew that it wasn't because of the pregnancy, but because I knew where this could lead to.

"C-congratulations..." I trailed off, waiting for her to elaborate.

The flash of anger that crossed her eyes was hard to miss, and I leaned back in my chair with a calculative look.

But what she said next literally swept the ground beneath my feet,

"Your brother raped me."

I almost choked on my own words,

"Excuse me?"

She said nothing, but dropped her gaze, there were no tears in her eyes. There was no life in her eyes.

"I'm two weeks pregnant. And I need your help,"

The way she spoke was all business, and by now even Kainaat had gone completely silent and refused to even accidetally glance at me as Fariyal continued,

"I want you to send him away for an year."

"Excuse me?"

I didn't care that this was the second time I was uttering the same thing, but this was something I could not do.

And, send him away for an year? Where and why would I send him?

When all I did was sit back in shock, waiting for all of this to sink in, she elaborated,

"He made it clear that he does not want this child, and he has threatened me with divorce if I give birth to his very own child. He has signed me up for abortion, illegally, which is scheduled next month."

My mind was too numb to even notice that I was up from my seat.

My brother, my own blood. I could've broken the glass mahogany peice of furniture with my grip, but there was nothing I could do except fume with anger as I fumbled with my words.

"Leave him," I spat out at Fariyal, "divorce Abaan."

She looked at me like I had slapped her across the face before she took in a deep, calming breath,

"I can't."

My anger hit the skies, "Why?"

A beat of silence passed before I spoke again,

"You don't deserve this, Fariyal. No one does."

"I can't." She repeated this time, hopelessness creeping in her tone as I took a good look at her.

Fariyal's wheatish complexion had darkened a few more shades, her eyes no more as big as they used to be. The changes seemed minimal, but now that I looked at her, I figured what I was hearing was just the bare minimum of everything she endured.

And this was all my brother's doing.

I pinched the bridge of my nose,

"Did he..did he hit you?"

I watched as Fariyal pursed her lips and entertwined her fingers. Her face was expressionless, gaurded, and there was no way I could read her by her posture. But when my gaze flickered over to Kainaat's mixed expression of pain and disgust, I knew. I just knew.

My brother was gone, Abaan was back.

***

I sat across baba, for the first time at a loss of words. My plan, if it could even be called a plan, was far from fool proof, and there was less to no chance it would work.

"Baba," I started, "remember the factory less than halfway under construction in Michigan?"

My dad looked up from his files, "Yes, Zaidaan, it's going good."

I licked my lips before continuing,

"I think one of us should stay there until it's complete."

My dad paused before keeping his work aside and focusing on me.

Our factory, which was still under construction, would take nearly a year and a half to be completed, if I wasn't wrong. This hadn't hit me up until I saw Abaan after meeting Fariyal, and my sudden urge to strangle him for planning to kill an unborn baby was beyond strong.

Fariyal was counting on me to protect her, and no matter our relation, nevermind Abaan being my blood brother, I couldn't say no to such a thing.

Sighing, I continued, "Someone has to be there. It is a huge, massively big step for the success of our company In Sha Allah, and it's better if it's directly under the governance of one of the owners."

Baba nodded, motioning with his hand for me to continue,

"I think...I think we must send Abaan. He's only doing small works here, Baba. He has to learn. Besides, you and me have our hands full here. It is only him, this will even prove good for him. He'll understand things on a broader prospective."

My father had a calculative look on his face, and after a moment of silence he muttered something about thinking about it before I sprinted out the room.

Rubbing my temples, I walked down to the living room and plopped down on the sofa.

Kainaat was still with Fariyal, in our room, and I didn't want to interrupt the sisters.

And as my gaze landed on Inaya, I threw a cushion at her,

"Hi dad's princess."

She shot me a look before turning back to the TV, watching something I didn't bother to see.

I was just about to close my eyes when my phone ringed.

"Hello?" I answered,

"Hey, bro, can we meet?"

It was Sami's voice, and I sat upright before cautiously shooting Inaya a look which she didn't notice,

I cleared my throat, "Yeah, Sami, you can come home. "

"Uh, sure. See you in ten."

He hung up as I stole another glance at my sister, who sat still, unbothered.

"Inaya," I said, "Sami's coming."

"So?" Was her instant reply.

"So, you go in."

She turned to me, her blond highlighted hair falling on her shoulder,

"Why don't you guys meet somewhere away from our home?"

I shrugged, "I'm too lazy to go out, besides it's sunday. And it's summer. Please get lost."

She narrowed her eyes, "You're annoying."

"Yea, and Sami isn't."

"I don't care about him."

I raised my eyebrows but said nothing. This conversation was going nowhere, and it was only pissing Inaya off.

But as Abaan walked in, Inaya wordlessly got up, muttering under her breath before disappearing in the home.

I rolled my eyes, Inaya was simply ignoring Abaan of what he'd said and just because of everything she'd observed. She didn't know a thing that was going on deeper inside, and I wondered how badly she'll react if she knew.

Mamma could care less, all she was concerned about was why Abaan wasn't in a 'good' mood most of the times.

So basically, Abaan was changing for the worse for some reason, me and Kainaat have issues which we aren't ready to face or talk about, I suspect something between Sami and Inaya, Fariyal was pregnant, Asma baaji was pregnant, Sahar Bhabi was expecting another child.

And all I could wonder was how much of a drama was about to unfold once dad decides on sending Abaan away.

For the upteenth time that day, I rubbed my temples.

Abaan plopped down beside me and I narrowed my eyes as he gave me a lopsided grin. I had to be careful around him.

"How are things between you and Kainaat?"

I gave him a tight smile, "Awesome. We're good."

He cocked an eyebrow, "Oh. You're okay with not having children."

I frowned at his words, "Her being infertile doesn't mean we can't have children Abaan. Get that in your head. And if you thought it made me love her less, then you're wrong. It only increased my love and respect for her."

A look akin to mirth crossed his eyes, "Love, Zaidaan Bhaiya? Are you forgetting that she loves me?"

My hands curled up on their sides, "You are wrong in assuming that, then."

He nodded, "Do you really know what infertility means?"

I wanted to throw the table on him, but I wasn't going to let him get the worst of me.

I gave him a lopsided grin, "SubhanAllah, haven't you ever heard of this brilliant thing called 'adoption'?"

We had a five minute stare down after that, before I rolled my eyes and got up. This was pointless.

I

wordlessly went out in the garden and waited for Sami to pull up.

Seven minutes later, I lead him upto the guest hall and once seated, I turned to him with a questioning expression,

"You good?"

He pursed his lips before nodding, "Perfect. I just wanted to check up on Fariyal and Abaan."

I flinched and ran a hand through my hair, "It doesn't sound good."

Sami nodded and I analyzed his posture for a bit before leaning ahead and sighing. I guess I had to ask him,

"Did you...do you know anything about Kainaat that I don't? Anything that could trouble a marriage?"

I was careful with my words, saying Kainaat was 'infertile' was too heartless and...I don't know, it just felt wrong to call my wife that as if it were an abnormality that I couldn't live with.

Sami narrowed his eyes, "Did she tell you?"

He seemed to get my indication as I shook my head, "Abaan did."

Less than half a second later he was up on his feet, "That peice of...ugh!"

I had to hold onto him to stop him from breaking the door open.

Sami's muscles tensed up as he ran a hand through his hair, muttering under his breath and I read every dua I knew to calm both of us down.

Taking in a calming breath, he turned to me,

"What do you have to say on this?"

I shrugged, "What do I have to say? I just want her to talk to me! And-"

"She ain't talking to you?"

"Yes! And like, I'm zero percent bothered about that,I could care less, we can always adopt but she? Allah knows what she's thinking and how many conclusions she's made in her mind! I tried, Sami, I did but she doesn't budge and then...there's this Abaan problem and there's also Inaya-"

"Inaya? What happened to her? What about her? Is she okay?"

I stopped my rant and blinked. I hadn't even realised I'd said so much until he interrupted me. A slight smirk perked my lips up,

"Nah, nothing's wrong with my sister."

His eyes slightly widened and he backed off before nodding,

"Y-yeah, I mean. Yeah. Okay, there's a lot happening in this home."

I shot him a pained look, and slapped on his arm,

"Yeah. I'm sending Abaan away so that..."

I stopped myself. Fariyal still hadn't told her family.

"So that?"

I shook my head, "Nothimg. So that he can have some time away. And you know, try and understand stuff or something. Anyway, did you eat?"

"Nope, I must get going though, Khalifa invited me for dinner."

I nodded and motioned for him to follow me,

"Sure. Have some snacks atleast. Inaya had made cake yesterday."

I shot him a mischeivous look and he shook his head, nose tinging pink.

As we reached the kitchen, I heard laughter and glanced back at Sami, who was staring at the ground as we entered the kitchen, Inaya cutting vegetables as Kainaat and Fariyal worked on the numerous dishes with my mother shouting orders at Alviya.

"Assalamualikum." Sami's voice boomed amidst their laughter.

"Alviya, today's dinner has to be perfect, Farooq Sahab has decided to send Abaan away tomorrow morning, make everything his favourite, and let me prepare today's dessert and- oh, Sami beta, it's been so long! Walikumassalam, mashaAllah you get older everyday I see you!"

My mother ended her mini speech.

I chuckled as I stood beside my mom,

"Right mom, isn't he getting grey hair?

He scoffed, "Right. How are you, Rubina Aunty?"

My mother placed a hand on his head,

"Alhamdulillah, dua hai.. Just waiting for you to get married!"

My eyes widened and laughter rippled through me as I covered my mouth with my hand, puffing my cheeks to stop the chuckle from escaping me as I glanced at Inaya whose hand stilled and hold tightened around the knife.

I shifted closer to my sister, and glanced at Sami whose entire face had turned red.

My eyes swept away from him and met a pair of black ones, staring at me, narrowed, from a distance. The same eyes which brightened up my life and made my day peaceful, the same eyes which were now a cause of my restlessness.

For a minute I stilled, her eyes questioning the reason behind my humor, her eyes, so deep, so entrancing, hiding an entire kainaat in them. Kainaat's eyes, and it seemed like it was only the two us, the world fading away.

I dared her to read my mind, my gaze unwavering, and she looked away, pink coating her cheeks and the vessel in her hand dropping with a clank onto the marbled white floor of our kitchen.

That turned everyone's attention away from Sami, and mine from Inaya, as Kainaat flinched when the spoon she was stiring the curry with fell directly on her leg.

I lunged forward, "Kainaat!"

She bent down to pick the utensil up as I hurriedly grabbed the tissue Fariyal handed me, wiping away the steaming hot curry from her feet.

We were both kneeling down, and looked up at the same time, she licked her lips, taking in a shuddering breath and gulping as I furrowed my eyebrows, accidentally applying pressure on the spot that burned her.

She flinched and I backed away as my mother kneeled down to our level,

"Uff, beta, araam se! Be careful! Look, you've burnt your feet now. The skin has withered, Kainaat! Haye Allah, it was boiling hot and undercooked. Here, let me apply ice. Fariyal, Inaya, one of you go get the ointment!"

My mother scolded as her hand professionally worked on aiding Kainaat's leg.

I stood up and walked back two steps, my gaze fixed on my mother and wife kneeling down infront of me, my mother helping my wife's burn.

What I felt in my heart was probably the most emotional I'd ever been. I knew the news of Kainaat being unable to bear my children had hit her, but she was hiding it for Kainaat's sake, just so she wouldn't hurt Kainaat more.

And at the same time, my mother was too blinded in her love for her son, both her sons actually, that she couldn't see the wrong in Abaan.

I sighed as my gaze flickered to Kainaat, who awkwardly tried to calm my mother down,

"Nahi, ammi,it's okay. Hum theek hai, bas thodi si jalan hogi. It's just a burn, I'll be fine."

But my mother was never to take a no, "Just a burn? Zaidaan, did you hear your wife? Aaj kal ke bache, this has hurt you, Kainaat, let me tend to it atleast!"

I bit my lip, refraining any comment I had to make as I watched Kainaat give in to my mother's plea.

Swiftly, as Fariyal handed her the ointment, she applied it on Kainaat's foot, muttering something unde rher breath.

Kainaat looked up at me, the few strands of her hair escaping her dupatta grazing her eyebrows as her eyes yet again met mine.

This time, I averted my gaze back up at Inaya and Sami and Fariyal standing behind, watching the scene with expressions akin to mine.

Once done, she got up and Fariyal and Inaya helped Kainaat up and she resumed her work, while my mother yet again turned to Sami,

"So, where were we?"

"Sami's wedding!" I piped in, shooting him an innocent smile as he glared at me.

Inaya busied herself with Alviya, our cook, as my mother asked,

"Right. So when is it?"

Sami took in a deep breath, his gaze unknowingly flickering to Inaya's who turned her back to him, before he narrowed his eyes at me,

"In Sha Allah, Aunty. I have a girl in mind, but she doesn't seem to accept me."

I watched as both Kainaat and Fariyal snapped their heads up,

"WHO?!"

Inaya's face flared up and I leaned against the counter and watched as my mothe rshot amused glances at her daughter-in-laws,

"Now, now, Sami beta. You should've told your sisters."

He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and shot my mother a smile,

"I will. When the time is right. For now, I think she prefers if I do not add up to her problems."

My mother looked down at the masala she was soaking the chicken in, missing the look Sami cast at Inaya who rolled her eyes as ammi said,

"Love would never add to a problem, son. Whoever she is, may Allah lead her to the right decision in your favor."

"Ameen!" I said, and a collective Ameen went around the kitchen.

I looked at Inaya as her lips settled in a thin line before she wordlessly walked out of the kitchen.

Kainaat's gaze followed Inaya before looking back at Sami, who was looking at the same spot she was standing.

I watched as the cousins met each other's eye and Sami's jaw ticked as Kainaat nodded his way. Fariyal nudged her, and Kainaat shook her head before turning to mom,

"Ammi, should I make the butter naan now?"

My mother shot Kainaat a smile,

"Yes, please. Fariyal, please get me the bread for Shahi tukda. Where did this Inaya ki bachi go? And Alviya, how many times do I tell you to not take those platters out, those are for special..."

I motioned for Sami to walk out as I made our way to the garden.

Thankfully, Abaan usually stays in his room, so we didn't have to face him.

"This was what you meant by 'have a snack'?"

I turned to him with a smile on my face,

"Not exactly, I hadn't expected the cake to be over so soon. But with what happened inside, I'll let you know that there is no other guy I'd trust my sister with."

He looked away, "Look, Zaidaan, not now. This is not the right time."

"I understand. But just...don't hurt her."

"I expected you to punch me."

"Give me a quarter of a chance and I will."

His laughter boomed in the silence of our garden and we bid our farewell.

That night, after an awkwardly peaceful family dinner which consisted of all of Abaan's favourite foods because the news of him leaving for an year or maybe more tomorrow had made our mom pamper him to death, I was in seemingly better spirits as I walked upto mine and Kainaat's room.

I walked in to dimmed lights and a wide open window, the wind sweeping the curtains as my gaze rested on girl prying her ears free of the jhumkas she was wearing since morning.

I gently closed the door behind me and locked it.

I walked back and stood behind her in the mirror. She spared me a glance before working on removing her earring.