Before you, Bella, my life was a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars, point of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason, for anything.

~Stephanie Meyer, Twilight.

......

Akira

Have you ever felt the fear of unknown? Like when everything is going good and you're finally happy, a nagging feeling occurs. Involuntarily we start questioning if our reality is a dream and then a sudden fear of being taken away from all your happiness strikes us painfully. We panic and try to absorb as much as possible and that eventually leads to the end of our happiness.

This is exactly what happening to me right now. I'm trying to not panic but it's hard to feel comfortable around these felicity when all my life I have experienced very little happiness. Since I was little girl I had learnt that happiness comes to those who work hard for it but these past few day I'm filled with the joy.

And love.

A luxury that I don't think I deserve. I don't know how to manage myself in it, its scary place. I don't even want to blink for the I fear if I do everything going to be snatched away from me and I'll be left with nothing.

Nothing at all.

I sigh in frustration, there, I go again, thinking about things I shouldn't. I shouldn't worry about future and past every damn time, I should just concentrate on present and enjoy it. Why can't I just do that?

If you could then it wouldn't be you.

Instead of completing my assignment, the reason I am here in Romero's room, I start thinking about absurd things, causing a terrible headache. Picking up my phone I read time to find its almost seven pm.

It has been over an hour since we arrived his condo but he got an urgent call he needed to attend so he went in his office to deal with that. He was little reluctant to leave me alone by myself but after I told him that I had to do my assignment, he agree. I was ready to work down hall but he insisted that use his room and that he would find me after he's done.

But he still haven't come here, means he is not done with his work. And what's he doing anyway? I know he is owner of his company and has to do lots of work. How does he manage to oversee everything from here? Is he doing some sort of video conference or something?

My phone rings halting my brain to stop. Looking over I find it from Logan, I let it for voice mail and start collecting my books but my mind keeps drifting back to that mail. I wonder what did he want to say?

Giving in I decide to listen whatever he has to say. I bring my phone to me and press the button, "Ira, I know you are upset with me and I admit I was wrong. I didn't even realize what was coming from my trap. I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry babe. I shouldn't have reacted like that.

"Fuck it! What was I supposed to say when I found that you got yourself a boyfriend? I was shocked and angry, I don't want you to do something, you might regret on later. I realise that my approach was wrong, it's your life and you are far more mature than any of us. I should have known that you'd never make any decision so hastily. If you say that you love that bastard, I trust your decision.

"And I call him bastard because, well anyone who tries to steal our little Ira from us is a bastard to me. You are not just my best friend Ira, you are my sister and I love you. Never forget that. We have been together since we were ten year old and we have overcome so many obstacles, please don't let this mistake come between us."

I blink to get rid of tears gathered at the corner of my eyes. So typical of Logan to get others emotional in order to have what he wants. We always fall in this, even fully aware of his scheme but what he said were not wrong. Every word was true about we going through many stumbling and still coming out stronger every time.

I was ten year old when I was sent to live with my grandma after my family's death. I was so closed off that I wouldn't speak to anyone. No one could get me speak, not even a word. It was Logan who made me open my mouth and that to scream at him. I still laugh when I think about the day he sneaked in my room wrapped in white sheet acting like a ghost. Horrified, I screamed and I continue to scream until he burst out laughing.

'Ha! I knew you weren't a mute. You can't fool me, I'm superman.'

This were his first words to me. Later I found that he was our neighbor's son and since then we became inseparable. Whenever I had nightmare I would go in his room and crawl beside him. He would never ask any question, just pull me to him, murmuring he'd always protect me. And he did protect me, throughout my tormented years he stood beside me, protecting me like a knight he always said he was.

His parents were great and had accepted me like their own. I'm grateful to them but that wouldn't lessen the ache for my own parents. I would always miss them. First Logan and then Bella, they both helped me so much and I love them.

Quickly I type a text to Logan, saying I love him too and would call him later and send it to him, then I dialled my grandma's number. I need to talk with her and tell her about Romero, though I know she'd be disappointed, it's her right to know. She made me whatever I am today.

She picks up in third ring, "Hello?"

Licking my lips I answer, "Hello Grandma."

• • •

7 year old

They are fighting, again, they always do. I can hear my mom's sobbing and my dad's screaming. I don't know why they fight, but sometime when they don't fight, they look good, happy.

I hear a loud bang. I jump from my bed and run toward the door, but it doesn't open. I know Martha must have locked it, so I couldn't go to my parents. I peak from my window, there is nothing here but next second my mom comes out from the room and run toward front door. She stops abruptly as if she suddenly remember something and turns toward my room and then my window, her eyes contact with mine and she smiles faintly. She doesn't looks good, her cloths are torn and face is injured. After a moment she turns to leave.

"Don't you dare to step out of this house Linda."

My dad's loud voice booms across the house. I turn toward him he looks bad. very bad, his eyes are red like he was crying.

Mom takes a step back, as she says," No James, stop it. Its enough. I don't love you anymore. You need help."

"No, you love me. You promised, you will always love me. You can't leave me now. I won't let you." Dad shakes his head tightly, as if he is speaking to himself.

"No, you can't. I have had it enough. You can't stop me." Mom takes one more step back.

Dad looks torn, he clutches his chest tight and fall on his knees, crying, "Please, babe don't leave me. I love you. I will always love you. You are my everything, please, please don't go. Don't leave me."

"Goodbye, James. Take care of our son." She turns around and leaves, without even looking back or me. I want to call her and tell her to not go. But my mouth is not working. I can only feel dad's cry and my mom's leaving me.

Dad loves mom, very much. I know he do. He would always make special things for my mom.

Dad starts sobbing, he is crying. I have never seen dad cry. I love my dad, he is best dad in the world. Why mom wants to leave him? He is wonderful.

He is pulling his hairs tightly as he keep saying, "Don't go, please, don't leave me."

After what feels like long time, my eyes are feeling heavy and I don't remember when I fall asleep, all while hearing dad's cries.

I wake up as Martha comes in my room with my breakfast.

I know we won't be having breakfast like usual because last night was not dream.

"Young Master, your bath is ready." She says.

Martha is our maid, but she is like family member to us. I love her, sometimes she play with me. She even lets me win. She is awesome.

"Thank you Martha... uhh is dad here?"

She looks sad as she replies, "Yes sir, he is in his room."

"Thank you Martha."

After eating my breakfast and shower, I go to see dad, but I don't want to disturb him. He doesn't like it when people disturb him. I knock dad's office door softly, he doesn't reply. So I quietly open the door and slide inside. When I can't find him anywhere I go toward balcony. I gasp as I see dad sitting at floor with his knees against his chest and his head under his arms.

"Dad?" I call for him.

He lifts his head and looks at me, his eyes are red from crying. He doesn't look like my dad. He even looks at me like I'm a stranger, like he doesn't know me.

"Dad, are you okay?" I ask again.

"No, nothing is okay. I'm not okay. I want her. I want her now. Bring her to me... please." He whispers and he start crying again.

I don't have to ask him, who he is calling for. I know its my mom. How can my mom leave him, when he loves her too much?

"Yes dad, mom will come back. She loves us." I try to assure him. I don't know what to say when he is like this, and Martha is not here too.

"No she doesn't love us. She won't come back son, she hates us." He murmurs to himself.

She doesn't hate me, does she? She loves me. Dad is just mad at her, that's why he is saying all this.

He suddenly stands up and move toward his closet and take out something. Its is shining and....oh no, it is a gun, dad once told me about it.

What is he doing with this? Is he going to kill me or mom?

He turn to me and motions me to come forward. He goes on his knees, when I'm near him and says, "Son, don't ever let any feeling control you. Feelings makes you weak, look at me now, I can't even go one day without your mom. I loved your mom so much that I let that love control me. There no thing like happy ever after. Nothing last long. I made this mistake son, I don't want you to make same mistake. You hear me Son?"

I don't understand why dad is saying all this but I still nod and reply, "Yes dad."

He smiles sadly at me, and pecks my forehead, "I love you son, always remember that."

He put the gun at his temple, and mutters, "I love you Linda." and closes his eyes, then there is loud bang, followed by loud thud.

I jump and look at dad with wide eyes, he is lying on the floor with his eyes wide open and there is lots of blood, so much blood.

Red!

Everywhere is red.

I scream as loud I can, I scream again and again until my throats are dry but dad is not moving.

I sink on floor taking his hand on mine as I try to wake him. "Dad, open your eyes.. dad look at me pl..please dad." I sob silently.

No one is here to help me, I sit there waiting for someone to come and wake my dad up.

When Martha comes, she looks horrified. Rushing to me she engulfs me in her arms and cries with me before everything goes black.

Motherfucker!

I growl in frustration, fuck, how did I manage to drift in that place while still conscious is beyond me. That place is fucking forbidden for me or my thoughts and it always will be.

Existing my office, I march toward my room. Toward the reason my heart beats; the reason I breath; and the reason I began to live.

My Ray!