"Doctor, please tell me she isn't dead," Fawwad asked the doctor to make sure he heard him wrong. Picturing all the times he made her suffer in his head for his own problems and he hated himself even more just by thinking of it. He knew that his life will be completely ruined and he'll forever live in agony if she died without asking for her forgiveness and he won't be able to forgive himself. That will be a burden he'll take to his grave.

"Doctor, your attention is needed in the emergency room, it's really urgent" a worried nurse hurriedly informed the doctor and he abruptly got on his feet without answering him, he left.

Fawwad and the constable immediately trailed behind him but they stayed outside the emergency room because they weren't allowed to enter.

Immediately he entered, the red bulb on the operating theater lit indicating a theater was being conducted. Fawwad was really confused and didn't know what to think of. Just then he remembered the doctor hasn't informed them who was dead, but yet still he can't conclude she's not the one but he prays she's still alive.

He was just standing in the corridor still confused when he realized that he hasn't informed anyone. He needed someone beside him but he can't call his parents now. They will just panic and besides the doctor hasn't told him anything yet. He then decided to call his best buddy because he knew that only he can understand his condition at the moment.

"Hussein, where are you?" He spoke softly over the phone.

"I'm at home. What's wrong buddy?...your voice is down"

"Can you make it to city hospital ASAP?"

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Tell me!" he sounded really worried

"I'll tell you when you come" and with that, he hung up.

*****

Hussein arrived in no time and he looked pretty worried already. Fawwad told him about everything and his eyes were already red by the time he finished.

''Innalillahi wa Inna ilaihi rajiun" was the only thing Hussein kept muttering.

"How could you be so careless Fawwad" he was now looking at him with pitiful eyes.

"If only I'd picked that call last night...all of this wouldn't have happened"

"Don't say that Fawwad. We can't escape what Allah has predestined to us, no matter how hard we tried. So, you picking the call wouldn't have changed anything. She must be in this hospital today, one way or the other"

"But, why me? Why does nothing in my life seem to work out?...rather, it's just falling apart with each passing day. I don't even want to live anymore..."

"Shh" and Hussein quickly placed his hand over Fawwad's mouth "don't ever say that. Whatsoever happened to you, you can never wish for that. Your life is a gift from God, only he can take it whenever he wants to. Be grateful and thank him that you're still alive and breathing. There are many people out there that want to breath even for one last time but they couldn't. You are alive, breathing and healthy, you have to thank God for that"

He was silent for some minutes thinking about what Hussain just said and he realized it was wrong of him to think like that. But what can he do, he's just confused. He doesn't want anything to do with her but he doesn't want her to die either.

"Hussein, I'm really confused. I still can't believe she's gone and it's all my fault"

"It's not your fault, stop saying that. Even if she's gone, it's her time and besides, we're not even sure if she's really gone. In the meantime, pray and be strong buddy" he consoled him

"Thanks, Hussein" Indeed he's very lucky to have such an amazing friend like him.

"Have you told Abby and Mami about it?"

"I don't even know how to tell them, I'm scared"

"You have to tell them and besides this is a serious issue...they got to know"

"I know that everyone will now put the blame on me. They'll say that I tortured her to death"

"Fawwad" he placed his hand on Fawwad's shoulder before he continued "whatever happened has already happened and no one can ever change the will of the Almighty. So, tell them, tell them everything, they have to know" he gave him a reassuring look. And for some odd reason, it worked because he felt a little bit encouraged.

He brought out his phone and contemplated who to call; Abby or Mami. They only talk with Abby when it comes to business. He can't remember when last they had a personal father to son talk. And Mami on the other hand, he hasn't spoken to her after that incident and now, how can he just call her to tell her this. She'll just panic and overreact. In as much as he doesn't want to go with the former, he has to because that's his only option.

He dialed his number and after three rings, he picked.

"Assalamu Alaikum... Abby" his voice was low.

"Wa'a Alaikum Salam...Fawwad?" And his voice says how baffled he was. He can't remember when last he called him over the phone.

"Abby...it's... She..." His voice was hoarse which made Abby more worried.

"Fawwad, are you okay? Tell me...what's wrong?" His voice was full of concern. Just by hearing how worried he was, made Fawwad damn himself even more. He knew that his parents loved him and still do and they have always wanted the best for him ever since he was young. And this is the way he chose to repay them by turning himself into a total crap and making them live in misery all because of him. He felt hot tears streaming down his cheeks which he didn't mind to wipe.

"Fawwad?" Abby's voice jerked him out of his thoughts.

"Walija...Abby, she got into...an accident" he stuttered.

"Innalillahi wa'inna ilaihi rajiun. How?"

"I'll tell you everything when you come"

"Which hospital?"

"City hospital...emergency ward"

"We'll be there right away" and with that, the call was disconnected.

And in less than fifteen minutes, Abby arrived with a jolted trailing behind him. From the looks on their faces, one can tell how shocked and worried they were. Hussein was also there and he helped his friend elaborate the whole situation to his parents. What made them even more worried was seeing their son in tears. The whole thing must have affected him severely because he is not the one that breaks down easily.

Abby wanted to call Walija's father and tell him everything but Mami stopped him as they still don't know the state she was in, so they just can't conclude anything yet.

They were all standing by the emergency room when the red bulb went off signifying that they were done with the theater. The doctor walked out followed by some nurses and they all walked up to him.

He just stood there looking at them as they bombarded him with different questions all hoping he'll tell them the same answer that she's still alive. But he didn't respond to any one of them, instead, he asked Abby and Fawwad to follow him to his office.

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