Z A I D A A N

You know sometimes, when you're too lost in the moment, you say something completely random without thinking twice about it?

Like, on an impulse?

Yea, that was how I ended up saying 'I love you'. In the heat of the moment. The difference is, I actually did mean it.

The rush of her eyes, her mind processing, face paling was all too prominent and I loosened my hold on her, my lips parting, waiting for a reaction.

I held my breath when she took in a deep breath, amd opemed her mouth to speak. But then she closed it and gulped, clearly confused.

I figured it wasn't right to put her in such a situation and so I pulled her closer, tightened my hold back again and leaned against her, causing her to breathe slowly, somehow satisfying me that I had an affect on her.

"You don't have to say it back."

She looked at me from under her eyelashes, and I continued,

"You don't have to say it back until you're ready, Kainaat. I love you, and I will love you even if you don't love me back. And nothing will change this."

A pink shade tinged her cheeks as she nuzzled her nose against my cheek, saying nothing, but letting that soft move speak for herself.

We stayed like that for I don't know how long, the moon against us and us against the stars, in a world of our own.

***

I stood across her as she animatedly spoke on the phone. She wasn't aware I was invading her space, and I figured she wouldn't mind.

So I stood there, with her back to me, her voice booming as she talked. Interestingly, about me.

"Husna, you won't believe," she spoke, dragging the 'e' of believe.

I silently sipped on my coffee, an amused smile on my lips.

"He said it!" She squeeled, and I figured the duo was squeeling together because the squeeling did not stop for a whole minute.

I pursed my lips as she went on,

"Girl you should've seen his face, his eyes! He looks too good to be true. If I didn't know it would shoot his ego to the sky, I'd even admit that he is hot, but nah let's make him wait."

Accidentally-it was too funny- I choked on my coffee, causing her to turn my way.

Her eyes widened and she froze, before distinctly muttering, "I'll call you later,"

She kept the phone down and laughed nervously,

"How long were you here?"

I shrugged,"Long enough to know I'm hot."

Her eyes flashed before she rolled them,

"I did not say that."

He smirked at her failed attempt and said,

"You know you can never lie, don't you?"

She sighed before throwing her phone across the bed and crossing her arms,

"Fine. So I called you hot. Is that a big deal? Can't I call my lawful halaal husband hot?"

I stifled a laugh, "Of course you can, I just never expected you to talk about it."

"Are you also saying that you know you're hot?"

"It's a fact."

"Such a brat."

She made a face before walking- almost running- to the washroom and slamming the door shut, probably planning ways to undo whatever just happened out of embarrasement.

I laughed my way out, waiting for her to come out so I can tease her more.

***

I had absolutely no idea how long this honeymoon was going to be, but I sure was ready to stay like this for a long time.

I admit to being a bit dissappointed when she didn't say it back, the hopes on which my heart lived getting crushed everytime she was close to me. But since I had no idea whatsoever to do anything about it, I just let her be.

"Zaid?"

I looked up at her, as she stood with her back to the sink of our kitchen, a slight frown on her face.

"Yes, darling?"

Even in a conversation, her cheeks tinged pink before she shook her head and asked,

"If I asked you to let me continue my studies, would you allow me?"

I failed to mask my surprise at her words. I mean, I had no intention of stopping her education, and to think she had doubts on such a basic thing kind of did hurt me a little. Or was everything really going to hurt me because of last night?

I sighed, "That is a question out of context, Kainaat. You don't even have to ask me. Of course you can, I wouldn't stop you."

She visibly relaxed under my gaze and managed a small smile, "I was just hesitant, because Abaan had said he wouldn't allow his wife to study further."

"Well, I'm not Abaan."

The statement may, or may not, have come off as way more rude than I had intended, and I bit my right after when she flinched, albeit unnoticeably at my tone.

I sighed and shook my head, "I really didn't mean it like-"

"No," she hurried to cut me off, "it's okay. I need to stop comparing you to him. I'm sorry, I just can't stop thinking of what he would do if he was in your place, it's kind of messed up in my head, I know you're trying, in fact you've done more than anyone has ever done for me while I haven't even made a basic tea for you, Zaid, I-"

I kept my hand on her mouth to shut her rant up and that's when she looked at me.

She finally looked at me.

My palm stuck to her lips as she looked at me, wide eyed at my sudden stern expression.

"You talk a lot."

She breathed against my palm and shivered under my touch as I pulled her closer.

I leaned my forehead against hers,

"Kainaat?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"That's a nice way to shut me up."

She smiled against me as we stood like that, no idea for how long, but when she pulled away, the peace around me shifted, and to say I'd just started loving her.

***

"What were you studying, by the way?"

We stood by the canal, the water flowing beside, as she chewed on her cotton candy before answering me,

"Nursing. I wanted to be a doctor, but well into tenth grade I knew I couldn't study so much. Besides, I like to believe nurses are no less than doctors."

I smiled at her, "They aren't. Where would you like to study?"

She looked at me, "Back home, obviously. I want to continue."

I nodded and said nothing, letting the silence stretch into eeriness as her eyes searched mine.

I looked ahead, and then at her,

"Ready?"

"More than I ever was."

I took her hand in mine as she adjusted her hijab and we walked ahead, the full moon bright and the stars out, it seemed like darkness wasn't going to be long tonight.

I lead her into an alley and she snaked her arm around mine,the street light doing little to help us.

"Zaidaan," she whispered against the wind, "I know you said it was a surprise, but where are we going?"

"It's still a surprise."

She grunted at my reply but thankfully didn't argue back, the noisy city streets faded behind us as we went deeper, turning every corner until finally, the alley ended to join the centre of an old streetstyle.

Victorian lamps hung on the side roads as the footpath infront of us slowly came to life.

The shops that encircled our arena were closed shut, that required a little bit more money than this entire set up.

I watched as her mouth hung open and she walked ahead, standing in the middle and twirling, her beige dress flowing in soft twirls as her hands muffled her squeel.

"You did this?!"

I laughed, "I did this."

The lanterns around us glowed in the dark, string lights covering the space the lanterns couldn't cover, the beige lights low as they played a game of shadows around her and her eyes danced against the fire covered beneath the fine cloth of lanterns.

A table awaited us in the middle of the entire space, a simple candle in between and pastel flowers along with Juliet roses awaiting her.

"Ohmygod", I heard her begin as I retreated back into the alley, thankfully she was too consumed in awe to notice me leaving.

"Ohmygod, ohmygod, Zaidaan, you did this! I love lanterns. This looks like it's straight out of the movies! This street, everything! I just can't belie- Zaidaan? Where are you?"

By the time she actually noticed, I was already behind her,so I simply said,

"Turn around."

A special thanks to Husna, I already knew the ear splitting scream was going to hit me and the neighbourhood real soon.

And it did.

Because when she did turn, I was already down on one knee, my hand outstretched to hold hers.

I cautiously took her hand in mine, knowing this woman was crazy by now, and pecked her knuckles before looking up at her,

"Kainaat no middle name Khan," I began, "now that you've stopped screaming, let me do what I want to do."

She barely nodded. Taking that as a shocked yes, I continued,

"When I first saw you, I thought you were tiny, and I really hope you don't expect this to be clichè type romantic, because I don't know how to tell everything I feel. I can show you, but we can discuss that later," she blushed and shoved me, "alright, anyway. Let's be serious. I have no idea how, or when, but somehow, you are the most beautiful soul to have entered my life. I didn't know there was a void in me until the day you made me whole, and I will never be complete without you. Kainaat, I may not have been what you wanted, but I want to be what you need.

Tonight, you may not be in love with me, but I have a few promises to make. I promise to make you breakfast everytime we fight, I promise to hold you everytime you have a nightmare, I promise to love you as long as we live, I promise you a world full of happiness and every dream you ever dreamt to be a reality, I promise to be everything you ever wanted. I promise to do all the silly things with you. I promise to love you for the sake of Allah, so long that we stay together in jannah. And all I ask in return is your happiness.

My Kainaat, the sole rose in my heart, will you let jannah lie beneath your feet for my kids, will you smile at me so that my heart is at ease? Jaanam, will you be the Shehzaadi of my heart?"

She was laughing by the end of this, a tear at the side of her eyes, stuck in her eyelashes as she shook her head,

"Yes. Yes I will be all that, and more."

I chuckled as I slipped a diamond encrusted ring which flashed on her finger.

"It looks better when you have it on," I said, standing up.

"It's beautiful. You are beautiful."

The words left her before she vould comprehend it,but instead of the usual shock that descended upon her, this time, she showed some extra bravado as she leaned in,

"You're starting to rule on my heart, Zaidan. You're starting to own it."

Throat parched, I let her curl her fingers in my hair, as she brushed her cheeck against mine before burying her head in the crook of my neck.

And it took every ounce in me to not kiss her right then and there.

So instead, I muttered,

"The food is waiting."

She broke away from me and formed an 'o' with her lips.

"How did you know I loved Juliet roses?"

I shrugged as I took my seat, "I did my research."

She smirked, "Who did you ask?"

I shrugged again and she narrowed her eyes, but let the topic die as we began with the meal.

"You know," she said, "I always wanted something like this. For years I made Husna write everything I imagined, so that if not in my dreams then atleast it would come alive on paper. Every little thing is here. And it's perfect."

So are you.

"You can thank me later."

"I'll thank you now. Thank you, Zaidaan. I mean it. You're the best man I could marry, and if someone were to ask me, I'll choose you over anyone else, always."

She reached out and gave my hand a light squeeze, and I laced our fingers as the moon above us hid amidst the clouds, the birds listening to the sound of her voice and I? I just looked at her, and there's nothing better than that I'll ever do.

Just then, a rush of wind blew by us, taking my breath away when it flew by her.

****