I was sitting on our balcony thinking about the nightmare I had when I fainted. The same nightmare that has been haunting me from years. The same nightmare that is the reason for my many sleepless nights. We could forget the incident if it happened once, but what if the same had happened more than once?

Flashback :

I was in my 7th standard. I had joined this school 2 years ago as my dad had transferred here. At first, everything seemed new to me, and it took me time to adjust to the new surroundings. I used to go to school on the school bus. I used to mingle with people easily. I had more friends on the bus than in my class. We were a gang of 7. We were not from the same class, but I got close to them within a short span of time. We used to have lots of fun while going to and returning from school and during the lunch break. Everything was going well. We used to make lots of memories when we were together.

But, as they say, not every day is our day. We can't expect what will happen in the next moment of our lives. It was one unusual day when I noticed a new guy sitting with our gang. I came to know that he was our senior, but I didn't get any good vibes around him, so I maintained my distance from him. With the days passing by, he got very attached to our gang. But I was always very conscious around him.

It's just like every other day, but not for me. I didn't find my best friend that day, and the place where we used to sit daily was occupied by him. And, to my bad luck, there was no place to be anywhere as this was the last stop. I didn't have any choice, so I sat next to him, and to my luck, nothing had happened that day. My bestie has been diagnosed with viral fever and chickenpox. And the next few days, I had to sit with him as our gang wouldn't let me sit in the other place. I did notice the eye exchange between him and my group, but I took it lightly.

One day, he sat so close to me without leaving any space between us, making me very uncomfortable. I pushed him and stood up from my seat, moved to the front and stood there, as standing seemed to be the better option for me. Either I used to stand daily or sit with the kids in the front, leaving my gang at the back.

But one day, they dragged me and made me sit beside him in the last seat, and that was not at all a good day for me. He took it as a chance and sat close to me. I felt his hot breath near my neck. I tried to move, but he blocked my way. He started touching me inappropriately. Even when I pushed him, he didn't budge and continued his disgusting act while talking with our gang. They couldn't see anything because of his huge personality. I hugged my school bag tightly, which was in my lap and moved to the window side closely. But who could change a rogue like him? He roamed his hand everywhere on my body by pushing my bag. I tried to move from there, but in front of his force, mine seemed nothing. I whimpered and begged him to stop his assault. But then he started touching my feminine parts, making me ashamed of myself. For a moment, I felt blank and didn't know what to do. I felt wetness on my cheeks. Tears were flowing continuously from my eyes.

I shouted "Stop" at the top of my voice. Everyone looked at me dazed. The little kids were startled by my shout. Even though I was dazed for a moment, I told the bus driver to stop the bus, lying to him that I was feeling nauseous. I know that's a lame excuse, but I couldn't make a scene because the kids were already startled by my shout. I came out of the bus to feel the fresh air, and to my bad luck, I vomited everything I had for breaksfast draining my full energy. I could feel his disgusting touch on my body all day. I didn't even know how that day passed. That evening, I sat with some little kids in the front, avoiding my gang, and they too didn't budge.

Next day when I confronted my gang, they said that he liked me, that's why they made him sit beside me. I shouted at them for behaving insane. For God sake I was a 12 year-old child then. I didn't even know the meaning of love and relationship then and they wanted me to be in relationship with that man. Are they mad? I told them that he was behaving inappropriately with me, they said that I was just making an issue just to seek attention, and he was not like that. Of course, who would believe me, he was his class topper and he had a good boy image. When I told them that he was making me uncomfortable and doing nasty things, they didn't trust me and blamed me in return. I couldn't believe these were the people whom I trusted a lot.

When I informed my bus in charge about him, that guy blamed me in return saying that I was roaming behind him to love me and disturbing him. The most shocking thing was my gang supported that guy except my bestie as she was not there. My bus incharge warned me that if I would repeat this again he would complain about me for the higher authorities. I couldn't do anything as there was no-one to support me. I went to my bestie's house and told her everything. She did believe me but she was not ready to leave the gang as she was with them even before she knew me. Amma was with Anju maa as she had some complications in her pregnancy. I didn't know how to share those with dad. Every night I used to hug Dadi's photo and cry in my sleep. Everyday was a nightmare for me.

With the time I got myself indulged in studies after that. I stopped mingling with the people. I tried my best to forget that incident, but I used to get nightmares. On the top of that the people who I thought were my people left no stone unturned to mock me whenever we encountered. I couldn't believe those were people who were once the reason for my happiness. At first I thought to change the school, but then I wanted to prove those who left me what I'm.

******************

Some incidents leave a big mark in our life. Some may think that's not a big issue and what's there to cry over? But put yourselves in the shoes of the victim and say the same. It is easy to give suggestions but you are not the one who bore all the pain all this while.

That day was really a big blow for me. From that day I started maintaining my distance from not only them but also with the people around me. I trusted them with all my heart but it didn't take them a minute to break it. It has become difficult for me to trust the people. I started being alone and for a change I liked that loneliness. I had built a strong wall around my heart and it's difficult for me to let it down.

Their words still play in my mind. They said who would like a fat girl like you, it's your luck that the topper and popular boy of the school liked you, instead of accepting him you were just spreading fake rumours to seek the attention. Yes I was a chubby girl, I didn't have proper figure. Even though I've decreased my weight with the time, I'm a bit chubby even now. I still didn't know how I did friendship with them. I never knew their thoughts were so low about me. They just added fuel to my insecurities. And, broke my trust like a glass, and it is never the same.

*******************

"Hello Madam! Where are you lost? Helloo", Avi shouted near my ears.

"Ouch, who shouts like that, Avi", I said, glaring at him.

"What to do when my wife always gets lost in her thoughtsforgetting, about her innocent husband?" He said, pouting.

Correction: he tried to pout but failed miserably.

I smiled internally, looking at him, and said, "You are too much, Avi."

He asked me, "What are you doing here when everyone else is having a good time?"

"Nothing, just enjoying the night", I said, looking at the dark sky.

"You can enjoy it later too. Now come, everyone is waiting for you downstairs. Veeru, Tara, Diya, and also Tara's cousin have come", said Avi.

"Avi please, I'm comfortable here. I'll come after a while", I said, trying to convince him.

"Maya, look, I won't force you, but sometimes it's okay to let your guards down. I don't know what situations have made you distant from everyone. This is not the girl I knew", he said.

"Time changes Avi, and so do the people." I said, looking at my lap, and playing with my fingers.

"Yes with the time we change, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. But did you ever think about the changes in you? You accepted your self-change, but did you accept the change of the others?" He asked me.

I didn't understand what to say to him, so I just stayed silent.

"Life is too short, bunny, don't keep on being stuck at the same point. Don't waste your time thinking about the people who don't value you. Consider the people who have made you smile, laugh, and feel loved. It will not be easy, but at least we can try it right. I know it's not easy to erase all those dreadful memories of the past, but we can create beautiful memories in our present and future. You are wasting your time by living in those memories of the past. We don't know whether we will be born in the next birth or not, so live your life to the full now. Okay, time up, now go and freshen up and come, we will both go down and no discussion on this, am I clear?" He explained to me.

"Yes, boss", I said, with a smile, and went from there.

I just love this man. He always manages to bring a smile to my face. I will try my best to come out of the clutches of the past. But for that, I need you to be on my side. I promise Avi, I won't give up on us just like the way you haven't given up all these years.

Stay safe and be happy.