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╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗

How?

Why you checking Instagram while on patrol?

Let me just say, eating cereal straight out of the box no milk really be hittin different at 3 am

I could be asking you the same thing

Peter, you choked on a Skittle

A SKITTLE!

THOSE ARE SO FREAKING TINY! HOW'D YOU MANAGE TO CHOKE ON A SKITTLE?!

At least I'm not choking on it unlike someone I know

I'm also hungry

It's a talent

Anything interesting happen yet??

Poor guy. He was just a hungry little fella

Like me

To be fair, I am eating cereal straight out of the box at ass o'clock in the morning

Tragic

He good though?

Here's a suggestion, be the hero you are and buy him a new pizza

With Tony's credit card that he totally gave you

Really?

Liar

That's bullshit and you know it

Your whole life is one giant lie, you gender-bended Hannah Montana freak

You can't sing for shit

The truth hurts

No you

Pick me up some hot chocolate from 7-Eleven and pay for it with that credit card Tony totally did not give you

I will once you buy me some hot chocolate with it

You right

My parents might think we're getting robbed and spray some Raid at you in self defense

You're just bitter that I brought up your archenemies

Obviously

You are an arachnid after all

Pussy

No I'm not

I'm literally dating you, therefore I cannot possibly be scared of spiders

Kai is afraid of spiders

If not my cat, then my dog

Somebody needs to shower then because it isn't me

I hate you

Shut up, loser

Hey, Peter?

Have you heard of a new superhero running around that wears a fishbowl for a helmet?

Because he's trending everywhere on social media

People are calling him Mysterio and the Daily Bugle is saying that he's the best thing since sliced bread

Yeah yeah, I know

They facking suck ass and can't report for shit but people are actually hanging onto their report on Mysterio

As your girlfriend I fully support you

As your lawyer I think that doing so is positively moronic and probably social suicide

I don't know yet

I'm trying to figure that out myself

Sure, but have you considered that this is incredibly odd and should be taken with precaution

How do you know they're a he, Peter?

I can't believe you just screamed that while you're out as Spider-Man

I also can't believe you're just going with this

It's early in the morning and for him to start trending now just seems odd

I can name a lot of things

For example, death

Ok, framed for murder

I can't believe you

What about your identity gets revealed

Even better, your identity is revealed and you're also framed for murder

Then don't come crying to me if it does

You threw a bag of money out of your bedroom window because someone knocked at your door

Exactly

Bad instincts

You have both

Peter, what the actual living hell

Ya think!

Don't leave him for me

Whatever you say

Sis eye-

I am highly concerned that this is happening at ass o'clock in the morning

What kind of poor excuse for a name is that?!

I AM YOUR GIRLFRIEND

And here I thought I was the crazy one because I was eating dry cereal at 3 AM

I'm telling Tony about this by the way

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╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗

TONYYYYYYY

PETER IS BEING A DUMBASS AND IS NOW SOME NEW HOT SHOT SUPERHERO'S HUSBAND

MYSTERIO. HAVE YOU HEARD OF HIM??

HE'S GIVING ME BAD VIBES AND PETER WON'T LISTEN TO ME

ALSO IT'S LIKE ALMOST 4 AM SO SORRY NOT SORRY IF I WOKE YOU

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