K A I N A A T

I helped my sister as I led her down stairs where everyone was waiting for us.

Husna was on her other side and I slightly stepped behind to be out of the picture, pretending to help Fariyal, my sister, with her trail.

The minute we stepped down, the lights dimmed and every single gaze was on us.

Despite being behind, I felt myself blush under their eyes.

I helped her sit beside the groom and when I stood up, Husna gave my hand a smalll squeeze as I gulped.

Just when I'd taken my position, my eyes clashed with his, the one who was sitting beside my sister and I looked away before my tears could spill out.

I let Husna hold my hand as I saw them, the bride and the groom, having their eyes fixed down.

Rubina Aunty, the groom, Abaan's mom, smiled and said something that I completely didn't listen as I stared straight at the person who took my sister's hand and slid the ring in her finger.

The same ring he had said would be on my finger.

I looked away and wiped a stray tear as Husna held my shoulder and shook her head, she too looking away.

Husna was my cousin and the closest person to me on earth.

As takbeer and congratulations were passed and screamed about, I smiled at everyone and when I hugged my sister, she whispered,

"Take me out of here."

I nodded against her shoulder and much to my own surprise, I found myself turning to the person beside her.

Don't do this. My conscience told me.

But as always, I didn't listen, and plastered the widest and the fakest smile on my face,

"Mubarak, Abaan."

Abaan, the man who I thought loved me back despite knowing everything, didn't look at me.

Neither did he say anything until his older brother nudged him,

"Shukriya."

I passed his brother a tight lipped smile, who looked at me as if he knew something that I didn't, and gulped before turning around and looking for my mom,

"Mamma jaan, can I-"

Before I could complete my sentence, my mom hugged me,

"Oh, MashaAllah. My Kainaat looks so beautiful. Nazar na lage, Allah tumhe jahaan ki har khushi de."

I broke the hug, "Ameen, Mamma. Can I-"

I was interrupted once again as Rubina Aunty stuffed an entire laddu in my mouth, saying,

"Mubarak, beta! When will we get to eat the biryani of your engagement now?"

I smiled at her, almost venemously but said nothing except congratulating her back.

"Mamma," I hurriedly said, "I wanted to ask if I should take Fariyal back in our room now? We can seperate the men and the women."

My mom nodded, "Yes, do that."

I hurried back in the hall, making sure my hair were covered beneath my heavily embroidered dupatta as I dragged Husna with me, asking her to bring Fariyal while I waited for them at the stairs.

Today's function was reserved only for close family and a few friends, a less than hundred people party as they were just fixing the proposal, not getting married right away.

"Kainaat!"

A voice called out while I stood near the stairs and I looked up just in time, before I was engulfed in a hug by Inaya.

"Inaya!"

Inaya was Abaan's sister, an year elder than him and eight months younger than their elder brother.

How was she just eight months younger? I don't know.

As she stepped away, giving me room to breath, she beamed at me.

"We're now related!"

My smile faltered, "Yeah. Alhamdulillah for everything."

She was so engulfed in her joy that she totally failed to notice how my voice dropped and I was glad she did.

Me and Inaya had been friends in highschool, seeing as she tutored me in chemistry back in grade ten.

Before we could exchange anymore words, the elder brother, whose name I kept forgetting, strode over to us.

He looked between us before saying,

"Inaya, mom's calling you."

"I'm coming, Zaid. But, what are you doing in the ladies section?"

He rolled his eyes at her implication and said,

"I was keeping up the partitions when mom told me to call you, so don't think anything. And who's Zaid? I'm Zaidaan."

I saw Inaya roll her eyes and that's when I noticed how they both could pass for twins, and how Abaan had none of his features similar to them.

"Zaidaan in all his glory," she shook her head and turned to me, "I'll catch you later, Kainaat."

I hope not.

I nodded and she followed her brother, just as Husna and Fariyal joined me and we went upto Fariyal's room.

Fariyal was elder than me by two years and Husna was exactly one hour younger than me.

Yes, we were born on the same day.

On the other hand, Abaan was the youngest of the three in his family, and was still an year elder than Fariyal, making him three years older than me.

As soon as we were in her room, Fariyal locked the door and took my hands,

"Kainaat, my love, I-I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do but I won't let this happen to you."

I squeezed her hands, "It's okay, Didi. There's nothing we can do, it was Dadijaan's wish."

Husna rolled her eyes, "Daadu would never want this if she knew you-"

Before she could complete her sentence, a knock was heard and I quickly opened the door and in walked Saher.

Saher Bhabhi was my elder brother, Khalifa's wife.

She entered, closed the door behind her and turned to me, instead of Fariyal,

"Is what we hear true?"

"What? What did you hear?"

My heart started beating faster. Did anyone by any chance come to know about me and Abaan?

It's not like we ever dated, we would never but-

"That someone has sent a rishta for Kainaat."

I breathed in relief and shook my head,

"I don't know, Bhabhi. And it doesn't matter."

She shook her head, "It does, you and Husna are next."

Me and Husna looked at each, "Never in your dreams! We're just 20!"

Bhabhi shook her head and demanded on doing a touch up of Fariyal's makeup, and we helped Bhabhi take down the flowers on Fariyal's head and hands.

As we helped her, she occassionally glanced at me and I smiled, reassuring her that it was fine.

But even doing so, my heart broke a bit more inside.

Me and Abaan had accepted our feelings for each other some eleven months back and Fariyal had been one of the first people to know, After Husna and Aaliya, my other close friend.

But what angered me more was, why couldn't Rubina aunty get her elder son married before Abaan? All of this had happened so sudden.

Day before yesterday, they had come to see her in the prospect of marriagd and before anything, they declared today as the engagement.

Ofcourse Fariyal was getting married before me, that was how it should be.

But why Abaan before Zaidaan?

And to say that even Inaya wasn't married yet!

Could it be that Rubina Aunty somehow knew about me and Abaan and she didn't want her son marrying me because of my....

I shook my head. That wouldn't make sense. No one knew except my family.

I just didn't get why I was the one suffering, even after everything I've gone through, it was me hurting again.

At my own thoughts, I left the room and made my way to my room, and splashed some water on my face.

As the water drops trailed down with my tears, I broke down.

I don't know how long I stayed like that, but when I went to Fariyal's room, it was empty.

As I headed downstairs, I felt someone staring at me, and I looked to my side.

Just as I looked at him, Zaidaan looked away and I hurriedly turned left, ignoring whatever that was as I entered the ladies section and went towards my Dadijaan, my dad's mother.

As soon as I approached I was checked out by a few aunties sitting around her.

Daadi seemed to notice my uncomfortable expression as she said,

"I know, my Kainaat's the most beautiful in the family, and dare I say the world, all of you can stop staring, I don't want nazar on my bachchi."

As the ladied chuckled and whispers of agreement filled the air, I felt the heat on my cheeks and I left the next minute, in search of Husna.

Husna and I made our way to the kitchen as soon as we saw each other, making it our aim to 'taste' the food before it is served.

Husna was my dad's younger brother's only child, and after the demise of her parents, we took her in and she was treated just as if she was our own, which in a way, she was.

She was also Daadi's favorite grandchild, and despite all the compliments thrown at me every now and then, the real beauty in this house and the world, was Husna.

Husna literally meant beauty and grace, and suffice to say she did the most justice to her name.

Unfortunately, at the time of my uncle's death, she was seven and well aware of what has happened, but she never questioned the Qadr of Allah.

And from that day on, we became the best of friends, and I found the twin I never had.

"Earth to Kainaat."

I snapped out of my thoughts and grinned at her as she fed me a spoonful of biryani.

Before we could attack the gulab jamun, mamma entered the kitchen, hands on her hips,

"What's going on?"

"Nothing, tayiammi," Husna started, "nothing at all."

Next moment, she threw us out of the kitchen,

"Go sit with Seher and Fariyal," she ordered us, "they're fixing the wedding dates now."

I looked at her wide eyed, "Fixing the dates? So soon?"

My mom didn't see my expression, "The sooner, the better. Now, go."

Me and Husna quietly made our way to Seher and Fariyal, but me being me, dragged her in the opposite direction, now fixing the stole on my head.

"Kainaat! What do you think you're doing?!"

"Shush!" I told her, "the men are fixing the dates, and I wanna hear."

"You wanna hear or you wanna see him?"

I scrunched my nose, "Both."

She chuckled but reluctantly followed me as we stood near the hall that parted the men and women and leaned ahead, while Husna kept a watch to see if someone was coming so we would be ready with excuses, as our actions defined unmoral behaviour.

I had to strain my ears, but my heartbeat quickened as the voices reached me,

"We have to keep it as early as possible."

"But tayajaan!" It was Abaan, "what's the hurry?"

"Naik kaam mein deri kaisi? The earlier it is, the better it is for everyone."

It was the man who spoke first, who I assumed was his tayajaan, who was as old as my dadi, if not a little less.

"Bhaiya is right, beta." I heard his father say, "let's keep it tomorrow."

I nearly tripped and choked on my own spit.

Tomorrow? What the actual heck?

"Farooq Sahab" I heard my dad say, "an early wedding is fine, but why this early?"

"I don't see the point of dela-"

Before I could hear more of what Abaan's dad had to say, I was dragged behind the staircase by Husna.

"Husna! Why?!"

She put a hand on my mouth and shut me up, as my eyes fell on Zaidaan exiting the room on his phone as he went outside, talking to someone on the call.

"Oh." I said.

Without further ado, we rushed inside and joined Fariyal and Bhabhi where our six year old neice, Sahifa, was playing with Fariyal's hand as her eyes stared at her rings, fascinated.

Yes, Sahifa was Khalifa and Saher's daughter and she had a part of both their names and that made me an even more proud aunt.

Before me and Husna could announce what I heard, dad and uncle entered the room, saying,

"Alhamdulillah, seeing as both the families and the bride and groom are razamand with tying the knot of love and respect for Fariyal and Abaan, we only thought it perfect for the wedding to take place tomorrow, for everyone's convenience."

All their mouths dropped open except mine. I was numb.

I felt both Husna and Fariyal squeeze my hand and I felt the room spin.

I was numb.

And as excited and nervous voices surrounded me, I headed towards the stairs with tears in my eyes, and call it bad luck, but just then the brothers exited the living room.

Abaan had his head down, and he was pinching the bridge of his nose and walking leisurely.

He didn't even look up.

It was his brother who accidentally crashed his eyes with mine and I noticed how his eyes widened and his nose tinged pink.

He kept his gaze on me as they passed by me while I kept my gaze fixed to the ground as a tear fell down, not even daring to look up at any of them.

Abaan still hadn't looked up, and it was Zaidaan who saw the tears I hid from the world.

I wondered if he'll ever know that these weren't tears of happiness, for I heard him mutter, "Girls." Under his breath.

****

Mubarak- Congratulations

Allah tumhe jahaan ki har khushi de- May Allah grant you all the happiness of this world.

Dupatta- stole, often wore with desi dresses.

Shukriya- thank you.

Nazar- evil eye.

Naik kaam mei deri kaisi - why should we delay in doing something good.

Dadijaan/dadi/ dadu -a term used to call one's dad's mother

Tayajaan/Tayabbu- a term used to call one's dad's elder brother

Tayijaan/Tayiammi- a term used to call one's dad's elder brother's wife.

Razamand- happily agree, content and satisfied with an agreement.

***