new person, same old mistakes

✧

Moving out of Hawkins was the best thing that had happened to Rue Newby. She could immediately feel a sense of relief on her shoulders the instant she left the dreadful and cursed town. Of course, since she had left Hawkins, Rue hadn't felt anything like herself. She felt as if she were a body rather than a person. There was no spark left in her, no light in her eyes that when someone glanced, they knew: that's Rue Newby.

Or Rue Byers.

Whatever the fuck it was.

The thing is, Rue wasn't Rue anymore. She hasn't felt like Rue in a long time now. It was as if she had left behind her whole being across the country in Hawkins.

It wasn't always like this. In the early days, weeks, or even a few months after moving to Lenora Hills, Rue could still connect with herself. It was with time that she lost herself, the longer she stayed away from Hawkins the more she changed, and the more she became a brand new person.

But that wasn't a bad thing, either. Despite that voice in the back of her head telling her how she had let people down. Despite her therapist telling her that this change of persona was her brain trying to adapt to this new life. That it was fake. Fake. Fake.

This isn't you. This isn't you. This isn't you. This isn't you.

Rue didn't care. She'd rather live this way for the rest of her life than return to Hawkins, where she'd always have to look over her shoulder or be afraid of what's there or isn't there.

This was better. Lenora Hills was better. So what if she was always angry? Better angry than sad. Better angry than afraid. Better angry than miserable. Better to be careless than having to overthink. Better to be rash than prudent.

At least Rue can still put together a good enough visual aid for history class. Her poster collage was loud and filled with a variety of colours and photographs that others could find obnoxious, but she thought it made her point. Will thought it was neatly put together, and Rue believed that was all that counted. Will Byers was an artist, and if he said it looked good, it was good.

Rue strolled down the busy hallways of Lenora Hills High School, her project about her historical hero, Marsha P. Johnson, in hand. As she strolled alongside Will and Eleven—who went by Jane outside their house—she felt the glares scorch upon her skin. The only time she felt embarrassed was when El waved to a girl who wasn't waving back at her. Before entering Mrs. Gracey's classroom, she exchanged a glance with Will, shuddering within.

Rue pushed past everybody in her path, ignoring their strangled 'watch it!' Rue only paid attention when she heard that irritating laugh from across the room. She'd already been rolling her eyes and wishing she could rip her hair out when she heard Jake and Angela snickering at each other before the blonde spoke up in her false charming voice, "Hello, Rue! Nice-"

"Go fuck yourself," Little Miss Angela, one of the snobbiest girls Rue had ever encountered, was always looking for someone to torment. Jane Hopper is her favourite victim, possibly because El put up with her nonsense more than Rue, who always gave her shit back instead of pretending she didn't have a backbone.

Rue had tried to convince El to stand up for herself, and she had even begged her more times than she would admit. Angela was like a little vampire, sucking the life out of everyone, especially those who couldn't defend themselves. Rue had merely been collateral damage to her torments because whenever Angela went after El, Rue was almost always there to make sure she got what she deserved, even if it meant spending the afternoon in detention.

Rue ignored the rest of the class after presenting her project on Marsha P. Johnson. She sat there, feet on her desk, braiding pieces of her hair as she popped the gum in her mouth. She only looked up at the front of the classroom when it was Will or El's turn to present.

El had paled and turned to Will and Rue when her name was called. Will smiled and nodded, while Rue gave her the most enthusiastic thumbs up she could muster. Eleven took a deep breath before heading to the front of the class, where scattered applause greeted her.

Voice frail and soft, El began, "Hi. For my hero, I... I chose my dad." She paused, and her eyes scanned over the room as everyone started to look at each other with knowing looks. All of it made her more nervous, but she continued to push through it and showed everyone what she had made. "And for my visual aid, I had made a direyama of our cabin."

"Diorama," Rue corrected under her breath.

"More like diarrhea," Angela's boyfriend, Jake, who was equally terrible, laughed. The entire class began to laugh, including El, who blew out the saddest attempt for a chuckle as tears welled up in her eyes.

"Quiet, everyone." Mrs. Gracey said, "Let's be respectful."

Rue narrowed her eyes to slits. She hoped that if she glared hard enough, his head might explode. But then she realized that if she did, his head might actually explode. So, she turned to look back at El, who had already been helplessly looking at her. Rue felt her face soften and she gave El what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

El held up a small figure from her box, one that was sculpted and painted to look like Jim Hopper. Rue averted her eyes to her shoes, unable to watch. She knew Eleven was stepping out of her comfort zone to speak about Hopper publically, even to speak about him at all. After two years, Rue still wasn't able to mention her father without wanting to physically die.

"This is my dad. His name is Hopper. He made the best Eggos, and..." She had let out a laugh, "we liked to watch Miami Vice on Fridays. This is Mr. Fibbly. He is a squirrel."

Another round of scattered snorts and laughter filled the room.

"...And this is the alarm that my dad made... I... I was never scared because... beca- because..."

Rue finally looked away from her shoes once she heard Eleven begin to stumble. Annoyance had made a home in Rue's stomach when she realized that Angela had raised her hand, clearly distracting El from moving forward.

"Uh, Angela, let's save questions until the end of Jane's presentation." Mrs. Gracey told her.

"Yeah. Sorry," Angela pouted, dropping her hand. She tilted her head, "I'm just, like, confused. I thought this was a presentation about a historical hero."

"My dad was in the newspaper." Eleven cuts in.

"Your local paper?" Angela snorted, and then everyone else had joined in as well.

"Hey, Angela," Rue brought her feet down from her desk. She leaned forward and smiled sweetly at the girl once she spun around. "Hey there, sunshine uhm..." Rue scrunched her nose and hummed as if she were thinking, "Have you ever considered... I don't know... shutting the fuck up?"

Angela gasped and shot back around, and Jake glared at Rue with deep hatred.

"Rue, watch your words, please," Mrs. Gracey warned.

Rue shrugged and sat back again, satisfied. She nodded at El to continue while Will leaned back on his seat and turned to face her. "Seriously? Now?" He whispered.

"She was being a bitch," Rue scoffed quietly, "Besides, I could have said worse."

Angela had given Eleven her attention again, "I just don't think that's what Mrs. Gracy meant by historical. This is supposed to be about famous people."

"My dad is famous." El said, her knuckles turning white as she gripped onto her project tighter. "He... He saved lots of lives. In a mall fire. He was a hero for people." She paused, and her nose flushed into a softer shade of red as her eyes filled with more tears. "And he was my hero, too."

"That's not what I'm saying at all, but it's okay. I am so sorry, Mrs. Gracey. I didn't mean to interrupt. I just wanted clarity on the rules of the assignment."

Mrs. Gracey hesitated, then she nodded slowly and crossed her arms. "Well, technically, you are correct, but Jane has decided to do her father. Please, continue with your presentation, Jane."

The tears in El's eyes had finally broken through and ran down her cheeks as she struggled to finish her presentation. Through it, Rue had angrily scribbled a note on a sheet of paper, and once the bell rang she stuffed it into Angela's bag without being seen and walked out of the class.

Rue left behind Will and El and made her own way through the school. After stuffing her poster in her locker, Rue put her headphones over her ears and clicked play on her Walkman. The 46-minute loop she made of Everybody Wants to Rule the World played in her ears as she walked through the corridor.

Of freedom and of pleasure

Nothing ever lasts forever

Everybody wants to rule the world

Something Rue realized about Lenoria Hills is that everything was a lot brighter than it was in Hawkins. It was summer all year round here, so the clothes everyone wore were always loud and colourful. And the people were so fucking loud, too. They were also horny, and she wondered if kids were making out in every corner of Hawkins High, too.

There's a room where the light won't find you

Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down

When they do I'll be right behind you

Rue assumed that the remainder of her day would be normal. She would get through all of her classes before being able to go home. She was proved mistaken, however, half an hour after lunch when she sat in the principal's office with none other than Ember Edwards next to her. They were both waiting to hear what their punishment would be for their ridiculous behaviour, as Miss Hingley had yelled.

Miss Hingley was a middle-aged woman with brown, mangled hair that resembled a bird's nest and dark, stern eyes. She always wore the same red stoned earring and necklace, and Rue had heard a rumour from Nathan Drake—her partner in science class—that the dark red of her jewellery was the blood of her student victims from when she used to be a principal herself.

The woman also happened to be Rue and Ember's second-semester English teacher. There was nothing wrong with Miss Hingley, really, just that she was extremely strict when it came to marking essays.

Ember Edwards was the problem.

If Angela and Jake were at the top of Rue's hit list, Ember was sitting close behind them. Rue simply couldn't stand her. Ember was always wearing her stupid cheer uniform, with that stupid short skirt. She was a total suck-up to teachers, even though no one else had noticed, Rue did. And she always went on and on about having to be this perfect angel for her family. Rue wanted to jump out the window if she had to hear her whine or complain one minute longer. She would do absolutely anything to shut her up.

The only time Ember Edwards was somewhat tolerable was weeks ago at Gabriel Drake's party. Nathan Drake—Gabriel's little brother—had invited Rue, even asked her to bring any mixtapes she had laying around.

Rue went to the party, and she had a fucking blast despite most of the kids there being seniors. She stuck around with Nathan, and they were both shocked to find out that Ember Edwards and her sister had also come to the party.

The thing was, the Edwards sisters were known for staying out of trouble, keeping perfect grades and being the it girls of the school. Ember continued to carry that title, but Madeline had given that all up the moment she began dating Nathan's brother Gabriel, who was known for sleeping around with anyone and everyone, and that didn't look good as a dating option their parents would allow because apparently, the Edwards family were ridiculously religious.

When Rue had lost Nathan in the sea of high schoolers, she had felt someone tap her shoulder. She was surprised to find Ember there, her brown eyes wide like a puppy's as she hesitated to say something.

Ember was a fucking doll. She came from a rich and super religious family, and she looked like she came from one, too. Her skin was flawless and her manners were never out of the loop. She was a straight up angel, and she sure looked like one dressed in a pretty white dress with pearl jewellery and clips in her hair.

As her lips parted to speak, someone knocked against Rue's back, causing her to stumble and spill her drink all over Ember's white dress. "Oh, shit," Rue gasped, watching the red punch leave a terrible stain on the white fabric. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

A hundred different emotions had run over Ember Edwards's face before it settled on despair. "It's fine," she shivered as the ice cubes from Rue's cup rolled down her chest and into her dress. "You know what- forget it. I'm gonna go clean up. I knew I shouldn't have come here."

Ember had spun on the heels of her expensive shoes, already running off to the bathroom. Rue didn't know why she had chased after her, she never liked Ember in the first place. But she guessed it had to do with the fact she may or may not have maybe, possibly read her mind right before the drink split.

Ember had wanted to ask Rue something. She was terrified and curious and swore that Ruth Byers was the only one with an answer.

So, Rue followed her to the bathroom, and once she got there, she found Ember crying softly as she rubbed a wet towel over her dress.

In a baggie on the sink were two blunts of weed and Rue's confusion only rose.

Rue closed the door and locked it. She opened the small window near the toilet. The night air was a chilled breath against her skin. She could finally hear herself think.

"I'm so sorry," Ember cried, and with shaky fingers, she continued to wipe at her dress, which was ruined and see-through. "I didn't—I'm sorry."

For a horrifying moment, Rue saw herself in Ember. Or at least, she saw the person she used to be. Afraid, lost, and in desperate hope and need for comfort.

Rue didn't say anything. She tore her eyes away from Ember's tear-stained face and glanced at the weed.

Ember noticed and hiccuped. "I found it," she puffed out and another sob broke through her, "I didn't know what I was thinking when I took it. I just... I needed something to unwind because I think... I think I'm sick."

"Sick?"

"Yes." She nods, "Really, really sick. And I'm afraid to tell my father or even Madeline. And I know we don't get along but... I didn't know who else to go to because... Janice Banner told me she saw you kissing Bethany Madden under the bleachers the other day and-"

"Woah," Rue quickly butted in, and she put her hands up in the air, stopping Ember from saying more. "I was not kissing Bethany Madden."

"Whatever!" Ember shrieks and she throws the towel into the sink. She leans on the counter, gripping it tightly. Her knuckles turn white as she slowly sucks in a breath while closing her eyes. "I just thought... I need to calm down..."

"Wanna smoke some green then?" Rue asked. And she reached around Ember's waist to take the bag.

"I don't know how to," Ember admits.

Rue shrugged as she sat on the edge of the bathtub. She felt her tennis skirt rise but she doesn't bother to fix it. Instead, she pulled open the plastic bag and grimaced at the smell. Rue wondered how Jonathan could smoke this every day. "I don't know either," Rue hummed. A mischievous grin grew on her face as she looked up at Ember again, "Wanna figure it out with me?"

Despite the hours they had spent in Nathan Drake's bathroom getting high and... other activities, Rue and Ember still knew how to get at each other's throats. Their patience had greatly thinned since that night and they could barely stay in the same room longer than an hour without nearly ripping each other's hair off.

Which was exactly what had led the two girls to Principal Calway's office for the third time that week for disrupting the class. He had made it very clear how annoyed he grew every time he walked into his office and found them both there, either already arguing again or sitting in silence, glaring at each other with looks that could kill.

Principal Calway sighed from his seat, the sunlight from outside shining into the room from the windows behind him, making both Rue and Ember squint whenever they tried to look up at the man.

Principal Calway was a simple man with dark skin and greying hair. His age didn't resemble his looks, that was for sure, but you could see it in his eyes, how wise yet also tired the man was. Especially as he took off his squared glasses and leaned his chin on his hands, silently judging Ruth Byers and Ember Edwards.

Rue shifted uncomfortably in her seat, and she tucked her hair behind her ears, waiting for him to say something, say anything. His silence was much more worrying than when he did speak.

Finally, he sighed again and leaned back on his chair. "Do you girls know what day it is?" he asked.

Like the smartass she was, Ember answered him, "It's Friday, sir."

Rue rolled her eyes and threw her head back. She could still hear her mixtape rewind in her Walkman and also the loud chatter of students outside in the hallway.

"Yes, it is Friday," Principal Calway nodded. "But you know what else it is?" Ember opened her mouth to answer again but he cut her off, "The last day of school before spring break. A day that's supposed to be a breeze not only for you, but for me, too."

Ember slouches in her seat.

"Three times. One week." He scolded, "Three damn times in one week."

"I am terribly sorry, Principal Calway." Ember apologized. "Rue's sorry, too."

"You're both good students." He said, "besides a few attitude problems," he glanced at Rue, who didn't look at him, "but you're both at the top of your grades. You're good kids. I just don't understand why you're always at each other's necks."

"You tell me, Calway." Rue sat up again, and her Walkman clicked to let her know that her mixtape finished starting over. "It's almost like magnets but instead of attracting, we find each other very repulsive. I can't work near her, she talks too much."

"Okay, that's rude," Ember scoffed, and she glanced at Rue, clearly offended. "If anything I can't work around her. She's so... so..."

"So... so..." Rue mocks her.

"Rude! You're either so rude or so robotic."