All rights reserved @ 2016 by MsDreamerGirl84

"Without hope, we fail to exist." ― Lailah Gifty Akita,

Baby,

I'm sorry for everything. I'm a selfish mother. When you grow up, you'll understand what I mean, and I hope you will forgive me. I deprived you the life you always wish, with your father. My life had been full of anger and revenge and you suffered from it.

I love you so much, baby. Please forgive me. And I hope your father will forgive me, too.

Forever loving you,

Tara Asker.

I stared at the yellowish paper, holding the tears back. I don't understand why would she calls herself a selfish mother. She didn't do anything. She carried me and raise me like a good mother would. She was a selfless mother for me. Whatever she meant here is still confusing me.

My eyes lingered at the suicide letter. It was nicely tucked under my pillow that night and I guess she sneaked it under after tucking me into sleep, and then the day comes, she was gone. Overdose herself with sleeping pills while her body was laid peacefully on her bed.

I never forget it. I never forget that day when I ran to her room that morning, with all smiles in my face. It was her birthday, theia said.

"Mommy, mommy, mommy," I climbed up to her bed and shook her shoulder. She was cold, and I thought she was just sleeping. I shook her shoulder more while calling her but she was sleeping. "Mommy, wake up!" I called again, but she didn't move.

I decided to call for theia and so I did. I was still smiling when I left her room, my small feet bouncing across the hallway to the living room, then to the dining room, calling theia's name and found her in the kitchen busy preparing breakfast.

"Theia," her back was facing me, head bent forward as she decorates the cake.

She turns to look at me, and I laughed. She had an icing on her forehead and right cheek.

"Yes, dear?" she smiled sweetly.

"Mommy doesn't want to wake up!" I pouted petulantly and theia looks down at her watch and then her face scrunched up.

"Did you try to wake her up?" she asked in her almost soothing voice and I nodded vigorously, my head bobbing up and down profusely, the smile making its way up my face again.

Theia's smile slowly withered and quickly drop the knife and scrambles out of the room frantically. I ran following her as she scuttles through the hallway and then into mom's room.

"OH MY GOD!" a loud shrieked from theia, the horror in her voice didn't escape me even at that age. The two helpers in the house ran into the room and then they took me out. Theia was screaming with her eyes damped with tears.

"Taryn," theia Tamara's voice drags me out of my horrifying reverie. A stray tear, drop on my cheeks I didn't realize it escapes my eyes and I wipe it away as I put the letter back in the box before turning to face theia.

"Dinner is ready," she smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. Her eyes traveled to my memory box, then to the pictures on the bed beside the box. She smiled bitterly. I saw her eyes glistens but the tears never came.

"I'm sorry, theia. I'll just put this away and I'm coming," I said, picking all the pictures and cards that came from my mother and placed it back in the box.

.............

"Fuck, it hurt like hell!" my wife screams as we pushed the stretcher to the delivery room. She was squeezing my hand occasionally as she winced in pain. I was so elated and at the same time hyperventilating as I watch her in so much pain. My whole body tense up as I anticipate more pain when she delivers the baby.

Everything was set up when I walk in the delivery room with scrubs on that the midwife persistently asked me to wear. I wanted to strangle the midwife, but I need her help so I did.

When I walk into the delivery room, the midwife, nurse, was already helping her and when my eyes landed on the brunette girl wearing a lab gown, I thought I'm going to pass out.

Tara Agnelis, I met three years ago through a common friend. We hit it right away after that party that night and then I never saw her again. After six months, she came to see me, telling me she's pregnant. I told her I will support the baby earning me a couple slaps then she left with a grudge. From then on, I never heard from her.

Her eyes are as sharp as the razor as she stares at me. "Hi," I awkwardly said and she smiled.

"Tara Asker," she introduced herself, and we shook hands. I felt relieved when I see that she's married and the smile in her eyes I thought it was genuine.

"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" my eyes snapped in Lauren's direction as she puffs out air continuously, swearing at the same time.

After two more hours of pushing cursing, my heart was already beating fast and I feel like I'm suffocating, watching my wife in tears, while cursing non-stop all the while pushing the baby out. I saw the exhaustion on her face, the pain, and that added to the heaviness of my heart.

"One more push, Mrs," Tara said and she did. Her loud piercing screams when she pushed hard felt like a knife stabbing my heart, as I held her hand kissing it occasionally murmuring her soothing words, all the while keeping myself awake, but as soon as I heard the baby's cry, I lost consciousness. With all the mixed emotions clouding my whole being, my system shuts off.

When I woke up, Lauren is already in a private room and she also passed out after she delivered him just after I was out of consciousness. Alexandrous was born and I never saw Tara again.

"Dad!" Alexandrous voice drags me back to him. He was looking at me intently and expectantly.

I clenched my jaw. I don't know if Lauren and my kids would forgive me if they found out I have a son with another girl.

"I don't know if it was her, but I'll dig into it!" I answered, avoiding his gaze as I stood up.

"Will you keep this with your mother until I get all the facts?" I asked my son as I push the chair in.

He nodded.

"Thank you. Oh, another thing," I said before turning away.

"Your mom found an underwear inside your pocket. She's guessing it's from Victoria," he looks suddenly alarmed and avoided my gaze.

"Yes, it's from her," he admitted, looking down at the folder in front of him.

I pat his shoulder lightly. "Then you have to marry her. If I need to tap that DNA test if it happens that was yours, then I will pay someone to do it!"

He looks up to meet my eyes and I saw how it glows. My son is totally whipped. I look like that when I admitted to myself that I was in love with Lauren.

"Thanks, dad!" I nodded and then left him.

As soon as I was inside the car, I dialed my friend, Timothy. The last time I used his genius ability is when I track down Lauren's whereabout.

"Timothy speaking," he answered.

"Tim, it's Zandros Mailov," I answered. I felt the car stops. I ignored the honking of the other cars behind us and gave all my attention to Timothy Hanes.

"Zandros, bro! Long time no chat, bud. What's up?" he asked enthusiastically.

"Yes. I never thought I'm going to need your genius service again," I chuckled.

"And my service is always open for you and your friend, Zandros,"

"I know, I know," I grinned. "Listen, bud. I need to know about this Taryn Asker, and his mom, Tara Agnelis Asker," thinking to put her whole name with the husband's name, too. "She used to work at the Athens Emergency Hospital, if you could get into their system and find out about her that would be great," I added.

"I'm on it, bud. Give me a day to get all the information needed," the pride in his voice made me smile. He has the right to be proud. He's genius and so far, his genius ability to track down people even with little information is beyond me.

"Thanks, man!" with that, I hang up the phone.

...................................

I stared at Cassie's face. The girl whom I gave so much respect because I thought she was a dear friend, a sister, and never thought would be a traitor.

"You know nothing happened between us, Cassie. I hope this time, you will be truthful. I will forgive you for lying that you were ill, the fact that what you did is even offensive. Leukemia is a serious disease, one not to be making it as an excuse to get what they want. And what you did is unforgivable, but for this time, since I am a nice person, I will try to forgive you," my jaw tightened at the thought, but I held my temper at bay. I need her to tell me the truth that she was making this all up, but seeing her small bump, she is really pregnant.

Cassie's face reddened as she met my eyes. "I was really drunk and so were you when we did it. I found you in a bar, drowning yourself with whiskey. I joined you, we were both laughing and I even told you that I loved you and you responded me with a searing kiss that ended us both in a hotel nearby the bar." Hearing it, I felt like my body was melting into puddles. "I freaked out when I woke up in the morning and quickly left before you wake up. I don't want you to think that I took advantage of you, which also was the truth, but you were so aggressive, too, so I thought you like what happened as much as I do." Cassie looks down on her clasps hands against her lap and then let out a hurtful sighed. "I love you so much, Xandrous. I'm sorry ..."

I just clenched my jaw as I watch her in contempt.

The day Victoria came by and then she found her in my place, I kicked Cassie's out of my place as soon as I realized what happened. Victoria said her goodbye and I freaking freaked out. Cassie was so upset but I was too heartbroken that I ignored her.

That night, I was in the same bar my friend owned. I was almost done with my Whiskey, everything seems to get blurry around me, and then I met this girl. She was witty and she was very sociable. This girl doesn't sound like Cassie at all. She was fun and has too many jokes that I remembered laughing at it, temporarily forgetting why I was drowning myself with booze.

But I never remember her telling me she loves me. She kissed me, or did I? Or I missed all these information because I was so drunk.

Yes, that morning, I found myself in an unfamiliar room and she was nowhere to found. I don't know what happened that night. Nothing left registered in my head after that kiss.

"So it was you?" feeling lost as I mumbled the words softly.

I felt like my world just collapsed. I left her place, brains crammed with all these information oscillating in my head, causing me to feel lightheaded.

I called Victoria. Guilt starting to cloth me as I waited for the call to connect. I felt the tear starting to well up in my eyes as the thought of her getting hurt when she found out what really happened.

I squeeze my eyes shut, letting the tears flow silently down on my cheeks. My chest tightening, pain settling.

"Hello," her soft voice, soothing my nerves as I let it linger in my ears through my heart.

"Hi, baby. I missed you so much!" I silently sob. I heard her chuckled softly, and I smiled between silent tears.

"And I love you so much, Xandrous! FYI, I don't want to be separated with you!" she sighed sadly and all the more the tears flowed like a rain.

"I wished, baby!" I mumbled softly under my breath as I tried to hold the sobbing sound. "Would you like to leave tonight? We can go Bora-Bora.

"REALLY?" her ecstatic voice made up my decision. I will take this opportunity to have her by myself and made up with all the years she suffered caused by my action.

"Yes! Pack up, baby and I'll arrange our flight,now!" I said and she excitedly bid goodbye and hang up the phone.

.................

A/N: Sorry guys, this is all I could write today. I'm running late to work. ENJOY!