《To: Spider-Dweeb (P. Parker x Reader)》✆ 𝙶𝚛𝚞'𝚜 𝙿𝚕𝚊𝚗 𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚔™ ✆
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╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
THE AVENGERS ARE ABOUT TO COME YEET MY SORRY ASS OUT OF EXISTENCE THAT'S WHAT!
BECAUSE MY LIFE IS IN DANGER, PETER!
THAT'S WHY WE'RE SCREAMING!
Oh, you haven't heard?
I would have sworn Tony was monitoring my phone ever since your stupidity revealed your secret
I'm actually half expecting him to ram head first into my wall in his Iron Man armor and be like, "Surprise bitch. I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me."
It really would, but I'd be scared as heck with two C's
I better start packing my bags then
Not exactly
In fact, I'm trying to preserve your secret, so by any chance do you have a friend that has a similar body shape as you and would be willing to put on your suit without the mask?
Well frick frack diddily dack, there goes my last ditch effort
So I was texting MJ and Liz Allan because they're like my best friends
We were talking about typical teenage girl things like consuming the blood of our enemies and all that crap
Like you would know, Peter
For some odd reason MJ had a conspiracy theory that you're Spider-Man which I obviously said was absurd
Like Peter Parker as Spider-Man? As if
And now both MJ and Liz are convinced that you are in fact Spider-Man
I have until tonight to prove them wrong with photographic evidence
I know right?!
Rip me
It was a nice run, my friend
See you in the afterlife I guess
If there even is an afterlife that is
Famous last words
✆✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
We've been had
No
Why does everyone think that when I talk to them?! I'm literally 17 and the most psychotic thing I've ever done is eat cereal with a fork because all the spoons were dirty
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I DONT KILL PEOPLE!!!
I've been bamboozled
IM INNOCENT
I SWEAR ON MY PATHETIC LIFE THAT IM MORE INNOCENT THAN A NEWBORN BABY
I DIDNT DO SHIT! IT WAS MY FRIENDS THAT CAUSED THIS MESS
Yeah boi
Don't missy me, Toe Knee
Peter?!? Did you just tell your father to shut the hell up??!?!!
I'm in a state in shock, Mr. Iron Man sir
And I thought that I was the one that would be murdered today
You done messed up, Peter
Stop putting all the pressure on me, pEtEr. They're your friends too
Neither? I just need a picture that proves that Peter isn't Spider-Man
Who's Happy?
I like this Happy person already. I'm stealing your friend, Stark
Woah, calm down there. We don't tolerate that kinda attitude in this household
So this plan of yours, what is it exactly?
AND WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE HAPPY TAKE ME?? ARE YOU BRINGING ME TO A SLAUGHTERHOUSE?!?!
Duh! Aren't you supposed to be like smart or something
Everyone is here. Get used to it, pretty boy
And that's going to be possible how exactly??
Yo Happy just pulled up in my driveway. This is wild. Where am I going exactly??
ASDFGHJKL I'M GOING TO THE LAND OF THE AVENGERS!!!!😭😭
BECAUSE THE COMPOUND IS WERE THE AVENGERS ROAM FREE IN THE WILD
OH MY GOD, STARK, WHO'S THERE RN?!?!
I might faint
IMMA TAKE PICTURES WITH EVERYONE except you, Mr. aluminum foil
Imma get your autograph because it's more valuable on the black market
Just in case I go broke 20 years down the line
Fack you, Parker
I have superb comedic skills and you're just jealous
OH LOOK! your apartment building!!
Whatever, Stark
This plan of yours better work or else I'm ending it all
Have fun living with that! :)
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