What the hell have I done?

Three days. It's been three fucking days since I've heard her voice or even seen her beautiful face.

It's been three days since I've last seen her and I am dying.

I took every chance I had to see her and now I've screwed everything up.

Wrong timing and the wrong place. I haven't had the chance to explain because she keeps declining all of my calls and hasn't read a single one of my hundreds of texts.

She's mad and upset and hurt and I don't blame her. Audrey in my apartment looked so horrible without context.

I feel like a total asshole. The look on her face when Audrey opened my door felt like someone was breathing the shit out of me.

She finally became vulnerable like I wanted for so long with me and I literally shattered what we were slowly building in front of her face.

I hate seeing Mandy hurt.

Her smile, her lips, her dark chocolate eyes, her sexy attitude. She drives me absolutely insane with how stubborn and resistant she is.

And now three says have passed and I haven't heard anything from her. Not even a "fuck you" voicemail. I'd do anything to even hear her voice say that.

I'd sit there for hours of her screaming at me if it meant I could just look at her. Or be near her.

The hot water cascades down my hair and my back, scorching my body. I've been showering for at least thirty minutes now, just standing here.

Before New York, I was a lonely, stupid asshole.

I had my friends. I had the money and the plans of a career going for me but deep down I knew it wasn't enough.

I still remember how my mother and father were with one another. The flowers he'd buy her on Valentine's day, the small things he'd say and do for her that would make her happy. And when she died, it was as if my father broke apart.

I just missed my mother and over time my dad grew cold and hated looking at me because he knew I was too much like her. It's sad to know that I realized that so young.

Mandy reminded me of what I remembered of my mom. Her dark hair and her candy like perfume. The familiarity felt so foreign.

When Charlotte came along, it was my last straw. I hated her. I hated what she did to me, what she tried to do to me. I hate her so fucking much.

When I moved in with my grandparents, my grandmother instilled valuable lessons in me. She taught me how to be a gentleman, taught me the importance of love and a woman who changes your life and how to never let her let go.

And if she were here, I know she'd lecture me. Because I did the exact opposite of what she told

me. I let the one woman who I cared about the most and the one woman who started become a little happier and brighter around me walk right out.

I turn off the shower and grab a towel from the rack beside it. I wrap it around the bottom half of my body, my chest and torso bare dripping with water, as I take another look at my face in the mirror.

I look like shit too. Amazing.

I grab a basic pair of boxers, sweatpants, and a long-sleeved shirt, leaving my hair wet.

I hear a knock of my front door.

I practically sprint to the front door and open it so fast.

Disappointment washes over me when Mandy isn't standing there, but Landon is.

Fucking great.

"You look like shit," Landon scoffs as he walks in and closes the door behind him.

"Thanks, asshole," I snip.

He walks over to my fridge, opening it, and bending down to see what's inside.

"What do you want?" I cross my arms. I'm not in the mood for 'bro time' right now.

"You fucked shit up with Mandy so I'm here to see your side of the story and if I don't like it, I'm kicking your ass."

He takes a Dr. Pepper off of one of my shelves and regret immediately sits on my gut. That's Mandy's favorite soda. I specifically bought those for her and her only but I don't think she'll be here anytime soon to take claim on them.

"So," Landon opens the can and takes a sip. His hair is messy from the snowy wind and small dots of white are on his jacket from the snow.

We've been best friends for years and he's laid more chicks than I have. He's one attractive asshole I'll tell you that. With his dirty blonde hair and green eyes, chicks melt when they see his face. "Explain what happened," he continues.

"Audrey texted me and insisted that she wanted to apologize," I begin and he already looks like I'm calling bullshit.

"Dude I swear to God. I have the texts and everything. I said no and the next thing I know, she shows up here looking like a stripper and then Mandy showed up at my door."

He takes another sip of his soda as his eyes shrink to slits, "sounds like Audrey."

I scoff, "why were you into her again?"

"Oh fuck off. She's over and done with now."

"Yeah, I could tell with your blank face at Zipps that you didn't even give a shit about her. Yet you dated her," I say.

He shrugs, "I told you. I'm over her. And that's not the point so drop it. Have you told Mandy?"

"I've tried," I sigh in defeat, "but I cant get her to text or call me back."

He starts laughing. Like hysterically laughing.

"Dude," he snorts, "are you serious?"

I give him a confused expression because I genuinely don't know what he's on about.

"Mandy is a stubborn. She's not gonna pick up or respond to anything you fucking send her over the phone."

He's not wrong, but I figured that maybe she would. A small sliver of hope tugs at my chest even now with Landon laughing in my face like a jackass.

"Listen dude," he walks over to me and slaps a hand on my shoulder, "you want her, right? I've been hearing about nothing but her since the beginning of the school year."

I nod. It's true. I first saw Mandy a few weeks after the semester started walking through campus and I wanted her. I've been wanting her for 6 months now.

"So go fucking get her," Landon says, "she likes you too and you'd destroy the world for her. Go for it, man."

I shrug his hand off, "it's over, bro. She hates my ass now."

"Carter," he says. I look at my best friend and the sincerity in his green eyes, "just tell her how you really feel. If she wants to be with you as much as you want to be with her, she'll at least think about it."

I nod. He's right. If she wants me as much as she's been allowing herself to be with me then maybe she'll give me a chance to explain.

"You sure?" I ask, "how do you know so much about this anyway?"

He shrugs, "experience. Now go get her or I'll beat the shit out of you."