I quivered and gasped for air, tears spilling my eyes as his hands travelled dangerously low on my body, I slowly spoke each syllable, making sure it pierced his soul,

"You ruined her."

My cheeks stung with tears and a pang. He'd slapped me.

"I will not let you love him. You're either mine or Allah's."

"Allah will forgive you, InshaAllah, He is the Most Forgiving."

He pulled me closer, "InshaAllah. May Allah forgive all of us."

"Though might never forgive you."

"I do not care about a man who steals other's woman."

"I was never yours. I will never be."

"You asked for this, Kainaat. Your kainaat ends here."

With that, he let go of me and pushed me off the cliff and I screamed,

"ZAIDAAN!"

"ZAIDAAN!" I sat up straight, panting.

Sweat beads crowned my forehead, my heart thundering in its cage.

I woke up saying his name, again. That dream haunted me.

I couldn't remember what I saw. There was water, a cliff.

I didn't remember anything, but I woke up saying his name.

My heart still beat faster than it ever did, my breath fanned my dry lips and parched throat. My eyes were still wide in fear.

What was that?

I drew my knees closer to my chest and buried my head, what is happening to me?

I placed a hand on my thuddering heart,

"Aye dil, stay still. It will all be okay. It was just a nightmare."

Breath in. Breath out.

I closed my eyes and calmed myself down, my hand still on my heart.

I looked around me and noticed that Zaidaan was not beside me.

Dread filled me. Where was he?

Zaidaan. His arms around me. Somehow, having him beside me made me feel safe, I felt safe in his arms. It felt warm. He was warmth.

Quietly, I wrapped my fur shwal around my shoulders and clutched it in my palms, his fragrance keeping me warm in the room as I walked out.

As soon as I was out, the cold night air hit me square in the face.

I contemplated searching for him, but then thought against it and went down to the kitchen in search of water to quench my thirst.

I passed Fariyal's room and stopped in my tracks.

I didn't mean to pry but her cries were too loud for me to ignore.

Was she having the same nightmare as me?

My brain racked with possibilities as I heard Fariyal's faint cries. She wasn't loud, but in the silence of the night, anyone passing by the door could figure that voice out. It seemed as if she was right behind the door, as I could hear her whimpers more clearly.

No one said anything in response to that, I didn't hear anything anymore.

I couldn't go in, Abaan would be there. Besides, he would take care of my sister.

I saw her shadow against the hem of the door. I was certain it was her, I didn't know how, or why, but I just knew it was Fariyal.

Then another one.

I moved to the side and kept my gaze on the floor, letting the shadows give me a hint.

But then, in a minute, both were gone.

I shook my head, that didn't make sense.

Reminding myself that it was none of my business, I walked ahead, ignoring whatever sanity in my head screamed in my head to go back and barge in their room.

I swinged open the fridge, taking out a cold bottle filled to the brim and poured myself a glass in the dark.

The water splashed against the glass and my mind went back to my dream.

I took a seat on one of the stools and bought the cold liquid to my lips.

Watrt trailed down my mouth, the coolness tingling my insides and I shivered as a cold wind gently brushed my skin, making my hair sway in its mirth.

I parted my lips.

Water. A cliff. Zaidaan. But that voice...that voice. Was it really Zaidaan's?

I shivered and shook my head. Sighing, I read La Hawla wala quwwata illah billah and spat thrice dryly on my left shoulder, keeping in mind to sleep on the opposite side when I get back to my room.

I poured myself another glass and gulped down a long sip. In three sips,I finished another one.

When my throat still felt dry, I poured myself a third and was just about to gulp it down, when the lights in the kitchen turned on.

"Beautiful girls shouldn't be alone in the dark at this time of the night. Jinns are out without fear at nights, don't you know?"

Without turning back, I chuckled, "Allah protects those He loves. And it's almost Fajr, don't fret Zaidaan. The jinns won't try scaring us."

"I don't know about Zaidaan, but I sure fear your confidence, Bhabhijaan."

I cursed underneath my breath. Dammit! It's scary how Abaan's voice could easily pass for Zaidaan's when it's husky.

I scrambled up on my legs and turned, tightening my hold on my shawl.

It amazed me how I was on gaurd around Abaan. I was supposed to be at ease with you. What has changed in you, Abaan? Whatever happened to you? Why did you change your ways?

"What do you want?"

He tsked at my response,

"My home, my kitchen. I can come anytime I want. The question is, why are you up? Weren't you sick? Why isn't your husband getting you water?"

I gritted my teeth in anguish,"I am feeling better, thanks for asking. As for Zaidaan, your brother, he is asleep. I didn't want to wake him up."

I wondered why was I even giving him an explaination. My insides screamed at me to run back up to my room.

I heard him chuckle. Minding my own business, I turned the tables,

"I heard Fariyal crying."

I didn't miss the way his eyes darkeed and narrowed,

"She has severe cramps. You must know, pregnancy has it's perks."

That was it. That was a taunt. Square on my face.

Wait...pregnancy?

"Fariyal is pregnant?!"

He casually shook his head, "Nope. But she will be."

I stared at him, mouth agape, trying to process what he meant.

And then it clicked. Fariyal's cry. It wasn't really a cry.

I blinked, in surprise, mortification, shock, despair and nausea.

Here was the guy I thought I loved, openly admitting to consumating

his marriage with my sister.

My mouth hung open mid air, with what emotion I didn't know and my cheeks stung with a ting of shame.

Astaghfirullah.

"Mana ke hum ab aapki nazro mei wese nahi rahe, magar itni behayai laazim thi? Sharam ka kuch toh lihaaz kiya hota aise alfaaz bolne se pehle, Abaan!"*

I rambled on, as his face lit up,

"Bhabhi, what is this? Shouldn't you be silent on such talks, talks like these? Talks which shouldn't be spoken between non-mahrams, especially not at this time. And that too with me? Tsk, tsk, Zaidaan Bhai should know about this."

I was fuming, I knew by now that he wanted to rile me up and I was just about to storm out when a voice faded the grin off his face,

"What should I know about, Abaan?"

I sighed in relief and looked past his shoulder to see a pair of light brown eyes staring intently between me and the back of his own brothers head, eyes narrowed.

Abaan spun around, "N-nothing, bro. I was just pulling your wife's leg."

I narrowed my eyes. I had a feeling he was about to ruin some things.

Zaidaan tilted his head and smiled,

"Did it work? Is she riled up?"

Abaan glanced at me and smirked, "I guess so."

The brothers chuckled and I rolled my eyes. What the heck was going on here?

"Good. So, you done?" He directed the question at me, though his eyes were directed on Abaan,

"Ji." I replied, loud and clear.

"Let's go back to bed, then, darling," My eyes widened and I bit my lip as a blush rose up my cheeks and Abaan raised his eyebrows. Zaidaan continued, "I couldn't fall back asleep without you beside me."

By now, I was sure my mouth was hanging open again, but this time for a reason I had trouble pointing out.

I wasn't the only one, Abaan's mouth was agape wider than mine, pure shock all over his face but he was quick to hide it and recovered back to his nuetral expression.

I was pretty sure that even Zaidaan was shocked at his open flirting.

Ya Allah, what is happening tonight?

Zaidaan turned on his heel and walked out, I took that as my cue to rush out and follow him.

However, before I could leave, Abaan grabbed my arm and hastily whispered,

"Have a nice night, my brother's darling."

In a flash, he was out. I stood there on my spot glued to the ground.

My brother's darling.

Those words, that line...I was certain I heard it somewhere.

It was like a deja vu, I knew I'd heard the same sentence in Abaan's voice before. But I just couldn't remember where.

The incident kept playing in my head as I walked back and entered my- our room, Zaidaan lay on his side. Awake or Asleep, I had no idea.

The bed dipped as I sat on my side, the satin sheets rippling under my palm,

"Why did you say whatever you said down there?"

He snuggled deeper into his pillow,

"I like being honest."

I rolled my eyes eventhough I knew he couldn't see it.

I lay back down on my side, facing his back.

As his breathing eventually evened, I stared at the back of his head, his hair tangled up yet smoother than mine.

I wasn't going to deny it, having Zaidaan around me, for some reason made me feel safe, followed by Inaya and Asma baaji.

However, sleeping with him was a different thing altogether.

I was aware of every breath I took and every breath I exhaled.

I was aware of my heart beating and the tip of my nose turning red.

I was aware of my hands on his chest, his heart under my palm, thudding as uncontrollable as mine.

I was aware of my palm touching his neck, even in my sleep, and the goosebumps that touch arose.

I was aware of his arms tightening around my waist.

I was aware of his gentle, moist kisses on the top of my head when he thought I was sleeping.

I was aware of everything, awake or asleep.

And, I wasn't going to deny it, I liked being aware of those things, feelings.

He made me feel different without an effort, and I liked it.

And so, I shifted closer and rested my cheek on his back.

Minutes later, I felt his arm enveloping me again, the night working its wonder and I drifted off to sleep once again.

***

I was standing at the edge of a mountain, I was shaking, shivering.

My eyes felt heavy and my head was spinning.

I saw bits from the corner of my eyes, water was twenty feet beneath, my feet dangled.

I tripped a bit on my white saree and I was just about to fall in that depth when someone held my hand,

"Kainaat, meri jaan!"

I smiled in my fainted trance,

"Z-zaida-an."

His worried face gazed back at me and he pulled me back up, our faces inches apart,

"I won't let you go, my love."

He caressed my hair and bent his face to my neck tracing feverent kisses on my jaw as his hold tightened around me.

"Why-why am I f-feeling diz-zzy, Zaid?"

And suddenly, his hand around me digged in my skin, sputtering pain through my skin and into my bones, making me gasp,

"Z-zaid!"

He faced me, no longer burying his face in my neck and I gazed back at Abaan, instead of Zaidaan.

I squirmed in his grip, the hands on my hips making me want to peel my skin off.

"Let me go! Let go, Abaan!"

He'd laughed on my face, "Oh, my brother's darling. I will never let you go."

"Zaidaan will kill you! You, bastard! How dare you touch me! You ruined her too!"

"I didn't ruin anyone. You ruined me. You ruined her. You turned my brother against me. You played your games and now he loves you. I will not let him take you. You are mine, Kainaat! ONLY MINE!"

"Whatever happened to you? You are not the Abaan I knew. Not the man I loved. Who are you? Why are you doing this? Please, stop this madness, be the way you were before, please."

His eyes darkened, "Man you loved? Who do you think you love now?"

I faced him and with a braveness that isn't in me, I said, bold and clear,

"Zaidaan Ibraheem Farooq."

I quivered and gasped for air, tears spilling my eyes as his hands travelled dangerously low on my body, I slowly spoke each syllable, making sure it pierced his soul,

"You ruined her."

My cheeks stung with tears and a pang. He'd slapped me.

"I will not let you love him. You're either mine or Allah's."

"Allah will forgive you, InshaAllah, He is the Most Forgiving."

He pulled me closer, "InshaAllah. May Allah forgive all of us."

"Though he might never forgive you."

"I do not care about a man who steals other's woman."

"I was never yours. I will never be."

"You asked for this, Kainaat. Your kainaat ends here."

With that, he let go of me and pushed me off the cliff and I screamed,

"ZAIDAAN!"

"Kainaat! Kainaat! Wake up!"

Someone was shaking me and I sat up straight, gasping for air.

My brother's darling.

Tears sprang in my eyes and I covered my mouth with my hand, clutching the closest thing to me in my palm, Zaidaan's hand.

He slowly wrapped his arms around,

"Hey, hey. Shhh, it's okay."

"N-no, Zaid."

He didn't say anything at the way I shortened his name, instead,he craddled me between his knees and held me, caressing my hair like I was a kid until I calmed down.

Too embarrassed to even look at him, I squeeked,

"Zaid- I mean, Zaidaan, what-"

"You can call me Zaid, Kainaat."

I blinked in surprise,

"I can? I thought you hated it when Inaya tried calling you that."

I felt him shrug against me,

"I did, when she called me that. Not when you do."

And despite myself,a smile lit up my face abd I lowered my head, hoping my hair would cover up the blush that I knew was reaching my forehead.

Not wanting to ruin the moment, I chucked my nightmare to the back of my mind and let him hold me.

We sat there, listening to each other's breathing until the adhaan for Fajr rang out, seperating our embrace yet knitting us togethr in the most beautiful union, at the most beautiful prayer, Fajr, as we prayed together.

And slowly, I noticed how his name became a frequent whisper whenever I raised my hands up to ask from My Lord, to talk with Allah, to seek from Allah.

****