《The Rosy Betrayal》1. Blues of a Heartbreak
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I could hear the joyful laughs emitting a door away from me. They were loud and blatantly happy, making my weak heart hide further into its shell. I had worked hard to work with steel and develop a rigid layer, but all that took to break past my shield and tear me apart was a single vulnerability; my attached feelings.
I truly cared for Iyaz and tolerated his careless ways to keep him happy. He would disappear for days, with people warning me about him having another family, but I simply listened to the rumours with calm. I believed that his absence meant little because of him always returning back. My fragile and naïve heart had assumed that him coming back was hinting towards his heart caring for me. Trust makes you do that...it makes you pick up every single gesture and colour it with hope and maybes.
I was so used to ignoring my husband's heartless ways, always turning my nose in the other direction when he claimed to be attending a business meeting, yet people had seen him in places hanging out with a young woman and a child. He depicted all signs of disloyalty, and I let him.
My helper, Pinky-a young caucasian girl-she would often scold me for my weak and forgiving ways. She was adamant in convincing me that what I felt was nothing but toxic harming. I wasn't having any of it. What Pinky didn't get was that I believed my feelings...completely trusted Iyaz's promises.. His secrets meant nothing to me. They couldn't tear up what I presumed to be the most real experience of my life. Yet, I had never been proven so wrong, until now.
Deciding to, for the first time in my life, follow my husband to one of his business meetings, park my car a street away from his, watch him enter a house where a child called him father and a woman (who used to work at his office) was referred as his wife, stand outside that house's window and just stare at how Iyaz was treating his son with so much adoration...stuffing his arms with gifts, I was struck thunderously by reality.
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My hopes and dreams had so badly been crushed.
And suddenly, I was lost, spluttering between what I had always assumed and what was real. The harsh face of reality had literally made me feel suffocated. The happy laughs were too real to be faked. Only a strong emotion could make one laugh like that.
Thus, rushing away from the house, I ran under the thundering sky and collapsed on a bench that was placed a few blocks away from the house. Strong wind was doing a good job in camouflaging my tears and making me shiver with emotions. I deserved all the pain for being so foolish, for being so naïve.
While hating myself in an empty street, I heard low shouts of my name floating over the pondering rain. Soon, the shouts seemed to grow anxious and louder as they neared me, and I finally managed to make out the silhouette behind the noises. It was Pinky.
Fuming, she neared me with anger and increased her phase at my sight. Her fragile ways were making it hard for her fight against the wind and run. Quickly engulfing me in a warm hug, she then moved away and scolded.
"Are you out of your mind? What were you thinking?" She scowled, wiping her face. Seldom wind was making her shake. She seemed like a much-needed friend in this midst of pain.
"I have lost him, Pinky," I glumly spoke, staring at the closed shops right across the road. "I have finally realized that he never cared." I sniffed, feeling a pang as I said it out loud. Speaking made this epiphany more real.
"There, there," she sympathised, sitting down next to me. "Tell me what happened?" She tilted her head towards me, making me turn and meet her eyes. The warmth in her gentle eyes and the familiar vibes of strength and pure concern emitting from her soul made me grow even more emotional and broken. Iyaz had left me feeling so lonely
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"Pinky, he doesn't care," I sobbed, crying my heart out. "I chose to be patient, accepting and even kind with him, but that wasn't enough. I wasn't enough," I emphasized now pushing my face into the palm of my hands. The sound of the seemed to be making me more antsy and emotional.
"Don't cry," she cooed. "It's his loss. I always knew you were too good for him. Now, it is time for you to see that, too." She tried consoling, making me wince and pull away from my palms
Wiping both tears and rain away from my face with exaggerating gestures, I frowned.
"But that's where you are wrong, Pinky. I have never been strong; always terrible with relationships, horrible with achievements. I am the one who has lost here-not him, and it pangs me how easily I had fooled myself into thinking otherwise," I confessed, lowering my gaze while shifting away from her. My thoughts were all mellow and depressed.
"You are right. Maybe you are not the one for him," she supplied, making my soul turn silent. I wanted her to agree, but having her agree to with my words made me feel shattered; I was such a confused mess. "But, I don't think anything will ever be good enough for that selfish brat, and you need to find someone who truly values the treasure you are." She continued. I tilted my face back towards her.
"How?" I gave a completely helpless and broken look. I was literally so lost and down at the moment.
Intently holding on to my attention, she gently reprimanded, "It's time to stop hiding behind books and clouding your mind with negative presumptions, Mahira. The world has done enough by making you see things from its perspective. Now, it's time for you to take a stand up and show your strength. No need to keep fearing the what ifs. If the world doesn't classify you as good enough, then who cares. Happiness doesn't believe in good enough, and you need to do just that; you need to experience being cherished."
"But I was cherished. Iyaz." I glumly countered, slumping my shoulders, "Iyaz was my hero, but he just doesn't see that."
"And he might never, but someone else will," she consoled, making me give her a tiny smile. She was trying, unlike most people in my life.
"Thank you," I then softly spoke after a few minute, with my gaze turned back towards the shops ahead of us. Their presence was soothing for some reason.
"Now come on." she then spoke, "It's time to go home now. Any longer, and cold will be our companion for days," she supplied, getting up. Her comment made me smile. This woman was a gem.
Now walking beside Pinky, I kept quiet as we both headed back towards our home.
A soothing cup of tea was what I desperately needed at the moment. My pain was new, and I was sure that a cup of tea was needed for being able to bandage my wounds; I had never thought that I would be the one to be experiencing the blues of a heartbreak, but now that I was defeated, I needed to find strength in me to fight-to stop hiding and make a change.
No more vulnerable Mahira.
With a frightened heart. I was going to show the world that I was strong, and that no selfish smiles could destroy me.
I was going to prove myself as a warrior.
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