"Kayden!" ..

....

"Aye yo, Kay to the motha'fucking den. Do you hear me? Shoot back pussy!"

I opened my eyes to see a flat screen T.V. projected in-front of me like a simulated game from a pixel animation. Turning to my left, I seen Chris laying down; running his suckers on the phone with his legs bent up into the sky, feet positioned on the wall. Peanut sat close to me, fidgeting his arms with the game station controller in his grasp.

"I'm winning. You losing. Dumb ass nigga" Peanut squealed out loud, sticking his tongue out while fiercely slamming his thumb into one of the small buttons.

I stared at him as if I was witnessing a live ghost.

This nigga died in my arms.

But he here now.

"I missed you dawg" I croaked a little. I was feeling those emotional ass tears coming so I fought back any chance of letting a tear slip.

"Boy fuck is you talkin?" Peanut raised his eyebrow, never taking his determined face away from the screen.

"This a dream or something man?" I said while looking around. The room had to been Peanut's by the way his shit was set up. He was barely home so it consisted of a simple bed, two plastic white chairs in front of the flat screen, a ordinary dresser, and plain night stand. The nigga was mostly with us and had his own room in the Trap establishment.

Everybody had they own dripped out closet too.

" A dream? Now hold the fuck up" Peanut rushed out before pausing the game. When he faced me, my lungs felt tight as the younger version of Peanut stared back at me.

"What the fuck you been smoking and why you ain't share?"

"Yeah why you ain't share. We suppose to be niggas and you smoking on fairy dust when we gone" Chris added on with the phone to his chest as if he over heard Peanut's commotion.

"I ain' smoking nothing man I'm just glad to see you. That's all" I replied.

Chris stared blankly at me for a whole five minutes.

They both did.

"Nah man I can't even wrap my head around his bullshit" Chris said shaking his head getting back to his phone call.

"Im not even boutta waste...." Peanut said while unpausing the game-" ..my damn time".

"Where my girl Natasha?" I popped up out the chair, jolting Chris and Kayden up with big eyes.

"Nigga you like Natasha?!" Chris shouted.

"That's some bullshit you know I was finna tag shawty" Peanut grunted, cutting his eye at me.

"You can have her fine ass. I heard she finna get all these tattoos. That girl gon' leave yo stupid ass for me so prepare yourself" Peanut chimed with a happy to himself grin.

"Im in my memories, this is all fake or old" I felt a wave of nausea fly over my body, making me sit down quickly.

"You mixed my weed wit yo weed" Peanut eyed me cautiously.

"No, I'm okay" I replied, rubbing my eyes.

When I opened them, I was somewhere else.

"Here give me $10 for a dime" Chris said to a random person Ive never seen before.

It was clear after a couple seconds that he was doing a transaction. We was on our block before we started making big money. Peanut was wearing a tan dickie suit with white air force ones while Chris had on the black suit and black, fresh timberland boots.

I looked down to see a grey hoodie and sweatpants by nike with white, clean air forces. I know I wouldn't throw this type of outfit on with no haircut.

Looking into the mirror, I was right.

Fresh cut on my head in plain sight. I broke my attention from myself and watched Peanut while he leaned up against a car eating his chips while grasping onto his favorite beverage which was the watermelon flavored Arizona.

"What cho' cock eyed ass looking at?" Peanut said, taking me out of my thoughts. I grinned, walked up, and slapped him behind his neck.

"Nigga— now im calling my grandmom cause you playing too fuckin much and look at the chips u made me drop bitch i should go make you steal me another bag" he shouted while gesturing his hands to everything he spoke on then dialing his grandmom on the phone.

"Grandma?"

I bit back my laughter as Peanut glanced at me every now and then before walking away to complain and snitch like the bitch he was.

"Aye! Put grandma on the phone fool!"

"Rayshawn, if you don't give grandma the phone; ima ride up there and turn yo ass into a pack" he yelled as he stomped his foot on the ground.

"Oh okay!... better had lil nigga!" He chirped, giving me one more glance from over his shoulder before sending me his middle finger.

I rolled my eyes and looked around for Chris for a short time before I realized he was sitting in his car on the phone.

This nigga always on the phone.

Probably with Kimberly, if she even came to be in this time frame.

"Put him on the phone? Say no more" Peanut said before throwing the phone at me thinking I wouldn't catch HIS phone. But I did and he was even more pissed at my fast reflex

"Pussy ass boy fuck you" Peanut huffed before storming into the store.

"Is that you Kayden?" Peanut grandma spoke softly to me. I felt that huge burden set on my heart as I remembered her dying in real life.

"Hey Grandmaaaa.. how you been?"

"Cut the soft shit. stop messing with my grand baby! You know he gon complain and call my ass everytime with his shit and I gotta check him and you like yall some damn children..."

"Yes grandma" I said sighing, aggravated with Peanut for doing this every single time I hit him or tripped him but I got use to this altercation between us and always loved to hear her voice so I didn't mind.

"By the way, Im okay. Don't worry about Peanut and I. We watched you everyday and see you trying. You are not blame for the lifestyle you live..."

I stared out blankly, feeling a wave of nausea overwhelm me. I couldn't figure out the words to utter.

"Huh?" I said pulling the phone back and seeing the contact name wasn't his grandma's name or emojis.

"WE LOVE YOU KAYDEN"

A message notification popped up with no given clue to who sent it but it read: please be safe for now on until GOD himself calls you home. And do not blame yourself for everything that has happened.

Tears fumbled out my eyes like a faucet and I continued to try to wipe them off aggressively with my sleeve but they kept sliding and falling. I felt the world cave inside my chest as I looked around and noticed the whole block was silent.

I could hear only my hiccups and sniffles.

"Kayden... please stop crying baby" I looked around to find no one which made me cry even more that I was alone with all my demons biting me in the ass.

"Don't blame yourself stanky" She said softly while placing her small delicate inked hands on my shoulders. I tensed up but memorized that feeling and voice anywhere.

"Im so sorry stanky" I croaked, shutting my eyes letting more and more tears trickle down.

"Don't beat yourself up okay?" She whispered, rubbing my upper body slowly.

"Im here for you, even when i'm not there physically..."

"I miss you so much. I wanna rewind and just take us far away" I moaned out feeling breathless as she hummed her tune which made my tightened ass chest vibrate. Her presence made it hard to breathe but I was okay with it.

"I just want you to know.. I forgive you Kayden" She whispered close to my ear.

"Can I hug you one last time" I croaked out feeling the need to just touch her make me feel whole.

if It could right now, I know it would.

"I love you forever" She whispered against me, wrapping her arms around my torso from behind tightly. I smelled that Chanel fragrance and got lost in that thang.

"I love you too Tashy" I said to her feeling those petite arms lift off me spiritually. I sobbed out, feeling lost as hell like I was missing something. It was getting even more harder to breathe to the point I held my neck.

"We love you Kayden" they all said in unison.

"..And stop being a lil bitch, Chris hoe ass too!"

My eyes felt heavy but I could breathe just fine as I inhaled sharply. "Aye this nigga up he zombie status or what let me know now?" Chris shouted, limping up to my bed side. I knew he was limping cause he came up too slow and i heard one foot hopping each step at a time.

"Aye! My boy you lived" He shouted.

I winced at his voice and attempted to lift up my arm. "Boy whatchu tryna dab me up, cause u back from the dead! Aye! Where the nurse fine ass at?!" He yelled again.

Once I felt the shaky feeling subside, I lifted one eye slowly and Chris's big headed ass came into view. "Stank ass eye boy you look like a—

WACK!

"Shut cho' dusty... crusty.. balloon head ass.. stank face head ass noodle body shaped head ass...up!" I said after I watched him hold his left side of his face with astonishment.

"You lucky you all shot up and shit cause i'd show yo ass NO mercy out onna—"

"Kayden! Glad to see you're finally up" This black ,chocolate nurse came up with a nice sharp, white smile that made you wanna do whatever she said.

"How long I was out?" I winced, lifting up slowly.

"Stay relax Kayden. One year and three months" she said reading her chart.

"Chris... why you ain' wake my ass up after the first month you can't do shit right" I said sucking my teeth.

"Nigga— you—.." Chris widened his eyes and couldnt form a sentence.

"Im sorry for your losses, by the way" she said frowning. I looked out blankly and began remembering everything.

"Natasha.. she.." I glanced at Chris. He bit on his bottom lip as it quivered, avoiding my gaze by searching the ground for nothing.

"Gina... my whole heart" I felt my chest begin to hurt like never before. She was gone for good. "Boy fuck you mean 'yo whole heart' that bitch was tryna kill you. Killed Natasha fine ass. Got me shot n shit" Chris gritted down on me.

"Mane.. I can't explain or show you how im feeling about that girl. You ain't in my shoes, you ain't never gon be in my shoes til you fall in love with a bitch genuinely" I snapped back.

Chris sucked his teeth and sat in the chair.

"Boy fuck outta here with that love shit. That bitch ain' love you" he glared, testing me.

"You killed your bitch, I thought you loved her?" I said giving him the same energy.

"Im gonna just.. um leave" my nurse said softly, racing out the door.

Chris cocked his head to the side and chuckled.

"This what I get for looking out for your stupid ass. She could've killed YOU. She loved you but her mission was to eliminate you. When a person love you, they don't attempt or even think about harming you. But Natasha.. that was the one that got away, came in the way, and got in the way of them fucking bullets heading your way. You dumb bitch" Chris spit viciously towards me as he got up, mean mugging me while grasping his crutches.

"My ass going home . I still love your stupid ass though..Cause you a moron" he said lowly before letting the door shut behind him.

I was left with my thoughts.

I can't be hard on myself but its difficult when its me that made life hard. But was it? Could I have changed or was this shit planned out for me from the start? Natasha was my heart forreal I should've realized that from the moment I seen her again.

I think thats what made me so stuck when I finally saw her after all those years. She had me stuck like glue.

But gina.. she brought back what Natasha threw away. My genuine love resurfaced when she came into the picture. But that was all a lie. So I can't remember Gina for what she did or who she was.

I gotta forget that hoe, even though its my fault for the death of her parents. She can't make it seem like I knew. Shit, she experienced my life for what it was how could she blame me like I knew? I really just be shooting mothafuckas with no regrets. Now Ion even feel bad no more. She burned me out for that one. She ain even let a nigga apologize or make it up to her.

I would've tried.

Instead, she was emotionally crushed and tired of letting me live. But look at a nigga.. breathing. Karma a bitch doe so I gotta chill on the evil shit.

All Ima say is God forgive me for killing that girl parents. Thanks for letting me live.. tell Natasha ima beat them cheeks up cause lawd I could remember how it felt to be in that girl.

I felt a liquid slide down my cheek without even realizing I was crying. Natasha really the one thats gone for good. I ain neva eva... eva.. gon see them fine ass tattoos on her body again.

Im feeling my insides get hotter and hotter as Natasha flooded my head.

"Ohhh im so sorry baby girl. Chris stoopid— stoopid head ass. I can't breathe" I shouted, kicking up my legs. My heart was racing but I couldn't calm myself even if I tried. My body couldnt stop reacting to the fact she dead.

I felt my head begin to get heavy and my arms couldn't stop shaking up against my chest. "NATASHAAAAAA" I screamed, sobbing out til I couldn't breathe.

"Get a doctor in here. He's going through it, he has to be calmed down and put to sleep" I heard a doctor say to a bunch of nurses rushing in.

I just wanted Natasha here. She knew how to calm a nigga down. I was already far gone without her.

Now that Gina showed her true colors. Im gonna low-key miss that evil hoe.

" I can't take this pain of this GIRL BEING DEAD GOD PLEASE HELP ME" I croaked as firm hands latched to my arms. I fought to get them off me but pairs of hands pushed down on my chest.

"He's gonna be okay..." the nurse from before said but sounded more likely to herself

"Tashy.. Tashy please don't leave me... like this"