✆✆

╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗

Do you ever just feel sad because life?

You know like, life just brings you down because it's all just one big disappointment

Besides the fact that I just stood in the shower for over an hour as I contemplated life, and am now laying on my bed in only a towel, I'm doing just dandy

I can feel you blushing from the other side of the phone, Spider-Dweeb

Look in the mirror and tell yourself that to your flushed face

Also, didn't know you cared that much about me so aw

I feel loved

We've literally only meet each other as Peter and (Y/n) once, and that was to search for inter dimensional portals

So yeah, I would say we're friends

You're going to laugh

I ran out of shampoo but I still have a shitload of conditioner left

Life is just so unfair!

I literally bought them at the same time!

How did my shampoo finish before my conditioner!

Yes

I think you mean oh my Thor, but continue

Thanks for stating the obvious, Captain

I'm talking about you, Mr. Captain Obvious!

Of course I know that I mention Thor every time that we speak!

I mUsT nOt TeLl LiEs

I ain't callin' you a truther!

So, I'm thinking of messing with Flash again

What should I tell him this time?

Oh shit, but what if you actually are?!

Cool, I'll think of some more to tell him

Did I tell you that I convinced Thor to let me visit Asgard!

No tea, just facts

You're telling me that it's even better than being made an Avengers?

That's the saddest story I've ever heard

Imagine if everyone who turned to dust was still dead

Your first day as an Avengers would have also been your last

You're stupid

✆✆

╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗

I've been gifted some information that I thought you might like

What's the magic word?

Not with that attitude, I won't

Now tell me the magic word, asshole

Fine be that way, but I'll have you know that I have also befriend both the Black Widow and the God of Thunder

I'm sure they wouldn't mind beating the crap out of you for being so rude

:)

:)

Plenty

Ok, so this just in! Spider-Man is resistant to vampires!

*what?

Physical impossible considering I'm not speaking to you, I'm text you

Do I?

Black Widow goes bang bang pow

God of Thunder goes crack spackle pow

Sure it is

A wise man once said "All words are made up."

Thor. He told some space morons that once

At least that's what I've been told

Ok, so the last thing I found out is incredibly interesting

Spider-Man was once turned into a pig and went by Spider-Ham

Spider-Ham sounded exactly like John Mulaney

Because it was kept as a secret

Well this conversation has bored me out, so later Eugene!